Does A "BAD" Child Make You A "BAD" Parent?

United States
January 17, 2007 11:33pm CST
What do you think? I would like to see how everyone responds to that question! I had a relative of mine over the holidays tell me that my newly turned 3 year old is "Just BAD!" And she demanded to know why I couldn't seem to keep him under control! Well first of all this woman has only layed eyes on my son twice, ever, when he was born and Christmas Eve which is when she decided to bash me as a parent. Now at first it really rubbed my the wrong way, to be super honest I was super ticked and still am to some degree. I have never thought of my son as being "BAD." Yes he can be cranky and moody and at times he can get "Devilish" and hard to handle, but he is three and he's all 100% boy. So tell me please what makes a bad child and a bad parent? In my opinion nothing!
13 people like this
92 responses
@candygurl24 (1884)
• Canada
18 Jan 07
Sounds to me like you have a typical 3 year old on your hands. The terrible twos are a horrible lie, but the terrible threes, well, that's just suitable. Not saying that your son is terrible by any means, but it seems like they test you more at 3 than at 2. I have two girls, and they both had overnight 3rd birthday snaps. They pushed, pulled, did whatever I asked them not to do...well the list goes on and on. As for you being a terrible parent, baloney! If you beat him senseless, constantly bash his self esteem, well then you'd be a bad parent. Otherwise you are a mother who is doing the best you can. There are no right or wrong ways to raise your child (with the exception of abuse) so I would take her words with a grain of salt. I know that it is hard to do, because having your child(ren) and yourself bashed within a few minutes is bound to tick anyone off, but don't take it to heart.
5 people like this
• United States
18 Jan 07
Thank You so much. I am so glad that I'm not the only parent in this world with a 3 year old.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
oh great...i was hoping that at 3, the testing would be better than at 2!!! my 2yr old daughter tests us every minute shes awake!
2 people like this
@Kscott (634)
• United States
18 Jan 07
Oh yes they love to test, I have a 2 and 3 year old "Thelma and Louise", as we in our house call them. It's a constant test...to see what they can get...and how far they push....I agree, unless your abusing your kids emotionally, and physically, then your not a bad parent. Theres no set way to parent...only peoples opinions, and every child and every parent are different....so every situation is different....and our world is changing...times are changing, kids are learning things at a faster rate, things they probably shouldn't because of television, other kids...etc. makes it really difficult to parent without stress...LOL...if that is such a thing....no stress parenting...LMAO Dont let it get you down....you have a lot of people in the same boat.....THE "TOUGH AND TRYING" TODDLER YEARS, but you will make it thru alive....
2 people like this
@got_MILK (10)
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
you're son is a toddler (ages 18mos-3yrs old under Erik Erikson's Autonomy VS Shame and Doubt theory of growth and development)and obviously, like to explore his environment and just fighting over for his independence..say NO, and yet they still GO for it!that's NORMAL. just set clear limits and stick with it! your description of him being "devilish", "out of control""just bad" can be that manifestations..that's part of growing-up..you as a BAD parent? definitely not, it seemed to me that you are a loving mother and just very concerned with the situation..offer your child 2-3 good options (eg. clothes to wear) for him to gain a sense of independence while setting limits to behaviours that are "bad" (eg. hitting someone)when it's NO to you as a mother, explain to him and stick to your set limits.
• United States
18 Jan 07
You are great thank you so much for your input.
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
i have a son, just turned 3 last december..and he's just adorable.. the term "bad" when referred to a child of 3 should be defined by your relative. but i think a child of that age still could not discern what constitutes bad behavior. to the child it could be being playful, or an expression of excitement, or just wanting to show to his mom whatever emotions he's going through.. and i think that's why they are not mindful of how others see them. which is the difference with us adults who always consider how others would be affected by our behavior. i saw my child, (see my avatar hehe) before hit his nanny in the face while she was trying to get him to wash up..he was trying to break free from her and in the process he hit her in the face.. i think i'd be a BAD parent if after seeing that, i would do nothing to show my disapproval of what he did..But then, i wouldn't because when i saw it, i immediately talked to him and told him that what he did was wrong and that he should apologize. the problem with reprimanding kids is when they smile at you so innocently, and make cute faces..it's so hard to keep a straight face..
