Two Wrongs Make a Right

@Bytemi (1553)
United States
January 16, 2007 8:16pm CST
I have a friend that has been cheating on wife now for about a month. When he came to work this morning he was very upset because he thinks that his wife is cheating on him with one of the guys from her office. Apparently, she loaned him $400 that they didn't have, they have been sharing a lighter and he borrows her car during the day. When he stopped by her office last night she was in the parking lot drinking with him and they were alone. Do you think he has a the right to be upset??? What advise would you give him.
14 people like this
94 responses
@missyd79 (3442)
• United States
17 Jan 07
he does not have a right to be upset, because obviously since he is cheating on her she is not getting what she needs from him so she is looking for it else where and i don't nessecarily mean physical relations. I also do not agree with what she is doing there, but i have been where she is, i was in a relationship that i was cheated on, and towards the end of that relationship i found that i gotten close to a male friend but it was never physical it was just talking about what was going on and just to have someone to talk to was all i needed and wanted.
4 people like this
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
17 Jan 07
So what do I say to him when he starts complaining. He said that wants to feel loved and respected and he does not get that at home and then he has someone to loves and respects him but he has to be keep a secret and it is not fair. I told him that both relationships are unhealthy and he should get out of both of them
2 people like this
@mansha (6301)
• India
17 Jan 07
I think may be his wife is sharing her sorrows with her office friend.It may niot be exactly cheating but a friendship. You said the right thing he is not being fair to either one of the women. He should come out of the closet and tell his sife the truth, whjich I beleive she either suspects or knows already. It will be only fair of him to break even with her and let her move on with the true knowledge. He may hurt her but she will get over it. He can not fool both the women and expect them to stay loytal to him. what is sio great about him that women should respect him, he is hiding the one he loves and is unfaithfully married to the other. Ask him that I think he has no right to be jealous of his wife.
2 people like this
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
17 Jan 07
You raise some good points, at what point have you given up the right to be upset with your better half for cheating??? By the way the women that he is having the affair with is a friend of his wifes and she is married also. I don't know if he loves her or wants to love her because she is giving him the emotional support that he is not getting at home. It is an interesting problem and I am glad that I am not in that situation and never will be.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
17 Jan 07
I think that perhaps he should stop his affair. He should come clean with his wife and express how upset he is because he didnt know how it felt to be cheated on...then he should tell her that he knows shes having an affair (after looking into it of course).....affairs are horrible.. the person that u thought loved u is with another woman/man. If your gunna have an affair why get married? xx
3 people like this
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I think the appropriate question is if you are going to have an affair, why stay married. I don't think the average person goes into a marriage thinking, in 5 years I am going to cheat on, but if you are that unhappy at home, why not either try and fix what is missing or get out if you can't fix.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jan 07
id have to say 'what goes around, comes around'. maybe if he had been more of a husband to her, rather than cheating on her, it wouldnt happening back to him. thats just my opinion on it :/.
3 people like this
@addy90 (107)
• Qatar
17 Jan 07
well he does not have any right or to complain about being upset because he is the one who cheated on her first so i think the girl has 100 percent rights to do what she is doing. no matter who gets upset.
3 people like this
• United States
17 Jan 07
He has no right to be upset! Does he think that she would not be upset if she found out that he had been cheating? He doesn't even have any proof that she has been cheating on him. They could be just good friends.
2 people like this
@msqtech (15226)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I guess he thinks only the male can endanger the marriage
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (29389)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
i think he has every right to be upset, he cheated on her once, and she cheated on him but that does not make everything equal. she is still his wife and swore to be faithful. both of them are at fault here.
2 people like this
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
17 Jan 07
Doesn't him getting upset to some degree make him the pot calling the keddle black? I mean how can you get upset or jealous if you spouse does the same thing that you are doing.
1 person likes this
@cheenlly (3485)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
now he feels to be cheated. That's a bad karma for him. However im not saying the doing of the wife is right. Absolutely its not right but on the contrary on what she did she make her husband realized something. They should fix that problem before its too late. Correct the wrongs and start again right. Learn from the mistake and not do it again.
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I agree to that, I just know how to appropriately say that with him without making him thinking that I am taking sides or that I am looking down on what he is doing, it is not my place to look down on it.
• United States
17 Jan 07
he does not have the right to be upset with her, she may have fund out about is affair, but he should be upset with himself and feel bad for what he did, maybe had he not cheated she would not have. They should also get marriage counseling definately.
