Child being bullied! Need Advice.

January 26, 2007 8:01pm CST
My child is now being bullied at school and the school said there isn’t anything they can do about it! She is a 4th grader and a very shy, soft-spoken little girl. But these two 5th grade girls are cussing her everyday and calling her names like "littel B*tch" and "Mother *ucker". Of course this brings her to tears. To her the word shut up is a bad word so you can imagine what this does to her. She is on safety patrol so I took it to the teacher over it and he replied, “Cussing isn’t a safety issue”!!!!! What should I do?? I can’t fight her battles for her, but I can’t have her treated like dirt either. How would you handle this? I am too emotional to have dealt with it today, so I wanted a weekend to calm down and hear some advice. Thanks to all in advance.
9 people like this
60 responses
@KefkaIIV (22)
• United States
27 Jan 07
Well, as a student, I was harassed by a kid and the school actually talked to this child, and told him if they saw him bullying me that they would give him a detention. Did you talk to the principal or just a teacher? You should get in contact with the principal or super-intendant, because that behavior should be unacceptable. By telling you that they want her to "fight her own battle" sounds like an encouragement for her to fight. The school should not be that irresponsible. You must get in contact with a higher authority in the school. Personally, it has worked for me. The kid is clear of me - and I can enjoy school without getting harassed. If the bullying is not stopped, you may have to take a step forward. If nothing is being done, you have to be more assertive. You should not feel hopeless if the principal does not listen, because bullying can be emotionally abusive.
27 Jan 07
I have been there when other parents have complained about this very stuff, to the principal, but she just appeases the parents and promises to deal with it then nothing. Maybe at most the kid will be told not to do it again. Here is something, in the 5 years I have been involved with this school, it has had 0 suspensions! It is considered a no tolerance school, yet it doesn't suspend students? Any way, I am ready to go to the Super Attendant This is killing me.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Jan 07
If this is how the school handles your kids situation then you should report the school...they are not a good school...remove your kid there and find her a better school..I always interfere when my kids are being bullied by their fellow schoolmates or teachers..Find a way to get them your point...Do not let them o say let them fight their own battles..Are they crazy??
@lifeis2good (1183)
• United States
27 Jan 07
That is always such a shame to hear that other kids have nothing better to do than to hurt another child's feelings by calling her really nasty names. Most of the time I find it's often due to a form of jealousy - although not always!! The first thing I would say is to meet with the school counselor - both you and your daughter should meet together with him or her to see what they suggest to do about this. And if that gets you nowhere then meet with the Principal and if that gets you nowhere then you have to keep going up the chain to the School Board. I am not surprised that the teacher said that to you - unfortunately these days - we have some good teachers who really care and others who should never be teachers!!! And just remind your sweet lil daughter that absolutely none of this is her fault!!! Sometimes our lil ones tend to think it was something they did or said when that really is rarely the case!!! On the other hand - I sure wish that parents these days would take the time to teach their own children that you should respect others and treat them the way you would want to be treated!!! Sounds like those nasty 2 girls probably don't have much of a role model at home!!! Wish you luck in helping your daughter feel better and find a way to get the nasty girls to stop doing this to her!!!
27 Jan 07
Thank you. I did tell my daughter next time, to kiss her own hand and thank God she is who she is, and not a person like that. It's sad to raise your kids to be good and kind, and then have this happen to them and no other adult wants to say any thing. It kills me.
2 people like this
• Canada
27 Jan 07
I find it hard to believe that there are still schools without the "zero tolerance" for bullying. I'd take this to the principal. If that doesn't get you anywhere, go to the school board. Insist they do something. Your daughter goes to school to learn, not to be bullied. Good luck!
2 people like this
@nw1911guy (1131)
• United States
27 Jan 07
I would go back and talk to the teacher again. Remind him that his job is to make sure his students are in a safe environment that is conducive to the learning process. If he is refusing to do anything about it, then move on to the vice principle. If that fails, move on to the principle. If that fails, move on to the superintendent, and then, if that fails I would consult an attorney. To me, this seems like a blatant violation of a safe secure learning environment that I believe every child is entitled to. Also, It would seem to me that the conduct is not a good thing either.
