Removing some mylot friends?

January 11, 2007 8:59am CST
Please read the whole thing before responding. Ok I am considering removing some of mylot friends. It seems there are many that are posting everyday, but not to any of my discussions. Here is my reason for this. I just figured out how to have all new discussions sent to my email, that are posted by my friends. This way I won’t miss any. (The old way, I was constantly searching for them.) However, I have notice some of the ones I have been receiving, I have not seen posting to any of my discussions. It in a way makes me mad. I spend my time making sure they get credit for me as well as a rating, but they are not doing the same for me. In real life, those I consider a friend would not be a friend for too long if the favors only went one way. Questions – 1)Here is the problem, am I being a jerk? Honestly, do you think I maybe taking this to an extreme? 2) If it were you, and you decided to clean out your friends list, would you send them a “warning” first and give them a chance? 3) If I am wrong, then tell me why. I am being very open minded about this. I don’t want to make enemies but I don’t want to be a door mat either. Thanks to all in advance. I read and rate all replies, but I can not reply to all.
14 people like this
51 responses
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
11 Jan 07
No, you aren't being a jerk. It's hard enough some times to keep up with the "legit" friends. Unless you like the discussions of the friends who aren't posting to you because you still get credit for posting to them. When I deleted a friend, I just did it - why draw attention to it, they probably wont notice anyways. Too bad we can't have "acquaintances" also! I will tell you, though. I don't respond to everything all my friends post. I only respond to the ones I can actually "contribut" to. I don't post for the sake of posting. I have a lot of friends who have a lot of discussions that I have not posted to because they don't interest me. But I like to keep an eye on my friends posts because they usually do have good topics. Now, I don't start a lot of discussions, only because I have no clue half the time what to start off with. I find that I respond more than I start, but I think as far as the $$ goes it's all the same...
11 Jan 07
See I do the same thing, I only post to the posts that I have something to really add or say. I am more about quality than quantity. Maybe that is what's going on with my friends. Any way, you have a point about just doing it. I don't want people to think I am threatening them or something so the warning may not be a good idea. So I reckon those that will go, will just go and I won't worry about it. Thanks for the advice :-)
3 people like this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
12 Jan 07
You're welcome - just don't delete me :)
• United States
11 Jan 07
You would be surprised. They might not even notice that you have removed them from your friends list! I'm amazed by the people who have so many friends. I see people with 350 friends and I ask myself, there is no way they can respond to so many discussions! Obviously if you value the "friends" concept on myLot unlike most of the people on here, you are totally in your right to remove them from your list. I mean, you already gave them a chance to prove that they're worthy of being a friend. Don't sweat it too much; just remove them :)
3 people like this
@rosey3223 (1569)
• United States
12 Jan 07
I agree with you on having so many on your friend's list. That is why I have the few that I have!!
• United States
11 Jan 07
I have been going through my list too and removing people that never respond to me, that have topics that spread hate, or that post a gazillion posts like coffee or tea, etc. I don't have a lot of time to dig through them. At the same time, I am going through the friends that I am keeping - a couple a day and answering almost all their discussions. So please don't delete me. If it seems I haven't answered your topics yet - I'm getting there.
3 people like this
11 Jan 07
LOL, I won't. I don't mean a posters that just post sometimes. Those are fine, maybe I offered them something interesting every time or they are busy. I mean alot have only posted once, in 7 weeks, but have been posting daily to others. I think if we have that little in common, maybe we should part ways. I don't want to be hateful though.
3 people like this
• United States
11 Jan 07
you have a right to be upset about the lack of response from your friends. the problem with the warning you are giving in this discussion is that the ones who don't post are probably not going to read it anyway. just a little hint of advice. if you want to purge your friends then by all means go ahead it is your right to do so. you should keep the same friends you would normally keep. good discussion.
3 people like this
@djbtol (5498)
• United States
12 Jan 07
But not very upset. Must be careful when you are putting expectations on other people Maybe they have too many friends. Maybe they have limited time for mylot. Everyone's situation is different and changes often. The whole mylot experience is to dynamic to be getting mad at others.
