Biased behavior of my grandmother

Pakistan
January 18, 2007 5:46am CST
My grandmother lives with us for a 10 months a year and than go's to visit my aunt that lives abroad for 2 months. Upon her return she is always singing praises of my aunt and her daughters and my uncle. This doesnt bother me but when she starts comparing every action of mine and my family members with my aunt and her family's oh all so "perfect" attitude i really get ticked off! its like one day i overheard her saying to my mom "now if your sister would have been in your place she would have done a better job". The comparisions never cease, they occur almost regarding everything! i am so tired of it! What should i do? should i tell granny straight away that its not appreciable to compare our every action to our aunts family? or am i being jealous of my aunts family cause granny is always singing their praises?
5 people like this
29 responses
@kabella50 (309)
• United States
18 Jan 07
I imagine any one would feel a little intimidated by your gram's constant praise of the aunt.This attitude is wrong she is showing and attitude is a choice not an emotion.I would gently but with a smile in my heart suggest maybe auntie would rather have her for ten months and she come back here for 2 months,I'd say maybe you'd feel happier gram.We both know she is only there for a short period of time and they treat her a certain way because she is a visitor,but I bet with her attitude they all are glad when the visit is over.Pay your gram no mind and continue to treat her well no matter how much she irks you for this situation will make all better people in the end if you don't let her attitude get the best of you.You're really blessed to do the things you are doing for her and if you feel not appreciated by any one just know that God is pleased and will remember your kindness.
@sala94 (28)
• Morocco
18 Jan 07
well, I am scared since I'm gonna be grandma soon. Will I become crazy.
@ILANEDRI (1923)
• Israel
18 Jan 07
I think you should go and tell her how you feel. If you decide to talk to her, do it gentle. Don't yell of scream at her. It's not a solution. Also don't forger she's your grandmother. I'm sure that after you talk with her, she will stop this habbit or even do it less then before. I know how annoying is can be when someone compares you to other. You just want to say: "But this is me!! Not him!" I had some fights about this, so i'm absoultly with you! Good luck my friend :)
• Pakistan
18 Jan 07
Thank you for your thoughts! I have given subtle hints to granny lately but i havent tried talking to her about it! i was thinking a women of her advanced years should know better.
@edelweiss (1930)
• India
19 Jan 07
I have started a few discussions and read responses and I have found that a lot of people here think that "they will speak out whatever they think is right and/or is their opinion about anything". They are people who never try to think before what their statement means to others. Like your grandmother.. she speaks out what she thinks is right and what a better way of doing something.. but she'll never see what you have done and have done it right too. just that its a different way of doing something. People should stop judging each and every action as right or wrong.
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
19 Jan 07
Yes I think you should tell her straight and also mention in the nicest possible way to her if it is that good why not move there permanent as no one seems to be able to please her in your Family She is being ungrateful and that is not nice at all
@telulas (459)
• Indonesia
19 Jan 07
its usually.. so thing about grandma purpose.. maybe some purpose will be better to us
• Nepal
19 Jan 07
It is going on wrong way for the old mans. Behaviour by young generation for his respected person is not a good nowadays, they forgot that, we are going to that age for every person it is the rule of nature but why we forgot it??
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
19 Jan 07
i dislike it when people start comparing me with another person... but i learn to take their point view and learn something from it to improve myself... sometimes the comparison can acts as an encouragement for us to be a better person if we see it positively... so just have a chat with your grandma and tell her nicely that you appreciate her comments but not everytime...
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Don't be jealous of grandma's praises about your Aunt's family. When she's at their house she's probably bragging all of you up in front of them. She is so lucky to have your family caring for her and having her live with you. So when she goes on vacation...so to speak for 2 of the months....of course she's going to notice differences and make comparisons. Talk to your mom about it and hear how she sees the picture when your grandmother makes her remarks and share with your mom how it makes you feel. If your mom lets it go, then she probably has good reason to. It couldn't hurt to talk to your grandmother about how it makes you feel either. Good luck to you. Just remember, grandma wouldn't know what to do without your family caring for her.
@Razzles (391)
• United States
19 Jan 07
My grandmother was like this as well. We all would get sick and tired of her making these comparisons. What we discovered was that when my grandmother went to visit the other relatives, all she would talk about and praise was us and that when she came to visit us, all she would talk about and rave about was the other relatives. We got a good laugh out of this one.
@yorb24 (2181)
• United States
19 Jan 07
I don't think you're being jealous. To me it would rude for her to constantly compare you to your aunt *considering* the fact that she lives with you part of the time. Tell her how you feel. You don't have to be mean about it, just be honest and upfront. Good luck.
• United States
19 Jan 07
your grandmother may feel this way because she doesn't see your aunt and her family as often, they also may act "better" when she is around then they do the rest of the year, as she is with your family the majority of the year she sees your every action and is used to being around you, and not so much your aunt and her family. I would try talking to your mom or grandmother and letting them know how you feel and ask her if she could stop comparing you, and let her know that it hurts you for her to make you feel inferrior to your aunt's family.
@melody1011 (1665)
• India
19 Jan 07
Since your grandmom lives with you a majority of the time, and then goes to your aunt's house, it is a change for her and she cannot help but compare. But thats what older people do. They make comparisions. We just have to learn to live with it as if you say anything to her directly she will go and "blab" to the rest of the family as to how mean and rude you are. So better speak to mom about this and let her take care of it as it might be better coming from her daughter. It can be quite stressful. I've been there know how you feel even htough my grandparents stay for just abt 1-2 months at a time. The rest of the time they spend at their own home but still grumble about my uncle and aunt who stay above them.
@linepau1 (188)
• Canada
19 Jan 07
My grandmother is the exact same way. She just LOVES my two cousins and their mother, while she can't stand my brother, my other cousin Andrew, and myself. She has called me everything in the book to my face and behind my back. It's so funny because I'm the exact opposite of everything she calls me. We just let her have her way. She's 74 years old, she could be gone two weeks from now, hell maybe even tomorrow. It's not worth the pain of making something of it.
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Tell her how you feel. I think this would make most people angry. You're not being unreasonable. If she is a considerate woman she will stop.
@amanda84 (263)
• Malaysia
19 Jan 07
JUST TELL UR GRANNY HOW U FELT ..TELL HER THAT NO ONE IS THE SAME. UR AUNTY MIGHT HAS THIER GOOD POINTS BUT I THINK U ALSO HAVE RITE..TELL HER THAT. LET UR GRANNY KNOW THAT
@urbangirl (1461)
• Australia
19 Jan 07
I think you should just tell your grandmother how her comments make you feel. Maybe because she stays with your Aunt's family for less time she has a skewed idea of how "perfect" they are. It's easier to be on your best behaviour when it's for 2 months rather than 10.
@simplejoy (359)
• China
19 Jan 07
My grandmother lives with my uncle,and the other children of her afford her living.By the way,she has six children,three boys and three girls and she likes the youngest son the most.
• Philippines
19 Jan 07
yeah i think you should walk up straight to her and tell her frankly what you really feel.
@bethed (278)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Just tell her in a very kind way that the constant comparison really bothers you.She may not even realize that she does it.So maybe you just bringing it to her attention is all that is needed.
• United States
19 Jan 07
i would try and talk to her and tell her that it hurts your feelings and you are being the best person YOU can be. Not everyone is going to be just like your aunt, thats what makes her, her and you, you. good luck to you, i hope she tries to understand.