New Friend Requests

@rainbow (6763)
January 19, 2007 3:25pm CST
I feel really guilty but this evening I have had 3 friend requests but I cannot find where we have ever been in the same discussion. How can these people want to be my friend? I have never done it before but I did deny them as I do not know them, am I being really cruel and unfriendly?
11 people like this
50 responses
• Philippines
20 Jan 07
hi there my dear rainbow!!!! i think that's just fine, you dont have to worry too much about it, that's why mylot also indicates that we can either or accept or deny, any friend's request, and that wouldnt take it against us, so i guess that's pretty fine... we have all the decisions to add or deny anybody for whatever circumstances and that's something that we all should understand.. well im just glad that your my friend! cheers^_^
2 people like this
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
I'm glad you are my friend to sheeniepie! I know I am allowed to say no, but I feel bad now I have. Just wouldn't want to hurt anyones feelings is all.
@ossie16d (11827)
• Australia
20 Jan 07
Sometimes it can be very hard to know what to do in these sorts of situations and I am never sure of the reason why people ask to be my friend. So generally I will accept all of them after a brief check at their discussions and what they respond to, which hardly ever turns out to be one of mine. LOL If I accept them as a friend, I will respond to a discussion or two of theirs and sit back and wait to see what happens. If they do not respond to any of my discussions, hit the delete button. Harsh, maybe but we cannot be friends with everyone and should do the best for those that we trust and respect and enjoy exchanging opinions with. I sometimes wish I could do what you have done, but do not have it in me and think that if I accept these people there is a chance that I could make a good friend. Of course if anyone spams, cheats, does a cut and paste response then I delete them as well.
1 person likes this
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
I have never deleted anyone although I do have 2 on notify off. I wish I hadn't denied the requested I had yesterday as I feel bad about it, but really if I'm never going to hear from them again id wouldn't matter if I just sid yes. I don't think I can deny again. Thank-you for your hoest reply.
@ossie16d (11827)
• Australia
21 Jan 07
Actually recently someone told me they requested friends based on who their referrer tells them will respond to their discussions. They also added they ask people with high numbers as well, so this might be why we are getting asked to be friends with some people who have never responded to our discussions. :)
@diansinta (7550)
• Indonesia
20 Jan 07
they like you because you oppinion, or you avatar. i make lot of friend in my lot till i dont have the time to resspond their discussion. i hope they understand... ^o^
1 person likes this
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
u have decided not to doi it again, it's just not worht the guilt
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
sorry small child sitting on me, lol. what I meant to say was I won't do it again, it's not worth the guilt.
@mari61960 (4895)
• United States
20 Jan 07
I wish there was some kind of formal request. That way the person could at least say why they would like to be your friend. I have 13 pending friends just from this week. Some I recognize from my discussions and theirs so I accept right away. Others I sometimes watch their progress for a few days. That would mostly be new people. Then there are these others that I can't figure out why they would want to be friends. Maybe they posted in my discussions but I don't share an interest in the topics they start. I feel bad whey I deny then sometimes, I don't like that I can't give a reason for denial and I'm sure some people get their feelings hurt. Not much I can do about it so I don't dwell. I just check them daily and if I begin to enjoy their discussions then I add them. If they look like they are headed in bad direction I delete them. I don't want to be associated with scammers, spammers and cheaters.
@dellion (6706)
• Malaysia
20 Jan 07
I think you have raise a very good point here as I do think that mylot can further improve this "friend" features to certain extend like make it a simple format in which any friend requests will have a space for them to attach a short note to briefly introduce themselves/reason to be add for friends...etc and in return its useful for us to make a reply to explain why we can't accept if happened that we deny the requests.
1 person likes this
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
That's a very clever idea, I'm impressed! I'd fee lhappier not having to snoop when I don't recognise who is requesting friendship. Thank you very much!
@kou7hik (243)
• India
20 Jan 07
Am i being really cruel and unfriendly? really cruel: no unfreindly: yes Whats the point in drawing a confined circle and calling only those within it as your friends???? If you start telling reasons for why people are not your friends you will soon have no1 left
1 person likes this
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
I usually accept everyone but I have noticed a lot that people who I haven't been in any discussions with suddenly want to be friends, I will probably never hear from them although I will answer some of their discussions, I pick my friend requests quite carefully and like all the friends I regularly interact with and many people I just see around the site. I do not have an exculusive circle just a wonder why people who don't know someone suddenly want to be your friend and why I feel so guilty the only times I have dared to say no.
