the girl's obsessed with my brother!

odd couple - my brother has an older, obsessive girlfriend.
Philippines
January 13, 2007 2:32am CST
guys, pls hep me here. my younger brother, 18 year's old, has a girlfriend 6 years oldr than he is. the girl seems obsessed with my brother. my family don't like her, we just consider my brother's feelings. i know a lot may say, 'age does't matter', but my brother always goes missing because he's with the girl.he often does not come home because of her. i got really disappointed last new year, because every new year, each of my family member come together and take some picture for the start of the year., and my brother was not around. again, because of the girl. i always treathen him that we'll say something bad to his girlfriend and ask her to stay away from him, but he wont listen. we son't want him top get angry with us, so we often ignore his not comming home. what should i do. if i ask the girl to stay away from my brother, my brother might worsen things.help me.....!
3 people like this
66 responses
• United States
14 Jan 07
I can only say that the same thing happened with my boyfriend and I. Only difference is that he's almost 25 years old. It doesn't matter though, when a family doesn't like you, it's horrible. I know that I had done nothing wrong and this girl may have done nothing wrong either. Your brother is growing up and he can't stay at home forever. My best advice to you is to accept her and become friends with her even. If you will just try to accept her and make her feel welcome then your brother will come around more often. Trust me on this one.
2 people like this
@bugbaby (1788)
• Indonesia
14 Jan 07
In the meantime you will have supported your brother through it all. Tell her that you don't mind her seeing your brother but that she needs to remember that your brother's younger than her, and your family's concerned about his absence all the time. I would suggest that you should discuss this matter with your brother and family and try to come to terms with reality that your brother has chosen someone.
1 person likes this
@berry9 (590)
• India
14 Jan 07
please be good my pal.your brother loves her lot.why do you try to break them?it is because your family tries to break them,and only because of that you are making things worser.even if I was the girl,i would have done the same thing.if someone tries to break my relationship from his family,il oppose them by keeping him with me all the time to show them that i matter to him more than they really do.quite natural.why dont you accept the poor girl.she must be 24 and quite mature.so it cant be infactuation.just chill.ask your brother to bring her to the function too.be good to her everything will be different from now,if you do this.believe me.
@avs189 (1030)
• India
13 Jan 07
Jsut give ur brother a little time ....i guess its infatuation for him abt the girl that makes him pretty mad abt her...i guess with passage of time he would definitely realize the truth and reality...
1 person likes this
@cisco1 (540)
• United States
13 Jan 07
sorry its none of your business and stay out. You already voice your opinion and that should be it. he is an adult now and he will learn from his mistakes. he could date whoever he wants to and if that girl makes him happy then you should be happy for him.
1 person likes this
@lifetalk (681)
• Pakistan
13 Jan 07
Well.. i know that it is somewhat infuriating.. and irritating for the whole family to have your bro missing.. not being home, etc.. cze he's always out with his gal.. but believe me.. the more you try to break those 2 up.. the harder they'll fite to stay together.. your best bet would be to leave the relationship as it is.. let them be.. he'll eventually realize the importance of family in addtion to his gal..
• India
13 Jan 07
i accept with wat u say ...its better to move softly with them
• Romania
13 Jan 07
have u considered counceling ? Believe me , it's in the nature of every boy ! I have 18 years and i have a girl friend that 3 years older theb ne but that dosen't stop me from loving her ! You must be verry carefull because if you try to hart to open his eyes , he'll think that everyone wants to brake him apart from his true love and he'll hate u and the others ! :D Try to give him some space .... he'll probably come to his sences ! Have a nice day ! ;)
@diansinta (7551)
• Indonesia
14 Jan 07
he is right . be careful with that sis.
• Philippines
15 Jan 07
thanx a lot guys!
• United States
13 Jan 07
The more you try to break them up, the harder he will fight to stay with her. Tell him you and the family miss him. Invite her to family functions and make an honest effort to get to know her. Eventually, he is going to see she is not right for him; or you are going to see she is. Or he is still going to like her and you are still not going to like her, but don't let that destroy your relationship with him.
