what do you do if you dont like your husbands sister??

@babykay (2133)
Ireland
January 22, 2007 8:15am CST
...and it seems as if she doesn't really like you to?? And your husband wants you to spend lots of time together? Ok, its like this. I have known this woman almost as long as my husband which is nearly five years and we have never really bonded. She seems to me to be a cold person. Don't get me wrong, she has never ever done anything bad to me, she is just too prim and proper, its like she never lets her guard down. I catch her giving me disapproving glances all the time, but on the other hand she is very obliging and her and my husband get on really well which is great. My problem is that my husband wants us to go on holidays with her - which I could handle except she has no boyfriend or husband herself so it would be just too full-on for 3 adults together. Surely my husband must see that we aren't exactly bosom buddies? I mean, I think neither of us particularly like the other one, we just tolerate for the sake of my husband but he seems oblivious to this, but he is enthusiastic about the holiday. I have tried hinting etc but it just doesn't work. I even tried asking him did he think that she liked me. What do I do? Lets face it, we don't like each other and if it weren't for our sister in law relationship we would have nothing in common. My husband would be gutted if I said this to him.
10 people like this
69 responses
@BittyBiddy (2903)
• Ireland
22 Jan 07
I don't know why your husband would be gutted at you telling him the truth. We can't all get along with everyone. But, just tell him that three's a crowd and that whereas you like your sister a lot(grit your teeth), you're really not keen on the idea of spending a holiday with her. Surely to God his sister doesn't really want to go on this holiday anyway.
3 people like this
@kabella50 (309)
• United States
22 Jan 07
well there doesn't seem to be any real reason for this attitude except lack of communication.Attitude is a choice,it's not really an emotion.The two of you have similar taste in men because you both love the husband.Let that be a bridge between the two of you.You say he seems not to notice,he doesn't want to have to choose between his two women,and he shouldn't have to.Some people are who they are and their ways usually don't have anything to do with you.She is that kind of owman and maybe you could accept her as she is and not think she has something against you.Maybe if she's accepted just the way she is she will accept you just the way you are.Try laughing more when she's around,try including her in things even when you don't want to and change your attitude and even if she doesn't come around,you won't be angry all the time and your wonderful man won't have to split his love because you will not be involved in her moods.
2 people like this
• Canada
22 Jan 07
This is great advice and very wise. Listen to it - and all of the other wisdom that is being shared.
@berry9 (590)
• India
23 Jan 07
well when you take a holiday out,it means holiday for all nagging things in your life.you need to completely free your mind.when you have some worm crawling on you and annoying you even on a holiday,that is too much to tolerate.tell your husband this 'if you want me to be happy,i would like to spend the day with you and you alone',but if you still think me being uncomfortable is ok then,il join you to obey all that you say.my fiancee's sister is such a wicked crook.she wants to break our relationship somehow. your sister in law is much better be calm.
@ronita34 (3923)
• Canada
23 Jan 07
I have to agree that this is great advice i am sure he will understand regardless and maybe he can even have a talk with his sister to see if she can maybe lighten up!
@sylvrrain (661)
• United States
22 Jan 07
If you have let your husband know how you feel and he still wants you to be friends with his sister, then the best you can do is just be civil to her. A person can choose to make the best of a bad situation. Do your best to be nice to her, but you do not have to be best friends. Imagine what this would mean to your husband. Evidently, he loves his sister and he wants you to love her too. Even if you can't, you can be nice and civil, and he may never know the difference. You never know, the more time you spend with her, the more she may open up and not be so prim and proper. Maybe, behind the wall she has built around herself, she is not such a bad person. Give it a chance, and if it does not work, make the best of it for your husbands sake. Good Luck.
1 person likes this
@ninamama (24)
• Canada
22 Jan 07
ah yes - inlaws............. Is there a real reason you have not had this discussion with your husband? Show him this site. Make him understand. So what if he's bothered. Maybe he can talk to his sister. Maybe she loves you and simply does not know how to show it. Maybe she feels the same as you and she has absolutely no idea why you don't like her. Have you ever thought of asking her to sit down and discuss this issue? If you say you can't then prepare for a lifetime of this. Stand up and be strong. Maybe you don't realise that you have some responsibility here. You and only you have allowed this situation to get where it is. I am sorry honey - if this sounds harsh. But if by chance you don't plan on taking any of the advice that is given here then why waste your time. The answer is there. Chances are you already know what needs to be done. All the best in your efforts.................
1 person likes this
• India
22 Jan 07
you can carry your mother in law along, this would make ur sister in law busy with her...and u can enjoy some good moments with ur husband. this way ur husband will also be happy, as ur husband will think that u care for the family too.....try it out..might work for u. all the best.
