i mooved with my parents when i was fourteen and i didnt want to go

@nicky35 (751)
January 19, 2007 1:10pm CST
we mooved 70 miles away from the place id lived all my life leaving my grandparents,family and lifelong friends behind.i was heartbroken and felt like someone had died.im 35 now and am still here,a single parent with 3 kids age 10,5 and 2,i miss my grandparents every day and the family i once had that were close are now virtual strangers.i try not to think about it but i wake up in the night upset,worrying about my grandparents and the life i should have had.why cant i get over it?i dont mention it to anyone at all,no one has a clue but it hangs overme and i just cant seem to let it go.what do you think?
4 people like this
24 responses
@shooie (4989)
• United States
20 Jan 07
Did you write to them or call them after you moved? Did your grandparents come to visit after you moved or where you allowed to visit them? 70 miles is not that far away have you gone to see them now that you are 35? Have you taken your kids to see them? If not why? If no to all maybe you should.
2 people like this
@msqtech (15226)
• United States
22 Jan 07
I agree both the parents and the person would be at fault if no one tried to fix the relationship. There is more to this story than we know
1 person likes this
@nicky35 (751)
23 Jan 07
we do visit whenever we can,my kids adore my grandparents and vice versa.my gran and grandad are wonderful warm selfless people,i just wish id had more time with them day to day.i guess its just the way things are.i cant do anything about the fect we mooved away but make the most of the life i have.i do keep in touch.and i have three precious kids from being here.
@Elaeblue (145)
• United States
20 Jan 07
Sometimes as adults we need to put something away. We do it at home, at the office, whereever except in our emotional life. Yes this happened and it has made you hurt, continueing to let it hurt you is destructive to your emotional health. Time to move on so to speak. Let it go change these destructive thoughts with constructive ones. When you think about your loss remember if you hadnt moved would you have met your husband, would you have had your kids? Maybe your life was enhanced by the move but you were so resentful you didnt notice and now 20+ years later you are still influenced by it. LET IT GO!!
2 people like this
@nicky35 (751)
23 Jan 07
thankyou so much,are you a professional you sound so wise like you really know what your talking about.i know what you said is exactly what i have to do.thankyou,its time to moove on.x
@chrisie (207)
• United States
20 Jan 07
70 miles? That's an HOUR drive! I'm from Alaska and currently living in Southern California.... it's not like I can drive one hour to see my family, and I regularly make road trips to San Diego (2 hr drive) to see a friend of mine. You're insane to be crying about this..
2 people like this
@nicky35 (751)
23 Jan 07
im not crying and i know its not far.i just feel like we should have stayed there and cant figure out why.its o.k though,im working on that,you are right though i think maybe i am slightly insane! x
• United States
20 Jan 07
70 miles isn't that large a move, if you have lived there for 21 years you should be able to go back and forth, obeying even the strictest speeed limits it would be a 1 1/2hour ride. If this means so much to you think about moving half way between where you are now and where your grandparents, friends and cousins are.
2 people like this
@nicky35 (751)
23 Jan 07
im on my own with no money,no car and 3 kids,2 of which are travel sickits difficult and i feel like too much time has passed and too much has changed,in fareness it cuts both ways because my family never wrote to me,even when i did write i never got a reply.
• United States
20 Jan 07
My husband and I are in the military and we moved away from my family and it is VERY hard. My grandfather is about to turn 70 years old and we are flying in to see him and the rest of my family but it's not the same because he doesn't get to see our one year old grow up and do little things. If you have to to let this go away then move closer to them.
2 people like this
@nicky35 (751)
20 Jan 07
thankyou.is that a photo of you and your family?its lovely.thanks for your reply.x
1 person likes this
@shomomo (850)
• Israel
20 Jan 07
It happened to me at the exact same age, I think it's one of the worst things that could ever happen to a child, it really made me incompetent in participating in social events or social strategy at general.
@nicky35 (751)
20 Jan 07
thankyou,im sorry you went through the same thing,its not just the fact that i had to leave the life id always known,everyone at my new school just seemed to look at me like i was an alien.it was horrible,as you know.thankyou for your reply.x
1 person likes this
• Australia
20 Jan 07
I am now 33 we moved all over the world from the age of 4. My brother was once asked,"what was it like moving every couple of years?" His reply was "you or either lucky to get to see the world, or you are lucky to have friends" It wasn't as bad as not having friends we made friends everywhere we went, got to see the world, got to live in amazing places such as all over Europe, and South America. To this day I do not regret missing out on, growing up with my family or living in the same place all my life, I love the fact that I have done this, it makes me different from everyone else not the same. My cousins (only one of them) was/is so jealous, sut I keep in touch with all the others and when I am in the same state as them we all catch up. YOU have to make the effort, if you don't go see them or write to them, call them why should they. I am close with all my family, it is up to you. Time and distance is not barrier for families!!!!!
