When you can forgive but you cant forget?

United States
January 23, 2007 8:05am CST
What about this problem...an injustice has been done to you , it may be by family members, you have forgiven but you never feel the same and you are uncomfortable being around them. What do you do? It shows that your attitude has changed and you cant fake it.
6 people like this
28 responses
• United States
23 Jan 07
When someone we love hurts us it changes who we are, so much so one can compare it to a perfect precious china cup, it gets dropped and broken, we are then able to glue it and mend it, but it is never so perfect again. We are all capable of forgiveness and this is our duty, we owe it to ourselves and our loved ones, but I believe that if we totally forget we leave ourselves open and vunerable. We have a responsiblity to take care first of ourselves, then those that we love. Forgiveness does not mean being stupid.
4 people like this
• United States
24 Jan 07
exactly, and thats also in mind as far as what happens in the future. There are some very wise people here and you are one of them. Thank you for adding that because there is a great deal of truth in it.
2 people like this
• Canada
23 Jan 07
I have a situation like this myself. I don't have the ability to gush over people that I don't like. I am polite, cordial and respectful but I do not pretend. I think it would be dishonest to act any other way. I don't let it bother me anymore... accept and move along, is how I feel. There are other people I can spend time with, especially at a family gathering, so that's what I do. Gravitate towards the people that make you feel good inside :)
3 people like this
• United States
24 Jan 07
I totaly love that. Gravitate towrds the people that make you feel good inside. Thats a beautiful statement and thank you for sharing that with us.
2 people like this
• United States
24 Jan 07
That was very well put. I like how you think thinkingoutloud.
1 person likes this
@fady83 (617)
• Egypt
23 Jan 07
i think when some one u turst on him makes big mistake to you that will be makes you not forgot i mean when close friends makes problems to you
3 people like this
• United States
24 Jan 07
trust can get you into alot of trouble sometimes. There is something to be said about caution. I just think if you see red flags you have been warned.
1 person likes this
@men82in (1270)
• India
23 Jan 07
Its an unavoidable situation one has to face in life. It would be very difficult for us to be with those who had been unjustice to us even though we have forgiven them. But no way LIFE has to move in its own way and we need to adjust accordingly. We definitely feel that we feel to be odd with them but when they have been forgiven then no way we need to continue our relationship with them forgetting all that they have done to us.
3 people like this
• United States
24 Jan 07
I am always different around anyone who has chosen ro lie to me. I also feel that if its so easy for people to do and they do not feel remorse or apologise why should I believe they will be different.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jan 07
They will have to accept it and until they attempt to make restitution I don't give a sheet what they do or think.
3 people like this
• United States
24 Jan 07
life is so short that I feel I want to have peace and peaceful people in my world. That is whats on my mind about everything.
1 person likes this
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
23 Jan 07
Let it go. Unless you forgive them, it will interfere with the flow of goodness into your life. You gain nothing by holding on to these ill feelings. The injustice is in the past and it is time to forget it and move forward. It is not the person being around you, it is your attitude toward that person. Why hang on to feelings that make you feel bad or upset or angry?
• United States
24 Jan 07
you are right. your words are very wise. There are many wise ones here and we do have to move on. Its not always easy, but yes we do.
1 person likes this
@shywolf (4520)
• United States
23 Jan 07
Heh. I kind of have this problem right now, but it's not with someone in my family. It's with someone that i may have to spend a lot of time around this summer, though. It's kind of a complicated situation. Plus, I am not sure if I have completely forgiven this person. it's really hard for me to forgive completely, because when someone hurts me it cuts me really deep. People are very important to me, so when someone breaks my trust I never really completely forget it, even if I forgive them. I guess though that you just have to do your best to act as normal around the person as you can.
2 people like this
• United States
24 Jan 07
Thats a tough place to be in. You see for them it is easy to be fake or whatever but that is not me. I am just not like that.
2 people like this
• United States
24 Jan 07
aww shywolf, I hear ya, some of us have really sensative feelings and that goes along with treating others the way you want to be treated, (the golden rule) And we expect the same treatment back,but that doesn't always happen. and we seem to be targets for people to use as doormats also.
1 person likes this
@lifeiseasy (2292)
• United States
23 Jan 07
Unfortunatly that is human nature. We say we forgive but do we really?? The image in our brain will always be there. I have a problem with something like that as well and the family member is allowed in my home but has no keys and I will never trust them again... I am not sure that I forgave I just "get along" for the sake of other family members...
• United States
24 Jan 07
Now this also is my problem. I have those images. I cant just erase them. I can put them in their place, but no you cant just go back to where things were.
2 people like this
@kL1121 (60)
• Philippines
24 Jan 07
just recently, my boyfriend and i had a fight. he said something that hurted me. he doesn't know that in some way he insulted me and my family. now, he comes to our house acting like as if nothing had happened. i don't know if i could forgive him since havn't said sorry yet.
• United States
24 Jan 07
I am sorry that he didnt say I am sorry to you! I think whenever we are wrong , we should be very willing to say we are wrong. I have that problem in this situation because none feels that she should say the words muchless mean them.
