I Married an American

United States
January 12, 2007 5:49am CST
I met and married an American because I loved him and after being married to him and living in Europe for some years we came to the States, me as a legal alien (immigrant). When we got married I had a car, a beautifully furnished home, and a very well paying job. He had a duffel bag. Over the years I have been on the receiving end of some veiled and some rather blunt accusations of having married only to be able to come to America! At first I used to get defensive as I was then and continued to be the main financial support in our family. Has anyone else been accused of marrying for anything else but love?
8 people like this
56 responses
@sunshinecup (7881)
12 Jan 07
Yep! When my husband and I got married, it was after we had my first child. To this day, when around new people and the subject of my wedding date comes up, they are quick to do the math. Yes, some are jerks enough to say an asinine thing like "Oh you HAD to get married". This kills me, she was over a year old. If I HAD to get married, it would have been sooner than that. My goodness she's in my wedding photos for crying out loud. Anyway it kills me how people seem to want to find reasons we married besides, we love each other. To these people you just have to say, “Get a Life!” and go on. You know your reasons, your spouse knows your reasons, so just forget about the idiots.
5 people like this
@Kackie3 (345)
• United States
13 Jan 07
No one knows what love is anymore, so it seems they can't fathom getting married for it. Well, surprise..it does happen. People would rather thing there were other ulterior motives though, and naturally it could never be furthest from the truth. They will always draw their own conclusions no matter what you say.
13 Jan 07
You know that is the truth, people will strive hard, to find a negative in something before believing it's a good thing. Why is that, I wonder? Odd...
1 person likes this
@mom_of_3 (22)
• Japan
12 Jan 07
i was 17 when i married ,i was pregnant but lost the baby before we married . we could have called it off but we decided to marry anyway my elder sister use to make remarks to me like litle mrs. rich but i happened to marry the poorest japanese man in all of japan who has constantly been out of work , i lived off of a business i ran then my husband ran into the ground while i was pregnant and ill with twins, i am currently on welfare and relatives in the US still think i am well to do altho i have never been and certainly am not now.i hate it when they bring things up like how hard it is putting money away for ccolledge for thier 3 boys and thier home mortgage and two minivans ,when i dont even have a car , rent my house and on welfare the rent is not allowed to exceed $340 a month ,and high school is not free in japan so saving enough for my 3 daughters high school is a struggle .colledge they will not go to unless they pay themselves ,so i understnad what you feel about people makeing thier own decisions of what your life is all about it can be quite frustrateing
5 people like this
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
Wow that's tough.. but there are a lot of people out there who are in the same situation as you. Just think of it as they envy you because of your accomplishments which they were not able to grb for themselves. Too bad they hit your emotionl side just to get back at you
4 people like this
@datiger (102)
• Estonia
13 Jan 07
I have been accused for being in a relationship because of the financial reasons. Maybe it's a plus, but totally not the real reason. Love is the reason. Dump the american. They are stupid, egocentric and as it seems lazy.
• United States
13 Jan 07
Ouch - way to categorize a country of millions of people. I resent the statements you made - I'm an american and I do my best NOT to represent any of the things you've said, and I know many more who don't come close to what you've stereotyped us as.
• United States
13 Jan 07
Sarabeth thanks for your comment. Glad you know I was not categorizing Americans I am one myself now and was only referring to some people (some were not Americans)
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
12 Jan 07
Yes I have my Ex Parents where under the Impression that I married to get my drivers License and get away from Home Well I was n't and hadn;'t even lived at home before I even met as for the Drivers License well I laughed at that See in the Army even the Wifes get their License free so that is where that one came from He was the one in the end who pushed me to do my License found out why aswell so I could drive hiom around while is drunk
4 people like this
@iyamapa (259)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
it is really hard that you are able to be in that kind of situation that is very dramatical and hard to solve. but for me.. the only thing i can say is that... you know for yourself what is true... then you don't have to react on this.. because if your not guilty... then so what? let them waste all their money effort and time in bothering you
3 people like this
@vikceo (1301)
• India
12 Jan 07
well one of my friend has the same case. she loved and american and moved to us forever. and later on she was accused for the same reason to marry him
3 people like this
@Sunmav (53)
• India
12 Jan 07
as u have loved that american u married then u r life should be happy as both of u should live happily
3 people like this
• Canada
12 Jan 07
just dont mind other people, always be happy and always remeber that your husband is a gift of God to you. my husband is canadian so some of his friends think that i marry him bec of oppurtunity but i dont listen to them bec i know what is true and aside from that i also encourage my husband to lived here in my country so that his friends will stop accused me but now they like me already specially his parents just strong always and prepare your self.
2 people like this
• India
12 Jan 07
Initially it seems you both guys liked each other and got married , unfortunately that guy is not able to stand properly in finance . From your words it says he is depening on you ..onething i can suggest you , is come out of the problem ,instead of blaming others.First you thought Love is life, as problems raising in your life , you are trying to blame on your partner .I suggest you to support him to to get into good Job,automatically you will get the love which you lost it earlier.
