Is the age of chivalry dead and gone?

Ireland
January 23, 2007 4:35pm CST
Today I took my daughter to swimming lessons. There were chairs for the parents to sit on, but not enough. I had to stand. There was one guy there and he was sitting in front of me. He saw me but didn't offer me the seat. So, this led me to thinking, are men not gentlemen any more? Is the age of chivalry gone? Do women have to stand while men sit? If I drop something, will no man bend to pick it up for me?
19 people like this
73 responses
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
23 Jan 07
I know a lot of fellas in Australia have the attitude that women wanted equality and they got it so every person for themselves, somethimes I think this womans lib thing was not the best thing to have happened.
• Ireland
24 Jan 07
Women's lib has nothing to do with it. The fact is that women often need to sit, for instance, during that time of month when they may have severe back pain, stomach pain and be quite tired. Or they may be pregnant. Men should acknowledge this and still be courteous.
@urbandekay (18312)
24 Jan 07
Equality has everything to do with it and the questioner just wants equality when it suits her but also wants those components of 'inequality' that she prefers. all the best urban
2 people like this
@urbandekay (18312)
24 Jan 07
Now bitybiddy argues that women have a special need to sit down once a month but I want to know is when she does not have this special need does she chivalrous give up her seat to elderly men? all the best urban
1 person likes this
• Canada
23 Jan 07
You know, I really admire and respect a polite, caring gentleman :) It would have been nice for the man you saw at the swimming lessons to offer his seat. I agree, manners and chivalry really seem to be disappearing quickly and it's sad. I hate to say this, ladies, but I think some of our gender are not helping the situation. I have seen that my husband, on multiple occasions, will hold a door for a woman and she blows by without so much as a smile, a nod or a thank you, leaving him to wonder if he's offended her in some way. He just shrugs at me, as if to say, "should I not have done that???" I tell him to always do it and that most of us really do appreciate it. I think if we like to receive courtesy, we should also extend courtesy... a polite acknowledgement isn't so hard to offer ;)
4 people like this
• Ireland
24 Jan 07
You have a very valid point there thinkingoutloud. I have often held open a door for someone, or let someone pass through the doorway first and very often there has been no mention of the words "thank you". But, I still do it because I won't lower myself to their level. I prefer to know in my own heart that I have some common decency. Fair play to your husband.
2 people like this
@mary3267 (32)
• Canada
24 Jan 07
I hear what you're saying and I like when a man is a gentleman, but something to consider is that I have actually know women who get offended if a man opens a door for them. To me that is rediculous to be upset over that. It's not a gesture that you are weak or anything, it's only bein polite, and having manners. for someone to take that gesture as an insult to me means that you have insecurity issues.
3 people like this
• Ireland
29 Jan 07
Mary, I've marked yours as the best response because of the point you made above. Thank you for voicing so clearly what I was trying to say.
@paule4129 (968)
• United States
23 Jan 07
no that would not be the case with me around i still open doors and give up my seat for a lady its a hard habit to break besides i know if i pick up something for a lady its good for a positive reaction tooo its nice to hear a thank you and nice bum hun lol
2 people like this
• Ireland
24 Jan 07
That's good Paule. It's nice to know that people like you exist and that you have .....er.....some nice features.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 07
thank you dear.
1 person likes this
@inked4life (4227)
• United States
23 Jan 07
It's definitely a lost art. I still prectice it. I will always give up my seat or hold open a door for a woman (especially elderly ladies), and make my kids do it too.
2 people like this
• United States
24 Jan 07
Good for you inked! We have taught our children to do the same. See, all these folks that want to bash those with tattoos and say that they are 'trashy' need to read this! Here is a man with tattoos that reamins chilvalrous (is that a word?)and kind. *smile*
1 person likes this
• Ireland
24 Jan 07
Chivalrous is a word, yes. Inked, it's lovely to know that you're teaching your kids to be mannerly. :)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I am afraid that it is. Ever since the dawn of the women's lib movement men have been afraid of being called sexist if they do something just for a women. In fact I once had an incident at college. I was chatting with this girl from my science lab (in fact she had been assigned as my lab partner) when we reached the door leading out of the building. This door was a pull-in style door. Since my arms were free and my friend had a load of books I opened the door for her. Boy did I get an earful, and I thougt the sailors I knew were bad. For this reason, and I assume others have gotten this treatment as well, I tend not to be a chivalrous as I once was.
• Ireland
29 Jan 07
Well paulpasach, I think that was extremely rude of your lab partner. I can't believe it. It's astonishing that she wouldn't appreciate that you were opening the door for her convenience. She was very ignorant. The least she could have said was thank you.
@shilpaum (1753)
• India
24 Jan 07
WE...Women..ask for equality with men..& again we expect some things which make us subordinate. HE has 2 legs as we have...then why should he give his sit to us...? Under the heading of Gentlemen we need favour of men..& when it comes to us..we reject with the reason of equality. Sorry if ur feeling bad,but we should make ur own sit,shouldn't take others!
• Ireland
24 Jan 07
I don't agree with this. It is because of people like you that men don't give up their seats. We are capable of a lot of things that men are capable of, but we are NOT the same as them. As I have explained, there are often times when a woman needs to sit down. Just because a man offers his seat does not mean that he is classifying us as a subordinate. That is a ridiculous idea. If a man offers me a seat it means that he is polite and thinks enough of me that he should do this. Your post says a lot about you considering that you also posted that you need a second wife for your husband.
@babystar1 (4236)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I was at work today and was walking up the steps and my coworker was next to me, (a man) do you think he opened the door for me no I had to open it for him.But I do think there is still some gentlemen out there yet. I know my hubby is still a gentlemen.
