Would you Divorce your husband if he played video games EVERY day after work and

@juls2me2 (2151)
United States
January 24, 2007 2:01am CST
only stopped briefly to eat dinner or talk to his friends or co-workers on the phone....from 5pm-2AM? Even if you tried to talk to him about time limits, how its affecting your lovelife with him and your children's need for his time in their life? I don't want to.....but if His life rotates around his computer games and friends...I really don't fit in his life anyway. What's your opinion?
11 people like this
76 responses
@sherinek (3323)
• United States
24 Jan 07
He may have got addicted. Sure it is a real pain for the wife. But in my eye, its not a cause for DIVORCE. Try to convince him otherwise drop the computer and break it. (LOL)
4 people like this
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Unfortunately, the computer is his work...He works at home. The worst part is he plays an online Army game, which women also play. I know of two that he has on his team and he talks with. I know its a game, but its more like an affair now. Thanks for the good slap in the head reminder about divorce.....I guess I need to spend more time with the Lord instead of resenting my husband and staying on myLot when the kids go to sleep.
2 people like this
@ronaldinu (12445)
• Malta
24 Jan 07
I differ from your opinion. Pray a lot but your husband needs you beside him. Stay with him near the computer room. Bring him coffee or tea and a lot of cuddles but do not escape from this reality by staying a lot of time praying. I mean pray do pray a lot but if you stay near your husband its a way of prayer. Prayer does not mean going to church or finding a quiet room only. We can offer our daily actions as a prayer. Your priority right now must be him. unmelt his cold heart.
3 people like this
• India
24 Jan 07
sherinek, i agree whole heartedly with you.Divource would be overdoing it..isn't the point of marriage staying together and helping each other out with stuff like this?? Divource would be a cowardly action in this case...
2 people like this
@moonmagick (1458)
• United States
24 Jan 07
My husband is similar these days. We used to have conversations and eat dinner together. I bought him his own laptop for his birthday, and I really havent seen much of him since. You dont know how bad I wanna throw that thing out. I dont plan on divorcing him for it. But I did send him an email from upstairs in bed earlier, because he was still downstairs on teh computer (and still is, its 3:30 am here btw) telling him how I feel, and that I am tired of playing second fiddle to a computer. I am sure he fell asleep and hasnt gotten it yet, but I am hoping perhaps it will hit home how sad it is that his own wife has to email him to get his attention.
4 people like this
• United States
26 Jan 07
I agree with you both. And I have tried it all too. Its awful. I almost feel like I am the single mother of a baby, and a teenager, instead of happily married to the father of my baby. I mean its terrible when you have to go down every morning and wake your husband up for work because he fell asleep on the couch with his computer. I am thinking that I am going to have to quit being so passive about the whole thing and lay it on the line. By the way, the email didnt work because his email is on the fritz. So he never got it. So, so much for that brilliant idea, lol
1 person likes this
@Rasnie (1137)
• Indonesia
24 Jan 07
I can understand your feeling, it will bother you a lot, my suggestion give your husband ultimatum to stop his bad habit because you do not like his habit.
4 people like this
@ronaldinu (12445)
• Malta
24 Jan 07
Do you share common interest? Is this a phase or has this thing been going on for a long time? Have you asked what's troubling him? Has he taken you for granted or just drifted away and is using video games as a means of escaping reality? Is he having personal problems at work or healthwise? I would suggest talk this problem with him. Express your concern that this habit is destroying your marriage. Set a time limit of an hour or two for playing games, or perhaps you can play games together that is both video games and other types of games *wink. Hope you take the hint. good luck
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
24 Jan 07
We do share similar interests, but not in video games. It's been going on since we fist got married, if its not the video games its someone or something else that occupies most of his time. I've asked him if anything is bothering him or if he's feeling okay, if there's anything I can do to help him out. Lately, this has been the worst and longest times of distance that I've ever experienced with him. Today, I just found out he's having difficulties with his work. That could be most of the reasons for distance, but I feel he should be able to share that with me and we can work together through it, not abandon me over it. I've tried all the womanly tricks you can think of to entice him off the computer. Once in awhile I get lucky, but that doesn't even work lately. Knowing that work could be the main problem...at least gives me hope that he can come out of it and the video games are just a stress reliever for him. You'd think something else could be a better stress reliever though....:) anyways.... Thanks for the discussion and true concern, it means alot.
