do u think ,u have all rights to spend ur husbands money??

@swasti (1157)
India
January 17, 2007 2:04am CST
iam married. i dont work for soem personnel reasons. my husband is lovign, caring and respects me . but when it coems to spending money , i have got to depend entirely on him cuz iam not working.sometimes when i want to spenmd money on soemthing , and if he is not convinced spending on it , he says not to have it. i feel soo bad that iam not able to spend on things of my interest jus because iam not abel to earnmoney and only depned on him alone.but if incase i insist too much on buying/speding on soemthing he would do it , but not whole-heartedly. these actually hurt me sometimes. does such a situation happen to any1?? is it taht i should earn to spend on wat i want or it is ok to spend his money for htings which i like. should i feel his money as mine and not really take his ojections on spending money very seriously??he is otherwise a real loving person. i dont know if he would have objected me from spending even my money if i had worked and earned, for my good.
17 people like this
170 responses
@banta78 (4326)
• India
17 Jan 07
Hello Swasti, I think you should talk to your hubby frankly about your concerns so that he knows you only want to spend his money only when you genuinely need it and are not having fun at his expense. Morevover he would be aware of your personal reasons for not working and if he really loves, cares and respects you he would be supportive of you in this regard. But i feel one should be financially independent so that one is not dependent on others for their needs. So try to address your personal issues so that you can start working and enjoy your life. And these days you can also work from home. good luck.
2 people like this
@swasti (1157)
• India
17 Jan 07
yeah i can talk to him. but i dont want to hurt him by saying that i dont feel independent to use his money. as he wants to make me happy. anyway i feel it is best to be indeoendent and work. anyway i hope such sites like mylot really work. anyway thanx for ur sweet advice
• United States
18 Jan 07
Hi Swasti, I've been in a similar position; I prefer my own. It also depends on the laws in where you live. Communication is the best thing in the world. We're on the outside peeping in; we do not know what's going on on the other side.
• United States
18 Jan 07
Hi Swasti, I've been in a similar position; I prefer my own. It also depends on the laws in where you live. Communication is the best thing in the world. We're on the outside peeping in; we do not know what's going on on the other side.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
I guess if its okay for your husband to spend his money, then it wouldnt be a problem. My dad is primarily the one who has money when my mom and him got married. We have a business, and he's the one who works hard for our business to do good. But he couldnt say no to my mom whenever my mom goes shopping with us. sometimes i even ask him how he feels and there's a bit disappointment i can sense, but he said its really okay for him. oh well, i guess my dad loves my mom so much. I gotta get a husband like my dad!
2 people like this
@swasti (1157)
• India
17 Jan 07
well good in ur case. most of the time my husband is also like that , but still sometimes when he hesitates i feel i shoul dhave worked.
@swasti (1157)
• India
18 Jan 07
well i think ur wife must be quite lucky...u never say no to her...soo sweet!!!
@nw1911guy (1131)
• United States
18 Jan 07
That's good to hear. Sometimes sacrifices must be made. But as long as all the finances are taken care of then it should be negotiable between them, but then some of us men are too soft to say NO to our lady. lol
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16556)
• India
17 Jan 07
i do agree with you.most men are like that when it comes to money.
2 people like this
@swasti (1157)
• India
17 Jan 07
yeah atleast in my case iam not under any problem , it is jus my inner feeling, otherwise my husbands spends for me..imagine those who have bad hisbands and simply refuse to give money even for certain important things like medical expenses. i know of such men.
@mauier113 (688)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
its hard for us to spend our hubby's money because were not working. But we work hard in the house taking care of them. So maybe you could spend alittle for yourself as long as it wont hurt household expenses. There should be something for yourself. Does your husband earn a little just enough, maybe it could be the reasons. If thats the case, you should understand but if he earns more then suit yourself.