@pearl1003 (671)
• Philippines
20 Jan 07
just like what i do, i dont know the people in my "my friends list", but i keep adding more strangers because i want to meet people here too... it's being friendly... about you ignoring them, i dont know but, why don't you add them to your list? it wont hurt you... the good thing is, your list will get longer... and they might keep responding to your topics. Isn't that good enough? you'll earn thru that. :)
1 person likes this
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
I have decided that 3 people were denied and I won't do it again without a good reason as it makes me feel bad, and I may even make an unexpected new friend.
@123456_ (1053)
• Philippines
20 Jan 07
maybe they saw one of your works here at mylot. than they scanned your profile and they were able to see lots of quality discussions from you thats why they want to bookmark you and added you as their friend.
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
I felt really bad about it after and will not be doing it again
• United States
20 Jan 07
I am sure it is just someone that maybe saw a post you made and liked your reponse. I know that many people on here are picky about who they are friends with, but I don't really see the point. I will be friends with anyone that requests me because what's the point in excluding people?
1 person likes this
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
There seems to be a bit of a culture at the moment of people complaining about where the requests come from and I made the mistake of checking these people out to see if we had visited the same places, this made me feel confused and think that the people refusing the newbies may have a point. However I feel really bad and will not be doing it again,
@irisheyes (4373)
• United States
20 Jan 07
No I don't think so. I personally have trouble pushing that denial button so I just okay everybody. But then I wind up deleting some of them later on. Either way the one's we are letting go are most likely the people with hundreds of friends and they don't even notice when they are given the boot.
1 person likes this
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
i'm glad I'm not the only one who feels bad doing this. I won't be doing it again unless I have a good reason. It makes me feel bad.
@creationhub (3068)
• Malaysia
20 Jan 07
People request friendship from you may not necessarily because you share the same discussions. Sometimes it is because they are reading the posts, and your anwers impresses them. As the result, they want to add you as their friend. I think this is a very positive thing. You became a friend because your posts are interesting.
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
I hadn't though of it that way, I felt really guilty saying no but couldn't imagine why they would want me as a friend. Thank-you for your viewpoint on this.
@Willowlady (10666)
• United States
20 Jan 07
They may have seen your responses and checked out your page and thought wow, I would like to be associated with that person and her discussions. Seems a shame not to give them a chance. I accept anyone and have not yet had a problem with any of them and am quite fond of a handful of them. Think about it next time and maybe you might get a nice surprise!!
1 person likes this
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
That's a good way to look at it after all I am an amazing person, lol. If we really have nothing in common then I'll not hear much from them anyway. I have some very good friends here and I appreciate them a lot. I felt very guilty when I denied people yesterday and wondered how everyone else does it.
@dana234 (2116)
• Spain
19 Jan 07
It´s up to you whether you want to accept them as friends or not (just like in real life). If you had a look at their profile and decided that you´ve got nothing in common with them why not deny their request? Nothing cruel or unfriendly about it. Maybe you think they feel rejected, but I should think that most people here know that it´s nothing personal.
1 person likes this
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
I hope so, maybe I won't do it again, and if I get used to seeing them around may return the invite.
@gabs8513 (48712)
• United Kingdom
19 Jan 07
No you are doing right if there is nothing in Common then forget it and if they are new then you know they will be doing what everyone does when they first join I had 3 today and all 3 had lots of friends but no Discussions and only about 3 points
1 person likes this
@rainbow (6763)
19 Jan 07
I feel really nasty, if I don't like the look of the persons discussions then do I really want to join them, you know I only like gentle soppy kiddy things and an a bit of a softy, I have never had a friend refusal and feel a bit bad doing it, sometimes I accept newbies just because they are new,
2 people like this
@shywolf (4520)
• United States
19 Jan 07
No, I don't think that you are being cruel and unfriendly. It is your right to refuse any friend requests you wish. I have a really hard time turning people down, personally, but sometimes I wonder where some of these people see my name on here as well. Maybe on the top users of the day, since I have seen myself on that page a few times. or maybe they see me in a discussion that they don't actually end up replying to. I don't know. I definitely get requests from people I don't recognize. I refused a couple who were under 10 posts. But normally I don't. I just don't like to. But I think that it's fine that you did, you know? ^_^ I just can't bring myself to refuse very easily. I figure that it's easier to accept now and take them off my list later if they don't post anything of interest topic-wise and don't reply to my discussions ever.