2 people like this
• Ireland
24 Jan 07
Babystar, I think I would have come to the first closed door and just stood there. And if he asked why I was standing there I'd say "Oh, sorry, I thought you were going to open it for me".
@sweetlady10 (3617)
• United States
23 Jan 07
I think people are losing inocence day by day. No matter man or women, people are getting selfish more than ever. No one caers for other any more. There are very few people who cares about their surroundings.
2 people like this
• Ireland
24 Jan 07
Yes, it seems to be a real "dog eat dog" world.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
23 Jan 07
Yes Biddy I think it is to be honest with you there are not many Men left now that are Gentlemen anymore unfortunatly but there is nothing we can do it is how the world is turning
2 people like this
• Ireland
24 Jan 07
It's a pity. Gentlemen impress me a lot I have to say.
• India
24 Jan 07
There are many persons with helping mind so do not determine all the mens in that form. Make sure that you do not decide all the men in a single situation in a bad manner.
2 people like this
• Pakistan
24 Jan 07
Well it really depends on the person's personality, As for me I have helped countless numbers of maiden in distress, be it losing something or just to give them a helping hand. Yes I do agree that in this modern age chivalry has really dropped low and as people call "A person eats person world"
2 people like this
@Outsider (42)
• Canada
24 Jan 07
No BittyBiddy there are still some of us out there who take great pride in being a gentleman... It is unfortunate you ran into one of the growing number of self-centered individuals who won't look beyond their own wants and needs.
• United States
25 Jan 07
Woo Hoo! Glad to hear of some other guys out there that are gentlemen! I applaud your selflessness. :)
1 person likes this
• Ireland
29 Jan 07
Thank you outsider for posting. I'm glad to hear that you take pride in being gentlemanly. I wish more people did.
• India
24 Jan 07
no its not over yet, there are people who still are gentlemen and use chivalry wherever possible, just that their number is dwindling.....but due to all the man-woman equality and free-lib revolution there has been a little change in the way guys are bought up, so manners and etiquette that was bred when we were young has been missing ,....so there has been scarcity of gentlemen, but no extinction.....
• Ireland
29 Jan 07
It's interesting, isn't it? That because suddenly women were being treated as equal in the workplace that all courtesy towards them was dropped by certain people. But, then I suppose you have those women who don't appreciate things like that.
• Ireland
29 Jan 07
It's interesting, isn't it? That because suddenly women were being treated as equal in the workplace that all courtesy towards them was dropped by certain people. But, then I suppose you have those women who don't appreciate things like that.
@moonmagick (1458)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Unfortunately I dont think there are too many men left that have a chivalrous side. That was one thing that attracted me to my husband. he is the first man who ever opened a car door for me, or held a door, or held my coat while I put it on, etc. I once asked him where he learned his great manners, and he said if his mother ever caught him not behaving like a gentleman, she would tear him a new hide. I always thought that was sweet. Of course now that we are married, he doesnt open car doors, I carry in the groceries and the baby myself, etc, go figure. But I plan to try to instill those values and manners in my son. Lets just hope he carries them beyond the dating phase.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
24 Jan 07
Moonmagick, your husband just needs a little nudge to remind him to carry in those groceries. ONCE my husband stood at the hall door as I was bringing in bags. It was the last time he stood there. LOL!
• United States
26 Jan 07
Trust me, sometimes I wanna give him more than a little nudge, lol.
@alchemistrx (2569)
• Philippines
24 Jan 07
You know one thing mam is that i have blurted out to someone that is he ungentle who I came to be my boyfriend and ever since and trying to be gentle. But all over nobody's a gentleman anymore.I guess the world is turning in front of our eyes.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Jan 07
But some are still there in them.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
24 Jan 07
Yes, it's certainly fading.
• United States
30 Jan 07
I'm a women, yet I still give up my chair to anyone impaired or elderly, male or female. I also leave my restaurant or coffee shop table if people are waiting to seat their family. Recently I moved from a big table to a small table when the restaurant got crowded so a family with children and a baby could all sit together. I don't think it's about gender so much as it's about being thoughtful and aware.
• Ireland
31 Jan 07
I agree that people should be more aware. I would do the same as you did in the restaurant. It means a lot when others treat you like that.
@yogiraut (230)
• India
29 Jan 07
ITS UNFORTUNATE THAT THERE R NO MORE GENTLEMEN IN THIS WORLD.VERY FEW R LEFT WHO WILL OFFER THEIR SEAT TO A LADY OR AN OLD MAN. THIS IS AN UNFORTUNATE THING BUT TRUE ONE.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
30 Jan 07
Yes, it is unfortunate as I think it's a very romantic thing to do when a man offers a lady his seat.
@Bee1955 (3886)
• United States
29 Jan 07
Parents dont teach manners to their children anymore and I think thats why today's young men dont bother. I'm fortunate to have men help me but I've had my days without it. You have to expect it today with the "modern man".
1 person likes this
• Ireland
30 Jan 07
Yes, I think that's where the problem is generally and this goes for men and women.
• United States
24 Jan 07
Well, I think that for the most part, yes, chivalry is a thing of the past. However, there are still some men out there that do the right thing and it's wonderful! I'm very thankful to have one of those men and we are raising our son to be the same way. It's sad that our society is so ill mannered anymore. Things that were considered to be common courtesy are now "going out of the way for someone". Thanks for posing the question.
• Ireland
29 Jan 07
Thank you for replying. I''m glad that you and your partner are trying to instil such courtesy into your son. It's lovely.