• United States
18 Jan 07
Children at that age need structure, but your relative was way out of line. First off, it was Christmas eve. Even the most well-bahved child can't be when they're waiting for Santa! Second, he's three!!! Good lord, he isn't supposed to be an angel. The problem with most people, whether they have children or not, is that they assume all children will behave in the same manner and that's just not the case. Let you little boy have time to be a little boy....that's what makes you a good mom!
@feeding11 (222)
• United States
18 Jan 07
You need to tell this lady that telling a child that they are bad is abusive and you will not tolerate it. Children are not bad! They are always learning and responding from others around them. I would tell your relative if she wants to be around my child then she needs to know she cannot speak of him in any negative manner whatsoever. Why would you get upset anyway from any person who makes comments about your child? You know your child better than this relative does. Any negative words that people use on children does hurt them and can dominate theri feelings and they will believe that they are what people tell the.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Jan 07
I dont think ur bad or ur son is bad...and i do know where ur coming from. My cousin has a 4 year old and she actually teaches him that this person doesnt do something for him so that person doesnt love him. Or something to that degree. If u are teaching ur child to grow up and treat people with respect but to also live the way he wants there is nothing wrong with it. This relative should mind her own buisness and maybe evaluate her own life if she has to judge everyone else's.... Sorry a lil ranting going on there. But i do get where ur coming from. I wouldnt want that said about my future children.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Jan 07
I have been through the same thing I am a mother of four and my youngest being 4 and is autistic so he tends to be alittle hyper outside of his own surroundings,when he is home he is so different as all the kids are I believe,you dont make your children act in the manner they do,we try to teach them to behave in public and have manners all that great stuff,but kids are kids and will do as they think at the time,everyone is their own person and I also think they like seeing how far they can push mom too. lol like you said he is 100% boy thats all so dont worry.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Jan 07
Does this relative of yours have any children? And if so, does she have any boys? Who is she to judge, that you have a Bad child? The old saying is "boys will be boys". Unfortunately, I have 3 daughters, ranging from 18 to 10 years of age, and at times, my girls were little terrors as well, in their own way. I have a feeling that this relative is jealous of your family, and that she hasn't been exposed to the joy of having a child. Any child can act up at any time, and maybe your son wasn't up to having company that night. I'm sure, that your son is a wonderful child, and that you are proud of him. Your son has many years of being a boy, and chances are good that your son will be the best that he can be. And as for being able to keep him under control, I don't know of any 3 year old, that is able to be kept under control. At this age, he has a lot of energy, and needs to release it in one form or another, and what child doesn't have a devilish side of them. He will be testing the limits of your sanity for many years to come, and he will also be learning from his testing. Enjoy the gift that you have, and if this relative can't handle being with children, then don't invite them again.
2 people like this
@anja31 (708)
• Canada
18 Jan 07
no I dont think so. You are also try to best for your child no matter what happend. You are not a bad parents if your child is bad.
1 person likes this
• India
18 Jan 07
Hey I only answered the question "Does a bad child make you a bad parent?". And my answer is very clear, that it all depends upon several things around the kids. Be it their freinds, school, college, society, family history etc.
1 person likes this
@jolanda33 (721)
• Netherlands
18 Jan 07
first of all, what does 'bad'means! maybe your son did something to your relative and this was her response? did you asked what she ment by that? don't worry about this woman! being agood parent is the most difficult 'job'on the world! when i look at the programms on tv, i think there are parents who are doing it wrong, and then a kid can be "bad" but i think there are no bad kids! i believe there are bad parents but that is another story!
