Wouldnt it be nice if people would take time to actually care?

@stephcjh (32388)
United States
January 23, 2007 10:58am CST
Wouldnt it be nice if someone out there could just stop for a second and stop thinking about themselves and judging other people and actually reach out there to see what kind of person they truly are? I know about half of my life is gone and it gets so lonely in this world thinking I am here all alone. Does anyone else feel like this? It is not just depression, its hard to explain. It is like no one out there knows you, nothing about you, only judges you for what they do not know and no one knows how to relate to you. Even though you go out of your way to explain to people how you are and what you like and believe they either butt in or cut you off or it is like they never want to hear a word you say, so therefore you just wish you could not even speak anymore because it just makes you feel like you just exist in the world and no one ever hears you or actually see who you truly are, which happens to be a very good person whi is kind, loving and caring, and would do anything in the world for someone else without ever having to be asked for anything.
13 people like this
45 responses
@slavena (87)
• Canada
23 Jan 07
Yes, I do think it would be nice if people would actually take the time to care. I find a lot of my so called 'friends' are fake. By fake I mean, they say they care and that they're always going to be there for me, but they never are. I haven't even seen most of them for the longest time. I feel like a lot of people are just 2 faced and only care about themselves and it makes me soo madd!! I also have come to the conclusion that most of my friends don't care.. when something is wrong they're just asking because they are nosiey and just end up judging me when they find out something is wrong. I have only met a few people in my life that actually CARE, it would be nice is there was more.
@stephcjh (32388)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Hi Slavena. I have had so many fake friends in my lifetime it isnt even funny. I do not even go out of my way to make friends with guys or girls anymore. They all used me out and usually cussed me out in the end when I have no clue what I had done wrong. Probably nothing. they were never there for me either. I can relate so much to the nosyness also. Thats why I am at home now. It was bad enough to have 2 faced friends but even in the workplace, I have tried to be friends with a person, be it guy or girl and got burned every time. Most of them like you said just wanted to nose in my business and spread the word. even I have went to them and told them dont come to me with gossip, dont want to hear it, it gets on my nerves and 5 seconds later they come to me and ask me if I want to hear the latest. They dont care what you say and they never listen. Even though I say no I dont like gossip, they will go ahead and tell me stuff anyway. now keep in mind we are at work and Im doing my job. They should be doing theirs, but they are too concerend about starting some stuff up. You are so lucky to have found people that DO care. I have yet to find any other than my husband. Even my family is not close to me because alot of them love to start stuff up and they do not understand how not to step on toes and use people. Im here for ya if ya ever need to talk. Many blessings.
@earthsong (589)
• United States
23 Jan 07
I've noticed that just when I think no one cares about anyone else, and everyone is out for themselves, something happens to surprise me. Recently I posted on a FreeCycle group for a coat for my oldest son. Only one man replied, he asked me to bring my son and meet him in a public place, he had a coat for my son. We met him at the appointed place and time. The man walked up to me, pressed something in my hand, told me to get my son a coat and started walking away. I saw the $20 bill he had folded up and gave me. He wouldn't stop walking when I tried to stop him, he wouldn't give me his name. When my son and I got back in our car I handed my son the $20 and said let's go see if the thrift stores have any decent coats. He looked at me and said "mom, there's fifty bucks here!" Needless to say, my son got a fantastic coat. I never did get the man to reply when I emailed him to thank him. We're all caught up in our own dramas, but if you look close enough you might just be surprised.
3 people like this
@stephcjh (32388)
• United States
23 Jan 07
Yeah everytime I seem to get down in the dumps about life, something always seems to come my way. Not exactly what I expect but it does come out to be something that is quite acceptable. There is a few good people still in this world and they are very hard to find. Not that i dwell on finding them but it is so good to hear that there is people out that that do sincerely care about another person and never expects a thing in return. That it what it is all supposed to be about. just think if the whole world was like that. We wouldnt have so much hatred, and violence. It is nice to hear from people like you who get to experience something good and is able to share it with others. that truly is a blessing what that man did for you all. Good luck on mylot and I wish nothing but the best.
