Am I wrong to be upset? Isn't this like Fatal Attraction?

United States
January 17, 2007 6:14am CST
My husband tells me I'm making a bigger deal out of a problem than needs to be. We made friends with an engaged couple he worked with about 1 1/2 yrs. ago. After about a month they were at our house everyday for hours. I got tired of this after awhile, and told him. He got mad because we do not get to go out and socialize much. About 8 months ago they split up, but she continued to come to our house everyday. She began buying stuff for the house, telling me what she liked and didn't like, giving advice on how to raise the kids, etc. We couldn't go anywhere without her tagging along or calling on the cell phone every 15 minutes. I told my husband it had to stop, but he said she just needed friends. When she started sending my husband emails and text messages that she loved him and missed being at the house, he finally agreed with me. After we told her we didn't want her around anymore, she has changed her hair color and style to the same as mine. She still follows my husband around work, and she sends him emails under other names. How do I get her to stop?
24 people like this
96 responses
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
17 Jan 07
Hhmm I personally would just lay it out flat for her "look I know you have been stalking my husband and if it doesnt stop I'm goin to tear out your heart and eat it for lunch"....but thats me....You should still tell her you know and that both your husband and yourself want her to knock it off...I'd also start a file and save her messages, emails etc and if she continues to behave this way get a restraining order put on her...thats harrassment and stalking which as far as I know is against the law..I'd also be VERY sure your husband isnt encouraging this behaviour whether knowingly or unknowingly....with ppl like that you need to be VERY clear and straightforward "LEAVE ME ALONE"....taking any sort of pity on her will give her the impression that he's interested etc...he needs to get almost cold hearted in order to get the message across cause if he doesnt she could very easily misinterpret what he's saying
3 people like this
• United States
17 Jan 07
I totatlly agree with this poster. Both you and your husband need to be very blunt with her even rude if the need be. People like her will not hear what you are trying to say to them unless you are very blunt and rude. Once the warning is in place with her, the next time you or your husband see her around, file a restraining order at the police station. You have kids and you need to protect them. Watch Fatal Attraction, White Single Women or The Hand that Rocks the Cradle to motivate you to do as you have been advised here. This sounds serious. Id do the warning and then go to the police. Document everything so you can take it to the police. Good luck and keep us posted.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jan 07
Also, maybe you can talk to her ex boyfriend and see if he can give you some more insight into what is her problem.
1 person likes this
@babykay (2133)
• Ireland
18 Jan 07
that sounds like an excellent idea, talking to the ex fiance would be a good way to gain an insight into what motivates this woman. Be very careful. She could make up any story to do with your husband! This could turn out very serious and could even come between you and your husband. I think as someone above has also said, that your husband needs to be absolutely ruthless in telling this woman where to go. She could interpret any sympathy or niceness or anything as a sign to continue or that he likes her, in fact him being nice to her and saying she needs friends could be one of the reasons she got like this! Good luck
1 person likes this
@mzbubblie (3840)
• United States
17 Jan 07
First off, I think you need to report her to your local law enforcement department, let them kno what's going on and what you can do to stop the harrassment. Just to be on the safe side you never know what people think or what extent they would go to "get back" at someone. Just be careful with this one. Secondly, I would suggest you block her emails or change email names. Text msg's I would suggest you change your phone number. Good Luck, hope this helped...
2 people like this
• Netherlands
17 Jan 07
Also if you report it to the police there will be a record of a problem with her and so if (hopfully not) she does something bad then the police will have to listen to you when you say it was her. She has something wrong with her no doubt. You should take her seriously because you never know what she is thinking. She went as far as copying your hair! That should be a sign to you that she is crazy. With the police in USA I noticed when I was there that creating a record with them on something like this is the best thing to do. Even though they will likely not do anything about this complaint they will have a record of it for later. The resord can only help you later.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jan 07
Have your husband report her to the HR people at work. If she is following him around at work, that is harassment!Then get a restraining order out on her. Give her back anything that she gave or bought for either of you.Have your husband change e-mail accounts. This is very serious!
• United States
17 Jan 07
WOW!!! Thanks for so much good advice everyone. I just joined mylot and thought what the heck, I'll try to get some advice on here. I have alot of possible solutions now. Thanks everyone.
@wolflvr (336)
• United States
17 Jan 07
She definately sounds crazy. I don't know if there is a way you can get her to stop. It sounds like she needs professional help for her problems. Just don't hesitate to call the police if you feel that she is being dangerous.
2 people like this
@Junig1 (301)
• Barbados
17 Jan 07
This sounds rather serious to me. she obviously is obsessed with your husband and your life of course and the mere fact that she even changed her hair colour to match yours suggests that she wished she was in your place. I think you should be careful, she could be capable of anything and I think you should report her to the police. And also don't even communicate with her on any level again and certainly don't let her in your house. To be honest the situation is just too freaky..like a movie script, just be really careful.
• United States
17 Jan 07
She is not allowed in the house anymore, and it freaked me out too when I saw her hair a few days ago. I don't think she has done anything to report to the police.
@emarie (5453)
• United States
17 Jan 07
following your husband around is ground for reporting...its called stalking
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
Yeah sounds to me like this lady friend of your husband turned into a stalker. Definately ground for the authorities to get involved if you have told her to not talk to you or your husband.
