Telling children they have a disability. When and how?

Hi, sylvie. You know that my son, CJ has Autism. He's 8 years old and doesn't have the concept of many things in life. He has no clue at this time that he is different; I truly think that he doesn't even care right now. But, I got to thinking that one day something might happen to me when we're at home together and daddy's at work. You never know. I taught him how to call and speak to an 911 operator. I told him to push 911 and when someone answers to say: "My name is, Clinton Hunnicutt, I'm 8 years old and I have Autism. My mommy needs help. I live at, (the address and emergency code # on our front yard). I won't know if he can actually do it until the time comes but we go over it almost everyday. I feel that they should know at some point about their disability but it's going to be different for each child; time frame wise. Each parent will, should know when their child will be able to understand, etc.

disability is a type of pain that makes that person different, and it is to me letting the world know that we are all different in a way. God blesses all and there is not a good way to tell or show some one they are different. It is a way to go it, but it's up to you how you teach a person there difference. Make them see that being different is a sign of making a change in a way that will help some one else in the some place they are. Help them see that life could be harder...

I am not in the situation than you are, and maybe I say stupidness, but I would not wait for an exact date. I would let him know it day by day. Maybe he will understand that he is ELSE, only after you say it 20times. I think he will need time to understand. So I would not wait for the time. Children are stronger than we think, because they do not know what this world like. They accept that the parents and adults say. Because this is just a new information just like many others. The children can not make difference bettween the important and not so important informations. So, that is my oppinion. And sorry again if I am not competent to speak.

am so sorry,i dont think it is neccessary to tell him now because of his age,but if he insists maybe asking you question about it i think you should tell him.

Theree years is a bit young for any child too understand things but in due time certainly when he goes to school you must tell him that he goes to that school because he has special needs. Be concrete about it. These kids are sometimes very smart and althought they can't communicate what they feel they sure do know that they are different than other kids and can feel the pain that sometimes causes. And one thing they certainly feel is the love you have for them. Concrete information and that will help your child to face the problems he has to cope with him. Try to meet as many parents with austic children as possible: online (myspace for example has several groups) or in school. You can help each other by exhanging info when you are dealing with certain issues. Take care.

My kids are 2 yrs apart and my son was dxed with Aspergers at 3 1/2. I explained everything as we went along. My daughter who is 9 now is my sons best friend. If you(or a classmate,neighbor etc) asks her why her brother spins in circles or has to make chewing noises all the time she will calmly tell them that he thinks different than us.I can't offer much help in the school question as we have gone through a nightmare with our local school. My sons K teacher grabbed him and dragged him down the hallway trying to get him into the classroom. When confronted she and the district said it couldn't be helped because the teacher didn't have Autism awareness classes..SO I guess it must be ok...NOT!@!We are now homeschooling him for K and are moving out of this state to a more autism friendly state so he will get the education all children deserve!

I wish I had some good answers for you, it's very worrying when we try to see our little ones futures! Bong got his diagnosis of Autism and ADHD when he was 5,and I told him then so he knows it is just a name for why he can't do some things. He didn't really start to notice the differences from other kids until he was nearly 7. He keeps telling me he is slow doing things and sometimes kids laugh and call him names. I tell him we all learn different things at different times and he can probably do some things better than they can. I try to keep it simple although he is quite high functioning and attends "regular" school. I just deal with things without making too much fuss in front of him and let the school know, you need to try and get them on your side and to participate in some teamwork towards your sons happiness. I wish you all the best at finding brilliant ways to help him!

I feel that there is no appropriate age, and that it depends on what level of understanding he is on as well as the enviornment that he is in as far as school, play groups with other kids his age, if he is around other autitic childen, ect.. my son is almost 5 and has severe albinism, and I know that it is not mentally disabling, however most people do not realize how physically disabling it is, my son has always known that he could not see things very good, as his vision is severly impaired because of the albinism, but I dont think he knew that other people could see any differently until this past year. A friend of his was pointing to something trying to show it to him and my son could not see it, that was the first step in his realization that he was different, the second was when he began to pay attention when people who would see us in public would ask why he was so pale or what causes his eyes to move back and forth (nystagmus), and why they never stop moving, he also started noticing how no one else had to be so close to things like pictures or the tv to see them, so he began asking questions and I slowly over a few month process had to explain what his condition is and why his is different, but I pointed out how much he can memorize easily, and how he can hear better than alot of his friends, ect, while explaining his disabilities I reminded him of his stronger ablities. he still does not know everything about his albinism, but he knows enough and what he can handle right now. You will see signs that will let you know when it is time to discuss this with your son. Good Luck

