Hating being single

United States
January 20, 2007 11:14pm CST
My sister-in-law who is a beautiful woman. Has been through the ringer with men. Her first true love got her pregnant at a young age and ran for the hills, later she met a man who promised her the world to only later learn he was abusive. She then met and married a man, had two more children with him only later to learn that he was an awful cheat. She divorced him and has now basically given up on men all together. She is still young only 30 but has 3 children, works all the time and has a hard time finding a good man to date. I would like to help her find someone, are there any ideas out there for helping her out?
8 people like this
40 responses
• United States
21 Jan 07
Yea, don't help her...you'll probably only hurt her. She needs to be comfortable not having a man. She doesn't need one. If the right one is there for her, they will find each other regardless of what you do. Just be her friend. Be there for her when she needs you. But don't try to set her up or help her find a man. Those kinds of things never work out. But, that is just my opinion.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Jan 07
Thank you for your opinion I appriciate your input.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 07
Thank you for your suggestions I will consider that but of course if I did set her up the guy would know about her kids. thanks again
@hopeful28 (1439)
• Singapore
21 Jan 07
After all that she has been through and having 3 kids to look after maybe she should just concentrate on having some peace in her life until she meets someone who is really good to her. She just may meet someone in the course of her work. In short, leave it to time and nature.
• United States
21 Jan 07
Thank you for responding but I do feel nature needs a push now and again. don't get me wrong I don't think I can find her that perfect man and make everything better for her, I really just want to help her get back on the saddle.
• United States
21 Jan 07
I think you should have a cook out and invite some friends over making sure that a few of them are single and likes kids and hopefully she will strike up a conversation with one of them this way she can choose and they wont know they are being set up and you will know the person she may find enteresting and know if he is a good man.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Jan 07
Good suggestion, the problem. My hubby and I do not know many single men and the ones we do know I do not want to even try to get her to like.
@sbernama (47)
• Malaysia
21 Jan 07
she has been through alot of hell in relationship and all these make her cold towards man, but personally i should say she need a partner (man) by her side. it is not easy to find a real partner that really care and understand, but one has to keep on searching. u hsve to talk to yr sister in law. u have to findout her wish and intention. she needs yr encouragement. good luck
2 people like this
• United States
21 Jan 07
Thank you and I will take your advice and do that.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jan 07
She should stay beautiful, and take some time to look around work... not good to look, it will come when the right time comes. Or she can try online dating sites.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jan 07
Thanks for your advice I appreciate the response.
• Philippines
22 Jan 07
About that things i think she is not needed your helps becuase to find someone for our self it was our self also who will try to find it. Just give her your advice that she must be extra careful about finding a man and dont believe it very easy to man who propose to her coz there are lot of fakes here..I am not generalized to all man, but most of them, so she must better take enough time for it. Or maybe, as what you have said that she already have 3 kids so what is the use of looking for someone to be her partner, that she have already kids and maybe she could raise them all without that help of others. If it that's me, i am alrady contented with my life having three kids without a husband at all. Coz i never know, what if i found again another one and it just bring my life to a miserable one, then better to stay single with three kids.
• United States
22 Jan 07
I am happy for you being content with your children and not feeling as if you need a husband. However this is not the case with my sister in-law she is tired of being alone and trying to do everything on her own. Thanks for your response.
@adaline (32)
• Philippines
22 Jan 07
You can tell her to give some time first with her childeren and for herself as well.. Think about things that she needs to fix first.. like the future for her children, future plans for herself, and the like.. You could also help her regain her confidence first so that she will look for a guy who will love her more than she deserves.. in that way she will look for a man that will take care of her and her children.. you then can help her look for a good man.. maybe a friend who's long been looking for the right girl..
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan 07
thank you for your advice. I think she has had enough time but thanks for not saying not to help her..
@arlene_27 (231)
• Philippines
22 Jan 07
i can understand why you would think of helping your sister-in-law. but the truth is we can all just wait until she finds someone she can trust, and eventually, love. i've seen some successful married couple who met at blind dates and such works, but reality is not everyone can be that lucky. generally, we'll just have to believe that love will work itself out 'til she finds someone who's also been looking for her.
• United States
22 Jan 07
thank you for posting your thoughts on this topic they are helpful..Best wishes
@vanities (11387)
• Davao, Philippines
22 Jan 07
try to have her picture on line maybe it can help..but if she really dont want any partner for herself why worry??its her life now...and i think shes old enough to decide...
• United States
22 Jan 07
Thanks she does want a partner just the right one..