• United States
12 Jan 07
Sunrithareddy - where did your comment come from? I am not complaining, I am not blaming him for anything. I'm not unhappy. Please read the topic carefully before you spout off!
1 person likes this
• India
12 Jan 07
hey pls tell me what does "duffel bag" mean
2 people like this
• Australia
13 Jan 07
A duffle bag is a form of luggage, a bag normally made of cloth some people use them for sports equipment or to travel with.
• Canada
13 Jan 07
Oh sure... my husband is an American, too, but he came to Canada to be with me. He is 12 years younger than I am AND we met online. I supported the whole family for the full year it took to get his Permanent Residence and permission to work. We followed the rules to the absolute letter. Can you hear the gossip wires buzzing? LOL People always have comments... they had comments when I got married the first time ("too young"), comments when I got divorced after that 18 year relationship ("well, whose fault was it?"), comments about the new marriage.... and you know what? I couldn't care less. They can talk all they want. My husband and I are extremely happy, he treats me like the best thing that's ever happened to him and he didn't have kids of his own but slid right into being a step-dad like a seasoned pro. We both work hard and are devoted to family. We are good people, we care about others and we're honest. Anyone who wants to find fault with that.... knock yerself out ;)
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Jan 07
Thanks I was also older, divorced and had a child.
@babs0818 (1191)
• United States
12 Jan 07
I am from Europe (Germany) and met an American also...I got pregnant and we moved to the States where we got married...His family always told me,that the only reason,I got pregnant was...so I could come to America...my feeling,were really hurt..because,when I lived in Germany,I had a lot more money and material things...I lived a good live,but gave it up for the man I loved...at the time.I don't understand people sometimes..how cruel they can be..I know,that here in America,they have a lot of illegal immigrants and people,that come here for money...but please,I came from a country,there the poverty level is really low...probably lower,than the states.And speaking of Immigration...I was treated like a criminal...a spy...I don't know..but I felt very violated...Whiteheather,did you feel that way too?
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 07
First let me tell you I have had very happy years in Germany. The people are great 99% who don't hold resentments against the British. I love America and have been here a long time but I see red regarding illegals. I did get my feelings hurt.
• United States
12 Jan 07
i havent been in your situation as i am an american but my boyfriend is also from europe. he is from macedonia to be exact. he has been here since he was 6 years old and has permanent residency here. i think it's absured that people say to legal immigrants that the only reason they got married was to become a citizen here. if you had a very good job a car and a house in europe then i think you're doing pretty darn good for yourself and it wouldnt make sense for you to want to get married for only that reason. many people marry others from different countries for love not to get them citizenship here. thanks for bringing this up.. what country are you from??
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 07
Thanks, I was doing well and I am from Scotland but met my husband in Germany and the funny thing is he stayed with me in Germany for 8 years before the military said he couldn't stay any longer otherwise he would have stayed forever in Europe. (he had it too good with me LOL)
@diansinta (7550)
• Indonesia
13 Jan 07
as long that you two love each other, you don't have to listen to the other.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
13 Jan 07
yes... i also have been accused of marrying my husband to be able to stay in australia and get the residency which is totally not true... it is just annoying when people start interfering with our relationship and say something negative about us... i married him solely because i love him and vice versa... nothing else... the residency is a bonus for me... :-)
1 person likes this
@anja31 (708)
• Canada
13 Jan 07
I dont have any experience with that, but in my opinion so long as you are happy that is important no matter what other people think about that.
@magikrose (5423)
• United States
13 Jan 07
MY mother-in-law accused me of marrying my husband just because I got pregnant by him. I have to say that really hurt not just me but my husband as well. I am as much in love with my husband today as I was 6yrs ago on our wedding day. He may not be perfect but he is perfect for me.
1 person likes this
@saibal06 (2575)
• India
13 Jan 07
I think people say whatever they comes to their mind. And most interestingly they will go on saying. you cant stop them. What you should be concerned about is what you have actually done and what was your motive behind that.You know people are jealous, they say anything when they feel that others have done something that they could not do. So if your main reason behind marrying your hubby is love, then I would rather advise you not to pay heed to what others say!!
1 person likes this
@amish2222 (235)
• United States
13 Jan 07
Thats terrible. Though I have never faced or seen such accusations but I can feel the pinch of these comments. It is indeed a backlash of various forms of valid and invalid ways people are adopting to get into America. But making this accusation against one and all is incorrect.
@GardenGerty (104102)
• United States
13 Jan 07
I have not faced anything like you have, but I would like to say that there are small minded, arrogant people everywhere. I am sorry that people have treated you that way. It is funny how people would rather think of negatives than positives.
@conniej14 (248)
• United States
13 Jan 07
I'm sorry people did that to you because your love was real. A lot of people get jealous and say things that hurt others but forget them. I do think some people marry for money but if the person that is marrying them are willing to go ahead then it really is not anyone elses business.
1 person likes this