January 11, 2007 7:49pm CST
My daughter who is will be 16 tomorrow is in foster care. It is not because I beat her or anything like that. It was more of a case of counselling between me and her was going no where. She suffers from depression and I have bipolar. Her worker came today to give me the court papers because she becomes a ward of the court on Monday. As I read through the papers, its always referring to my illness and my mental unstability. I have had Child services involved in my life 2 times. The first was when some called them when my second husband was abusing my older 2 children mentally and physically while I would be at work. They told me to leave him or they would take the kids. I did. They never gave me one red penny to help me get on my feet. I was shift working at the time and my parents lived in a different province. The second time I called them myself to see if they could help me and my daughter. I had called numerous agencies. We worked with one for awhile. Then the worker started working with her alone. Finally, my daughter refused to see her anymore. She had been hospitalized 3 times for sucide/depression. Reading through these papers has set me back about 10 steps in my illness. I feel so depressed and feel like all the work I have been doing since she went in to care and with my doctor counts as nothing. I pick my daughter up and take her for horse riding lessons which I pay for every week. She usually stops by once a week and puts music on her ipod and chats on msn on the computer once a week cause she is not allowed at her foster home. My doctor thinks I have come along way now these papers keep calling me mentally unstable. They said I am depressed and isolated. I haven't been able to stop crying because I feel like a failure as a mother and a person. I have worked so hard in battling this illness, it is hard to explain. It has had an terrible affect on my entire family and I have to wonder if I didn't have it would my kids turned out different.
• United States
12 Jan 07
I am very sorry for all that you have gone through, and all you are going through. Do not get into guilt though. You are you, and you did the very best that you are capable of doing. Do you take any meds for yourself? I have had big major problems with my daughter. And I used to blame myself, and say what if and why and so forth. We cannot be blamed, as mothers, we just do the best we can. There is no book of rules. I pray that all will work out for the best for you and your family. Blessings dear. Hang in there.
• United States
12 Jan 07
Bless your heart! Your illness and your daughter's illness is definitely serious. I do hope you seek medical help as I did! If you try an antidepressant, which I highly recommend, please ask the doctor for Effexor XR. I am taking 250 milligrams a day for Major Depression and Post Tramautic Distress. It has really turned my life around. I am happy most of the time now. Good luck to you and your daughter.
13 Jan 07
I take medication for my bipolar and I have also been diagnosed with post tramautic distress. I did a year long group therapy for the post tramautic distress. The problems I have had with antidepressents in the pasts is they bring me out of my depression but after a while I get severly manic.
1 person likes this
• Seagoville, Texas
13 Jan 07
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I don't think anyone can know how you are feeling right now, but I do feel your pain. You know this is not your fault. You didn't ask to have bipolar disorder. You were born that way, you know. It's like having blue eyes or a birthmark, you can't change it. Odds are that your daughter is bipolar, too. I know I inherited it from my mother, and so did both my brothers, and my son has it, too. It's nothing to be ashamed of, since more people are bipolar than not. I wish I knew something to say to be of some comfort to you, but all i can think of is that that your daughter seems to be a really great child. My son has been locked up most of his adult life, and I still blame myself for that, even though i know it can't possibly be my fault. Just keep in mind that bipolar disorder isn't going to just go away, and that you can use it to your advantage like I do. I'm sure you have done the best you could with your children, and that's all you can really do. I have been researching support groups for people with bipolar disorder, and as soon as I find one I think is pretty good, I will send you the info it you like. A support group gives you added strength, and you seem to need it pretty badly right now. I am here for you, and if you need me, just send me a private message. I'm on here every day.
12 Jan 07
Oh you poor thing. I would be upset too. I'm not sure I would sign them if they were worded that way. That really is an insult when you have been trying to do all you can for your kids. It is not easy being a single parent believe me I know but you just have to love them like crazy and they'll be fine. I don't think you are to blame but I feel for you. I wouldn't be happy reading that either.