Should I search for my real father?

Father - Father with his son enjoying each others company
@vbcoder (196)
Philippines
January 27, 2007 1:16pm CST
I have already known since I was about 6 or 7 years old that I have a stepfather. I have no memories of my real father. I only saw him from a picture. My stepfather is very good. He accepted my as his own. I have no problems with my stepfather. When I was a kid, I told myself that I would never look for him (my real father). This was probably because I was blaming him for leaving me and my mother. But now, as I grow older, (I am already 32) there are thoughts in my mind that I want to see him. I want to know how he really looks like or see if we have something in common. He surely has a family of his own, I don't want to cause any trouble for both my family and his. I also don't want him to think the reason I am looking for him is because of financial reasons which is really not. Should I just let it be? I am getting old and I don't really want to die not knowing my real father. What do you suggest I would do?
13 responses
• United States
30 Jan 07
I think that you should go look for your father. I would if I were in your shoes. I'm sure your father will be happy to see you as well. Past is past, no sense in bringing it back and nothing can be done with the finished so let bygones be bygones. Give your dad a hug, I'm sure you both need it. I hope you have a good experience when you find him. Here's crossing my fingers for you!
@vbcoder (196)
• Philippines
30 Jan 07
hmm, it seems that many want me to look for him. i hope i will get the courage to do that, thanks for the response.
@nicelyrom (521)
• Philippines
30 Jan 07
as what i usually see on movies and tv series, people who don't know their roots try hard to know where and to whom they came from. you know, knowing who your father really is will make a difference in your life. of course, you don't want to cause trouble nor ask for financial help (you're old enough to support your needs) but if you do this, you will be complete in the true sense of being "complete." just like what you stressed, you don't want to die not knowing your real father. we can never tell, you might end up being best buddies. ask your mom, maybe she still have news about him. and from there, you can begin your investigation. try playing a detective role, it sounds adventuresome.
@vbcoder (196)
• Philippines
30 Jan 07
yes, i think i will start by asking my mother, though i don't know what she might think about it.
@dyakson (35)
• Philippines
30 Jan 07
if searching for him will help you find closure, you should look for him. i don't see any problem or trouble that will arise if you find him. you're just being paranoid. anyway, i'm sure your father will be glad to see you too! (that is if you find him) hehe! Good luck in search of your father!
1 person likes this
@vbcoder (196)
• Philippines
30 Jan 07
thanks, i think it will really give me piece of mind if i will be able to find him.
• Philippines
30 Jan 07
yes you should..its like a piece of your life is not complete without meeting your father right?i had the same feeling..my dad and mom separated when i was 6..and we never contacted him,grandma poisoned our minds abt him.. BUt when i reached 21,i finally contacted him..i looked through yahoo directories because he was in the US and i was here in the philippines..got 5 guys with the same name.called them,on the 3rd try,it was him.so he was surprised,bec at first I was just asking if he was from the phils,questions like that..and then i finally said im anne your daughter..so it was from then on i got close to him.im his favorite daughter..LOL
@vbcoder (196)
• Philippines
30 Jan 07
really, that is indeed very nice. i wish the same thing will happen to me.
• United States
29 Jan 07
no! a father should always look for his children!
1 person likes this
@vbcoder (196)
• Philippines
30 Jan 07
so, you mean i just wait for him to look for me?
@ms_fery (251)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
if you think that it will make you a complete person, explain to your stepfather that you want to search for your own father, for a closure. sometimes we want to answer the question in our mind to be able to function in a right way. if you find out who is your father, go back to your stepfather and tell him what you feel and thank him for bringing you up even if your not his own son, besides it is him who teach you everything what you know now.
1 person likes this
@vbcoder (196)
• Philippines
30 Jan 07
yes, i am indeed very greatful to my stepfather. i also dont want him to feel bad or anything if i tell him that i want to search for my real father.
@peni88 (469)
• United States
29 Jan 07
you should look for your father. even if hes a jerk, you can at least say that you tried. good luck.
1 person likes this
@vbcoder (196)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
yes, i think you have a point.
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
Yes you should still search for your real father. You cant say that your father leaves you because he doesnt love you or likes you. Just search for your real father ask him the real reason why he leaved you
1 person likes this
@vbcoder (196)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
well, i guess that is true.
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
My husband came from a broken family. He's father left him and his 3 siblings to the care of their mother. Years passby and we have already started our own family. He has make amends with his father for we believe that whatever he has done he is still his father. You should look for your father and ask him why he has left you. In time this will be the way for your reconciliation. Don't wait for the time that you do not have the strength nor the power to look for him and tell the things you want to say. Life is short, let us live it with the people we hold dear, and that goes for your father too. I am sure he already repented for leaving you and just shy to approach you. Whatever negative things you have in mind put it aside. He is your father no matter what.
@vbcoder (196)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
thank you very much for your response, it is indeed true that whatever happens, he is still my father, but i dont know how to start. i dont even know where to look, all i know is his name.
@howard96h (11658)
• New York, New York
6 Feb 07
I wish you the best of luck if you decide to look for your father. If you do and develope a relationship with him do remember your step father and keep him in your life too. :)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Feb 07
If you would asks me, my response to your question is to find your real father. Past is past and we have nothing that we can do to change it. It would also be nice if you can see him personally. Maybe it would also make him happy to see you too. Good luck.
1 person likes this
• India
2 Feb 07
Go and search your father first.If you like him stay withy him otherwise leave it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
The answer is "YES". Anyone deserve to know where he/she come from right? Who knows, he's just a hundred of foot steps from you? :D Good Luck and hope you could find him!
1 person likes this