Does it bother you if your husband/wife/partner doesn't go to bed when you do

@jenalyn (675)
United States
January 16, 2007 12:14am CST
Sometimes I go to bed and my husband isn't tired, so he stays up. It took me a while before I could adapt to that, but I did. Now sometimes he goes to bed and I stay up. He tries to persuade me to come, but doesn't insist. I used to fall asleep on the couch waiting for him to come to bed with me, now I don't. Does it bother you if you go to bed first, without them?
16 people like this
101 responses
16 Jan 07
Definitely, I can't sleep without him in bed with me. If he's not ready for bed I will lay on his lap on the couch and go to sleep, he'll carry me to bed when he goes.
4 people like this
@riyasam (16571)
• India
16 Jan 07
good for you.i think you are not an indian,
3 people like this
@rsrait (567)
• India
16 Jan 07
Why indians cant carry their wifes to bed the younger gernation is quite upto the mark .
2 people like this
• United States
17 Jan 07
I can relate to your not being able to sleep without your husband. I've been married for 15 years, and still cannot get in a good sleep with out my hubby beside me. But at 9 pm, we both head for the bedroom. If he's not sleepy, he'll either have his way with me, or watch TV until he is!
• United States
16 Jan 07
Not really. Whenever the other is tired and wants to go to bed, they should go to bed. I don't think you two should have to feel obligated to go to bed at the same time unless you have a special evening planned.
4 people like this
@eseomame (1146)
• United States
16 Jan 07
Yeah, that would be setting too much rigid rules in the relationship and that isn't too good.
@swasti (1157)
• India
17 Jan 07
yeah , if we make it an obligation then life will become too artificial and there will be no natural interest.
• United States
16 Jan 07
Well me and my wife work differnt shifts so she's either already alseep or waking up when I get home. She sometimes tries to stay awake and wait for me so that we can sleep together but it doesn't always work out that way. For while I couldn't fall asleep in our bed alone and would just sleep in my easy chair. Now we've gotten use to sleeping at different times alot so its not so hard.
@keedap (304)
• India
16 Jan 07
actually not .. Sometimes the other person has some thing one her mind and needs some time . and may be she is not in mood to go to bed ..
3 people like this
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
16 Jan 07
That is usually the case with my husband. Sometimes he can't "turn off", then comes to bed and talks my ear off after I have already been asleep. Once he found out I was falling asleep on him, he quit doing that. Kinda funny. He brings it up now whenever I accuse him of not listenening. He says "well at least I don't fall asleep on you." But it is meant as funny, we don't argue over it. We're pretty much laid back most of the time.
2 people like this
• Canada
16 Jan 07
I think people will go to bed when they are tried. We don't have to do EVERYTHING together.... people need to do things on their own too.
3 people like this
@xXmeganxX (4422)
16 Jan 07
it doesn't seem to bother me at all, im quite happy to go to bed own my own and leave my boyfriend to what he has to do or if he goes to bed before me, he nags me so much, i shout, lol, he doesn't like me sitting up on my own but i like it becuase it's nice to have a bit of peace and a quiet moment, plus to get things done, what i haven't been able to do! :)
3 people like this
@brokentia (10396)
• United States
17 Jan 07
My partner used to get upset when I didn't go to bed with him. And I am not a person that sleeps that much. So he had to endure me chatting to him, tossing and turning, poking at him, me getting out of bed several times, me wiggling my foot back and forth, sighing because I couldn't sleep, and me being just a plain nuisance. LOL But now, he has come to understand that I just can't sleep the same hours as he does. So, if I go to bed at the same time as him and start to irritate him, I will either get kicked out of bed to go read or I will willingly leave saying I do not keep him awake. ha ha
2 people like this
@swasti (1157)
• India
17 Jan 07
hahaha!! coool!! ur case is jus like mine. i too do the same but ofcorsse my husabnd will be too sleepy to know wat iam doing....so i jus get out of bed and get into computers...
@Sawsen (795)
• United States
17 Jan 07
It used to bother me as well in the beginning, but now it really doesn't bother me at all. At first I thought we were supposed to sleep at the same time, but then I realized that we each have different schedules. Sometimes I will sleep before him, and other times he will sleep before me. I think it just depends on what we're doing.