@ukchriss (2103)
11 Jan 07
This is a hard decission, If you feel you really have to, I would just remove the ones who havent been active for a week or two. I see you have 65 friends, How many do reply to one of your post each day or even each week? Do you reply to at least one of their post each day/week? I have 36 friends and I only have time to make about 10-15 posts a day so that means Its impossable to reply to even one post from each friend. But I do try to reply to at least one of their posts each week. I see that Some on my friends list even post 10+ topics a day!! So how am I sposed to keep up with them all?? I think the more the site grows the harder this is going to be. Theres now over 56,000 members so if they all post once thats 56,000 posts!! Yes it makes me mad when I post something which I think Is a good Topic and I find I only recieve 3 or 4 answers to my post but I think it must just get lost somewhere in all the other 56,000 posts. Theres not a lot which I can do about it. Same as, I do go back to read and rate everyone but finding the time to do this is just getting harder and harder to do. I myself, am just going to look at my friends list every couple of months and then just remove the ones who are not active as this seems the best way to do things. Not everyone like me, has the time to answer everyone on my friends list, and also not everyone logs in every day.
@owlwings (39874)
• Cambridge, England
11 Jan 07
I clean out my friend list periodically on the following criteria: 1) Their rating hasn't moved since the last time I checked (usually a week to 10 days). I have a spreadsheet which lists friends and their ratings on a certain date. 2) I notice that their discussions are not anywhere in my range of interests, they use poor English or bad grammar or I detect them violating the guidelines. I am finding it increasingly hard to organise enough time on MyLot to get round to visit my friends discussions regularly. Cleaning out my friends list from time to time is one way of managing this but I still don't have enough time!
3 people like this
@gigarange (1165)
• United States
11 Jan 07
I understand how you feel. I don't think you are being jerk. I feel the same way with some friends who don't even care to check my discussions when everytime I sign in here in myLot the very first thing I checked is the discussions they started and reply to it. I have only few friends here yet since I just started. If I were you, I don't think it is necessary to send warnings. It is your choice to delete them or not and if you send them warnings, I am sure not everyone will read it so its just a waste of time.
3 people like this
@JC1969 (1226)
• United States
11 Jan 07
I don't think you are being a jerk--you have to do what you have to do, and I can respect that. I am a bit selective with my friends list. I don't always respond to everyones discussions, because sometimes I may not have the knowledge or understanding of that specific topic they are discussing. I am not going to just post a response just for the sake of posting. However, I enjoy reading their discussions, and find them enlightening, which is why I added them to my friends list to begin with. I do understand where you are coming from though. You make the effort to at least check in with your friends list members, but they don't always check in with your discussions. I say clean house then. For me, I like to surround myself with those that can actually post a quality discussion, because it makes it that much easier for me to find a discussion I can feel good about responding too. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but I know eventually one of the members of my friends list will post something that intrigues me and inspires me to respond or at least ponder something new. As for sending a warning, I think that if they aren't responding to any of your discussions anyway, chances are a warning won't make much of a difference. Just do what you have to.
@freesoul (3023)
• Egypt
12 Jan 07
Hello there :) About a week ago I started to drop friends whenever I feel like it, I don't send warnings or anything, I think they don't even feel my presence and they won't notice if I'm no longer on their list, people with 200+ friends list will never keep up with their friends discussions, you can't have this number of friends in real life, you will not be able even to remember their names :( I also deleted some friends because they post enormous number of silly or away from my interests discussions and whenever I check "discussions my friends started" I can't locate other discussions from my good friends. Don't feel bad about it, I'm adding and deleting friends all of the time, just like in real life we meet a lot of people, try them for a while and only few we choose to keep as real friends.
2 people like this
@irisheyes (4373)
• United States
11 Jan 07
I've removed a few and even though I don't have many, I'll probably be removing a few more. I'm picky about friends. I've noticed on mylot that although people complain a lot about their friends, they usually accept everybody and don't really weed out much. I'm a weeder. I can't see how anybody can have 100's of friends and watch all of their postings and keep track of them in any way.
