Friends with benefits (Adult topic)

United States
January 11, 2007 12:19pm CST
In my opinion having friends with benefits is a healthy and safer way to take care of certain needs when one is without a steady partner. Having one person (or a couple) to call on in time of need is better than going out and having a one night stand with someone you don't even know. A friend and I were discussing this the other day and she is against the whole idea. I don't understand her perspective. She thinks that I need to stop the whole friends plus thing and find a serious relationship. I do want to settle down eventually, but having friends plus in the meantime means that I don't take home just anybody when I get the urge. I guess that's why I don't see anything wrong with it. She has gone from one long-term relationship to another without much downtime, so she has never really had the need. What do you think about friends with benefits? Good idea or bad idea? Do you have any or have you in the past? Tell me what you think.
5 people like this
12 responses
@hcromer (2712)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I don't think "friends with benefits" ever works out well for anyone. Someone always gets too into it. Things always get complicated and friendships that were once strong can end just like that.
4 people like this
• United States
21 Jan 07
Ok. Attempt number 2. I actually typed a nice long response and then sneezed, bumped a key and the computer ate it. LOL. So here goes. I don't necessarily agree with this. I had a "friends with benefits" relationship with a good friend. We ended up going home together one evening after we had both had a bit too much to drink. The next morning there was a bit of awkwardness to say the least, but then we sat down and discussed it like adults. We agreed to try it out (that is the friends with benefits thing). It actually worked out really well for us. We got along great, trusted one another, neither of us was in a relationship, and we always ended up being at the same places anyway. In the long run, I think it kept us from doing something we might regret with other people. Anyway, well over 2 years after that aspect of our friendship ended, we are still awesome friends. We are married to other people, have babies the same age, and our friendship is as strong as it ever was. I realize that this is most like not the "norm" for this type of relationship. I just wanted to say that it is possible.
3 people like this
• United States
21 Jan 07
Thank you moonmagick! I really thought that I would get more agreement from this post than I did! Yes, it is possible. As I have stated before, you both have to go into it with the mindset that this is hwat it is, and nothing more.
2 people like this
@tibbler (229)
• United States
20 Jan 07
well I think the friends with bens is more up to you. I mean I've had friends with bens. I had this one guy that I was friends with for a frew yrs & we were friends with bens the whole time. Until I wanted more out of the whole thing.THen we just couldn't take it any more being friends.
4 people like this
@freesoul (3023)
• Egypt
17 Jan 07
As some people already commented here it does get complicated and one partner start to see more in it than the other, we have emotional needs too and what seems to be a comfortable casual "physical only" relationship at one time may start to evolve at only one end depending on how their lives are going, also some people are more possessive by their nature and maybe when they are asking for the "favor" the other part is no longer in it or have already found someone else but they don't accept this easily.
• United States
17 Jan 07
Well, this is a difficult topic i think moreso than a strange one. I think that freinds w/benefits are completely ok as long as both people or all of the people involved are on the same page. And i would say try to avoid things that would allow the people invloved to be interested in one another like cards, love note, mushy stuff that involves feelings. Other than that, i think its fine!
@lmlazo79 (39)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
i have a friend who's into this "friends with benefits' and i don't mind it all. If they enjoy it and they both agreed on it, cool for them. however, i just worry of their health 'coz they might get an illness from their other friends who does the same thing? but personally, i haven't tried and i don't intend too, 'coz it might be turned out to be complicated and feel uneasy afterwards.. i prefer friends as friends and my other half as my other half. :)
4 people like this
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
in my opinion, i dont approve of the "friend with benefits" relationship. its just not proper, because for me you dont just DO it when you feel like it. you do it only with the one you love.
@Chapman15 (1501)
• United States
17 Jan 07
It's a weird topic... I started hooiking up with this girl that I'd been good friends with throughout college, and I think we were both confused what exactly we were trying to get out of it. We really didn't want to get in a relationship with eachother and didn't really want it to get in the way of finding someone else. When we went out together, it was pretty weird though. I had jealousy issues when she'd be chatting with guys, and this only caused problems. Now, I'm not a jealous guy when I have a girlfriend and don't care if my girl is flirting, because in the end I know she's leaving with me! I guess since she possibly might not leave with me was the part that bugged me... I really don't see how it could've worked, and were back to being friends, but there was some "couple" type arguements that went on while we were fooling around! I guess it's hard to have your cake and eat it too!
4 people like this
@sbbcackk (99)
• Ecuador
11 Jan 07
interesting topic... I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with it as long as the people involved are on the same page. The only risk involved would be if one of the persons sees more in the relationship than there actually is.
4 people like this
• United States
21 Jan 07
nahhh..there is not a dang thing wrong with it lol..I have had a benefits friend since i was 20.im 33 now..he will never settle down..its just his nature..and I had a long term relaqtionship..and it was wonderfull..and he passed away..and then i had a couple years after that,,shorter termed..and in between i always had..."DAVE" we know what we like..him being a guy.,.hell i could call at 4am and hed be here in 5 mins lol..and its not something i do alot..but every now and again..i get needs like any human being..and i am single now..and well im just happy with me and my son..i dont want a realtionship i guess..or not ready who knows..I do know..that i need some Booty once in awhile..and hes my longest friend..and great trusted benefit friend..
• United States
21 Jan 07
I think that each relationship is different, for some friends with benefits it works fine-for others not. I have been in one that luckily worked out well. We were really good friends and next door neighbors, so it worked out on multiple levels. We both at some point or another thought about having more of a relationship, but neither of us pursued it. Things stopped when I moved away, but we still continued to be friends (just now without benefits). I think they are a really good idea, but everyone should really think about what they are getting into before they do.
3 people like this
• United States
21 Jan 07
I think that each relationship is different, for some friends with benefits it works fine-for others not. I have been in one that luckily worked out well. We were really good friends and next door neighbors, so it worked out on multiple levels. We both at some point or another thought about having more of a relationship, but neither of us pursued it. Things stopped when I moved away, but we still continued to be friends (just now without benefits). I think they are a really good idea, but everyone should really think about what they are getting into before they do.
@PhMaker (250)
• United States
20 Jan 07
My experience/observation say in 99% cases friendship & intimate relation cant go along. But with a second thought, would u like to be my friend ?:p
2 people like this