2 people like this
@swasti (1157)
• India
17 Jan 07
well it is not that i ask him soemthing which he cannnot afford. i ask himm something which is very very affordable. the thing is when he wants soemthing or likes soemthing he spends too much of money in it. thats wat hurts me. basically he spends any amount of affordable money for me too. the problem is that he should be convinced that it is worth otherwise he hesitates.
1 person likes this
• India
18 Jan 07
this occurs when there is a phase difference of mind between the couples...the best way to tackle this is by convincing the need of that material u wanna buy..but a small earning like RD of pigmi can help u a lot.This is the reason i think u ve stepped to mylot!!?and sometimes u should agree with some things ur husband says. try this trick.. ask for something which you think its actually waste.he will obviously deny that. u just agree with him.if u do like this 2 or 3 times,no husband will deny his wife all the time.so ask for what u want the 4th time.....i think u got it...
2 people like this
@swasti (1157)
• India
18 Jan 07
hahaaha !!! different idea. anyway thanx...iw ill surely try this.
• India
18 Jan 07
i think u shud act accordin to ur husband's situations...its not that u should not ask anything to him..but try not to ask anything..but at the same time.assure him that u hav decided somethings that wont do any harm..
2 people like this
@anuhya (58)
• India
18 Jan 07
this would certainly work if the guy on other side has good understandging abilities
1 person likes this
@swasti (1157)
• India
18 Jan 07
well u mean to say act smart depending on the situation.
@pusiket (1756)
• Philippines
22 Jan 07
Nope. You should also give way to your husbands decision regarding his hard earned money.
@swasti (1157)
• India
22 Jan 07
u mean to we women should be like slaves??? we can spend on things we like only if we earn is it ???
• Australia
17 Jan 07
If your husband is working to earn the money, surely you are working (unpaid) at home running the house, making sure it is clean, food is in the cupboards & dinner is on the table at night time. To me that is a job even if most housewives do not get a wage. I would be asking husband for “pocket money” for the “work” you do at home. Then you will have money to spend on what you want & not have to depend on him when you want something.
@swasti (1157)
• India
18 Jan 07
hahahaha!! work for money in ur home. anyway i think with this kind of agrrement i would maintain house much better than i do now.
17 Jan 07
That is so true! If you worked out what a cleaner, cook, housekeeper etc would earn an hour...she would probably be onto a small fortune!
1 person likes this
• Pakistan
22 Jan 07
i think that girls have a right to spend their miney and the husbands should be liberal in this regard
1 person likes this
@swasti (1157)
• India
23 Jan 07
well...some husbands feel so and some feel it is theirs...
• United States
24 Jan 07
I think it is both of your money. I realize he is the one who is going out and working. Maybe he feels like this is his check. Yet, you are married, so you need to sit down with him and tell him how bad it makes you feel each time he gets paid and you have to go through all of that just to spend some money. You need to discuss him giving you an allowance or certain amount of money each check - this way you can spend it on whatever you want. Candy, clothes, etc.. it will be your pocket money to do whatever you need to do with it. If that doesn't work, then you just keep doing what you are doing now making extra money on mylot. There are several other legit sites that you can go to to make extra money. I am just learning about a lot of these things myself. But I really like the blog by Mike Perry. It is called Mike Perry's money making mission. He has so many ideas, tips, suggestions. Plus he has other blogs listed that help you to making money online. Give it a try - this way you can make some of your own extra money. Here's to you and your marriage good luck.
@swasti (1157)
• India
24 Jan 07
hey thanx a lot for ur suggestions. and also i will chech with the site which u have mentioned.
@slg_goyal (326)
• India
17 Jan 07
dear frend i think u should understand the situation here...may be ur husbands earning are not enough that ur extra expenses canbe overcomed...see if u go for ur unwanted needs and sitauation arises ki u need money urgently for medical or any other reasons what will be the source then..u too have the right of spending the money but take proper care of that
2 people like this
@swasti (1157)
• India
17 Jan 07
well u r perfectly right...and i am not a woman who nags for things my husband cant afford to.well it is jus very very small things ,with small cost. but if he feels uncessary he hesitates to spend. but ofcourse in case i insist he would defenitely spend for me. but i have a inner feeling that it is h is money anyway and that i should have my oney to spend certain things.