1 person likes this
• India
21 Jan 07
I believe there are following ways to address this issue.. Firstly go with ur husband to meet her in a public place and do some plain talking but i guess u have already tried it. Second ignore her behaviour for a month and never respond to anything she has to say or give. This will surely get her off ur life If she still continues bothering u do file a report of stalking and legally debar her from visits
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 07
I'm surprised at the response I have gotten on this discussion. Thanks for all the good advice. Things have quieted down the past week, so hopefully this chapter of the drama is over. But I'm not going to hold my breath.
18 Jan 07
I had the same problem with one of my neighbors. But her husband (who she was split up from, but they still lived together for the baby) worked for mine, she kept going to work with them. I got pissed because she was always with them or at our house. She soon started telling him that I was sleeping with his cousin who lived with us. She was telling me that he was with my best friend. The funny part is that his cousin was with my best friend. She got busted when she told my husband that I said something about his cousins di*k, he went and asked my friend about it she said, what the girl said couldn't have come from anyone who'd ever seen it. My husband still wasn't seeing what I saw, so I rented an apartment and packed all my stuff to leave. He kissed some butt, and we made up the day before I moved in. He came with me and she soon started calling our house and acting like someone else and asking if I was married to him, and crazy stuff. Finally he answered the phone when she did that and told her to leave me alone and that he never would be with her because he loved me. She still asks about us 4 yrs later...
1 person likes this
@jolanda33 (720)
• Netherlands
17 Jan 07
she becomes a stalker! i think it is better to not react on anything she does, just delete all the messages, ignore her calls! tell her when you see her she is not welcome and if that won't help go to the police maybe they have a solution!
1 person likes this
• Melbourne, Florida
17 Jan 07
Shame on your husband for not trusting your instincts in the first place. But I'm glad to know he is now on your side. I was afraid you were going to say something else. The best move you can make to protect yourself is to get a restraining order. Other than that, there is a website called Revenge.com, there is a lot of stuff on there that I would never do, but there are also some great ideas as well. Just remember don't hurt anyone, and don't get caught.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
This sounds seroius, well i think you need to move out to another home. Do it secretly so she wouldnt know where you going. And change your cellphone number.
• United States
19 Jan 07
We worked hard and scraped to buy our home just a few years ago. Not moving because of this. She doesn't sit outside our house or anything. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of me leaving my home anyhow.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
17 Jan 07
I think you and your Husband need to put it bluntley to her and tell her if she does not stop then you will report her for stalking as that is what she is doing she actually sounds a bit dangerous so you nedd to stop it as soon as Possible If she works in the same Place as your Husband he needs to see his Boss and explain the situation there to I really hope you get this sorted as it must be scaring you and driving you mad
• United States
17 Jan 07
She doesn't come to our house since I put a stop to it, and my husband did talk to supervisor, and had her moved to another area. I hadn't seen or heard from her for a month or so when I picked up my husband and saw she had changed her hair. It isn't really scaring me yet, just driving me crazy. Thanks again everyone for all the advice
• United States
22 Jan 07
It does sound like fatal attraction. I would definitely turn her in to the police for stalking. For her to change her hair to look like yours she is crazy. And I'd be wanting her to leave my husband alone too. Just tell him to ignore her emails and try to block them if he can.
@tohot666 (300)
• United States
22 Jan 07
get a restraining or stalking order.
@jenbatres (800)
• United States
21 Jan 07
I would get the police involved she is stalking him. This type of person can be very scary and you never know what they are capable of. I am sorry to hear you are going thought this but do not try to resolve the situation on your own. Best of luck.
@nana1944 (1367)
• United States
21 Jan 07
This woman is obsessed with your husband. She should be reported for stalking and harrasment. There are laws against doing that. She really needs menatl help. Do you know her family? Or her husband if he hasn't divorced her could have her put in a place for evaluation. Get a court order against her forbidding contact of any kind. Phone, email or anything else.
@sarah22 (3981)
• United States
19 Jan 07
well, he is the one that need to stop her as its him who she is in love with. its sexuall harrassment in the work place. he can report her to his boss.The guy she was engaged to, call him and ask why they are not together any more and ask him to talk with her. hope it works out.
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
19 Jan 07
I would do something about it NOW before it's too late. Call the police and file a reprot,and get a restraining order. You need to have it on file, in case she tries something. Because you never know, we may all be reading about this in the newspaper, 'crazy stalker kills wife in order to take her place..." seriously, she sounds dangerous.
@cathiza27 (188)
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
I think shes too possesive, maybe in the right and cool manner you could tell her everything, your feelings toward on that matter. I still believe that every problem can be solve by means of good communication. Just tell her the cons and effects of what she did and she might destroy your married life. Explain to her that your husband is no longer available or rather your husband will tell her. Good luck then. I know its hard but you have to save the friendship. Try to understand that shes upset now. and Maybe she see your husbands quality, and its makes you proud for sure. Just see the positive side of it rather the negative ok!
• United States
18 Jan 07
OK. I think she has a severe mental problem and she needs to get help but thats not your problem or responsebility. You responsibility is to your marraige and your childrens saftey. You should consult with a lawyer and the local authorities. Try to get a restraining order against her for envasion of privacy and house breaking cause she is clearly trying to steal your husband away from you and that is considered house breaking. You do whatever you need to do to defend what is yours. Family first is what I always say. Good luck.
@erdsethu (165)
• India
18 Jan 07
it upests me, i think that that lady should have lost her mind and the only way to treat her is to make her have check up with a psychologist and take steps to change her mind
@anne_143god (5390)
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
Yes you have the right to be upset on the situation. Maybe what you have to do is ask your husband not to respond to her anymore or dont open any email and text he does not know the sender till she stop for if your husband dont respond anymore to her or dont show any interest she might realize that what her doing is wrong..