@ahalapia (946)
• United States
23 Jan 07
I agree with you completely. Most not all, but most people are not here to help others they are here to help themselves and they forget the people that they left behind on the way. I am surrounded by alot of people that are only in it to see what they can get out of you or what you can do for them, but they always forget the people that helped them along the way.
3 people like this
@stephcjh (32388)
• United States
23 Jan 07
It seems to me also that everyone around me is just around me to suck what life i have in me out of me. I would do anything in the world for people that i possibly could and yet, it never seems to come back to me. I dont mean by gifts and such. I just mean come back to me as in love and peace and joy and happiness. thank you for posting on my discussion.
3 people like this
• United States
23 Jan 07
I think the world is in turmoil. Everyone is into their own schedules & deadlines. We all have so many things on our minds that we forget that the people that surround us are actually there. Some people just don't care at all. But others are just lost asking themselves the very same question. I try to take time out for everyone. I hold the door for the elderly, I will even sit and talk to a kind stranger instead of walking off. I try not to judge others but sometimes it's hard. We are all human. People don't stop and listen until catastrophe hits home. Such as 9-11, I am a New Yorker and I know that City is about hustle. Everyone is in a rush. After that trauma to the entire city and the world, I think we have all humbled ourselves and realized we are all together here. Sometimes we forget but we are not alone. We should take more time to listen to others and reach out.
3 people like this
@stephcjh (32388)
• United States
23 Jan 07
Yes. I always give my time to others. I never seem to get that back in return is the problem. I am married and have 1 child but I still feel alone. Even my closest realtives judge me for who I am not and cannot even take the time to fully lend their ear this way and understand who I am inside. I pour my heart out on the table and they just sit the almost dumbfounded like they do not comprehend a thing I say. I am older now and it still bothers me everyday that I was brought into this world it seems to be all alone emotionally. Depressing. thanks alot for your post to me and my heart goes out to everyone who was affected on 9-11. There isnt a time that goes by that I do not think about that day and I have rented all the DVD's about it to learn more of what those people had to go through. Plain terrible.
3 people like this
@dmillman (2273)
• United States
23 Jan 07
WOW, you hit the nail on the head with this one. I totally agree with you. Sometimes I think we'd be better off without all of this technology and go back to the way things used to be when people actually cared about each other. Back when a town rallied together for one another. Back before all of the violence where we were free to play on the streets and not worry about things. I feel that I've dedicated so much of my life to others, and have received nothing in return. Not that I'm looking for anything return, but, well, I don't know. It's just hard to explain I guess, unless you've got the same feelings.
2 people like this
@geejoy (345)
• Philippines
24 Jan 07
Empathy is the right term here...if you feel for others.....its as if you are feeling what they are feeling.....caring roots down to the fact that we are brothers and sisters in the face of God.....so caring is natural in us...those with hearts of stone....we'll they are just corrupted....but then, i dont think there is someone who is incapable of this word......every one of us in many ways care for each other.....even Hitler or any people whos reputation is not that good cared for those he/she loved.....
@stephcjh (32388)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I am so glad to hear from you. Im also so glad that you agree with me. Technology has really taken away from the real values in life. It is so fast paced that it seems familied do not have time to be families. I remember as a child growing up, grandma and grandpa used to get us little ones on the bus when my mom and dad went to work. In this day and age, parents have to take thier children to daycare or to another strange babysitter so they can go to work because in this day and age grandma and grandpa are still working themselves and cannot make the time for their grandchildren like they once were able to. We are gonna have cars flying in the air soon as fast as technology is progressing. You were trying to explain above about things being better way back when. you are exactly right. Kids cannot even watch cartoons on television anymore like Simpsons, Family Guy etc. because it is right down vulgar and nasty. I dont find those shows a bit funny. And the video games these kids play like Vice City with so called hookers in it and the kids running over cops and making people bleed is unreal. Im not looking for things in return from people either, other than acknowlegement and respect, but that us very hard to come by these days. I have always loved elderly people and was very partial to them and still am. to see on Television about the violence and teenagers beating one up or robbing them just makes me sick. I dont know what everythingis coming to. It is very scary to me, but it is very comforting alos to hear from people like you who have alot of the same outlooks on life as I do. Hopefully we can find some peace in our hearts to continue or remind ourseleves of them good ole days.