Accepting and discussing the truth is the hardest and sometimes the most hurting thing to do. But you need to be honest and i doing so, think of the bright side of it. It will help your son adjust to the truth and will learn to accept the truth by himself and throguh your explanations.

Dear sylviekitty, I am the mother and an educator and have been working with children that have various learning disabilities for over 20 years. I am also the mother of very intelligent daughter with attention deficit and hyperactivity issues. I was ofter frustrated with the kids perception of themselves after they had been labeled with a disablity so I began years ago to tell them they were learning different not learning disabled. They learned differently and it was our my job to find out the way they learned so that I would know how to teach and they would know the special way they learned. What happened was very unexpected, parents and other educators, the students and me all began to see them differently. They were not damaged they just learned differently and sometimes slower, and that was okay. My daughter is 22 now and has very bright, very active twins of her own. School was challenging for us both, but I had the privilege of working at a very special school that was for students with severe behavioral issues. It was a very structured program where the motto was "Catch a Kid doing something right" We started each day identifying students daily goals and ending each day reviewing our progress on those goals, so that kids would see they were making progress. I helped parents to do the same things at home. It took a while but what I loved most was when kids really understood they were Learning Different not Learning Delayed. I told them how special they were and the younger the better, they could hear at a very early age that every one is different. I still cannot play video games and my students have spent years trying to teach me and the progress has been slow but they don't give up on me. I haven't told them I have no intention of getting better so that they always have something to teach me. I will look through my stuff and see if they are some age appropriate story books about kids who are different. pdp5419

I really have no idea. But I would make in an open discusion in your household. Don't try to hide it at all. Talk about it like anything you'd talk about in the house. Good luck. I'm sure this is going to be tough.

if some one is having a disability he should not be told it all of a sudden and disturb his mental balance. nor we should keep him in dark that he gets to know through someone else.then it really hurts

The elder ones told the children's disability during their weakest performance against their neighbour.

I am 17 now, and I myself have a heart problem wiht my tricuspid valve. When i was about 5 i went trhough my first open heart surgery. That was when i was told about my problem. I feel that most peopel cant realy remember when thy were young, primarily around 1-5. I would have to say that it is best to know when you are young, allowing time to undertand yourself and whom you are, than to let it be discovered with other children as the child grows up and begins to go to school. If your child eccepts whom they are at a young age, you wont ever get any of those " why me?" questions, they will understand, that "this is me, and i am what i am". I hope this helps you out. God Bless

I think it is best to tell them they have a disability as soon as they are able to understand what a disability is as they may not understand at a really young age. I am sure at some point they will know that they can not do the same things as other kids can do and will start asking questions at some point.

I think you should explain this to your child when he is old enough to understand what it is.I think your child is a little to young to even know he has a disability but sooner or later he will understand it and then you could explain it to him.

I'd incorporate the words into everyday life as any other word. So the words just seem like any other word. As far as explaining the words, just answer their questions as they come up. Most of the times kids seem to know more than we think they do. When you daughter needs to know what the words are or why her brother seems different than some of the other kids she knows, explain it in an age appropriate manner.

HI , just keep cool and give the best positive note , you have to grow your kid and make him more stronger

Your son has the right to know why he is special. If you suddenly see him being less active and not as happy, kids at school may be making fun of him. You will know when the time is right. Best of luck to your son!

I think it becomes a bigger issue for most of the parents themselves to realize and accept the reality. The overstretch at times, trying to compare their kids with others and see it as a failure for themselves and for their children. It takes a lot of courage and fortitude to accept a 'special' child as a 'special' one. There is no need to 'protect' them, they just need extra care and attention and above all love and affection.