2 people like this
@nicky35 (751)
20 Jan 07
it sounds like you had a fantastic life,youre very lucky,i bet your very interesting because of it.thankyou,today will be the first day of the rest of my life
1 person likes this
@vhansen (2035)
• United States
20 Jan 07
You're whinning about 70 miles? One lone hours drive? Sorry you aren't gonna get any pity here.I'm 1,000 miles away from my family and I make the 18 hour drive about every 3 months to see them.If you're not seeing your family then something is terribly wrong.Is there a reason they don't come see you? And even if you can't drive and don't have a car,their is always greyhound.Where there's a will,there's a way.You just gotta find it.
@nicky35 (751)
20 Jan 07
i know what your saying and i dont want pity,after all im not dying or anything,i have three beautiful kids and im very lucky.i dont have a car and as a single mum not much money but i get there when i can.it is only an hour away but its not the same as seeing them every day.i know its not an ideal world.they dont come and see me,they never did,apart from my gran,she does.were not as close as i thought obviously.anyway thanks for your reply
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jan 07
I have personally done this to my children. We were from a small friendly town and my children had to gone to school there from their first days. I had to move this last year because of my relationship, it was very abusive and I just had enough. Anyhow my son is now in highschool which meant not only did he leave everything that he loved I also made him leave his girlfriend of 4 years. It is very hard. I have tried letting him go back to see his friends every 2 months and that seems to help. Maybe if you could sneak off for a couple of visits here and there it would help, also try witing to them as much as you can. If you don't hear anything back from them or they don't seem to have time for you when you are there then you obviously did not mean as much to them as they did to you.
@nicky35 (751)
20 Jan 07
thankyou for your reply,i know what you mean,i thought we were a very close family but its like they just thought i was out of sight out of mind.sorry your son had to go through that especially with his girlfriend.i hope you all have a good life now.x
1 person likes this
@Mecboy (1052)
• United States
20 Jan 07
i was fourteen, when I moved From Alhambra To Rosemead, Its great, I enjoy everybody and everything, but the thing is its not bad, friends back their, said goodbye and you did too, plus you will always remember them. You might see them again, and Now I have the same friends as well probably.
2 people like this
@nicky35 (751)
20 Jan 07
thats good,im pleased it turned out good for you.my parents were working all the time,i hade no brothers or sisters to share it with because my brother was only 2 at the time.i felt completely alone all the time and im a shy person so i was petrified.
1 person likes this
@cisco1 (540)
• United States
19 Jan 07
sorry you feel that way but that part of life. You cant always have it your way all the time. Everything turns out for a reason. Just hang in there and you cant dwell on the past then it going to get the better of you. Sorry and hope you do feel better and maybe if you never moved maybe you wont have those three precious kids you have right now. Look at it that way :)
2 people like this
@nicky35 (751)
20 Jan 07
yes thets true,my kids are everything to me so i focus on that.thanks
1 person likes this
@funfreak2k2 (1740)
• India
19 Jan 07
u should be bold at this juncture of ur life. u should take life as it comes when u cant mend according ur wish. if u r depressed, what about ur children. u r the one who should make them accustom to changes in life and encourage them to go with life.
@nicky35 (751)
19 Jan 07
thanks,i know its better to look forward than to keep looking back,i just cant understand why it all jumps into my head when i wake ut at night.
1 person likes this
@kishchun (497)
• Oman
19 Jan 07
it's really sad that we have to move out at times, and am myself sad because am away from my parents and from my little son for some time now. but i don't understand why you can't call or talk to your family. you say you are a single parent with small kids - is it not possible to establish a bond with your family and move towards them again? why do you keep all that sadness within your heart? i wish you could open it up to your near and dear ones, so that they could help you out with some solution to this problem. wish you good luck!