@icequeen (2843)
• Canada
23 Jan 07
I understand how you feel. However...just remember that there are still good people in this world even if you are faced with these feelings and thoughts. I am the same kind of person. I have been persecuted in my life very badly..and treated badly..and have suffered and cried many times. However..I still know that I am a good person..and to me that is all that matters. I think sometimes the nicer you are the worse you suffer in this world.
2 people like this
@stephcjh (32388)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Hi. Yes, I try to think there is alot more people out there like me, they just seem not to live close by me so I can relate one on one with them. Im sorry for all of us who have to go through this and discuss it publicly, but this seems to be some good counseling for me so far. I have also and still do cry many times but I think I am getting to the point where, I cannot even shed another tear about. I may be accepting the way things are or something or adjusting my life to it. I still know I am a good person also. we all have flaws, we are only human, but I do know if that I have no remorses. I also think the nicer we are the worse we suffer because it seems like it never comes back to us. It is just very hard to accept that it may never ever come back to us in this lifetime. At least we have each other here.
@lisa101 (1363)
• United States
23 Jan 07
I really do get what you are saying. There has been many,many times when im in a conversation with someone and they dont listen to what im saying. It makes you feel stupid too when others are in the conversation and you get cut off and no one will even look at you and say "now what was it you were saying". Just a simple request like that would make a difference. Its really bad when your spouse says how was your day and barely gives you enough time to respond before they start in about their own..In my opinion im gonna get sulled up about it cause why ask if you're not gonna listen!
2 people like this
@stephcjh (32388)
• United States
24 Jan 07
You are sooooo right on with this. I have been through that so many times myself. sometimes I have cut someone off just so I could tell them something very important before I foget to tell them, but as soon as Im done telling them what needed to be said, I will say, now im sorry, go ahead with what you were saying, what was it you were saying? Even if they say oh ummmm I dont know, forgot now, I will not stop thinking about and trying to help them remember what they said or where they last left off in the conversation. People respect that. So eventually I help them pick up where they left off and everything is fine. I hardly ever cut someone off though because it is rude, but if I feel it is important for them to know something right now, I must tell them. But I do apologise to them for it. And it also seems later they sometimes will thank me for letting them know something before it came back to bite them in the rear. My husband also will say how is your day, but to me he knows how all of my days go, but I do respect that he asks. But right after that I hear about his work day till we eat supper LOL. Its okay though because I know how the workplace can be for sure and you have to talk to someone who understands. So, sure I lend him an ear for it. Im here for ya and I listen and understand everything you said above. It gets frustrating don't it????
• United States
23 Jan 07
Unfortunately this is the world we live in today. We are to obsessed with our own lives to even take one second to think about others.
2 people like this
@stephcjh (32388)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I agree, but I would drop what I am doing at any given moment for someone who needed me. I just feel like no one would ever consider doing that for me unless there was something in it for them. It is not that i want someone to feel sorry for me or something. I just want them to truly care. I dont want a bunch of people or something either. Just one person who really was interesting in looking at me, talking to me, understanding me, valuing me, not judge me, and just make it a pleasant visit when we are around each other. One thing most important, to not talk about me when I am out of their site. I have tried to be friends with alot of people, men and women, of all ages and they all seem to just use me up and cuss me out in the end when I did everything I could do for them with no expectation of receiving an actual gift from them other than their friendship and loyalty and trust. If anyone out there has a true friend, hang on to them tightly. It is really hard to explain the loneliness you feel when it just seems that no one in this world that you know of can care for you the way you care for them. It is pretty much an emptiness feeling. Maybe some of us are just here to help others and others are just here to get all the help they can get? So, Im not sure why the ones like me feel empty. I guess we get that feeling when we get used all the time, it seems and then shoved to the side. I value your thoughts on this discussion and I agree that this world is very very fast paced and I do thank god every day that I at least have my husband and child still here by my side.