1 person likes this
• India
17 Jan 07
Hey Swasti, Just imagine if you are the only member working in the house and you are the one who has to take care of everybody in your family and also have to make sure that you have enough savings for your future and your son asks to spend some money and buy him few things.YOu do that once or twice but from the very next time onwards you have to start thinking regarding his desires.You cant always fulfill his desire as you might have many other responsiblities on you and you just cant keep fulfilling his desire always.You have to tell him 'no' somewhere and that might hurt him but he will understand your problem. In the very similar way it might be difficult for your husband to fulfill your desire [since he might have many other burdens on him] to buy something you liked a lot .Desires keep multiplying and if he keeps fulfilling your desires always it might burn a hole in his pocket and also make your future a little unsafe.When one is spending somebody else's money he/she might not even care to think but when it comes to one's hard-earned money thats when you actually start thinking.So try giving you husband some time swasti and he will definitely buy you the thing you liked. :)
1 person likes this
@swasti (1157)
• India
23 Jan 07
well thats right.it only hurts me when he spends too much onthigns which he likes and hesitates when he is nto convinced with wat i want.
@sechsey (1831)
• Canada
18 Jan 07
Uve made a good point. Its almost the same as how ud feel when its ur kid who wants something but since we do have other bills to pay and a bugetted income we kind of hold on to that money until we are sure we have something left after. As for Shanti, I am expriencing the same thing now. I am unemployed and dependent with my husbands income. being unemployed was both our choice but not for lack of efforts. but i do feel the same way when i have things i want for myself but i feel guilty asking for money for it. I think about how my husband keep working and saving and he cant even indulge on his earnings for himself. It does make me think it is way better to work and earn something as well that can contribute for both of us and for myself.
@LPastor (61)
• United States
17 Jan 07
Well, I am sure he spends on things you don't think he should be spending on, right? I understand where you are coming from, however, have never been in the situation myself. I think you should talk to him and ask him for an "allowance" so you can spend $ on whatever you choose to spend it on. You shouldn't have to consult with him if you want to buy a $10 book or something. For your reasons of not working, and if he has agreed that it best that you aren't working, it would only be fair for him to give you an "allowance" IF there was extra $ for it. May I suggest possibly doing something part time to earn some extra money so you don't have to consult with him. Maybe he just likes having that control or something.
2 people like this
14 Feb 07
I think that you are working as a partnership. He brings money into the relationship and you bring lots of other qualities. If he is happy with you buying things then don't feel guilty. There might be a time in the future when he isn't able to work and you have to give him money to spend so don't worry as things don't always stay the same.
1 person likes this
@swasti (1157)
• India
15 Feb 07
well y at all should a situation come when he is not able to work and i will provide money....oh i hope such a situation never occurs.
• United States
19 Jan 07
well, when you get married you are supposed to be united as one, and what is yours is his and his is yours, but I know how you feel Im in the same situation, my husband works while I am home caring for our kids and our home, and when he gets his pay check he feels that it is his to spend how he wants, he makes sure we have everything that we need but as far as wants are concerned he feels it is ok to do whatever he wants to do and spend as much as he wants on it, but if I want something or want to do something if he doesn't feel like coming off the money for it I can't have it/ do it. It upsets me and I have tried to discuss it with him, and he is trying to be better about it with somethings, but I feel he isn't trying hard enough. I would suggest talking with your husband and let him know how you feel, or work out a weekly spending allowance or something, I think I am going to try and work out what I feel he should give me every week for cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, doing his laundry, ect minus my portion of groceried, bills, him providing us with a house and all of that, then I will discuss the matter with him and see what he thinks, since I am also working, but its pretty much for him, instead of an employer. Good Luck.