1 person likes this
@mcrowl (1050)
• New Zealand
24 Jan 07
Sounds like you need to sit down with him when he's not playing the games, and have a serious talk. Don't let him turn your concerns off. But equally, don't come at him aggressively, or you'll just make him switch off completely. As for divorce, I think there are far worse issues than this that could get in the way of a marriage. I don't think you should think of divorce this lightly.
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I really don't think of divorce lightly at all. We've been married for 19 years now with similar situations still taking place. We can talk till we're both blue in the face and unless HE decides things will be different they don't change. So I basically live like a single parent, until he chooses to emotionally take part. I just start to wonder....how long does someone sanely stay in an emotionally abandoned relationship? It really hit me hard last night because my son was frustrated with his dad for not getting off the computer to talk with him and he frustratingly yelled at me saying "Why do you stay with him? How can you want to be around this? I can't stand it." All I could tell my son is because I love You and am trying to love your dad the best I can too. I found myself at that point really wondering why I do. Being a Christian and taking marriage seriously and being forever.....I feel guilty for even thinking this way. So I need to lean on the Lord a bit more and keep praying, that is what keeps me hanging in there. The reality is....we can't rely on people to make us feel valued, loved, or to make us happy....so to the Lord I go.
@mishang (500)
• Philippines
24 Jan 07
I think that it's a serious matter to discuss with your husband. Talk to him and tell him how his playing habbits are driving you insane already, also try go to counselling because it does help fix the relationship. If things still don't work out fine, then talk options if divirce if you really cannot stand what his habbits are and if you think that that is enough reason for you to go.
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Don't get me wrong....I love my husband and desire him greatly. I know things happen for a reason and he may be dealling with something about himself too. Its just extremely difficult living through the moments that seem like you're of no value and nothing you do makes a difference. Thanks for this.
• Pakistan
24 Jan 07
What! Is that the only reason you want to take divorce from your husband that he just plays game. He is doing wrong but that doesnt mean that you should take divorce and breakup your marriage.
1 person likes this
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Of course that's not the only reason for thinking about a divorce as an option, but it may become the breaking straw if no change occurs.
@stephcjh (32328)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I think your right. If my husband did that to me, then he dont need me nor do I need him. My husband plays playstation too just about every day. But if I mention to him that we need time or we have some things that need done or taken care of, he wont stay on it very long. sometimes when he is on it though, it gives me time to do other things that I need to get done. He works outside our home and he does enjoy his games, so I try not to say too much, but we never really argue about it. Your hubby must be addicted to those games buthe is gonna lose the thing that loves him the most if he doesnt change his ways. I dont think that he doesnt love you though. He must truly be addicted to those games and so much into it, he doesnt realize that he has absolutely blobked you and the children out. He may have some intention to be with you but he spends all of his spare time doing other things is the way I think right now. hope this helps you a little.
1 person likes this
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I do believe he loves me and our children, because he has shown it so deeply and things have been wonderful for short periods of time. I don't have a problem with the video games either, but when it consumes his every waking hour, effects business or his work, affects our children, and now ultimately hurting my heart deeply, and that doesn't help him wake up...that's a big problem. All I can figure is something is greatly bothering him to allow this consuming behavior to continue for this long and since he won't confide in me to assist or pray with him about it the hopelessness feeling sets in. Divorce doesn't seem like the way at the moment...things could be greatly worse. We'll see how the Lord helps me through these emotions.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 07
I hope I'm not sounding like a buttinsky, but it sounds like he's trying to escape. Is there something else going on? He might need an intervention because he's definately hooked to the point where he's being harmed and harming everyone else.
