Others Correccting Your Children

Children sitting on exercise balls - Children sitting on exercise balls and watching tv.
United States
January 17, 2007 1:35pm CST
I was in the self check-out at a local Giant. The woman that facilitates the machine saw my daughter doing something inappropriate. So, she kind of scolded her and my daughter became embarrassed and started really crying. The lady was right in the fact that my child was doing something wrong. However, I really think she should have notified me and allowed me to handle the situation. I mean, obviously, if she'd been doing something horrible and/or dangerous, of course, bring it on. But, for something minimal she should have put it into my hands. I'm upset about this. What do you think? If they're not babysitting or otherwise in charge, should outsiders correct your children?
20 people like this
82 responses
• Canada
18 Jan 07
I work in a baby store, and often see kids doing things like that ... I might say something like, 'Is that a tasty shopping cart?' to humourously draw the parent's attention to it without makign the child feel bad. After that, if Mom didn't deal with it, I'd assume mom didn't think it was a problem and leave it at that. We don't all have the same ideas of what is OK.
• United States
18 Jan 07
What a great way to handle the situation! That indirectly lets the child know that an adult is watching AND alerts Mom that there might be a problem! Kudos to you!
2 people like this
• United States
18 Jan 07
Hi Paying, I definitely like that one! Thanks. You're definitely right. If the parent doesn't see it a problem, then something like that shouldn't matter too much. I guess licking a shopping cart wouldn't be so horrible. But, it's of course disgusting, and viruses may be spread that way. Thanks for reading and posting a response.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
i agree that that is the absolute best thing that could be done!!!
@uath13 (8227)
• United States
17 Jan 07
A slight correction like " You shouldn't do that" or " Please don't do that" would be O.K.. If anything more was necessary hopefully they'd bring it to my attention and let me handle it. As for the child being embarassed, she should be. She was misbehaving in public. If anything it showed her there are more consequences to her actions besides just upsetting her parents.
3 people like this
• United States
17 Jan 07
Well, she was not so much misbehaving to harm anyone. It was just due to her sensory issue. She's a preschooler that doesn't know or understand about germs, etc. I don't think embarrassment from a stranger was necessary.
2 people like this
@uath13 (8227)
• United States
17 Jan 07
My apology for not noticing the extra comment you made showing its not just a misbehaving problem. Licking the cart? I still think a "Please don't do that" would have been fine though.
2 people like this
• United States
17 Jan 07
Oh, uath, I think our postings crosed "in the mail", but that's definitely ok. Thanks.
2 people like this
• United States
17 Jan 07
I have two young boys that some how get into everything. If they were doing something wrong like picking up something or touching something they shouldn't and a stranger said something to my boys in a nice way, it would not bother me. If they did it sternly or in a way that was too aggressive, then I would get upset.
3 people like this
• United States
17 Jan 07
I definitely think that is fair. It just upset me, although I was nice to the lady about it, because my daughter wasn't really doing any harm to anything or anyone. I guess, especially knowing my daughter's "situation", made me a little more sensitive to it.
2 people like this
@kittykatzz (1133)
• United States
17 Jan 07
i think its gonna depend on the situation.. i mean i agree with you that if its something thats wrong but not putting the child in immediate danger or anyone else.. i would notify the parent... usually just a tap and a point will show a parent thats doing a few things at once and may overlook something.. but if the child is like hanging off a carriage or something or like about to chuck a canned good..it may be best to "help" mom and then just explain just what their kid was trying to do while moms back was turned..i hope that others would help in a harmful or dangerrous situation as you as a mom probabaly know that sometimes it only takes a second and bam!.. but unless thats the case.. i would just kindly inform the parent of the childs wrongdoing.
2 people like this
• United States
17 Jan 07
Yeah, thanks; I agree. My daughter has PDD - on the autism spectrum. With that, there are some sensory issues. Ok, she was licking the shopping cart. Yes, very gross. However, the lady should have informed me and of course, I would have taken care of it. I'm glad; I think she'd know better than to chuck a can at someone! : )
3 people like this
• United States
17 Jan 07
im glad your's does.. mine at one time didnt!..
