my son is abusive

@linda345 (2661)
Canada
January 23, 2007 9:13pm CST
This is embarrassing for me to even write about. But I am really feel like I am losing control. We let my son move back into the house in November when he got kicked out of his apartment. It was only supposed to be for a month until he found a new place. He has lost 2 jobs since he moved in and is making no effort to find a new one. He just calls me names all the time. He calls me a fat wh**e, f**king b**ch, lazy c**t and many more. It hurts me so much. I know it is the drugs. We have told him he has to be out by the end of Feb. My husband doesn't realize this abuse is going on because I haven't told him. Today my son threatned to put his fist through the screen of the computer. My husband is sick of having to get at 4:30 go to work until 7 pm and my son is doing nothing. He is ready to walk out. Can you imagine what he would do if he knew about the abuse?
17 people like this
46 responses
• United States
24 Jan 07
Don't feel like you are the only one .. I have a son like that, no matter what I do he is abusive to me, I am to a point now in my life that I will not take the abuse anymore which means I can't see or talk to him, is it right for me to suffer like this or am I suffering more by talking to him, I feel your pain~!
6 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
24 Jan 07
It is a horrible feeling. I keep remembering the cute funny little boy I had and wondering what happened to him.
1 person likes this
@achyuta (2854)
• United States
25 Jan 07
Why are you not telling your husband? Explain to him whats going on and deal with it as best and as sensibly as you can. It is not doing your son any good either. In sucha condition if he sees that youa re tolerating everything chances are he will up the ante. For everyone's sake talk to your husband.
@coolcatzz (1589)
• Canada
24 Jan 07
I am responding to you as a friend. I have told you so many times not to take this from him and you won't seem to listen to me. What do I have to do to get you to hear me??? You are going to lose your husband and then you will be so sorry. You'll be alone and your son sure won't care. He should be out on his butt. If he was making an attempt at getting clean and getting a job that would be one thing and perhaps reason enough to help him out but this way is ridiculous. Let your children stand on their own two feet. Toughen up. You have to because you are not doing them any favors even though you think you are. As Dr Phil says you have to command respect. Not demand it. You have to act the way you want to be treated. You act like a doormat now and that is all they see you as. Enough of feeling guilty it's time they grew up and stopped blaming you for every little thing. You know I care about you and I would do anything for you but this just drives me crazy. I am so sick of seeing you down and depressed because of them. You are at the time in your life where you should be living for you and your husband and enjoying your granddaughter. Step up, toughen up, I know you have it in you.
6 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
24 Jan 07
I know I have to listen this time. It is crazy. I just took a phone call for him from a pizza place that he applied for a full time job. So that is a start. But the question is can he keep it. My biggest fear is if I do kick him out, something is going to happen to him on the streets. He is all talk and no action. He has been beaten up twice in the last few months.
3 people like this
@unisis (1674)
• Indonesia
24 Jan 07
i think do not feel like that you are not only the one who have the problem, I also have a son like that, no matter what I do he is abusive to me, I am to have a point now in my life that I will not take the abuse anymore which mean I can not see or talk to him, is it right for me to do like this or i will be suffering more by talking to him
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
24 Jan 07
How did you get the courage to make that decision.
2 people like this
@nhingneng (131)
• Philippines
24 Jan 07
you really have a very abusive son. i think you should send him to a rehabilitation and get cured after that send him also to a psychiatrist. he shouldn't be doing all of that to you considering that you're her mom. you're son doesn't know how to respect. how can you stand to all of that?
3 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
24 Jan 07
I can't force him to go to rehab or a psychiatrist. I have offered both. I can't stand it. Everytime he calls me a name it is like a knife cuts through me.
1 person likes this
@dmajkc (197)
• United States
25 Jan 07
Arrange for him to enter counselling or a rehab center. If he refuses make him leave. I know that sounds cruel, but for your marriage and the relationship with your son, this cycle has to end.
2 people like this
@yorb24 (2181)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Probably kick your son out on his butt right now. You don't have to take this. I'm guessing he is of age. You really should ask him to leave. He should be greatful and he's not. Doesn't sound like he is going to change anytime soon.
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
24 Jan 07
He is 19, has about a grade 10 education because he refused to attend school even though he is smart. You are right.
1 person likes this
@faizumz (37)
• Pakistan
24 Jan 07
Look lLinda,first you must realize that by letting youyr son continue this and being lenint toards him is not doing him any favours. You must act not harshly but strictly.
3 people like this
@classy56 (2884)
• United States
24 Jan 07
i feel sorry for you i know kids can be mean an abusive an i know you love your son.but dont give him till Feb.to get out.things can get really ugly by then..i would give him 3 days to get a job an get out.that is your home an if he do not respect you or your home.he has know business being there.send him to a homeless shelter.if you have to call the cops an have him removed.protect yourself from him before he harms you.i dont want to sound mean.but this is for your good.tell your husband what has been going on with your son.your son is useing you kick him out an let someone else take care of him.or put him in a treatment somewere.i wish you lots of luck
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
24 Jan 07
I am going to tell my husband to night. As I have been responding to these messages he has got a call back on a full time job he applied for.
1 person likes this
@classy56 (2884)
• United States
24 Jan 07
im glad you are going to tell him.this way your not alone.an have relived some stress also.god bless
2 people like this
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
25 Jan 07
I know he is your son, but when he has his next outburst, then tell him he has to leave. If he won't go willingly then call the police. I understand that this might be hard for you because he is your son, but he should not treat you like that and in a way you may be helping him to straighten his life out because he would have to stand on his own to feet and support himself. I wouldn't put up with it from my kids and I think you deserve more respect from him.