2 people like this
27 Jan 07
See that is how I feel, these kids have a right to a free safe education. Protecting them from this sort of harrasment is mandatory, I think. It just makes me so angry to have a Staff memeber blow this off, like no big deal.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Jan 07
hi sunshinecup! As I have read your message, it brought me back to my grader yrs. But then, when children experience this, it is not easy for them to overcome and sometimes it leaves a mark until they grow old. Talking to the teachers will help but will not actually solve it. And since you do not have control over other children's behavior, you may want to consider helping your child to assert herself with other children. You can help her change her behavior in responding to bullies in school. the moral support that you're giving her can already boost her self-esteem. You can teach her to beat those bullies not by physical strength but she can beat them through academics or through emotional combat.
2 people like this
• United States
27 Jan 07
I would try and go back and talk to the teacher again!! they have to be able to do something about this. If they let this go, then other kids will start doing it and the whole school will be in bad shape! Tell your daughter that she is doing the right thing by not saying anything back to them. The teachers will have to do something about this! Im sure that everything will be worked out!!
2 people like this
• United States
27 Jan 07
I really dont know what to say,i dont have any advice . This is such a hard thing I sure hope you get it worked out. I am sorry Just tell your daugther to hang in there and tell her that these bullys are mean to her because maybe they are not getting enough love or someone does to them at home.
27 Jan 07
I told her to kiss he own hand and thank God she is who she is and not them. They apparently have heartless idiots for parents who don't know how to raise their children. Kids that can say things like this, at their age we are talking about 11 year olds, something at home isn't right. Thanks for your encouragement.
@GardenGerty (157050)
• United States
27 Jan 07
I was going to suggest the school counsellor, and the School Board if you get no help at the local school level. Others have also suggested this. I have another suggestion, just in case that gets no response. Look into your local news stations or newspapers, and see if they have some kind of a consumer advocate program.Ask to have them investigate. If you can come up with other victims of similar behavior, they would be a good feature as well.No school, or school board , is interested in that kind of publicity.
@Pigglies (9329)
• United States
27 Jan 07
I used to get called names and stuff. And honestly, it doesn't stop until you stand up for yourself. If my mom came in for me, it made it worse and things would get physical. One day a skinny girl started calling me all sorts of names. And her mom even came over and called me names too! Then her mom complained to the school, because I shoved the girl. The school said I didn't hurt her, so it was okay. They gave me a warning or something and I told them about the mom. They didn't believe me though, they figured that girl's mom told the truth. That girl's mom was so mad she transferred her daughter. Which was ridiculous, but it made me quite happy because I finally wasn't being picked on. After that, everyone in the school remembers that I was called into the office for beating that girl up. Even though I didn't, her mom said I did. So that gave me a status so I wouldn't be beat up on again (and with her, it did get physical... she had pushed me into the rose bushes once or twice, but I didn't complain). Others I've talked to seem to have the same experience. If you can just get into one small instance where you are able to stand up for yourself either verbally or physically (but be careful to be within limits that won't get suspended nowadays), you'll be free for the rest of the year and won't need to fight.
1 person likes this
27 Jan 07
My first instinct was just that, for her to take them out! When I was in school, I was not bullied, I as a little scraper. If a kids say, boo to me, they would end up on their bottom. However, I was also an angry child so fighting was my thing back then. My girls are raised in a different kind of environment. I have given them a happy home, and have taught them to love and respect, even the jerks in their lives. Now I am second guessing myself and wondering if I should teach them the trick to how to break a nose in 3 seconds. That is awful I feel that way. It is worse this school is putting me in a position to do so as well. Now I have to ask myself, should I raise my children to never fight? Is that a realistic and a healthy expectation? Thanks for your advice, I understand what you are saying and yes you do have a point.