@paule4129 (968)
• United States
23 Jan 07
i agree with you i myself went through a kind of metamorphasis i got rid of my material possesions accept what i neede for my apt and gave them to needy people and helped people when i can also trying to do something nice for some one everyday/well ive gotten burned time and again been ignored in the middle of conversations and seen alot of fake people its kind of turned me into a loner but this has not stopped the good spirit in me to help and do good things for others i still have skills that i can donate and share with others sometimes i feel useless and lonely but imstill here and i never want to live life like i did before im careful not to "butt in"or ignore others cause we are all equally inportant
@stephcjh (32388)
• United States
24 Jan 07
That was a very nice thing to do. Just when we think all hope is gone, things seem to take a turn for the better but boy does it wear you out from the stress along the way to get there. I am a true loner also and I know exactly how you feel. It is like you are only here for everyone else and it is almost like no one will ever be there totally for you. I think we all have skills too. And we all have a purpose here. We all do not know what the purpose is, but you know every one of us is special in our own ways and just when you think no one else sees it. I especially do. I have went out of my way to go tell someone thank you for being you or thank them for being so kind, or thank them for not judging me right from the start.
@wesderby (178)
• United States
23 Jan 07
I can completely see where you're coming from...You give and give, and people just take advantage, and when you need them, they'e suddenly too busy for you, but expect you to be there the next time...I've learned you have to just keep plugging along. As someone here did say, you do find kindness when you least expect it. My wife and daughter and I were in Wal-Mart about a year ago...Money was tight, but we needed to get our car's oil changed. It was the day before payday, but we had to leave that next night right after work to go see my wife's grandmother in Montana, and that night was our only chance to get the oil change done. I had enough for the oil change, tire rotation, and to get us some dinner; that was it. It was getting late, the mechanics were taking a lot longer to even get our car up on the jack than they said they would...My daughter (13 months at the time) was getting cranky. my wife grabbed her a toy to play with while we waited...She was playing, and some guy came up and just started talking to us. This is unusual because over all, it seems people here in the Seattle area are pretty standoffish...Nice guy though; his wife and family were shopping, and he was just hanging out on the bench waiting for them. They called our name on the PA system to tell us our car was ready, and my wife told my daughter she was going to put the toy back. My daughter started to cry, and the guy pulls out $20, hands it to me, and says "I love doing this for people...the toy's on me", and walked away to meet up with his family. He didn't know I was tight on cash until the next day, we never exchanged names, didn't have any idea whether or not I was intending to get my daughter the toy...He just said he liked to give families with well-behaved kids a little somthing to say "Thanks for raising good kids"...Coolest thing I'd ever seen.
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32388)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Yeah, I have no problem giving whatsoever. I do not like taking. When I talk about getting something in return, respect is very nice. It costs nothing but time and effort. I have a sister that I just helped moved, loaned her some money for a new place to rent as she was being evicted from her old place. Then my husband and I helped her move into her new place. Every since we did that she calls all the time for us to help her fix her dryer, fix her ceiling fan, take her places sometimes, and also take her to the grocery. It seems she does nothing to help herself even though I have provided her full details on how to go about it. Then this past Christmas we got her a prepaid cell phone and 2 cell phone cards because she didnt have a phone or no money supposedly. Well, here it is only not even a month later she gets a contracted cell phone through her daughter and lord knows whatever happened to the new phone we just got for her. She hasnt even told me she has a new phone. i heard that from my daughter who found out through another family member. to me that is using people and it was a slap in the face to us. I could have spent that money on my child. It just seems she wants the best of things at everyone elses expense and has no respect for the people or the possessions she acquires.
