Why is saying I Love You so hard for some people?

United States
January 26, 2007 10:59pm CST
This is something that I never gave too much thought about until I had my own children. Not a day goes by that I do not let them know that I love them and always will. I grew up in a family that to this day has a tough time expressing feelings. There were'nt a lot of hugs and kisses and laughing I Love you's tossed around.I did'nt think it was strange at the time. When my own children came along it was just natural for me to love them and express it by easily saying I love you. Yet to this day it is awkward for me to say I love you to the family members that I have known since birth. I know that we all care about each other yet when it comes to displays of affection and that L word it is just really weird. Anyone have any thoughts about this or similar situations?
7 people like this
64 responses
@Supaweak (24)
• Australia
27 Jan 07
Saying "I Love You" isn't hard for some people, it's just in their nature not to, maybe some people are more brighter than others, you being able to say "I love you" to your kids rather than your parents saying it to you is normal because I'm sure you actually grew up in a better environment than maybe your parents did and their generation was probably more strict than yours. Otherwise I think more people should say I love you. I LOVE YOU! That wasn't too hard ~ was it?
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jan 07
Thats a very good point about generations being different. I have seen the changes just with my grandparents through the years. They were strict with their girls growing up but then seemed to loosen up a bit with the first grandchildren. There also are differences between the sexes within the family. The male grandchildren had less restrictions than the females.
• India
27 Jan 07
They afraid because they think that whether their ture love will fail and he could hear those words from his beloved ones directly. So they have this type of problem to get it
1 person likes this
@angnima (772)
• Nepal
27 Jan 07
I LOVE YOU is universally accepted line and it means a lot. Sometimes it's for family members but most of the time it is used for lovers. Because of lovers use it becomes difficult for one to say I LOVE YOU.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30206)
• Philippines
27 Jan 07
some are just not expressive, like in our family, we dont say i love you to each other, but we hug, and say sweet jokes to each other. this is how we show love.
1 person likes this
• Nigeria
27 Jan 07
becoz if we showed to you and told you that it`s hard then you will think that is too harder than you think right now so people tell you that its ok you will get over it oon and you will 4 get....it`s true but it needs time .... we will be hurt coz it`s normal to be like that but you will not feel hurt to the rest of your life ...so try to forget and think about so thing els ...do things make you 4 get...that`s what I can tell you ...so Good luck with it....
1 person likes this
• India
27 Jan 07
i have no thoughts' so i cant responnse your discussion'
1 person likes this
@shmeedia (1045)
• Canada
27 Jan 07
for me too, it's really awkward to say those 3 words. i can show that i mean it, i am very affectionate, but in our family, we were taught not to use words like 'i love you' or 'please', 'thank you'...bizarre, no? i never undertsood why, because coming in contact with people outside my family posed problems for me while growing up. i remember once, someone gave me a gift and i didn't say thank you, because well, i'd always been taught to keep those words to myself. but then, i was scolded and forced to say it because if not, this outsider would think i was ungrateful and rude! such a contradiction! likewise when i once asked my dad 'please' for something or other, he got really angry, saying 'please' makes me look like i'm pathetically begging for something, therefore he would not grant me the courtesy after i used this word :( as for the l-word, it just was never ever ever used in the family. my grandma used to tell me "secretly", like away from other family members, and though it made me feel good, i felt really squirmy too, because it had become such a 'banned word' in my household, that to hear it, made me awkward. i have had trouble with boyfriends because they were the type to throw the word around very loosely (which i also don't agree with since it cheapens it). for me, the only time it comes out verbally or in written form is when i feel EXTREMELY strongly, and towards someone like a lover, not so much family. oh, i'm thinking and feeling it, i just seem to choke up if i need to say it. i hate this about me, and i do blame my upbringing :(
• United States
27 Jan 07
wow talk about not knowing which end is up. That must have been so hard growing up not knowing what to do. I can't imagine ever causing a child that kind of confusion. I often wonder if people realize the scars that remain inside from this kind of thing.
@shmeedia (1045)
• Canada
27 Jan 07
you said it! at least i haven't been scarred in terms of physical affection! i'm probably the most affectionate person in my family (though i can't really show it to THEM). and my mom just hates to be touched. i know it wasn't so bad when she was younger, but with age she has gotten more and more grossed out by people physically coming into contact with her. it's disturbing for me to see it happen. i probably have not hugged my mom since i was 10.
@matlgal (1687)
• United States
27 Jan 07
Oh boy you touched a nerve with me. I am very free about telling those I care about "I love you", gett ing the response " I LOVE YOU TOO" with absolutely no feeling or sincerity just sits my mood to Cranky!!. Why is it so hard to marry someone and tell them once a day "Hey I Love You"? Well apparently it is, in fact with him it seems almost impossibly painful??? I cna't figure it out.... it hurts me and it sure could have been a deal breaker if it would have dawned on me 4 years ago. He knows how I feel about it and still he just can't bring himmself to say it. He's so good about everything else,, but those words just don't exist in his world I guess. His Mother and he had a terrible relationship, so I am sure that has something to do with it. Still unnerving to me. Haaaa- and I thought I could change all that!!::::: Sigh guess not. We are all here for such a short time, wouldn't it be easier to just make sure that we convery our true feelings while we are here.? Makes sense to me but apparently not to everyone. SO.... still looking for the answers but I know I hace to tell people how I feel. You may not get the chance tomorrow. Better to say it than regret not saying it later?
