ultimatum-maker needs love advice

United States
January 24, 2007 10:59am CST
My boyfriend is the best man I've ever met. He's a wonderful man who has done a lot for me over the past year or so we've been together. We moved into a house together in late June of last summer, and have been living here ever since. In August, he lost his job. He has yet to get another one, and at the end of December, I told him he had until the end of January to get a job, or I would be leaving. Six months does seem a little excessive for "taking some time off between jobs". Now it's coming up on the end of January. He still hasn't found a job, and only goes out to look maybe 2 or 3 days a week. He's promised over and over that things are about to get better, but right now I'm supporting both of us. The problem is, I really do love and care about him. I know, it sounds like a bad decision, but it isn't; I love him with my whole heart, and I really don't want to leave him. I made the threat because I thought it would make him more motivated. Now I seem to be stuck.
1 person likes this
3 responses
• Singapore
25 Jan 07
This is where true love comes to a test. ask yourself, is he the right man for you and a worthy one to spend the rest of you life with??? My advice is to stick with him. Instead of pushing him to get a job, aid him in doing so.
• United States
25 Jan 07
I have - everything from helping him write and print out resumes to making sure he has money to get around the city while I'm at work. It seems like I'm just enabling him, instead of it working to encourage him.
• United States
24 Jan 07
I think that your ultimatum is a little harsh if you ask me. So he is your boyfriend right now, what will happen when you get married and he doesnt live up to your expectations? Are you going to divorce him? Maybe he is depressed and finds it hard to go look for a job. You say you love him with your whole heart. I find your love conditional upon him having a job. If he is not the one, then, by all means let him go. Just my .02
• United States
25 Jan 07
That's just it. The threat was made during some severe frustration, and now I don't know how to go back on it without making my point seem invalid (which I don't feel that it is).
@marty3888 (2359)
• United States
24 Jan 07
well, I do believe he needs to be going out more than 2 or 3 daqys a week. He should be going out every day. That's what I did. But going out every day it did take me 6 monthes to get another job. Has he filed for unemployment? It is very tough finding a job these days. But if you leave him, you could lose him. What if 2 weeks into Februar he finds one, maybe even a better one than he had. Are you going to say, "ok, I'll come back now." I think there isn't anything wrong with making im pay you back the money you ost by supporting the both of you. That might make him more motivated to find something. But the way you decribed him, it sounds like you could have done alot worse. If he's the best man you ever met and you really love him, stay with him but let him know you can't afford to pay for the both of you too long.