1 person likes this
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
24 Jan 07
You're not a buttinsky....you're completely right about him needing to escape. That's why when we went to the desert it was a great way to be a family. I just found out today that things aren't going exactly how he planned with his latest client. I over heard his business call. That could be the greatest cause at this point in time for him. Keep us in prayer too. It's got to be his work that's bothering him...I just need the Lord to help me with my own emotions over it. Thanks for your advice...I appreciate it Darlene! :)
1 person likes this
@brihanna (381)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I guess it depends on several things. I mean if you have told him how you feel, yet he disregards your feelings and does it anyway. GO FOR IT!!!! Or at least get things moving to scare him. I do not understand how a man would choose video games over his wife and children. Seems to me he has made a choice already that effects the whole family. I would not think it would get any better, it would just be something everyone in the house gets used to.
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
24 Jan 07
you got it....you just get used to it. I don't want to give up on my husband and don't want my kids to see there are excuses as stupid as this for a divorce either.
@michele609 (1687)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Yes I truly understand how you feel my fiancee is the same way, BUT he does not do it all the time but I am so sick of hearing about it. I have to sometimes put my foot down and let him know that life is not all about the viedo games but I would rather have him doing that then out in the streets cheating.
1 person likes this
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I know what you mean. The video games are definitely better than out somewhere that I wouldn't have a clue at where he is. Guess I need to just occupy myself better.
@zaratoga (83)
• Indonesia
25 Jan 07
It seems your husband was addiction, it's bad habbit that should be left out. You must seat down and have to talk together in seriously. He is no kind father and husband, he should be a fatherhood to teach his kids for better lesson, not the bad one. Remember, kids learn what's he see from the parents.
• Philippines
25 Jan 07
i would not divorce him for just playing video games everyday and after work. it is happening to me right now. but then i just give him time for his own. it affects our lovelife though i can't do something about it. i accept him as who and what he is. and the things he do. though it's kinda irritating. just accept it. or crash the video game.!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 07
If you love eachother then I wouldnt say that its grounds for divorce. I would unplug the video game or take the remote away..lol and not give it back until you 2 sit down and have a talk about how much its bothering you
@shywolf (4522)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Good gosh. Yes, I probably would consider divorce if that were the case, and it honestly happened every single day. I mean, if he isn't paying any attention to you then what is the point of being married to him? He should be supporting you and showing you that he loves you as often as possible. That is what I would need from a relationship, anyway. And it sounds like he is giving nothing. Just spending all of his time playing games and talking to friends, and not talking to you. That is just so sad. I don't know how he can expect to keep you in his life.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 07
Any type of habit is not good when it interferes with your relationships, health, work...etc I would probably seek some sort of compromise or give an ultimatum when all else fails. But a compromise would probably be the best plan of action.
1 person likes this
@avs189 (1030)
• India
24 Jan 07
I dont think that would be or should be the ultimate reason for your divorce .......it would jsut indicate that u as couple nevr spend time for understanding ur relnship or working way towards harmony...
1 person likes this
• Canada
24 Jan 07
If that's ALL he did I'd divorce him. There's time for everything. A couple needs time for eachother. It's not healthy for single people to spend all their time infront of a computer either. There are other things to life besides that.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 07
I dont think its grounds for divorce, yet anyway. My husband used to be this way with his playstation for awhile. Eventually he got bored with it and your husband my do the same. Playing that much, it will start getting old to him. I would have a very serious talk with him and let him know that you feel you dont fit into his schedule. Tell him you need some of his attention too, otherwise you feel unwanted, or needed. Another thing to look at is at least he is at home, and not out at the bars or messing around. Hope that helps.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 07
Hi! My husband plays video games with my son everday after work that is something that helps him wind down.I really do not mind. When I need his help I just say hun can you help me out and he does not mind.If it affecting you'r life I would say something.Maybe he can cut that time in half to do other things with the family.
1 person likes this