1 person likes this
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
22 Jan 07
I think you are reading too much into her look. If she never lets her guard down it may be because she's been hurt badly in the past. It doesn't mean she's cold or feeling. It doesn't sound like you have any reason to dislike her but I can understand you wanting to go on trips alone with your husband. I would work on trying to get to know her and like her a little better. After all you will be seeing a lot of each other in the future if she is your husband's sis.
1 person likes this
@leedug (920)
• United States
22 Jan 07
Maybe you can take turns. For example, one holiday let your husband bring along his sister, but the next let him know that you want it to be just you two. There has to be a time and place to have extended family join you, and if she is around during ALL the holidays then that could cause a barrier in your marriage. On the other hand, that IS his sister, and no matter what he probably loves her. I think the best thing to do is negotiate. Try telling your husband that on some of the special occasions you just want him all to yourself :-).
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan 07
Maybe you should try to fix her up with someone in order to keep her company during these times. That way you don't have to hurt your husband by letting him know you really don't get along.
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
8 Feb 07
It might be best for you to talk with his sister and see if she is willing to tell him that the two of you don't want to spend alot of time together. Obviously he is onot picking up aon some subtle signals, and men rarely do anyway. It seems odd to me that he would want the two of you to go on vacation together with her not having a boyfriend or husband of her own. Also, I would think your husband would be adult enough to cut such close ties in favor of his relationship with you. Visitng for holidays makes sens, but to spend vacation time seems odd.
• United States
7 Feb 07
my husband knows I do not care for one of his sisters, and he doesnt expect me to hang out with her or want to be around her at all. The most I can give him, is to be nice whenever I do have to see her. as much as he would like you two to have a nice relationship, he souldnt expect it or force it.
@babykay (2133)
• Ireland
8 Feb 07
it is quite difficult isn't it, when we don't like our nearest and dearest's siblings? The problem is mainly that I haven't told my husband this as he quite likes everyone to get on with one another. He loves his sister, always talks about how good she is etc so I know he would be sad if I told him I don't quite care for her. But I am trying to get on better with her now.
• United States
22 Jan 07
Just out of curiousity, if this is how you feel, have you tried talking to her? If you think there's a problem, then you should really talk to her. Let her know that you respect her and all, but you feel as though she doesn't like you. Let her know that it makes you uncomfortable and all. Then, after you've talked to her, if things still don't change, talk to your husband.
@babykay (2133)
• Ireland
8 Feb 07
I have tried to talk to her and its like we just can't connect if you know what I mean. But we are getting on a bit better now.
• India
22 Jan 07
i"ll ignore her......without makin it very obvious....
@KHyuga (1700)
• Singapore
22 Jan 07
Yeah I guess if you two on't talk to each other it will minimise the conflict.
• Canada
22 Jan 07
I have a similair problem with my sister in law. The way we solve it is we treat each other with respect and be both have the understand that we are family and that will Never change. Unfortunately YOU are the one who will have to deal with this. If you have to go on the holiday then get your head around it and make the best of it. You don't have to spend your time with her if you don't like but it will take a really big person not to sabotage this holiday. Good luck.
• China
22 Jan 07
i quiet agree with you or better still avoid her.
@Debs_place (10525)
• United States
28 Jan 07
I am in a similar situation, but go along with it. I personally don't think the SO is that fond of his sister but he is just generally a nice guy. Sis is a spoiled brat and thinks the world revolves around her. We really don't see her that much and the SO very seldom calls her to see how she is. She only calls him if she needs something. I guess I am lucky in that area. She is married and now has a 2 yo. And of course, he is quite spoiled, she feels that the world should be around him. His birthday is in November, therefore, at every gathering from Halloween until Christmas, if there is a different person there who has not celebrated his birthday, she expects to have a cake and the baby to receive a gift. Maybe rather then complaining about the sister, you could charm hubby and say that you really have been looking forward to spending the time alone with him (use your femine wiles?) and suggest a shorter weekend trip could be done by the 3 of you.
• Philippines
23 Jan 07
Why dont you try to get along and be friends may be you could be GOOD FRIENDS. Theres no harm in trying.
• Philippines
23 Jan 07
I think you just dont know her that well enough yet. Why not try to get along maybe you could become good friends. Theres no harm in try you know. And if ever it doesnt go well atleast you tried.
• India
23 Jan 07
i will do nothing but just ignore her and i will find whats the big problem with her , then i will speak to my husband and i will make out the problem . if then also she is irritating then simply i will ignore her .
• Saudi Arabia
23 Jan 07
I dont know. You should tolerate and maintain relations.
• India
23 Jan 07
It is not that whereever you go you will find people whom you will like all of them. As you are comin to new place after marriage and you have some responsibility here you need to learn how to adapt with people. So it is better to ignore any thing that happens and start loving her.