• United States
27 Jan 07
I could'nt agree with you more about saying things while you have the chance. My mother passed away when I was a teenager and despite wanting too I never got the chance to say that final goodbye and let her know that even though we had our moments of disagreement I loved her. My advice to others is the same as yours say it before its too late. As far as husbands go I do have a good one. We always say I love you to each other and have fun with it as well. One of us may say I love you lots and lots to which the other will respond well I love you acres and acres. A bit corney I guess but it keeps us happy.I guess it helps having the same bizarre sense of humor.
• Philippines
27 Jan 07
For some of us who are used to hear I love you's from our parents, saying I love you to them in return comes out just naturally. Kisses and hugs just come about everytime we get close enough to each other. I feel sad when I hear some kids say they long to hear their parents will say I love you to them. I really do not get it. If you love somebody very much, can you ever stop yourself from showing and telling him how much you value him and love him? For me everyone deserves to be loved as we all came to this world because of love.
• United States
27 Jan 07
I like your response to this question. it's fine and dandy to do things for a person that show you care about them but deep down inside do they really know you love them with that alone? Kids are easily hurt and influenced by things. Dispite what attitudes they may have or show the world they truly want to hear that someone cares enough to say the words I love you. Even as an adult nothing makes me happier than seeing my own family secure in the knowledge they are loved by me and each other. I cannot help but smile and feel all warm inside hearing the words said back to me from them and watching them grow into confident young men and women. I am doubly lucky to be married to a great man that isnt afraid or embarrassed to say I love you to his family. I think that my confidence would have been better had I heard those words growing up. We cannot change the past but we can do all we can to see that it does'nt get repeated.
27 Jan 07
everyone is different, i agree...i always find it hard to tell someone i love them, unless i really do love them. like with my partner, william, i couldn't tell him i loved him until i really knew i mean it. i think this is becuase i didnt want to say it unless i really did love him...thankfully he is the one for me, and we have been together for 20 months now :P which is great
• United States
27 Jan 07
That's great congratulations to both of you. I wish you the best and many many more years together!
@yy4cmm (23)
• United States
27 Jan 07
for me is hard to say "i love you" i dont say that to anyone on my family, and i never had did, i only say "i love you" to my gf's, but i find it so hard telling it to my family, i think about me saying that, and i dont feel good.
• United States
27 Jan 07
I understand the diffaculty in saying it. It can be extremely awkward to say it to your own family when it just was'nt the "done thing". it's nice that you can tell your girlfriend you love her and a good sign that you may find it easier to say the words to your own children if you have some one day.
@scooby_13 (176)
• Italy
27 Jan 07
Nowaday the people think about themselves, tell I love you is difficult
• United States
27 Jan 07
That unfortunately is very true. It seems like people get so caught up in their own everyday living that they forget about others and how they may be feeling.
• United States
27 Jan 07
I grew up in a broken family and my grandma and dad had favorites among us kids so no one said I love you or even Happy birthday... Now that I have my own kids, I tell them so many times in one day that I love them very much and I think they appreciate me as well because they love to hug me and kiss me.
• United States
27 Jan 07
Keep doing what you are doing. I feel its important for children to know they are loved as well as cared for. You can use actions to show you care but hearing the words I LOVE YOU ...that means alot as well. I admit to being a bit surprised at some responses here. Many are saying the words are not important as long as you show your love by actions. I think both are very important and together they will help people learn the difference between love that is real and true and just someone saying what they think you want to hear. It never hurts when you are spending time with your family to just toss out a simple hey you know I love you or a simple phrase:um I know we dont mention it much but I love you kiddo.
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
27 Jan 07
for me, saying I Love You really doesnt mean much at all....I do say it to my husband and naturally to my children and I mean it and they know it BUT more than that I SHOW THEM I love them and they do the same with me....i think its far too easy for ppl to just toss out the "I Love You" when it has no truth or meanign to it ya know...I think that saying it is fine but SHOWING it speaks volumes
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
27 Jan 07
I want to say too that I feel the same way about "I'm Sorry"....saying it means nothing to me..showing me means the world..
• India
28 Jan 07
the story seems to me is the outcome of the upcoming science birth. the air that prevailed around and the atmosphere that we live in makes our habit comes like that only. not able to show your affection among our own family when we all want to judt points towards the gap in the emotion sharing that prevails . i also think is might be the only problem we face among our family, but outside that we are free with our friends,esp wife or girlfriend. it is all about the perception our mind has created. it has demarcate a virtual line or boundary that stops us to express ourself. but it just need a tip off. i mean just a step by you and every one will follow that. time is just waiting for a one break through. then it will become a culture of expressing with love.
@djbtol (5498)
• United States
28 Jan 07
Love is hard to express in words when there are feeling inside that make it hard. When people have been hurt, and they have harbored those hurts inside with bitterness, then it is hard to express love to anyone.
@junior07 (973)
• India
28 Jan 07
look for family members there is no need to say i love you,as this is self understood by every family member that his/her bro,sis,father,mother,grand parents always love him/her.
@Sir_bobby88 (8244)
• Singapore
28 Jan 07
Well i guess it is human nature which is shy yea ... when people have such thick skin to say out i love you within a day of relationship , i wonder it is true love or physical love yea .... Love is so complicated
@kgwat70 (13396)
• United States
28 Jan 07
I think that some people may have trouble saying I love you because maybe they have never been in love before and have never said this to anyone before. It could also be they are insecure about themselves and are worried about being rejected. Or they may be worried that the other person or people do not love them.
@rhie0216 (289)
• Philippines
28 Jan 07
Saying I LOve You is easy when the one your telling it to is really the one you truly love. why would you say I Love You in the first place to a person you don't really love. I mean do you just tell it to please her/him.