• United States
27 Jan 07
Sorry for what your daughter is going threw, this has happen for years and nothing can change that. This same incident also happen to me but in my case it was a boy, and boy did my uncle give him a run for his money that day that boy chased me all the way home. Well I have a few suggestions you can see if the school can arange a meeting with the other students parents and yourself. These two girls are suppose to get reprameaded at achool for there langague you did mention that you told the teacher. If the school can not help pick your daughter up from school or take her to school try and investage on when these 2 pain in the butt girls get to school or get picked up you will sure find a parent to talk to then. Enroll your daughter in marital arts not so she can keep some ones butt it teaches the kids self worth self respect and how to stick up for them selves your daughter needs to know that it is not here fault when these 2 jerks are bothering her. Good luck with your daughter watch her closly at this age they have all kind of emtions we couldnt image. One Love SISTERLOVE
2 people like this
• Philippines
27 Jan 07
as a kid, i used to try to be kind to others. but sometimes, when everybody seems to bully one kid, i cant help myself and i start to join bullying... there's only one thing that keeps bullies from doing it. its only when they seem to be ineffective,. tell your daughter to be strong and to ignore them. they're no one special anyway.
2 people like this
• United States
27 Jan 07
you dont remeber what the 4-6 grade ws like? these were the years where the girls were always mean to each other, back stabbed their friends, and the boys tryed to prove how tough they were. tel your daughter to look the other way. by crying and getting upset she is showing how weak she is (sorry) and that those words will easily affect her. girls will pounce on that and continue to make her life hell. i was actually on both sides in a way. the boys teased me just because they thought they were funny, but i would just laugh and ignore them or act like i just didnt care. i would also just stare at them in the face like a real cold stare and just say nothing, either i would then walk away, or they would. i really didnt care what they said. it wasnt like i would have to live with them being around my entire life. after highschool, it would be rare if you ever say those classmates again. i simply just didnt care. but i was also kindof mean to this one girl. but she was mean to me. i am not one to sit back and let someone get the better of me. if she was mean, i was mean. she was spoiled and she would always seek attention by fake falling down. and she thought she could get her way. well hey, i didnt sit around and let her do and say as she pleased. that was the same with anyone else. look the other way and allow your daughter to do what she wants. it might be wrong somewhre but teach her some words. tell her to shrug it off and go on. make her ignore those girls. they wont be around forever. she has to learn now how to handle people like those girls. it will help her in the long run. and what if she was a daughter like her? then what? it will just keep the cycle going and then where will it end? and to be on the safe side... teach her some punche or get her in a fighting class. let her be the mean one. lol just teach her to stand up for herself. and you, dont get so emotional! thats not helping her any!
1 person likes this
27 Jan 07
Sorry but turning my head is out of the question! She is a child, we as a society should NOT expect children to put up with abuse, period. I do not deal with this crap from adults, of course I don't hang around trash either. Why should my daughter? Why should any kid for that matter. This junk with making her tough is hogwash. Again, adults don't act like this in real world, so why force her to take it? The school is wrong, taking this back seat approach is ridiculous and irresponsible on their part.
5 Feb 07
umm... i didnt tell you to turn your head. i sugested that your daughter turned HER head, as in ignore the girls. First sentence, second paragraph and I quote… "look the other way and allow your daughter to do what she wants" She is 10 years old, no I don't think her life is ruined nor is she going to kill her self. Adults do not act like this, why in the hell should we make our children "Deal" with this behavior? It's not for the children to take care of for themselves, it's for the adults to set that standards and teach the children to how to act. My child is not "weak" she is a child, a good child at that, big difference! So you can pity all you like, but I refuse to teach my child how to be an attack dog or just put up with it by turning her head. So cry, feel sorry what ever floats your boat! I am not wrong in demanding the adult take care of this. BTW they did, I went in voiced my concern and how a no tolerance school would look darn stupid on the news for not taking care of these kids and allowing the problems go. The children mothers was brought to school, and they were all told if this should happen again, as so much a dirty look, they would be suspended. Now the girls are taking anger management class 3 times a week after school. So no, turning heads and ignoring the problems does not work. Addressing it does. So thanks anyway for the advice.