1 person likes this
@swasti (1157)
• India
21 Jan 07
wat to do..people r not respected for their work, if they r not paid. and that too house-work is not considered as a work at all. infact any work which is done at home is not considered serious.well...wat to do..this is our fate. so geetin good husband is really important.actually when some asks u , what kind of a husabnd u want...most of the people's answer would be..loving, caring, ...etc but i think evenafterwards a women should say...that he should allow her to spend his money .
@maru_047in (1007)
• India
18 Jan 07
Ya if u dont work then u have certain rights to spend ur husbands money and it must b for some useful purpose if not it is a waste cause v outside save a lot of money and keep it safe in house and if it is used for any bad reason it ll hurt us so i think so ur husband or any body in this case is the same it must b utilized in a right way to feel it is for good and it is helpful with that.
@swasti (1157)
• India
18 Jan 07
well thats true that money is hard earned and defenitley has to be spent over useful things, but certain times wether the person is earning or depandent ,we have certain small thigns to be fulfilled right, in such cases it is too difficult if the husband is not caring and undersatdning.anyway my husband is not that worst to simply deprive me from me getting wat i want. in case iam stubborn and fight for it , he will surely get it for my by frustration. but i dotn want that , i want him to get it with love.
@jieuna (69)
• Philippines
19 Jan 07
we both have the same situation, my friend. actually i suspected that that is one of the reasons that turned him off even if he is the most loving person in this world. somehow, he said that he felt like we were not in the same journey anymore, as if he was the only one making a living. what if the time comes that he can't work anymore? can he count on me to make a living? how about me as for myself? who will support me? but you know what, nothing beat having your own money because you can freely spend it. he won't mind it if you do coz he knows that you work for it. in my case, today, i am looking a any possible stable job even it is a minimum wage just to show him that i'm with him in our journey.
1 person likes this
@swasti (1157)
• India
19 Jan 07
yeah good that u r planning to work. it not only helps u to spend for urself, but also to develop confidence in this life.
@drashima (224)
• United States
19 Jan 07
yes, if you are married you have all the right to spend your husbands money.you shouldnt feel that way. its his job to support you and provide you withwahtever you want, so dont feel bad about it.
1 person likes this
@swasti (1157)
• India
19 Jan 07
yeah u r right..it was thought so in olden days wheer women never worked...it was considered the duty of the husband to porvide income for the family.but it is not case now. life is turning out that...each has to work for one's own self.
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
21 Jan 07
If you're spending it for a good reason, then it's fine. However, these days, it's so hard to earn money (you know the saying "Money doesn't grow on trees") so maybe the reason why you're husband doesn't allow you to spend too much, is because it's so hard to earn it, and he probably wants you guys to save for the rainy days or for your kids' futures. You'll never know what could happen tomorrow, what if you need money tomorrow, and you just spent so much on personal stuff today. Maybe he just wants you to be a wise spender.
@swasti (1157)
• India
22 Jan 07
i would have totally agreed with u if in case he too did not spend much, but he spends lavishly on travelling which he simply loves.
• India
21 Jan 07
IAM TOO MARRIED. I TOO FACE THE SAME SITUATION. MY HUSBAND IS VERY LOVING.BUT HE DOES NOT LIKE TO SPEND TOOMUCH.WHAT EVER HE FEELS ESSENTIAL THEN HE BUYS WHOLE HEARTEDLY.SO DO NOT WORRY I ALSO FACE SIMILIAR SITUATION.I FEEL OUR HUSBAND ARE GOOD IN CONTROLLING US.THERE IS NO HARM EVEN IF HE CONTROLLS THE MONEY WHICH WE WORK AND EARN.
@swasti (1157)
• India
22 Jan 07
"good in controlling us"??? hahahah!!! well anyway i too dont really regret him being like that. anyway i was wondering if i should not trouble his money ...instead earn and spend that extra wat i want.