My kids father

@tohot666 (300)
United States
January 14, 2007 5:08pm CST
I have 3 beautiful kids, and they have a wonderful stepfather. I only have one problem their biological father. He claims that he cares for them, but he does not pay child support. He is homeless and a drug addict. He treats me with no respect, and does not respect their step father. So I made the decision that he is not allowed to talk to them or see them. The only way he can change this is to get a job, a car, and pass random UA's. That way I can ensure that my children are around a sane safe indiviual. Do you think that I am doing the right thing?
13 people like this
46 responses
@candygurl24 (1883)
• Canada
14 Jan 07
Absolutely! Your children's saftey is obviously top of your list, and there is nothing wrong with that at all. If he can't provide a stable residence to have visitation, or be stable enough to look after them, then he shouldn't have the normal parental rights.
4 people like this
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
14 Jan 07
i think you are doing exactly the right thing, he needs to be motivated to change his life, what you are doing will certainly give him that good luck keep on keeping on
4 people like this
@xXmeganxX (4423)
14 Jan 07
yes you are doing the right thing, if he treats you and your partner with no respect then you shouldn't go near him until he comes back with respect and as you said get a job etc! :O)
4 people like this
@emeraldisle (13146)
• United States
15 Jan 07
I agree with what you are doing. I would suggest you legalize it. Get the courts to back you on it so that way he can't then claim you are keeping the kids from him illegally. This way the you also have legal leverage against him. You need to do what is best for you and your kids and it doesn't sound like he is one of the good things to have around. He should realize the kids come first and that they don't need to be exposed to such.
• United States
15 Jan 07
IF you are doing this through the court then yes. If not, I would file. If you are not allowing him any rights, he can take the kids from u. Sad but true
2 people like this
• United States
15 Jan 07
I can understand where you may be second guessing yourself because he is your childrens father and your probably think that your children should know their dad and be able to spend time with him. And they should, however, not at the expense of their safety. You are doing the right thing for now. He has to make a choice of whats more important in his life, his kids or his bad choices in life. Once he can make the choice that his children should come first and improve his lifestyle then you should try and let him back in their lives, and only then if your kids want to. Good luck to you and stay strong.
• United States
15 Jan 07
Yeah if my ex was like that she sure as hell would never see or talk to her children. In my eyes she wouldn't deserve to at all, and I wouldn't put anyone else in my life through the turmoil of having to deal with such scum.
2 people like this
@Trace86 (5034)
• United States
15 Jan 07
I believe you are doing the right thing. You are keeping your children safe and protected from a potentially dangerous situation. You have also given your ex a way to prove his love for the children. I give you some serious applause for your actions. Let's hope he sees it for the opportunity it is. Do you think he would consider rehab?
@Celanith (2334)
• United States
15 Jan 07
The right thing has to be the legal thing as well. First it is the right thing. But if the children's biological father has visitation rights you cannot just say he cannot see them. You have to get a court order stipulating that or youn can be sued by the dad for denying him his rights unless a court order specifiys the reasons you just gave before allowing him to see them, The courts are very good about this and do not allow visitation unless supervised by this kind of a person. But the children have a right to see and know who thier real dad is even if he is a scoundral, be careful and make it legal or it could cost you.
@sahergul (774)
• Pakistan
15 Jan 07
well lol... is't true...?
1 person likes this
@acosjo (1904)
• Canada
15 Jan 07
Of course you are doing the right things. Your kids deserve better from their father. I totally believe that actions speak louder than words & it's funny when they say "I care...." but are nowhere to be found and have 100 excuses as to why they are not seeing/doing more with their kids. I understand this far too well. I trust things will owkr out in the end. Good for you!
1 person likes this
@kabella50 (309)
• United States
15 Jan 07
I think you are trying to do the right thing.Whether not seeing or talking to their dad is best I'm not so sure.Maybe you could arrange for supervised visits for them,if the children still desire to see their dad.I know what they are seeing isn't what you want them to see in him but his situation is a reality and kids seem to want to love their parents regardless.If they want to visit with their dad,all I'm saying is try another approach,when they are older they will understand how you and your husband tried the best you could to help the situation.
1 person likes this
@shooie (4988)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Yes I think you are doing the right thing. I don't think I would let my ex-hubby come around either if he was like that. One he is homeless and an addict. Addicts do bad things because well face it they are not in their right minds they live for their addiction. Keep up the good work
1 person likes this
@bodomgirl (1620)
• Italy
15 Jan 07
i know a story like this...my bestfriend'father never give to her money for support and never call her..now he killed himself and people say he was not happy about his past..it is a sad story but he never cared about my friend...
1 person likes this
@allen123 (76)
• United States
15 Jan 07
AS A MAN WITH CHILDREN I SAY YOUR NOT WRONG HE HAS A LOT TO FIX BUT I WOULDNT KEEP THE KIDS FROM TALKING TO HIM. UNLESS HE SPREADS BAD SEEDS. STEP POP HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.BUT THATS JUST MY OPINION IM NOT IN THOSE SHOES AND IF I WAS I WOULD HAVE TO CHOOSE WHATS MORE IMPORTANT!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 Jan 07
Your children are so lucky to have a wonderful stepfather. You are more than lucky to find a very responsible and loving husband. You are doing the right thing. It's hard for children to be surrounded by negative influences. In as much as you can, detach them from anything that might lead them to the wrong path. Their father has to change himself first. Be responsible to himself first. Once he is able to attend to his own needs first, then being a responsible father will follow. Pray for divine guidance so their father will be enlightened. I wish you all the best.
@diego9774 (172)
• United States
15 Jan 07
You are doing the right thing.Bravo!
1 person likes this
@adnanmd2 (831)
15 Jan 07
really gud discussion .. Ya you are doing the right thing
1 person likes this
@uath13 (8207)
• United States
15 Jan 07
The part of getting himself cleaned up, Definently. They don't need to be around an adict. If that part was taken care of I'd be more lenient on the job and car thing. Thats kind of a catch 22. Without a job you can't afford a car or gas, without a car you cant comute to a job, being homeless just makes it worse. If he'd clean up I'd let him visit, give him more of a reason to get his life in order. Plan inexpensive events he could attend like days in the park, but only invite him if he's clean.
1 person likes this
• China
15 Jan 07
maybe the kids can change their biological
1 person likes this