@mahayla (192)
• United States
27 Jan 07
give her a tape recorder to tape them let school listen if nothings done sue school! with the way kids are shooting bullies these days i bet the courts listen
1 person likes this
27 Jan 07
Well if they find it on her, they will take it. She isn't very coordinated or secretive, so she would get busted, LOL. BUT, if I tell them (the principal) some children are carrying them because this problem is getting out of hand, since they can't search for this, they may freak out and start taking care of this problem through out the whole school. IMO this would be even better. Thanks for the idea, I just might try that this week.
• United States
27 Jan 07
I know you can't fight her battles for her but maybe you can be the bigger person and talk to those girls parents, I mean since the school isn't doing their job and all. It a bunch of bull sh*t that they told you they can' do anything they can talk to the girls parents. Its funny how schools will do something about a kid standing up for themselves but won't do anything when the kid asks for help its like they are just waiting for the moment when a kid protects themselves so they can issue out tickets to kids parents so that they can get money. I hope everything goes well for you and your daughter. Tell her to keep her head up and that all they are are words and in life people say alot of mean things but we just have to ignore it and have high self esteem to know that we are nothing of what they are mentionig and that they have really low self esteem so they pick on others to make themselves feel bad.
2 people like this
• United States
9 Feb 07
I just wanted to say I know what you are going through i have my child in a public school and i know i should not but i tried to homeschool and it got a little hectic but i might just have to go back to the drawing board. He has been bullied a numerous times and yes i am sicked by it. They finally got the bully out the class but it just still seems like a vicious cycle. when one goes it seems like it is someone there to take his place. I am working very hard to remove him from this school. The schools need more help.The staff just seemed like they are overburdened and just seem to brush everything off. The one thing i suggest you do is report each and everytime your child is bullied and see if they have a bully hotline to keep track of this because these children can be dealt with the appropriate manner. I say send all the bullies to one school and may the best one win. lol
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Jan 07
I am so sorry to hear that....My kids get bullied at school too but when I go there I speak to the teacher with the student...I tell the child that I will report him to the proper authorities so they can get his act straight...I know sometimes I scare them myself but we have to look tough for our kids..Why not try talking to the parents of this 2 girls...maybe it will help...
• United States
27 Jan 07
If the teacher won't do anything, talk to the principle. If he/she won't do anything, find out who is above them. Don't forget to raise holy heck. When I was in elementary a kid hit me, and the principle wouldn't do anything. I got beat up almost every day at recess and our recess attendants would just tell me to "get over it". Yet when I hit one of the girls back, I got into trouble. Figures right? Stand up for your daughter and raise hell with the principle. Find out who the teacher is for those 5th grade brats. If you annoy them enough, they'll do something about it. Good luck, and I hope those girls get what they deserve. I hope they back off of your daughter and leave her alone. Kids can be so harsh =(
• United States
27 Jan 07
Go to your school board if you have to. Threaten to get a lawyer and sue them - threaten to go to the media. That will usually get their attention if nothing else. But your daughter will have to adjust as well. I was bullied at school, and things only changed when I changed my attitude. I had to learn to let things roll off me more and learn that these people really don't matter in the scope of my life. Of course, I was in high school so that is a bit older than your daughter. Create a strong group of friends for her that will help her hold up against people who will bully. Invite them to your house and have a good time. Part of the best defense is a good offense and if she has a strong group of friends and is confident in those friends, the others will eventually leave her alone. Bullies sense weakness and prey on it - you have to help your daughter get beyond that. Good luck - it isn't easy!
1 person likes this
• South Africa
27 Jan 07
if i where you i would take your child out of that school, when i was in primary the one year the girls in my class used to run away and hide behind the school bus whenever i got to school, i cried nearly every day after school and i desperately wanted to go to another school but my mother never allowed for it to happen.
@rkalia73 (240)
• India
27 Jan 07
This really is rude comment by teacher. We have teachers in schools not only to teach our children but also to look after there well being in schools. It's true that we can't fight our child's battles, but surely we can help them in fighting. So better you talk to this teacher in more assertive manner. If teacher is still not ready to listen then better talk to principal.