2 people like this
• India
17 Jan 07
no he does not have the right to be upset due to this, as even he was cheating on her, but he has the right to be upset coz his married life is on the verge of breakup due to him as well as her affairs, maybe he should discuss it with her and pledge that they both stay loyal to each other....afterall as you sow, so shall you reap
@spcbrass (1192)
• United States
17 Jan 07
What goes around ultimately comes around. This should serve as an eye opening experience for the both of them. The real issue here would be if their relationship is woth salvaging of if it would be smart for both of them to move on with their lives. Of course until they both come clean about what is really going on they are both living one big lie.
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
17 Jan 07
If she is having more than an emotional affair then they are both wrong and they definitely need to talk and try to sort out the problems that they are having. He has no right to complain though if he was cheating and she started cheating then it serves him right. That scallywayg
• India
17 Jan 07
no no no two negatives neve make a positive
2 people like this
17 Jan 07
They share a lighter? Oh good god, call in the divorce lawyers! All I can say is it serves him right. There is clearly something wrong with the relationship for them to both be cheating, but he should now think about how he feels when the boot is on the other foot! Oh, and by the way, is it really a "friend" of yours, or you, wink wink!
@arentcity (317)
• Indonesia
17 Jan 07
he have no right to be upset because he do the same thing but his wife can't be forgiven loaned some money that they didn't have for her boy friend.my advice...? hm...leave her...
2 people like this
• India
17 Jan 07
God is always with u and whether we cann't see him but he will . He is cheating his wife , and what he has received same .
2 people like this
@Athique (154)
• India
17 Jan 07
Two wrongs can never make a right. In my culture it is wrong.
2 people like this
@seewhy (231)
• Australia
17 Jan 07
I think he gave away any right to be upset about a month ago when he started cheating on his wife. I really don't know what advice you could give him other than if he wants to live the life of a single man then he shouldn't be married.
@pendragon (3354)
• United States
17 Jan 07
Why do cheaters feel they have a right to be angry if they gave up on the relationship first and went outside of it? I find it amazing.These two shouldnt be together at all unless they're both going to give up the outsiders and get help!
1 person likes this
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
18 Jan 07
I don't know and I don't understand it at all, honestly. At some point you have to ask yourself why you are married.
@wesderby (178)
• United States
17 Jan 07
Boy, this is a sticky situation...I have a friend, who, similarly, has cheated on his wife...Except, he's done it over a course of, oh, twelve years, with probably fifty different people. (Don't ask me why she puts up with it; I couldn't tell you). She forgives him every time, gets mad, but also points out "hot" women to him that he'd likely be interested in. Fast-forward a few years...Over the past few months, she's become somewhat attracted to a guy at the bar they go to several times a week. This guy is also friends with my buddy, and swears he would never do anything with the wife for that reason...But, my buddy is still very jealous and angry about it, though he tries to hide it. On one hand, I say he'd every right to be upset if she cheated...But at the same time, maybe then he'd know how she feels every time he does it and they could either talk it out, get some counseling, or just call it quits. Since there are kids involved, I think they'd go the "work-it-out" route first. I'd say your friend and his wife need to sit down and have a serious conversation about their relationship, either alone or with some sort of professional, and decide whether they're still wanting to be together, and whether or not the relationship is worth saving...It sounds like maybe neither of them is happy and it's time to move on. It's funny that you posted this topic today...A local radio show was spending some time on just this topic this morning. The host was saying that a new study has come out giving "biological" reasons why women cheat...He then went on a rant about how marriage is an antiquated institution and is no longer good for the people of this country, and claimed that fifty percent of men, and twenty-five to forty percent of women (depending on which study you read) cheat on their spouses...He then went on to say that, like dogs or other animals, men and women are not MEANT to be monogomous...That it's something that was forced on us years ago by various religions and governments and that it's the worst thing the Church has ever created. Of course, he went on to say that he and his wife have been married for years, and he's NEVER messed around on her and believes she never has on him, but that he's atypical, and that most people cheat, and that it's just something in our DNA. With theories like that becoming so prevalent in the media, we wonder why people think cheating's perfectly normal and acceptable...
1 person likes this
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I disagree with it is in our DNA, I had not choice, God people need to get over the whole, "it is somebody elses fault". It is your life and they are decisions, accept responsibility for the decisions you make and if they are childern involved that is even more reason to stand up and I was wrong I am sorry, other wise they are just going to learn to blame it on someone else too.
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
He dont have the right to upset. He's accusing his wife of cheating though he's the one doing it. My only advise is, they need to talk about.
1 person likes this
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I suggested counseling and he told me that counseling was the beginning of the end. No marriage recovers from counseling. I don't understand how a marriage recovers from cheating, if they don't talk.