@rainbow (6763)
19 Jan 07
Thank-you for your support, this hasn't happened to me much until today. I do have a couple of friends where I have turned the notify off because I was polite enouhg to allow them to be my friend but decidied I wasn't keen on their choices to post. I fin it really hard to say no althought I don't reply to every discussion my friends post as sometimees I have nothing to say.
2 people like this
@firelight (1858)
• Australia
20 Jan 07
No you aren't being cruel, I have found that the ones that request friendship but have never been in the same discussion as you generally spam you as soon as you accept them. It's unfortunate that it has gotten this way.
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
Thank-you, I'm glad you are my friend by the way, I enjoy your discussions, what is spam, I've never really understood it?
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
oh right now I understand, thank you! I though it was a kind of cheap tinned meat, lol
@Piratesware (2890)
• Indonesia
20 Jan 07
ya u cruel, I think u must accepted them
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
do you accept everyone, regardless of any common interests? I have decided that I will not deny again anyway as it feels yucky. If I never hear from the other person again then I have lost nothing except the potential to feel bad about it.
@kou7hik (243)
• India
20 Jan 07
Potential to feel bad about- thats a funny term. There is no reason whatsoever that u need to feel bad about. Forget it - there is nothing bad being done here. So there is nothing to regret about.
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
kou7hik, you make me smile, thank-you for your support, I just feel bad although I know it is my choice I guess I feel sad because if I really wanted to be someones friend and they said no, I might feel a little hurt for about 3 seconds till I forgot.
• United States
20 Jan 07
Ah, you make me feel bad. I have tried looking for some friends being new who have the same intersts that I do so I don't find myself searching for posts to reply to. I have only requested two and thinking it was denied as the friends request pending file on here is empty:( I don't judge people and will reply to anyones that interests me or at least I have something to say. How are newbes suppose to find friends? If I can't have an easy way to search for a certain person's post and reply on regular basis. Can you help me with any suggestions? Thanks CC
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
I wouldn't want to make you feel bad, I put this up because I denied 3 people I had never been in the same discusionsa as according to the lists,and then I felt really bad. Usually all I do is see who's responces in my discussions are generally good/interesting and when we have each responded to one another a few times put in a request, then i forget all about it, if they say yes that is fine and they usually do. If someone gives a brilliant reply then I will sometimes request to be their friend. I think some people chech the top users list ect to find out who starts a lot of discussions etc or look at people who are interested in similar things to you. It has taken me a long time to say no to a request and I don't know if I will do it again. Ireally hope you enjoy the time you spend here!
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 07
You were not one of them that I requested to be on friends list. These were a couple others that I thought had many came interests as I did and it would be easrier for me to reply to them. But yes I generally do enjoy my time here thanks! CC
@few00cent (2141)
• India
20 Jan 07
well..so far you had posted 1925 post..do you really remember all people who had replied your post or discussion ?....maybe they liked some of your post/discussion and want to add you to keep in touch and response in your new discussion.I see no reason not to be friendly with people who want to be friend.anyways its just our perspective .its seems by your discussion that you are unfriendly.
@rainbow (6763)
20 Jan 07
I am not usually unfriendly but I could see no reason why these people would want to be my friend, when I checked their discussions I could see nothing similar to the discussion I have been in. The number of posts I have were made over quite a long time so I usually remember recent ones. I have heard a lot of complaints recently about the way people here are behaving and was concerned so when I couldn't find any common interests I denied them. The fact that I feel really guilty about doing it should maybe tell you that I am not unfriendly.
@few00cent (2141)
• India
20 Jan 07
okez...I apologize ..maybe they want to steal your discussion and post in some other category ...lol...no,seriously i read some discussion people complaining about that.don't feel guilty we can't add people just for sake .try to message them asking why they wanna be your friend .it's ok if they reply you or else kick them out...lol
@sherinek (3323)
• United States
22 Jan 07
What I do is, even though I dont know someone particularly, I accept. Watch the proceedings for sometime and if they are not actively participating, I quietly delete them because I am sure they will not even realize it.
@rainbow (6763)
23 Jan 07
that is very clever, I'm sure that is probably about the nicest way to do it. Thank-you very much for your advise
@minxy67 (2709)
21 Jan 07
Hi friend, I know exactly how you are feeling, I have been having the same problem as you, I don't like to sound mean but I think it is a waste of time making friends with someone you have nothing in common with or who have not answered any of your posts, I do not think you are being cruel or unfriendly at all. :)
@rainbow (6763)
23 Jan 07
Thank-you so much for that, it's just how I feel but I'm just gonna accept people because it's nicer and I can always turn their notify off. at least then I don't have to feel guilty lke I have done over this.