2 people like this
• India
26 Jan 07
I think your suggestion is an effective one this makes linda's son to think his mistakes and take a new path in his life
2 people like this
@kristia (138)
• Philippines
24 Jan 07
it's better for you t tell your husband about what's really hapening. yu can continue like that, trust me, if you always protect your sn, there will come a time he will lay his hands on you.. HE SHOULD BE STOPPED!! send him into a rehabilitation center ... or just kick him out of your house for him t learn and be independent and realize his mistakes
2 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
24 Jan 07
I have kicked him out 3 times before. I thought he would have learned his lesson and I let him come back cause he got kicked out of his apartment for non payment of rent. He refuses rehab. The only thing to do is kick him out agian.
1 person likes this
@shaz6611 (951)
• Australia
24 Jan 07
What a sad situation, I can imagine that your heart is breaking but it seems now that you need to put yourself and your husband first. Your son is an adult has made his own choices and no one deserves what he is dishing out to you.
2 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
24 Jan 07
My heart broke along time ago. He was such a good little boy. He is smart and had the potential to be anything he wanted to be. He only has a grade 10 education and all he can get for work is line cook jobs and pizza places. And he can't even hold these down.
1 person likes this
• India
24 Jan 07
It's better to have none than a thankless child... I feel sorry for you. I don't understand how children can grow up becoming such perverts. I wouldn't abuse like that even in my dreams, whomsoever it maybe. But I understand the circumstances in which your son is acting that way, which is very unfortuante indeed. I guess he will be having some good friend or a person whom he values the most ( But considering the respect he is showing towards you, I severely doubt it! ) Get somebody to speak to him, and then try to enlist rehab support. I can't even imagine the mantal trauma you must be undergoing, and nnot telling your Spouse about it shows the strength in your character... But that isn't the way it's supposed to be I think. But yes, your husband too must be cool headed with the issue, it's better not to rush with things in such a case. Hope this helps, and please excuse me if I have said anything indignant. Good luck.
2 people like this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
24 Jan 07
I am glad to hear you won't abuse someone. I think that if he abuses me like this he will more than likly abuse his wife if he gets married. And yes it does cause me alot of mental stress.
1 person likes this
@moneymaka (496)
• United States
25 Jan 07
Wow such a child like this shouldnt even be living around you, you should step your game up, He obviously has no respect for you, Just tell your husband and he will take care of this i guarantee you.
2 people like this
@crosa125 (1484)
25 Jan 07
you have to put your foot dwon love
2 people like this
@kristia (138)
• Philippines
24 Jan 07
kick your child out house and he will sn realize his mistakes...
2 people like this
• Philippines
24 Jan 07
hi,,im 20 yrs of age and symphatize with you..but somehow there is a reason why he throw abusive words..but for any reason he may have,,he still doesnt have any right to do that..most especialy to you...sometimes you need to practice ur authority as a mother..you have every means to do that..tell you husbund about your situation,he need to know everything..
2 people like this
• India
24 Jan 07
i think you should take him for rehab.....but first youshould discuss this with your husband....just throwing your son out wont be a good thing...
2 people like this
@rusty2rusty (6768)
• Defiance, Ohio
27 Feb 07
Is your son still there? Just wondering there is only a few days left in the month. Next time your son has an outburst..call the cops or 911. Report him and tell him to get out. If he doesn't. The cops will make him. I know it is hard to do to your child. But if you don't, it wil only get worse for you. I will be praying that relief come sto you soon. I will not ever let him come back to live with you once he is out either.
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
27 Feb 07
The police were at out house today and removed him from the home.
• United States
27 Jan 07
What i am goin to tell you is going to hurt and yet you really need to listen..my friend went threw this.and she put up with it for years /.untill one day,he was soo messed up they got in a fight and he put her in the hospital..he beat her so badly.You need to let him go..i know hes your son and you feel your obligated to protect him and all that..but you did your job,,and he is the person he is..and there is nothing you can do..but he will end up hurting you...and i dear for you..i dont know how old he is..but he needs help..if he hurts you again..YOU NEED TO CALL THE POLICE.and or see about getting him in rehab,..,but you are in danger and you know it..and hun this needs to stop now..before it gets worse..lots of luck,,
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
31 Jan 07
He is gone the end of this month. I told my husband and he was mad that I didn't tell him before this.
• United States
24 Jan 07
Honey, I do understand. I have a daughter like that. I don't want to get into it on MyLot, as it is so bad and so personal. What I tell you, you will not want to hear. But, for your health, I will, and hope that you do not get mad at me. You need to go to "tough love." If they have that where you live. If not, you need to let go completely. It sounds harsh, but you cannot be abused like that dear. I was treated the same, and worse then you can imagine more. For my health, I had to say good bye. Good luck, my prayers are with you honey. I am so sorry for this. Please, do not keep this from your husband.
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
25 Jan 07
Thanks for your prayers. I didn't have the heart to tell my husband tonight. He came home from work and he was so drained and tired. I think everthing is starting to take a tole on him and he doesn't know the worst. It scares me too that it is only a year since his heart attack and I am afraid of stressing him out.
• United States
24 Jan 07
Pack his stuff and tell him you want him out. Make sure you do this when your husband is around so incase your son got violent, your husband is there to protect you. You will have your husband thru thick and thin but your son by the rate that he is going now,he will just be there if you got something he wants or what you can give. Kick him out and let him learn the lessons in life. Be strong. You will not be a bad mother if you kick him out. Don't wait that it will be your husband that will walk out thru that door.
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
25 Jan 07
You are right. If I do wait to long it will be my husband that will walk out the door.