Would you tell your spouse if...

United States
January 22, 2007 5:54pm CST
Would you tell your spouse if you met someone at work and found them attractive. Over time working with this person you get close and consider dateing or even sleeping with this person. Before anything happens you come to your senses and tell the co worker notheing came aome of your friendship. Would you still tell your spouse or would you keep it secret as no harm was done?
2 people like this
9 responses
@icequeen (2843)
• Canada
23 Jan 07
No...I would not tell my spouse...that is not something that your partner wants to hear. I am sure it would just make them mad. I would not consider sleeping with or having relations with anyone..other than my spouse anyway....That is ridiculous....
2 people like this
• United States
23 Jan 07
Do you think it might actually strenghthen the bond between you because your spouse would know you felt comfortable enough not to lie about it?
@classy56 (2883)
• United States
22 Jan 07
no i would never tell my spouse.you will be asking for trouble,if nothing happen why say anything or if it did i still wouldnt tell.its better to leave sleeping dog lay.that what the old say is.dont make trouble for your self.
• United States
23 Jan 07
Does that mean that you would be okay if your spouse didn't tell you about something like this? Would you want to know or would you not want to hear it?
@classy56 (2883)
• United States
23 Jan 07
i wouldnt want to know or hear about it,if nothing was done.then my spouse have nothing to worry about so why even bring it up.it will make you not to want to trust the spouse if they were thinking of doing it.hummm..next time they might
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21588)
22 Jan 07
It really depends whether you can carry it on your conscience. You did have the sense to call a halt before anything happened, which you are to be commended for, but your wife may not grasp that piece. Just your thoughts about this other woman might hurt her. If you can bear to have it on your conscience, I would say, no harm done, so keep it under your hat. But, having said that, I think you should try harder next time not to let your thoughts wander quite that far.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jan 07
Just to set it straight this is totally hypothetical. I am a stay at home mom so this isn't advice for my self. I just want to know if it happened to a person what they would do? Thanks for the comment though
@Darkwing (21588)
24 Jan 07
You're very welcome. ha ha ha. You had me fooled there. A good question though! Thank you for the opportunity to contribute to it. Have a great day! :-)
@Inklings (1257)
• United States
22 Jan 07
I would absolutely keep my distance from the coworker. It's not the end of the world to find someone attractive, but there is a big difference between being tempted and doing something about your feelings. Since I wouldn't allow anything to happen,I wouldn't mention it to my husband -- it would just make him feel insecure for no reason.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jan 07
When I asked my husband this he said, the great thing to say would be "Sure I'd tell you" but the guy in me says "Hell no I wouldn't tell you" However the man in me says I would never be in that position so I don't have to worry about it.
@kittykatzz (1133)
• United States
30 Jan 07
ok .. my opinion is this.. if you havent done anything, anything at all under these circumstances, why "open up a can of worms?" no.. i wouldnt tell.. to take this even a step farther even if something DID happen..as long as it's DEFINITELY and TOTALLY over . i STILL wouldnt tell.. heres the thing.. if you are honestly thinking of leaving your significant other, you owe it to them tosay something as soon as possible and if you dont you're just being even more cruel.. but the thing is if its over and done with, whats to be accomplished by telling your spouse what youve done to them?? i mean really.. to "clear your concience?" whether youy think that your spouse will leave you or stay with you.. no good can come of telling, it just ruins everything.. in my experience i know that if i cheated on my hubby (weve been together 10 years) i know he wouldnt leave me.. it would ONLY hurt him to know, so why do that to him?? to "clear my OWN concience??" no way.. that would be MY punishment for what i had done.. why hurt him too? id deal with it and move on, the hurt i'd have to deal with myself from carrying that burden would be my own fault and teach me a lesson for hurting him in the first place.
@xiongqh (793)
• Hong Kong
24 Jan 07
I think diffrent people make diffrent way to deal with it. and man and women have diffrent idea for that. If you are a husband, I don't think it is a good way to told your wife about that, it will make your wife crazy and envy, maybe she get angry with you, them arguement cannot avoid. If you are a wife, I think you can tell the truth to your husband, he don;t angry about it, just feel a little bad.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 07
Well, let me say this... if nothing happened... honestly, and you and your spouse have a good relationship, why say something that might ruin it? However, it depends on the relationship that you have with your spouse. If you know that it will not affect your relationship then you might tell, but honestly what is it going to do but possibly earn you mistrust that, if you ended up doing nothing, is unwarranted? Some things are better left alone. And THINKING is not a crime!!!!! Thoughts are thoughts, and some of them are better left private.
@rainbow (6763)
23 Jan 07
I have always told Shrek if I found someone attractive and he tells me, it's ok we're fiends and honest with each other. Once I tell him it takes the magic of having a naughty thought away and I'm far too lazy to have an affair. Shrek will even point out men on films/tv and say bet you fancy him don't you and quite often he is right, bless him he knows what I like and I list the persons good points so we can discuss him. We both know we'll never meet the Tv person so it's ok to chat and quite funny. I can usually guess who he finds attractive too, we have a laugh about it.
1 person likes this
@Sailor (1161)
• United States
5 Feb 07
A lot would depend on circumstances. For instance if you were one that had priors of cheating then it may be good to tell your spouse first before someone else does. Then the rest you sort of have to play it by ear.