Will you stick with your husband/wife if he is disable?

in sickness and in health.... - photo for wedding
Philippines
January 24, 2007 1:17pm CST
True love measures when it faces a great trial. Some of us are afraid that in thier married life this will happen. If this will happen to me I will stand with my vow "to love and to cherish in sickness and in health, till death do us part"How about you, what will you do?
15 people like this
59 responses
@limcyjain (3523)
• India
24 Jan 07
yes i would stick with my husband no doubts about this. My husband met with an accident four years ago developed brain clot and had broken sholder bones, leg bone, finger bones. I was there by his side all the way during four months of bed rest and he loves me nore than ever now as he is perfectly well and remembers those days.
4 people like this
• Philippines
25 Jan 07
I really admire you for being the wife that you can be, and your relationship blooms because you stand firm with the test of time. cheers to our married life ahead.
2 people like this
• United States
24 Jan 07
I think that you have to stay with your spouse. I mean how would you fell if your spouse were to leave you in an unfortunate circustance? Frankly, anyone that would leave their spouse due to an unforseen disability should be ashamed to be a human being and not worthy of any type of comfort for life. Just my feelings, my belief is " If you tak the vows, you take the vows". How could you abandond someone you are suppose to be in love with?
4 people like this
• Philippines
25 Jan 07
You are right. We should learn to put ourselves into other shoes and learn to walk with it,and abandoning someone who needed you the most is like killing him little by little.
2 people like this
• United States
24 Jan 07
Since I am not in this situation I can only speculate on how I will react. I would hope that I would suck it up and stand by his side and support him until his last breath is taken. Unfortunately if he is a terrible state of depression and not willing to help himself, I'm not so sure I would be able to take it long term. I've been here and done this already with an ailing parent where I kept my life on hold. I am a loyal person by character, but it really will depend on the total circumstances. My answer: VERDICT IS UNDETERMINED.
3 people like this
• Philippines
3 Feb 07
I really appreciate your opinion, Thanks mrsjumppupy03!
2 people like this
@misskatonic (3730)
• United States
25 Jan 07
I am disabled. I've been disabled for a while now. And it's hard on me, it's more hard than I could even put into words. But it's harder on those around me. I have ended every relationship I've been in, because I knew my partners couldn't handle the situation. And no one should have to. It's very easy for people to say 'I'd stay!' but the reality is ugly, painful and tears people apart both inside and out. I have respect for those who stay because they can handle it. I have more respect for those who realize they can't, and walk away, rather than destroy anything good that the couple had. I pity the ones who stay because they feel it's their duty, or that they *have* to. I would never, *ever* want anyone staying with me because they felt they *had* to. That's a horrible thing for everyone involved.
2 people like this
• Canada
2 Feb 07
I was very sad to read this. However, I don't think that people stay because they "have to" but because they love you and want to stay. I don't think that if someone gets into an accident or becomes disabled in another way that it suddenly makes their partner stop loving them but want to get away from them but stay because they have to. I think it would add a huge burden to the relationship, and be the biggest challenge the relationship would go through, and sometimes the other person would wonder if they should leave or not, but it comes down to love, and commitment and feeling good about yourself at the end of the day. This is just my opinion, I don't have personal experience like you do, but I only think of my grandparents and my elderly aunts and uncles and what theyre going through, and there is no question that the spouse who isn't disabled WANTS to be there because of LOVE.
2 people like this
• United States
2 Feb 07
There are plenty of people who will stay with a crippled partner because they feel they have to. I've been through it myself. They stay out of guilt and the idea that if they leave, they'll be a bad person and they don't want that guilt. There are people, like I said, who stay because they can handle it and are up to the challenge, but that's not everyone. And this may sound bitter or callous, but love isn't enough for a healthy relationship. I'd rather be alone than deal with someone who resents me but stays because 'we took vows, I can't leave'.
2 people like this
• United States
2 Feb 07
There are plenty of people who will stay with a crippled partner because they feel they have to. I've been through it myself. They stay out of guilt and the idea that if they leave, they'll be a bad person and they don't want that guilt. There are people, like I said, who stay because they can handle it and are up to the challenge, but that's not everyone. And this may sound bitter or callous, but love isn't enough for a healthy relationship. I'd rather be alone than deal with someone who resents me but stays because 'we took vows, I can't leave'. And there's a large difference between an older couple that's been through thick and thin and a pair of newlyweds just figuring themselves out. Accidents happen regardless of age - I was only twenty when I became disabled.
2 people like this
@sazzy29 (63)
• Philippines
3 Feb 07
of course you have to! it's the time when your hubby needed u the most. come to think of it when you're the one that is being left because you're already diasble? how do you feel then?
• Philippines
3 Feb 07
Very well said sazzy29! We should put our self in other shoes so that we can really knew how it feels. Thanks sazzy29! Welcome to myLot!
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12174)
• Sweden
6 Feb 07
yes. why leave the person you love during those times when he needed you the most? that's so unfair!
2 people like this
@miryam (6510)
• Italy
2 Feb 07
I was married almost 10 years. Have fallen ill of sclero nultipla, and when I have be came to use the crutches, my husband was going out with a other, was not helping me and have divorced. Him the promise has not remembered it.
2 people like this
• Canada
2 Feb 07
I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope your ex husband gets his just desserts in this lifetime. That's not a nice thing of him to do.
2 people like this
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
It is somewhat heartbreaking to hear a true stories such as yours miryam! thanks for giving us opportunity to open our eyes to the real scenario, indeed it is easier said but it is so hard to be in your situation. But I know you can make it and I will include you in my prayers for your immediate recovery.