@shuz697 (1046)
• United States
17 Jan 07
well I'm not sure how he really feels cause I am always the one going to bed last... I couldn't tell you the last time that my husband and I went to bed at the same time, it just doesn't happen in this house.. my husband goes to bed just too early and I always have a heap of things to get done in the night.. I wish that we both went to bed together at night but I just cant otherwise the work wont get done.. there is a couple of times that my husband has been away working and I must admit I find it VERY hard to sleep when he isn't there so if it was the other way around I would want him to come to bed with at the same time cause without him I cant sleep.. :) .. have a great day
2 people like this
@tambdy (1969)
16 Jan 07
Yes, i can sleep unless my partner is there although when it is the other way about when i finally go to bed i cant sleep for her snoaring. I think it is something in your self consience which is used to your partner being there and being with you. i always stay up or watch the tv in bed until my partner comes to be.
@sharon613 (2323)
• United States
16 Jan 07
At times it does. My husband and I lead such hectic lives that It can't be helped at times.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
16 Jan 07
Does it bother you that your husband doesn't take a crap when you're taking one?
2 people like this
@jenbatres (800)
• United States
17 Jan 07
It doesn't bother me, but we always talk before bed. If one of us goes to bed first, we have our chat first and then off to bed for whoever is tired.
1 person likes this
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
17 Jan 07
Thats what we do. He does most of the talking though, I enjoy that part of the day most always, unless he gets on a tangent. It is great though.
@BDnLacy (324)
• United States
16 Jan 07
Hi, I know how you feel. My husband and go to bed without each. At 1st it bothered me too. But over time I got used to it. Now it just seems normal. It's never because we are mad at each other as we have a rule not to do that and it has served us well over the yrs. At first he was the one sitting up and now it's me. At first I thought there was something wrong with our marriage, and feared it would not last. I began sitting up with him and found it wasn't that he didn't want to sleep me. Turned out he just had problems sleeping at night and he didn't want to keep me awake at night. So to anyone that does have this problem, don't assume there is a problem with the relationship. It could simply be your mate or spouse is trying not to disturb your rest. Oh and it wouldn't hurt to discuss this in the beginning and not worry in private. It nearly drove me nuts till I figured it out.
1 person likes this
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
17 Jan 07
Funny how a little bit of communication helps a lot. I can say I am completely fine with going to bed first, I just wondered if this was a common thing among couples.
@LPastor (61)
• United States
16 Jan 07
Jenalyn, I am currently going through a divorce (which I think this could have been a small factor in all of the many that contributed to that happening)- but it seemed that I was the one always going to bed first. I believe that couples should go to bed together. Even if one of you isn't tired, you can always stay up and read in your bed, or watch tv, or whatever. I still think that it helps relationships if the couple does small, insignificant things like these together. I also like the comfort of having someone next to me when I am in bed- Thank God for Dogs!! :)
1 person likes this
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I am sorry you are going through a divorce. Couples need to be able to be free in a relationship, not demanded to be an identical twin of their companion. Aslo, I don't want my husband to sacrafice his comfort to this extent. I am not overly demanding or have to do everything with him to feel connected in the relationship. I like him to be around me when it's quality time. I am fine with being my own person at all times, I don't need him to be joined at my hip, thats just toooo much.
@dm74728 (159)
• United States
16 Jan 07
It used to bother me the first couple years of marriage but now I've learned to take advantage of it and hog up the whole bed while he sits up.
1 person likes this
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
17 Jan 07
Yeah, I usually get in some good zzzz's before he comes in and starts talking, then snoring.
@EdwardF (431)
• United States
16 Jan 07
Me and my wife have funny sleeping habits. When she changes into clothes for the night after supper, she sets the alarm. She falls asleep in her lounger and I fall asleep on the couch. We haven't slept in our bed for 2 years!
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
16 Jan 07
That is funny. My mom and bonus Dad used to do that. They worked at the toll booth on Daytona beach, so their hours changed a lot. That is why they had wacky sleeping patterns.
• Philippines
16 Jan 07
One going to bed ahead has never been a problem; however if the other sleeps on the couch regularly, then there is a problem!
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
16 Jan 07
I only do that it I can't sleep and keep waking up, or have insomnia, or if he snores too loud.
@sri_balu (79)
• India
16 Jan 07
It does not bother me if my wife goes to bed sooner.I never used to persuade or force her to wait till i finish my work.She would be damn tired after a long day's work.In my opinion Its always good not to trouble others for your own comfort.
1 person likes this
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
16 Jan 07
I wish more people would think like that. I even forget sometimes.
@swasti (1157)
• India
17 Jan 07
well in my case. my husband goes to bed sharp at his time. and i dont feel sleepy till late night. he insists me to sleep with ,atleast to talk to him. i too di dit , but before i could realise he will be deep asleep and i would have been talking to walls. so i dont prefer to sleep when he goes to bed.i keep spending time on the computer. still for long time he felt offended that i dont spend time with him when he sleeps. when i explained to him hat he alomost sleeps immediately in bed, he left me to my chioce.
1 person likes this