• United States
22 Jan 07
I think you are a great person to be willing to help. I think the only way you can truly help is to help put her in situations where she might meet someone. There is no one great place to meet the right person. I was 32 when I met my perfect match, (new Years Eve) in a club, 3200 miles from home,I had no intention of looking for someone. We've been married 10 years. Her father always told her to look in church, by the way her family loves me. The best thing is that she is constantly out there meeting people. By the way she had a 3 year old when I met her that not only did I accept as my own but that I legally aadopted.
• United States
22 Jan 07
Wow great response. Thank you and I wish you many more years of happiness with your lucky wife..
@kawillow74 (1417)
• United States
22 Jan 07
Gee, I feel for her but I would really let her do it on her own pace maybe she needs to be alone for a little while jump into one right after another it not a good thing. I would let her live alittle it sounds like she hasn't had any time to do that. I wish her lots of luck.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan 07
I am sorry I should have posted in my dicussion that she has been divorced for 3 years so she has had time. I found on many responses this same advice but feel that three years is plenty of time. Thanks for your input.
@moneymind (10521)
• Philippines
22 Jan 07
I do not think that it would be a good idea to introduce your sister to those dating sites so i think that since she is working, why not try to have some sort of party and invite those officemates of her. Who knows some one will be of interest on her. greetings. : )
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan 07
that would be a good idea unfortunately she works with all women and most of them are single also.
@alchemistrx (2569)
• Philippines
22 Jan 07
Just be there for her during when she's fragile with men. I won't suggest you finding a good man unless the one you find is someone you know from head to toe.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan 07
Thanks for the advice I appriciate it.
@bison007 (254)
• Indonesia
22 Jan 07
Before I do it, I will have some conversation with her, to find out if she is interested with my idea or not. If she does not agree with your idea, then don't do it. It's just going to make her life getting worse.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan 07
Oh yes, I have spoken with her about trying to help her find someone, she says yeah go for it but I bet you find no one either. So she is game. Thanks for posting.
• United States
22 Jan 07
Wow for a minute there I thought you were talking about me,lol.I would say she does have bad luck with men so far,but dont give up,where is she meeting her male friends?Does she get to serious to quick,I know this happens often when you leap before you think.like you said she is young,it will happen,good things come to those who wait
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan 07
I am sorry to hear you are having problems in this area too. She usually goes to one extreme or the other. She either goes to quickly or not at all. Thanks for your post and best luck to you also.
@smints8985 (1595)
• United States
22 Jan 07
I guess it would be best if she gets to know a guy she likes by herself in the right time, she's been through a lot and you trying to help her might not turn out as you want it to be, if it so happens that out of your good intention she gets into a relationship that is not successful once again, you might be the one to blame. Seems like she's not yet ready for a new relationship, as you've mentioned she's always busy with work. If she is ready to commit once again, I think she'll be able to find time for that herself.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan 07
I am getting a lot of this same advice and I will take it under consideration. Thanks..
• United States
22 Jan 07
How long has it been since she's dated anyone? If it is recently within the year, it is good that she waits. The most important thing is that she has to pioritize what is important to her and what she wants to do with her life before adding a man in her life. When all her kids and financial needs are taken care of then that will be a healthier dating scene for her and the kids. going on a cruise will be the ideal way to meet someone, because he can't run away from her...j/k..
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan 07
great thoughts but as a single mother she is broke most all the time and hardly can make her bills so somethings are out of the question. But it would be nice for her to find a good man with a job that could take her out now and again. It hasn't been a year sense she dated but she has only been out on casual dates that have lead to nothing. She always finds fault in them. Thanks so much of your input.
@kgwat70 (13396)
• United States
22 Jan 07
I am sorry to hear that your sister-in-law has had a difficult time finding a nice man that will love her and treat her right and respect her. She will find the right man when the right time comes. As they say, "Love will happen when you least expect it." I wouldn't advise her to go out and try and find someone but just let things happen. Some nice guy will come up to her and ask her out and treat her well.
• United States
22 Jan 07
I am beginin to think from all the responses that she should just sit back and hope for the best. Thanks for your input.
@csenguler (243)
• United States
22 Jan 07
well i dont think that you can help her in any way. Because if you help her and if something happens to her later you will be the one to be blamed. Help her by supporting her only and not by trying to find a boyfriend or something. take care
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan 07
Thanks for your response I believe I am starting to get the patern here and I should stay out of it. It is just so hard to see her lonely when she is such a special person and deserves so much more. Thanks for your thoughts.
• United States
22 Jan 07
The best thing I can suggest is not look for a man. Most of the time when your not looking one will come along that is a truly good man. Like they say, good things come to those who wait.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan 07
This many plp cannot be wrong but she has been waiting for mr right for 3 years now and all she has found is mr right now so telling her to wait without dicouraging her even more is difficult. But thanks for your thoughts.