2 people like this
@rosey3223 (1569)
• United States
12 Jan 07
Here are my answers, hope they help!! 1)Here is the problem, am I being a jerk? Honestly, do you think I maybe taking this to an extreme? No, to me you are not being a jerk. If you are taking the time to reply to your friends discussions, but are not getting anything in return, not even a thank you...then no, you are not being a jerk. Everyone is entitled to be one every once in a while though. 2) If it were you, and you decided to clean out your friends list, would you send them a “warning” first and give them a chance? If I cleaned out my friend's list I would just do it...why warn? If they send you a message asking why, then you can explain it to them. 3) If I am wrong, then tell me why. I am being very open minded about this. I don’t want to make enemies but I don’t want to be a door mat either. I don't think that you are wrong. I know that if I was to clean out my friend's list, I wouldn't have any!!! Only a few respond to any of my posts that I start, but the friends that I do have I am assuming they requested it because they liked something that I posted or a comment that I made. There are times when I do get upset...it makes me wonder why they even want to be my friend...I mean, I get no comments on my profile, or messages sent to me, or any of my discussions read...so it makes me wonder "WHY?" But then I think about it and tell myself that is not just what a friend is for...to read my discussions, so I just leave it be. But as I said before, even if they do get upset with you deleting them, EVERYONE is entitled to be a jerk every once in a while!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Jan 07
I think it is ok to delete friends if they are really inactive in the discussion. But as for me, I don't bother if they are not posting in my discussions since I am thinking that maybe they are busy or they are not interested in the discussion that I posted. The decision is all up to you since you have all the right to add and delete any friends here at MyLot.
1 person likes this
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
11 Jan 07
I recently cleaned out my friends list.I had the same problem as you,there were quite a few that weren't responding to my discussions even though I made an effort to respond to theirs.As you say friendship goes both ways.You are not being a jerk.I didn't give any of the "friends" I deleted a warning,I just deleted them.
• United States
11 Jan 07
i actually think you have a good idea here. if more and more of us form a "friends" list and help each other out, it would help increase our earnings. i tried to do that when i first joined, and now i keep getting more and more friend requests. i cant really remember if these are people whose discussions ive responded to, so i have just been adding them. i think cleaning out your friends list is a good idea. and i say you should send them a "warning". just let them know that you are trying to get a good network of friends in here and if they want to participate, then you'll keep them on your list. if not, they need to go find other friends. i always try to go into my friends discussions when i sign on and respond to them to help them out. and i also try to post my own new discussions in hopes that they are doing the same. great idea.
1 person likes this
@kathy77 (7488)
• Australia
11 Jan 07
Oh dear that is not fair, some people are just not fair, no I do not think you are a jerk, no I do not think you are taking this too any extreme, I would send them an email and tell them I do not like you doing this to me and if they do not respond with something positive and do as they say they are going to do then I would delete them.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Jan 07
I did this awhile back. There is nothing wrong with you cleaning your friend list. If they aren't answering your discussions or making any discussions you have any real interest in then to me there is no reason for them to be on your list.
1 person likes this
@starr4all (2865)
11 Jan 07
No you are not wrong in this. I've been doing the same lately. I've been going through my friends list and deleting those who don't respond to mine, don't have discussions that I would answer, or those that seem to want to have as many friends as possible for some sort of popularity thing.
1 person likes this
@Wanderlaugh (1624)
• Australia
11 Jan 07
No, you're not being unreasonable, but:I've noticed that some of my friends have literally hundreds of friends. One of them did a post apologizing for not replying to discussions, and I can see why, he's got so many, and wouldn't get a lot done himself. (He'd also get channeled into topics he may not be interested in, etc.) Another fairly valid reason for reconsideration is that some discussions just aren't something you can reply about. I see a few where I know next to nothing about the subject. I think the notification's automatic if you delete. I think you've also made your point, and the hint has been given. Let it go for a week and see what happens.
@irisheyes (4373)
• United States
17 Jan 07
If you're being a jerk, I guess I'm one too because I've already weeded the friends out twice and am about to do it again. I don't know that a warning will do any good. I didn't give one anyway. If you check on the ones that you're thinking of giving the boot and if they have hundreds or even thousands of friends, chances are they only look on their friends as their audience anyway. I get rid of those types first and without warning . Probably they won't even know you've axed them but it will clear things out for you and make it easier read the posts of your true friends.
• United States
15 Jan 07
I see your point of the favors seeming to go only one way. Well it would be up to you if you chose to delete them. I don't think it is that big of a deal though really. And to be honest with you, even though we are all here to earn a little extra money, I don't think many people even care who and who is not on their friends list. I think they view it kind of like Myspace-the more friends you have, the better you look. I will be honest, I don't go to my friends' discussions first. When I am looking for "work" I generally go to recent discussions. Some of my friends have been very faithful to replying to lots of discussions. I make sure I return the favor.