• Canada
14 Jan 07
daragonstar13 I would say that you just hit a home run with this response. This young man is old enough to decide who he wants as friends or lovers, and his family's opinion obviously is not having any influence over his choice of lady friend. The only thing that is going to happen by continuing to try and break them up is that it will end in hard feelings, regardless of whether they stay together or not. It also sounds to me like the infatuation (or love) goes both ways is this relationship. Accept her, try to get to know her and let your brother know that you support him, whatever his decision, because it is his to make; no one else's.
• Philippines
15 Jan 07
ya, i think you're right. it's just that, i don't want anyone to have ill feelings especially my brother. he really gets stubborn on this.
@jenbatres (800)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Your brother is an adult and capable of making his own decisions. You and your family need to back off, you are just pushing your brother away. Age isn't a factor they are both old enought to be together. There will be a time when your brother will move out and start his own family. . . .best of luck
@chikkadee (373)
• Australia
15 Jan 07
The worst thing you can do is moan and groan. Hes 18, an adult now, and the fact that you all are trying to, as he sees it, control his life, means that he will probably stick around in that relationship, even if it doesn't work, just to show you guys up. All you can do now is make the best of things and be around for it. Perhaps start inviting her along to things. She is a part of his life now and you will have to accept it :\
@atul01 (26)
• India
14 Jan 07
i can understand ur problem but please think from your brothers side. may be that he really loves her and she is also in love with her. i would suggest you not to look at the age difference if this is the case. otherwise try to explain your brother calmly and don't impose any thing on him because it will only lead to worse the position
• United States
14 Jan 07
maybe your brother is just as obsessed witht he girl as she is with him. you may just need to sit back and let this one play out itself.
@kernel (192)
• India
14 Jan 07
well you cant stop your bro..... because he"S come of age and he can do whatever he wants...i suggest you try to find out more about this girl because i doubt anyone would want to make love with someone almost a decade away from them....if the girl is obsessed with your brother then she must be having a reason so find that out
• United States
14 Jan 07
My Brother has a girlfriend that is obsessed with him too. He can never have a day to himself. Or let alone his family. She is always calling and asking him to come over and if he says no then she gets so mad at him that she says stuff that is really stupid. But I dont understand why he stays with her when she treats him like that. Let alone he is almost 20 and she is only 16.
• United States
14 Jan 07
My brother was 17 messing with a 27 year old. The harder I tried to break them up the worse it got. He will have to see for himself it won't work, but remind him he's missing out on his young adulthood by being with her. He will regret it. My brother did and now isn't with the lady.
• Philippines
14 Jan 07
Six years age difference between couples is not too bad. I had a brother who married someone 12 years older than him. They were quite happy for some time but later my sis-in-law became too age-conscious and became a nagging and jealous wife. I guess it's just one of the reasons why marriages with big age gaps don't work. I think your brother is old enough to decide for himself, so just give him a bit of advice or reminders now and then, especially about preserving family traditions. Maybe he did not come because he was afraid the family will not welcome him with his girlfriend in tow.
@Pekachu (1114)
• United States
14 Jan 07
sounds like he may be in love and he is 18 you cant hang on to him forever and the more you try the more you will alienate him 6 years older isn't anything new now a days its the inn thing
@Pekachu (1114)
• United States
14 Jan 07
sounds like he may be in love and he is 18 you cant hang on to him forever and the more you try the more you will alienate him 6 years older isn't anything new now a days its the inn thing
@steveblue (129)
• Indonesia
14 Jan 07
just invite his girlfriend. make her to involved on the family. give your brother and his girls an understanding about your famili's perception to both of them. but don't push them to broke out.
• United States
14 Jan 07
Ahh... I think is good...I really do...I used to have A boyfriend about 7 years older than me...He left me because he said it was tearing his family apart, and stuff,It was mainly my fault though...But..Atleast he has found him someone, I think it is cute!