2 people like this
• United States
17 Jan 07
lol... : )
2 people like this
@shooie (4989)
• United States
18 Jan 07
I have been in stores and and some places I have worked some people don't watched their children. I have said to the children please don't do that. But to scold no. If after the adult says please do not do that then she should address the parents. If the parent doesn't correct then maybe they should shop somewhere else. But I think the lady was wrong in scolding your daughter.
2 people like this
@mgr1987 (689)
• India
18 Jan 07
it depends on the situation.they can't expect the parents to come everywhere where their children play.so,its their responsibility to make the children realise what they are doing without scolding them.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Jan 07
Well personally i dont care. I mean, if my kids are doing something wrong and i dont see it, then go ahead and let them know they are doing something wrong. I wont scold a strangers kids, unless they are about to hurt themselves or someone else. But i definitely scold my friends kids. Especially if they are in my house acting a fool. Because then my kids think its ok to do what they are doing.
2 people like this
@tentwo67 (3384)
• United States
17 Jan 07
My father does this sometimes and it drives me insane! I remind him that I am the parent and it's my job to make these decisions for my child and that I feel like he's undermining my authority if he jumps in. To his credit, he does seem to be trying to stop it, but he still slips and does it sometimes. If a child was potentially in danger, then any responsible person should jump in, but in normal times I just want to tell them to BUTT OUT!
• United States
17 Jan 07
It would make me mad if someone did that to my kid. But i do hate when Im in a store and there are a bunch of little brats running around acting horrible and their parents just pretend like they dont see them or that its perfectly fine. However in that case I just say something out loud like why dont the parents control their kids. I think it is just as rude for the parent to ignore a situation like that as it is for someone to correct a child that doesnt belong to them. But like you said if you kid wasnt hurting anyone or in any immediate danger they person could have told you instead of the child. What did you say to them?
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
I definitely agree. Parents shouldn't let their kids act bratty. With that said, my son is autistic. Sometimes "auties" act out, but it's due to their autism. Different environments, schedules, people, etc. can totally throw them "out of wack", as if they're actually in physical danger. In this case, they may tantrum. But, this is different than acting bratty. And some autistics are able to understand when they're told to behave. So, before saying something aloud, I'd try to discern the situation and see if it's a bratty child or one that has a developmental disability.
1 person likes this
@blueskies (1186)
• United States
18 Jan 07
Don't you wish everyone had to take an autistic child to the store once in their lives? It would give a whole new perspective to all those judgmental people that give you dirty looks and mutter about spankings as they walk by your child who is in a total meltdown on the floor or screaming his head off because they are out of his favorite brand of cereal (or chucking cans across the aisle because they are in sensory overload).
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
18 Jan 07
Well I would have told the Woman that would she mind not upsetting my Child and that she should have come to me and let me know she has no right to say anything to your Child she should have approached you
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
Yes, I wish I did do that. I always think of the best thing to do when I'm removed from the situation. It stinks; I'm always too late.
1 person likes this
@bethed (278)
• United States
18 Jan 07
I do not mind if some one in my family disciplines my children but a complete and total stranger is out of the question.One day I was at a local dollar general chain here in town.My children were with me and my husband .We made it to the check out and my kids spotted some toys that had try me buttons on them and they started playing with them.Not picking them up or anything but just pushing the buttons to hear what sound they made.My husband and I finished paying and he went out the door whil I started collecting the children when thie women walks up to my oldest son with me a mere 2 feet away and tells him to not touch another toy unless he planned on purchasing it and then turned to my youngest son and tells him that if he pushes another button he will be banned form the store.I came unglued at the seams.I sent the children outside to their father and went and spoke to the women and she went to talking about store policies and blah blah blah and told her that she had better not ever embarass my kids like that again.that if she truly had a problem with my children to come to me but to never speak to my children again without my permission to do so.And then I reported her to the corprate office.So no I do not believe that a store employee has the right to try and discipline my children.
• United States
18 Jan 07
That's great that you did that. The dollar general shouldn't sell items with "try me" buttons then. Wow, the nerve! Maybe she needed some Zanax or something.