@stephcjh (32388)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Also, it is so nice that the guy bought that toy for your little girl. Some people do value the way some people live by the old standards and have respect for others and they do value the way some people raise their children with respect. That is a very nice story to hear. If everyone in this world was as generous as some of us are, we wouldnt have rich, poor, starving, homeless, needy, depressed people, violence, theft, feelings of inadequecy, divorce, unemployed. I could go on and on on that subject. It is just hard to accept that all of us truly are unique and different but I will never understand why we have to be different in the worst ways.
@ronita34 (3923)
• Canada
24 Jan 07
I am actually just like you in some ways!! I am a very kind, generous , loving and caring person and this does get frustrating. In this world though there are only so many people that we can look to and rely on for certain things and those people come in our lives when we seem to need them the most!! God Bless!!!
@stephcjh (32388)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I think I have become to rely on myself and god the most. I search and search for that humanly figure to come into my life and truly be ther for me but I truly believe the actual person does not exist around me. I am so glad to have met all of you online. I belive my truest friend to the end of whom I can rely on comes from a high power and maybe that is why I am here with you all today. It seems that every time I am at my wits end with life or anything. someone is always there for me to the end but there are never an actual person.
• United States
24 Jan 07
I was asked a question recently which I answered asking if you would remember some who shook you hand. I said sometimes depends. I think a memory of a person may need a little more such as a simple concern or a simple comment of a compliment of some kind. I also have remember people who sat down and talked to me and or I went out with at least once or more to dinner, lunch or breakfast. I think a simple loving or carrying word or compliment can speak loudly in someways.
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32388)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I also think simple acknowlegements can carry in someones life for a lifetime. When people have a need for something and someone shows them some concern for it, whether the need was filled or not, it just seems to stick in that persons head for a lifetime because they got so close to someone who almost let them grasp onto what they have been looking for their whole lifetime. I will remember people just for them remebering my name or any word I say. I think caring words and just simple acknowlegement is very memorable also. even if someone does not really know but shows an interest to know something about you truly helps also. At leats they tried to be a part of your life and thoughts and tried to understand you.
• Sweden
23 Jan 07
May I just first say that the last sentence of yours is the longest I've ever seen in here so far. Haha! However, I recognize myself in what you're saying. The only people that actually "know me" are the members of my family. I don't know why but I seem to have trapped myself in a certain character when I'm in school or in any other social situation where I just can't seem to find myself or be able to express myself the way I would like to. It is depressing to know that things are like this when they could get so much better if a chance was given.
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32388)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Hello there. LOL, I guess I go so excited from people responding with the same outlooks and views that I just went on and on and on before realizing that sentence turned into half a book LOL. At leat you have your family who knows you. I dont even have that. When I was growing up, i was tomboyish and it was hard for me to sit and play with barbies and such. But I did play barbies with my sisters. what I am trying to get at though is that I wanted to play with boyish things like, hot wheels and such and race car tracks. It was like I never fit in. I am married now to a wanderful man. We hunt and fish together and sit and sometimes talk to each other but he really does not understand the way I am, but I do know he loves me. I honestly thought I would never meet someone to spend the rest of my life with because of the way that I am different. It was very hard to be feminine when I enjoyed so many boyish things. It is still hard for me to this day to be feminine when I still like to hunt, fish, etc. It is however still hard for me to exactly express my true self in front of him too, because with him being a man, it may be a turnoff. He says he likes that I enjoy the things he does. Maybe some day I will go out on a whil and be abled to come out of my shell and express who I truly am and still be accepted for it. I hope you can do that also. Maybe some day we will be able to spread our wings and fly with the rest of the people in the world.