1 person likes this
@WebMann (4732)
• Canada
9 Feb 07
I would hope that I would be as great as my wife has been since I had my heart attack. She has been unbelieveable for the past three years since I became pretty limited in what I can do. Of course she has been the best since we have been married but even more so since Friday 13th Feb. 2004 the day the world stopped for us and my heart. :) If I could not return the same to her I should be taken out back and put out of my misery, but we never really know until we are faced with the challange and my hat is off to my wife.
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
Your wife is superb and he is indeed one of the ideal wife and I know your love for each other is great and beyond words.
1 person likes this
• Latvia
9 Feb 07
I would stay. My boyfriend has hearing disability - I love him anyway:)
2 people like this
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
Thanks dream2night!
@samraf (725)
• India
9 Feb 07
yes 100 % definetly i will stick to my wife , ill never leaving her alone how matter what i have to do for her and what i have to suffer i will do without thinking without being materialistic.. for whom person would be leaving. parents. wife and kinds? right? for whom person is earning for himself ? no he is just doing for his parents, for her family and when your family is not happy then what the use of money and evrything. its useless belive me ... Regards, Sam
2 people like this
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
That thought was sweet specially it is came from a man. Thanks for dropping a line samraf!
1 person likes this
@14missy (3185)
• Australia
9 Feb 07
Yes I believe that is what marriage is about. I have had a few illnesses over the years that have put a strain on the family but I know I woukld be just as supportive if it were happening to my husband.
• Philippines
10 Feb 07
Thanks for sharing your opinion 14missy!
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12174)
• Sweden
6 Feb 07
i will continue loving the man i love and married (i am single yet but going to get married one day with the man of my dreams) my whole life through. i did not love him and won't just love him because he's strong and healthy. people at some point will go through some unexpected health issues. and i am ready to face that. i will love him more and more everyday no matter what.
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
I really sense that when you get married maryannemax you will keep you vow no matter what because that is love all about! Thanks maryannemax.
1 person likes this
• Pakistan
2 Feb 07
i think if one loves in the essence and has true feelings for ones's spouse then no matter what happens one should stick to his/her husband all that is being needed is true love and relationship and nothing else
2 people like this
• Philippines
3 Feb 07
Your view is highly appreciated thank's pioneergladiator!
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Feb 07
I definitely would stay with my husband. After all, he didn't ask to be sick and I would want to do all I could to make him comfortable. If you had a child who was disabled, would you give that child up because your life was more difficult? And I know my husband would stay with me also because right now I am disabled and he has taken very good care of me and never complains. He also is always looking for ways to make me feel better and when I get depressed he tries to cheer me up. I have always been there for the people I loved no matter what.
2 people like this
• Philippines
9 Feb 07
It really pays when we are a good wife and a mother because events like this our love one never leave us. Thanks cheetah311!
1 person likes this
@Anakata2007 (1789)
• Canada
2 Feb 07
I would stick by mu husband no matter what, and I think most people would unless the marriage was troubled to begin with.
• Philippines
9 Feb 07
Thanks anakata for sharing your views!
1 person likes this
@ashjoe76 (1459)
• India
1 Feb 07
In theory, we have to stick to our partner in sickness and in health. But as the relationship between two people can change any time, a handicapped spouse to look after, especially if the spouse is grumpy and ungrateful, may not be a good idea.
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
thanks ashjoe76! Certainly it is depend entirely in the behaviour and belief of the spouse.
1 person likes this
@brimia (6588)
• United States
1 Feb 07
Absolutely. I believe it is a great trial but I also know that life is full of trials and didn't get married thinking that I'll walk away when it gets hard.
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
Thanks brimia! I do understand your opinion.
• Philippines
26 Jan 07
i can relate to this discussion because this happend to my mom and dad..she stood by her side when he was so sick,,,she never leave him alone or if she needed to go somewhere she always see to it that everythings fine, even call him to check his condition...i saw the whole thing...it came to a point that my father can no longer eat on his own,,, and stand,,,we have to force him to wear diapers because he can no longer stand...my mom used to change his diapers when he's still alive... and i can say that i also did the same thing to my father...i may not be his wife but i tried to be by his side until his last breath so as my mom...we do really love him so much and even as of now we cannot forget how great he was to us...no one can ever replace our father...whatever might happen his memories and love is still wiht us...
2 people like this
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
hi crazy marie! Our parents are one of the greatest things that god gave to us and it is so painful to accept when they are gone. I know you would do the same thing as what you're mother did to your dad.
1 person likes this
@ms_fery (251)
• Philippines
25 Jan 07
Love will see you through, one of the famous song in the old times of my parents, for a record my dad is disabled due to heart failure, but inspite of that my mom stayed by his side and even my fathers relative told my mom to take my father in the province she always say no he will stay with us even in his last breath. i admire my mom in doing that and i see in her eyes that my dad is her life and viceversa.
2 people like this
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
Thanks ms_fery! Sometimes we really do understand life's lesson from our parents.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13918)
• United States
25 Jan 07
I sure would. when you get married it is for better or worst. i would be there for my husband 100%. that is what real love is about.
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
thanks 34momma! It is what really meant by true love, you are there when he needs you the most.
1 person likes this
@neonanda (344)
• India
25 Jan 07
if u realy love ur wife/husband then u should not leave
2 people like this
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
Thanks neonanda!
1 person likes this