• United States
24 Jan 07
Could it be that these people are so nieve that they don't even realise that what they've done hurt you? Have you told them what they did wrong, and how you feel about it?
• India
24 Jan 07
This topic is a good one as it is of concern to many. According to me it would be in our own benefit to forgive and forget. Our mind is not a machine it has its own limitations. One of these limitations is that it breaks down when you hold grudges and tensions for long. It is the same as holding an empty glass of water for an hour that would result in severe muscular demage, even though the glass was empty. Simillarily, keeping thoughts for long can strain your brain muscle. Keep away from thinking about the bad that had ever happened and live like a king.This is, what life teaches you. Some have learnt it and some would learn it soon. Cheers !! {:-))
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jan 07
this is a really good post. Live like a king and well you should. Know matter what...the ole saying that the best revenge is to live well is true. Live well everyone, no matter what any crazy relatives try to do to you! Just live well.
• Singapore
24 Jan 07
To forgive and forget is, unfortunately, very difficult. If I were you, keep your distance from those who have hurt you. It'll be a win-win!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 07
It is looking like that is the only way. I am afraid that it will just lead to more cross words and hard feelings. After all you can only listen to so much.
• United States
24 Jan 07
"Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me". You are the owner of your life and you let these people take advantage of you. I used to let my family control me, but then I woke up and decided that I wanted to be myself and do my own thing. See, I come from a generation that wants to be depressed and put the blame on everyone for their issues, when in fact, we only have ourselves to blame for letting it all happen. Sure, many of us have crappy past, but to blame everything and everything is ridiculous, we have to take the some of the blame and we have to change it for ourselves.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 07
You are right. I think their were control issues here and they were trying to manipulate us. Anotherwords, do what we want and do what we say or we are going to make everyone miserable.
@katty0004 (387)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I had that happen with my husband 's brother , they were working together at the time and our son was only 6 months old and was sick at the time it happened he got fire because he would not rent a house for them to use on a job site , its a long story so to make it short , I told him 20 years ago I would not step into there house again and his not welcome in mine , and thats the way its been since then I don't forget , and its lets me live a happier life not see him.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 07
I was hoping that everyone would put the brakes on and come to their senses before permanent damage was done. It does not always work that way. They are trying to live out the young and the restless soap opera.
@NancyLobo (681)
• India
24 Jan 07
I can forgive people who have wronged me I won't show any grudge to them even when I meet them face to face or I have to interact and do work with them, to forget what they have done is not easy, it remains in my mind but it does not interfere with my interaction with them, I feel hurt at times, but then don't bring those thoughts in mind again and again
• United States
24 Jan 07
I consider myself to be patient. I try to give the benefit of the doubt. I just cant see what does everyone have against being happy. Why do they have to have a soap opera?
@cjvw123 (16)
• United States
24 Jan 07
whatever has been done to you is part of you. It either makes you stronger, more compassionate,bitter or sad. you cannot and should not forget anything in your life. to forgive that person because you are a christian person is the right thing to do. But no where does it say you have to like that person. things will never be the same and don't try to pretend something didn't happen. just try not to dwell on it.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 07
Your ight because the dwelling on it will let them actualy hurt you even more. I think you have made some very good points. I also notice that these people do not apologize nor do they beleive in apologies either.
@lulu1950 (25)
• United States
24 Jan 07
You can write everthing down and how you feel about it all. this does help you realize your feelings and whats really bothing you. maybe even write the person who hurt you but explain kindly and lovingly. then pray for forgiveness lulu
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 07
thats a wonderful idea. I wanted everyone to love each other and get along . I was hoping they would all make that effort but I guess my hopes were too high and it wasnt meant to be.
@feeding11 (222)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Easiest way to resolve this issue and get past it. No one is perfect , of course, but imagine the shoe being on the other foot. You did the injustice and want the other to forgive you for it. Hard one, but I'm sure the other party at this time is feeling the same stress being around you. Family is important to get past situations like this. Like my mom always said "Friends come and go, but family is forever" Talk to the person that did this, and know it CAN be forgiven and forgotten. Life is to short to gold grudges, especially with family.
• United States
24 Jan 07
I agrre. Its time to move on. Lets hope they move on...and they wont try any other capers. I guess theyll find some person who isnt on to them andd try it all on them.
@pusiket (1758)
• Philippines
24 Jan 07
It's noraml to feel deeply hurt. Don't forced yourself in bringing back the old timed if you can't. Let the time heal all wounds first.
@sports (3)
• Pakistan
24 Jan 07
do u forgiv easily...?ya u right ,but to live in this world u need some thing call addaptation..until and unless u/ any does that they cant servive longer any how as u say it depend on each persons charachter
@wynna1 (1291)
24 Jan 07
Yes you maybe right saying that you can forgive but its difficult to forget.It is always the trust issue that you'll be dealing next.I think with this situation where you feel uncomfortable being around them then thats understandable, anyway they're the one who made a mistake and they're the guilty part, your conscience is clear and just do your own thing, be with somebody whom you feel comfy with and thats going to help you feel ok.