• United States
23 Jan 07
It's rare these days to find people who are genuinely nice. There are more people who are high-strung and rude out there to ruin the day it seems
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32388)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Exactly. You know what?? I have noticed that too. There are so many people out there who just down right want to do anything they can it seems to ruin the parade for others. Why? Who knows. I have never known one day of my life to go by where I can actually say I have have had an awesome, peaceful day. Even if all day long the day was good, the phone will ring or something and whoever is on the other line tears your nerves up so you cannot even go to bed and get a peaceful night sleep. As soon as my nerves get tore up, I get really nervous and jittery inside and I get to thinking about things and how I can change them or get myself away from them. I will wear myself out thinking about all of that until I guess my mind just gets so tired and I just fall asleep. As soon as my feet hit the floor the next day though, Im back to thinking "whats gonna happen today? and what kind of rude person is gonna want to ruin it for me today? That is awful to think like that, but it never ceases to fail me that it is the way things go and who knows how to make it better or change.
@vdhill (65)
• United States
23 Jan 07
When are you going to stop focusing on you and start caring about other people? That's when people will start caring about you. Instead of talking, start listening. Instead of thinking yourself secure, understand that you're as vulnerable as the rest of us. Instead of thinking you're special, understand that we are all special. Stop patting yourself on the back and pat someone else on the back, for a change. Now is a good time to begin, my friend.
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32388)
• United States
23 Jan 07
Hi. That is what this discussion is all about. I do care for others nonstop but never get it back in return is why I posted. I never pat myself on the back. I feel as though I do not get enough respect to do that. I have more respect and feelings for others and not myself is the problem.
1 person likes this
@Ariana17 (92)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Its hrd for people to relate to you if they haven't experienced the same things as you. All these feelings you have and are trying to explain they hven't had to experience. I have depression nd its hard for my boyfriend to understand what I'm feeling. I keep explaining it to him but he never seems to understand me. Thats why I like mylot. There are people here who have gone through similar experience and want to get to know you and what you've been through.
@stephcjh (32388)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Hello Ariana. It is very nice to meet you. I have really come to like MyLot also. I am so glad to meet people like of whom I can relate to. Im not sure if I suffer from depression, anxiety, bipolar or post trauma or what is is. I havent been diagnosed by a doctor. To me, I think I suffer from just plain every day life and the things we all have to go though daily. Im really not sure. All I know is try and try and will continue to do so.
@weemam (13389)
8 Mar 07
Well my friend , You are not alone , I have made loads of friends on the net , some I have met and some not , But the ones I have not are no less a friend to me , I pride myself in being a good judge of character , and I can sense that you are a lovely caring gentle person , this comes across in your posts whether you realise it or not , so you are not alone , I hope you can class me as a friend too xx
@charms88 (7546)
• Philippines
8 Mar 07
Hello steph, as far as I'm concerned, I always treat people with respect. In fact, there's three things that I really don't like about myself. Too trusting, too generous and too sensitive. I easily get hurt by just the slightest comments from a person. Your discussion may be a month old, but I can feel your passion here. People you know before may not be the same today. Like the passing of time, peole changes too. We just try to be the best that we can. We should also understand that other people also have their own lives to lead. Go look for something that you like to do. Be happy, my friend.
@Avichail (694)
• Indonesia
7 Mar 07
Dear Steph... I feel sorry if at the moment you feel so bad and low like that... I once felt like that, too. That everything was burdened on me. And as if it was not enough, after doing so much, I was still to blame for many things, too! No caring, no thanking, only judging and complaining. But it's different now because actually when I was like that, it was because I care too much about pleasing people and always taking things under my control. I chose to focus on what I had not. I wanted to do something because I wanted something in return from other people. Which is not entirely incorrect. But it will eat me out inside if that is my reason to live, my purpose to do things. Because people will always disappointing no matter how nice they are. After we're all the same, so imperfect. I now choose to only care about what matters in God's eyes. It is not easy and I keep failing from time to time. But without God, I cannot call it life worth living for. It's been a truly different journey with this focus shifting...=)
@praveen32 (310)
• India
1 Feb 07
definately...............