1 person likes this
@MrNiceGuy (4148)
• United States
18 Jan 07
Well, it can be awkward either way. If you try to stop the kidding from doing something wrong or dangerous, you have to do it in a way that isn't awkward for the parent or the child, just be nice about it. But then again, some people would take offense if you told them something like, "should your daughter be doing that?" or trying to tell them how they should be parenting their kids. So either way you have to go about it a certain way or you'd be damn-ed either way.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
I agree, but if I prevent a child from hurting themselves, and the parent gets upset, she can yell at me all she wants. Ill tell her to take a closer look at her parenting and walk away, at the least satisfied i prevented something bad from happening.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
well, I wouldn't really be offended by someone gently telling my child no if he was doing something that I didn't catch while checking out, etc. But I'm not so sure I would tell someone else. I would probably just ignore it if they weren't doing anything dangerous. I do know people (and have been present when it happens) that have had someone say something to them about their child (who is a brat)and they would absolutely curse the person out, thereby letting everyone know where the child gets it from.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
Yes, I agree. Thanks. It's too bad when you can see where certain children get things from. Then, you realize, it's not their faults, but their parents. When a child is so young, you definitely need to look at the parents.
1 person likes this
@manong05 (5030)
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
It the one who scolded her did it with good intention and acted as a mature adult, then it doesn't really matter. The person could help my children. The best would be for that person to have approached me first and let me handle it, but if I am not around and it was done as an act of concern and kindness, I have no problem as a parent.
• United States
18 Jan 07
The point is, that I was around.
@Muslimah (811)
• United States
18 Jan 07
well you have to consider her age... if she was an older woman than its to be expected ... they dont like when kids get out of hand. But i dont think she should have made her cry.
• United States
18 Jan 07
As I've stated in prior posts, the child was NOT out of hand.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
I think that too many parents dont do anything and just let it go on. I know I get frustrated and Want to butt in when that happens. I usually dont. I have scolded teenage kids in a store without a parent for swearing in front of my kids.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
Oh definitely. I think, about the teenage thing, they should be old enough to be accountable and know that they should watch their language. And, them being that age, a little embarrassment couldn't hurt them.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
What was your child doing?
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
Sorry; I listed it in a follow-up... she was (disgusting I know) licking a shopping cart. She is on the autism spectrum and has "sensory issues", and as we know, the first way babies, and even some older children, find about things is putting them in their mouths. So, yuck, but not the place for the employee to scold. I think the other poster's response was great. She'd say something like, "Wow, isn't that a tasty shopping cart?" That would have gotten my attention to take care of the situation.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
unless someone is babysitting your children they should never scold someones child.they should go and bring it to the parents attention.i would be mad if someone scolded my kids.i find it to be very wrong and unappropriate for others to correct my children unless their babysitting them.
• United States
18 Jan 07
Thanks, I agree. If babysitting, you're enlisting someone for the care of your children. Of course, you'd want someone who you can trust to stop negative behavior in a proper manner.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jan 07
NO - 98% of the time it's nobody elses business. I did step in with some bratty kids that live around the corner once though. They were talking crap to all the customers going in and out of a restaurant across the street. These kids were maybe 11 or so and it was 930p - I told them that they should be at home in bed! Other than that it's best to not get involved...
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jan 07
Thanks; I agree. Sometimes you need to step in. But, in your instance, it seems as though there weren't parents around. Which, those older kids needed a little telling off.
@Foxxee (3654)
• United States
18 Jan 07
I wouldn't like another person correcting my child. I'm the parent. It's my job to correct my children if I see them doing something wrong. If someone wants to point something out to me, then that is fine and I will correct my child on whatever the problem may be. Did the lady know you were her parent? Could there be a chance that she might of not known where the parent was and felt she had to correct something? If I'm in a store and my daughter is acting out I'm going to say something to my child and out a stop to it. If for some reason I don't see what is going on and someone can't get my attention, I wouldn't have that much of a problem with someone telling my child to please stop in the right manner. But other then that, I believe outsiders really shouldn't, unless it was a must. I guess it goes both ways. Depends on the situation.