Being with someone in debt,

United States
October 8, 2006 10:13am CST
I have now come to know of a large amount of debt. I feel after I have buckled down and paid off all my credit cards. Also some other sstore cards etc. I know come to be with a man who is in debt up to his eyeballs. I told him I am not sure I can be with him. He has honored my wishes as for other things. Now my daughter wants me to stay with him she like him. She says if I dump him that meens I was using him. I don't think so,I have never asked this man for a dime. Nor does he have one to spare LOL. What would you do?
1 person likes this
6 responses
@ddsully (1064)
• United States
18 Oct 06
if this is the only problem in the relationship, then i would try to show him, teach him how to manage his debt, maybe even get him into a consoladation program for his debt. some people just need a lil guidance.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Oct 06
I tld him he could bring me his bills. I would budget them like I do my own. I think he is getting the picture. He has been a little up lifted since.
@ddsully (1064)
• United States
19 Oct 06
thats great that you can help him and he feels better about it. there is nothing like that extra hand in helping.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Oct 06
Your so right I wish I had some help. I am just happy he is doing better.
@sbeauty (5871)
• United States
19 Oct 06
I have a friend who has been married for 30 years. Her husband has destroyed them financially but refuses to tell her what's going on. They have lost houses. They've been in trouble with the IRS. He hides bills instead of paying them. He has taken out and maxed numerous credit cards in her name. She tried to leave him, but he knows her buttons so well that he keeps her coming back to him for more abuse. Please don't let yourself get involved with someone like this!
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Oct 06
Oh dear I have no intentions on it. I have had to go without many things. I gave my daughter needs for 2 years just to pay off my credit report. I am now able to give her money for a few treats. Not a day in hellll will I do this to my future. I do care for him don't get me wrong. But my daughters roof over her head comes first. This is why I am still single today. This is really a sad shame what has happen to her. She is an adult and chose her destiny. Thanks very much.
@sunsham68 (1378)
• India
19 Oct 06
If he is not asking you to help clear it, you should be one of those people who chooses to help make a difference and show him how to clear it. Sometimes the best help one can offer is not by chipping in with money, its sharing time that makes the most difference.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Oct 06
This so true of me. I have offered to help him. Even this morning again I said gather up yuour bills. He said he just dont care. One minute he is gettiing better,another he's pissed. He is mad because of someone else destroying his credit. He paid off the cards and his ex used them to purchased house loads of furniture. etc.
@bhchy1 (6052)
• United States
19 Oct 06
Show him how to get out of debt...
1 person likes this
@bhchy1 (6052)
• United States
19 Oct 06
Show him how to get out of debt...
• United States
19 Oct 06
I can only do but so much. I have told him what to do. He needs to do it for himself. I don't want to become his crutch. :)
@babyhar (1338)
• Canada
26 Feb 07
I think if I was in your position I would probably stay with the man. Especially if I truly loved him. Instead of ending the relationship I would try to find ways to help him budget so he could pay off his debt. Or at least show him different ways of paying off his debt that may have worked for you.. Maybe the ways you show him will help him to deal with his debt better. Is he trying to pay his debt off? Is he putting down a little bit each month or every two weeks? If he is putting effort in to trying to pay off his debt I would give him a chance.. My other half is in debt currently.. And sometimes I will admit I will get angry with him or become frustrated. Because I know that money every two weeks that we have to give to pay his debt off could come in to good use right now where we are at this point in time. But I also am proud of my other half because instead of him just allowing his debt to build.. He is TRYING very hard to pay off his debt so that he won't have to worry about it further more. When I become frustrated or angry with him I try to keep in mind that.. He is trying. There are some people out there who are so far in debt that they just let it keep on building.. Or worse they don't even try to pay it off.. At least my other half is trying the best to his ability to get his debt paid off as soon as he possibly can. If the man you are with is at least trying.. You may want to try to look at it from a different perspective.. Try to see the effort he is putting in to trying to pay off this debt.. At least he is trying.. It's difficult to pay off debt sometimes as there are so many other bills one has to pay off as well.. But if a person is at least putting some money down each month to pay off there debt.. It shows that they do realize that they do have a responsibility each month.. And are living up to that.. My other half at one point or another was leaving his debt & not paying it off.. I taught him how to handle money a lot better.. But also how to pay off his debt or how to go about paying his debt off.. And it has truly helped him a great deal.. He is so thankful that he has a woman in his life who is willing to stand by him.. And teach him new things that will help him to better himself.. And even help us as a couple to get farther in life.. Instead of not growing at all. I think the only advice I could give you is what I had stated above.. Either try to be more patient or try to find ways of helping him manage his debt.. I am sure you know since you we're in debt before as well how difficult it may be to pay it off.. But also how rewarding the feeling is when you have paid off the debt that needed to be paid off.. If you truly love this man then try to find ways to help him manage his debt.. I know it's difficult.. I know I will admit I get frustrated with my other half due to his debt.. But I am trying to be more understanding.. If you feel he isn't putting any effort in to paying his debt off.. Or this debt is coming in the way of the two of you ever having a really good, yet healthy relationship.. Then maybe it is best the two of you go your separate ways.. If you feel you can find it in your heart to be more patient or help him manage his debt in some ways.. Or teach him new ways to handle his debt.. Then maybe be willing to give him a chance to see if he ends up changing.. And putting more effort in to making things work, but also at the same time.. Paying off his debt that is his responsibility in thee end. In conclusion.. I hope some of my advice has helped you some what.. I know what it is like to be with someone who is in debt.. But I know personally that I am willing to stand by my other half as he goes through this debt issue.. I know that he has come along ways & I know he will eventually be debt free.. I wish you all the best of luck! Thanks for allowing me to share! xx