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 07
Thank You being a good parent is the hardest "job" i have ever had but it also pays the most in pure golden love and thats what counts
@KrisNY (7609)
• United States
18 Jan 07
Wow-- I like the saying Kids are kids-- Let them be kids. to a point.. Of course you need to show control- set boundaries and have rules.. But a 3 year old. Come on.. SOunds like you have a great little boy. I have seen some very bad kids-- little kids punching other kids, hitting adults- just being plain bad. Not all the time is the parent.. I actually know someone who has a little "devil" of a kid.. they try everything with him-- He just acts up. They are great people.. And I know others who really don't give their children the time of day-- set no rules and really act bad themselves.. this I believe is their fault. Or lack of parenting. I say Let kids be kids-- Teach them right from wrong-- teach them compassion and respect for everyone.. give them tons of love and they will turn out great!
• United States
21 Jan 07
Thank you yes I do have a great son although he can be moody and devilish he is still my sweet and innocent little angel my gift from god.
@fiarby (105)
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
Well, if you can't keep your child under control it doesn't mean that he is bad. There are just really times that these children wants their own way, and as parents, we are there to remind them what are the rights and wrongs.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
My boyfriend grew old with a cruel mom..i don't think he's bad. He just grew independent on his own. He learned many things that not an ordinary person at his age would know. And he turned out to be a leader. I think at a very young age, a bad parent could make his/her child bad. But in the end, they turn out to be successful.
1 person likes this
• Pakistan
18 Jan 07
I have listen till yet that bad parents make bad child but I have never heard that a bad child makes his/her parents bad. I completely disagree with your statement.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 07
you did not understand the statement, what the question and the discussion topic is " if someone says that your child is bad although that person doesnt know your child well enough to make a statement like that then does it make you a bad parent or just make you feel like a bad parent." If you would have read the discussion paragraph you would have understood the meaning. please do not reply if you are not going to take the time to read it.
• Japan
18 Jan 07
kids will be kids and boys will definantly be boys i have one and they are a lil naughty but thats how boys are supposed to be as long as your kid isnt beating the crap out of you and cussing like on the nanny 911 shows you are doing awsome. People just need to keep there oppinions to themself especially when they dont know your child.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
Boys are supposed to be a lil naughty? If that's what your teaching your son there's a good chance that he'll end up be more then a little naughty when he grows up.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
i used to think that child's behavior reflected on how that child was raised by the parents. Maybe thats true but now that i'm a parent of 2 small children, I'd like to think they learned it somewhere else. hahaha I dont think it necessarily makes you a BAD parents, id like to think that when a child acts out, they are acting out for attention. I've learned that spending time with my kids when they whine and cry and do things they shouldnt be doing helps alot. Listen to what they have to say. help them, play with them, do whatever it takes so they know that they have your attention. Keep your patience with them. I've also realized that if you talk to them rather than yelling, it helps out a great deal as well. try it, you'll see a difference, i pronise!!
1 person likes this
@shemb1 (465)
• Sri Lanka
18 Jan 07
I think there are no BAD children but we can see some adults have bad habits then their kids and other kids may follow those bad habits. Some how I know kids noughty, that s it. they are not bad at all. Any body can make them as good humans to the world.
1 person likes this
• India
18 Jan 07
nobody is born as BAD by birth everyone is good. but this society is making one as bad and good
1 person likes this
@cap_leo18 (357)
• India
18 Jan 07
Its a nice topic ,i like to shed some words on this topic even though i don't have any experience as a parent ,but i had experience on the second half as a child to good parents.what all happening to our motherhood life are funniest take it all in some enjoyable manner, you wont find it as a bad thing ,its all coming once in life ,enjoy it
@sheelgohe (118)
• India
18 Jan 07
It not only depends upon the parents, it depends upon many things like: 1. Friends children has. 2. The school or college they study. 3. Atmosphere in the family. 4. Family history 5. Social gatherings 6. Locality
1 person likes this
@Brooke3 (614)
18 Jan 07
I think that parents should allow their children to develop perosnality of their own and being a bit moody or cranky is just part of some the personality of some people, and we all get like it at some point, children are no different. Children should be allowed to act like children and it sounds like your son is just acting like a normal little child, a bit mischevious and cheeky. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
1 person likes this