@nicky35 (751)
19 Jan 07
i stayed away more than i should have done over the years because it was just too sad when i had to come back home,i would spend a couple of days crying every time so i avoided it
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jan 07
I don't want to sound rude or anything but 70 miles doesn't sound like that much to me. When I went off to college I moved 300+ miles away. I then settled in that town (only seeing my parents maybe once a year) and had a baby there. Then we (my husband, me and our daughter) moved back to my hometown leaving his family behind. Now we live with our 4 children 500+ miles from where I grew up and 800+ miles from where he grew up. My brother also moved away after high school and lives in Oregon (complete other side of the country from me). I have seen him once in 6 years and he finally got to meet my kids over the summer (they are 6, 5, 4 and 9 months). 70 miles for us would be nothing. We would drive that every weekend to visit our family if that was how far away we were. When we were living with my dad we drove the 300 miles to his parents' town at least 3 times a year to visit. This year we made the 500 mile trip from our home to my dad's twice to visit. It is a very long drive with 4 kids in the car but you do what you have to do to be with family. If you really miss your family then make an effort to go see them, especially if they are only 70 miles away--that is about a 1-1 1/2 hour drive.
1 person likes this
@nicky35 (751)
20 Jan 07
thankyou,i completely understand what your saying.the distance is pitiful really.i was with my partner for 16 years and when i was expecting my 3rd child he left me beleiving life was more exciting elsewhere.i cant afford a car at the moment and most weekends my purse is empty,two of my kids get travel sick and have medication from the docs,sometimes even that dosent work,the times ive got off the bus in leeds with sick down my jeans!!!!!!!!!!attractive i know.nevermind.i think that alot of time has passed by and everyone just grew apart.when i do visit theyre all great.thankyou for your reply.x
• United States
20 Jan 07
I can totally understand not having the money or a car. We have just one car and my husband usually has it at work. And we don't have much money either. We used to put ourselves into debt to visit my in-laws but it always seemed worth it at the time. I think you should still try to save up and find a way to visit--it will make you feel so much better. It really sucks when it has to be "you" that visits because no one else wants to make the effort. We have to do all the traveling when it comes to visiting with family even though we are the ones with 4 kids because no one else can "take the time off of work" or can "afford it" like we can or something. It sucks.
@worthy (2413)
• India
20 Jan 07
I can understand your feelings because I also had to move at the same age and felt terribly sad and angry. I think it happens because we love the place and the people there and it is an tntegral part of our existence because here we grew up. But you still feel the pain and longing .I think you don't want to accept that it was your past and this is part of our lives.People in transferable jobs keep moving from one place to another and their kids have to experience the same thing.But they carry on with their lives and treat thier past as their strength and precious memory and see it as an opportunity to discover new facets of the world we live in. I know its very difficult but you can try to gain happiness by making your past as your precious fond memory and move on.It seems you are not happy with the place you live in or is it because you dont want to be happy here.Only you can help yourself.Maybe befriending someone special can help you and if this too doesn't help ,then maybe you should consider going back to your old place.Hope you get rid of your pain and anguish and be happy and contented with your life. Best of luck.
@nicky35 (751)
20 Jan 07
thankyou so much you sound very wise.x
@worthy (2413)
• India
21 Jan 07
Have you thought what you are going to do now? Is there no way to increase your income?
@plantit1 (298)
• United States
20 Jan 07
You can change all that. Get in contact with your grandparents and family you left behind and start a new relationship with them. IF it doesn't work out then leave the past behind and just treasure the childhood memories. It's all good!
1 person likes this
@nicky35 (751)
20 Jan 07
i think its because i didnt gradually grow out of my wonderful childhood,i was taken away from it with about 2 weeks notice.thankyou.x
@DeenaD (2688)
• United States
20 Jan 07
Life is about change. You're a grown-up now, and you should understand that. I think you need to get over it.
1 person likes this
@nicky35 (751)
20 Jan 07
i know youre right,thanks
• Philippines
20 Jan 07
For me it was your undying love to them, it was your family your own blood and for me my family is my life also maybe is that what you feel.
1 person likes this
@nicky35 (751)
20 Jan 07
thankyou.youre right.x
@ashjoe76 (1434)
• India
20 Jan 07
Well, it's just normal o feel so. But if it is possible to visit your grandparents, why don't you just try that? It is just 70 miles, right? If you stay for some time with them, you may feel much better. And, please do try to pass on to your kids what your grandparents gave you, so that they will not feel miserable about their lives.
1 person likes this
@nicky35 (751)
20 Jan 07
thanks.dont worry,my kids are happy,we dont have alot of money but they know theyre loved and im bringing them up to be happy and confident.they sing and dance about and my daughter knows shes beautiful,i tell them how great they are all the time.i was so shy and un confident so ive done my best to make them different
@kawillow74 (1417)
• United States
20 Jan 07
Is there any reason why you can't move back or even in between the 2 place I know you probley don't want to because of your kids schooling but if you are not happy they arenot happy. Do what will make you happy I know I live near my whole family i would be lost without them. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.
1 person likes this
@nicky35 (751)
20 Jan 07
thankyou,i will have a think about what im going to do.x