Is It Right To Push Your Child Into Something Because It's your Frustration?

@mishang (501)
Philippines
January 15, 2007 12:47am CST
i have a friend whose been pushing his son to be become a pilot just because he himself did not qualify as one looking back at the years. It was really his dream to be a pilot so now that he has a fine young lad of his own, he deliberately is trying to push his son which has no idea nor intentions of becoming a pilot. Do you think that it's right for the parent to play or dictate some dreams for his children just because it's their frustration?
10 people like this
96 responses
• United States
15 Jan 07
I truly don't think that your friend is being just to his son. If his son develops an interest in the field that he dreamed of then what is best is to encourage the child to learn more about that field. Present the child with the options related to that field. Most parents for example push their kids into going to college. Most of us as kids don't really know what we want as a career. We usually come across someone who's doing a job that we find interesting and presto, we've acquired an interest in that field. If the field of interest requires college then it is up to the parents to provide the means for continued education. If it doesn't, the parents should not force that child into a college education if the field of interest doesn't warrant a degree. As you might already know, you'll love your job and your life if your job satisfies you. If you hate your job, then you'll be miserable. Let the child develop their own interest. I they don't have one, provide opportunities that might spark an interest. For example, take them on trips. Take them to work and to some of your friends jobs. Expand on the possibilities. Don't be narrow minded. Give them opportunities. Just like in nature, the parent teaches its young how to hunt and what to hunt for, then the young animal will hone its skills by watching its parent. Broaden the child's horizons by providing possibilities. There are endless possibilities for a child. It's like a destination on a map, there are many roads to choose. Let the child figure out their interests.
2 people like this
• United States
15 Jan 07
The above is an excellent post. If more parents would simply follow these guidelines with their children, the world would be a better place. I love open minded people like you. I really, REALLY do!
1 person likes this
@mishang (501)
• Philippines
24 Jan 07
this is a great response. i really appreciate this. thanks! i'm trying to talk things over with the parents, and i even let them see the responses that i got from here, and it made them think twice of what they're doing with the kid right now.
@jynt_aa (154)
• India
15 Jan 07
this is not at all fair to push our frustration onto the child. a kid or a child has his/her life to lead and has a freedom to choose the path of his/her interests. pushing him/her into some other field may lead in a complete destruction of his/her career leaving him/her no-where to reach and no goal to fight for...
2 people like this
@kgwat70 (13398)
• United States
15 Jan 07
I absolutely agree that forcing a career choice on a child could cause problems. Your child could end up resenting you for trying to force a career on them that they have no interest in. A child should make their own choice and decision in what they want to do for a living.
1 person likes this
@uath13 (8227)
• United States
15 Jan 07
NO! I could fill up the whole page with NO!s. Its blatenly odviously. How would you like to be told you were going to be the best darn latrine cleaner ever just because your father was? Come on,
2 people like this
@inked4life (4228)
• United States
15 Jan 07
I hate when parents try to live vicariously through their kids. It's most prevalent on the pageant circuit..you see all these insane stepford wives pushing their 4 and 5 year olds out all made up. They did a show on Bravo I believe about it. Get on with your own life and let your kids figure out what they want to be all on their own
2 people like this
• India
15 Jan 07
NO need to disturb the life of children pushing the dreams is mere foolishness this will show failure.may lead a depression
2 people like this
• Turkey
15 Jan 07
That is bad if the child does not like it. it is selfish and can ruin the childs future. Parents who love and care for the future of their children will not do that.
2 people like this
• Philippines
15 Jan 07
never... because being a pilot became his frustration for the reason that he did not make it.. and he must not let his child suffer another frustration because he was not able to do what he really wanted in life just because his dad was being selfish.
2 people like this
• India
15 Jan 07
Well Your Friend Should Learn MY father . Despit of mY regular failures . He never forced me any of his wish . Today My strenth is all because of Him .
2 people like this
@TerryZ (22146)
• United States
15 Jan 07
No its not right. Buts thats funny because my sisters husband has been doing that too but he is a pilot. I dont want him to be pilot. I would be worrying all the time for my newphew. Kids make their own minds up in the end.
@raveemenon (1072)
• India
15 Jan 07
This is a usual way of getting one's ambition fullfilled by many.They conveniently forget that their child is an independant person and he has every right to follow the path he choose.he can be a pilot, a doctor, a teacher or a truck driver. this is quite common and needs counselling. it is high time they understand the dignity of labour and the importance of every profession. To a certain extend the society also contribute tothis syndrome by tretaing certain jobs as npble and certain others as meanial. further more all the jobs need to get paid on some logical alogaritham. this may sound funny and crazy but it is the crux of the problem. We have gone crazy to the extend of valuing people and profession by what they get and earn and not by what they contribute to the society.
@superbren (861)
15 Jan 07
no , i think it is wrong to push your child into your lost dreams. it is good to push them a little , to encourage them to make something of themselves but it should be their decision at the end .i think once children turn teenagers they wont be bullied by anyone into doing somwethig they dont want. they are independant and have their own mind.
2 people like this
• India
15 Jan 07
no its very wrong to be doin this coz if the child is not at all intrested in doin wat his parent wants him or her 2 do,eventually will get very frustated n end up gettin nowhere...
@mariam74 (555)
• Egypt
15 Jan 07
No this is not fair I don't like this attitude at all what it means to me to push my son to be another thing he can't like or don't want I must leave him choose what he wants and when I do this he will be more successful for example when I was young I wanted to be a Doctor and till now if you said to me what do you want to be I'll say a doctor but this doesn't mean that I want my son to be a doctory ofcourse I'll let him choose what he wants without forcing him.
2 people like this
• India
15 Jan 07
it just depends on ur thoughts n views that wht u want ur child as to b .................but its not necesary that the thing u r interested in ur child also interested in the same.................so tak this thing in mind n then have a action
2 people like this
@vertex (803)
• Philippines
15 Jan 07
its not good to let someone do what he doesnt want to do... its good if you let them choose want they want... your job is only to guid them to the right path but not let them do what you like.... humans are created by god with intellect, will and freedom so we must respect them...
2 people like this
@msareyes (16)
• Philippines
15 Jan 07
i dont't think that's fair. For me im going to support my son's decision on what he wants to accomplish when he grows up. Its their right to pursue whatever career they want in life, and we parents are just here to guide them and not to push them to be something that they are not.
2 people like this
• India
15 Jan 07
absolutely wrong.come on the child will have his on dreams.both are different individuals.i think its better for his dad to leave his son to make an independent decission if he cares n love his child.thats all i have to say.
2 people like this
@swatig (1187)
• India
15 Jan 07
Very unfair indeed! if your friend tries to push his son for what he not like it, very wrong on the part of your friend by pushing him to become a pilot. rather then he should consult his son to know first their views for what he want to become. as consultation always brings solution.
@shaz6611 (951)
• Australia
15 Jan 07
Absolutely not, this poor child I'm sure has own dreams and desires and should be free to fulfull these.
2 people like this
@melody1011 (1665)
• India
15 Jan 07
My dad is like that, he wants us to live his dreams and do all the things he never got a chance to do. He keeps forgetting that we have our own dreams and goals. SO he gets mad at us and say we never help him in his business and stuff. However I did actually try for abt 5 years but finally gave up. Im getting married soon and fortunately my fiance is in the same business as my dad and so hopefully he'll join up with my dad and my dad will finally have a family member involved in the business. However I have left that decision totally up to my fiance and told him only he he wants he can join my dad. THere is no pressure from my side as I will be living with him not my dad.
2 people like this