Paranoid mom

@threena (132)
Philippines
January 28, 2007 11:27am CST
At present times, I get shocked to see 4 yr. olds or even younger kids out alone in the streets. They sometimes where asked by their parents to run an errand, or just going to their friends' house to play. The only time I would let my kids out is when they go to school, to church or to their grandparents home, with me in tow. I'm even having a hard time letting my kids go to school by private shuttles, I always go with them! We're choosing a new school for them for next year. For me it has to be near our home. If not, I am surely seriously going to wait for them outside their school till dismissal. Am I being paranoid? My husband thinks I am. I am just so scared of our world today.
15 people like this
43 responses
• United States
29 Jan 07
I don't think you are being paranoid at all. You can't turn on the news these days without seeing a that a child has been kidnapped or killed in a drive by shooting. There is gang violence almost everywhere these days, and so much more. It really is not safe for children to be allowed out on there own. Any parent that would let a four year old run errands alone is just plain lazy. I can't even imagine. Maybe more people should turn on the news and see what is really going on in the world around them.
3 people like this
@threena (132)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
Thanks. Though I live in a quiet town. I still can't imagine thinking it to be safe outside for kids, without parental supervision. I think all moms should be as paranoid as me.
1 person likes this
@XxAngelxX (2832)
• Canada
29 Jan 07
LOL, I think you are being a bit paranoid. But the way I look at it is better safe than sorry. My youngest are 7 and 8 and I have a hard time letting them go anywhere on their own too (although I don't mind letting them go to school). I always worry about when they are at their friends places especially if I don't know the parents to well. What are they being exposed to when I am not around and such. I guess it's natural to worry as parents,but we do have to learn to at least loosen the apron strings at some point.
2 people like this
• United States
29 Jan 07
I feel the same way as you, but I probably need to loosen my apron strings too, lol. I just constantly worry that they are going to get hurt, I can't help it....
@threena (132)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
Oh gosh I'm not even sure my kids would be able to play with they're friends house! My eldest daughter is just 7 so I'm paranoid as ever. But I know I have to let go at the right time. But for now the only people I can truly trust to care for my kids is my family.
• Grand Junction, Colorado
29 Jan 07
Great topic. Are you being paranoid, I can't answer as you didn't say how old they are. As for the 4 year olds that you refer to in your statement above, there is no reason on earth that a child that young should be outside unsupervised, let alone running errands for their parents. Each child is different as to when you start to let them have a little more freedom to start to do things on their own. You will know when the time is right to let go of the strings a little and your child will let you know also. In todays world though, you really can't be to careful. Remember to ask your children questions and keep them informed of the dangers out there, not to scare them but to keep them informed.
@threena (132)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
My kids are ages 7, 4 (both girls) and my youngest 2. I do hope I'll be strong enough to let go someday. But it's hard to imagine that I would, as the world gets dangerous day after day. I'd make sure to warn them of these dangers. I think it would be much worse not to let them know, and be too trusting. Thanks.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jan 07
goodness no you arent being paranoid! you are being a great mom! i hate seeing children walking around by themselves and i always think to myself 'my kids wont ever do that when they get older (they are 2 and 2 months)'. ill take them to school and pick them at their classroom everyday. you just cant be TOO safe in todays world! We just cant take chances with our little ones because there's always someone out to get them or hurt them. maybe im paranoid, but im always watching over my shoulder because you just never know who's around that shouldnt be there! im glad you care enough about your kiddos to be "paranoid".
2 people like this
@threena (132)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
If only I can let some parents in our neighborhood see what they are risking. To be fair, we live in a quiet town. But they should never let that be a reason to think it's safe for kids outside. Thanks.
@onesiobhan (1330)
• Canada
28 Jan 07
I always walked to school when I started public school. I was five. School was close and in those days people looked out for each others' kids - everybody was your parent. Any funny business would have been cut off at the bud and there were a dozen houses I could go to if I was in trouble or frightened. Having said that, a lot of modern communities are not like that. In my neighbourhood the parents take turns walking the kids to school so that they are always chaperoned. And four is way too young to be travelling by themselves.
@threena (132)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
What you've experienced in your youth are the reasons why my husband sometimes think I'm paranoid. He grew up in a good neighborhood. Don't get me wrong, he cares deeply for the kids. He's just not a worry wart as I am. I do the panicking, he does the thinking.
1 person likes this
@enemies (739)
• India
30 Jan 07
Well... a paranoid mother will always be a paranoid mother.. nothing you can do about it. Ever thought about taking a few self defense lessons. Your mother might feel more comfortable if she knew you knew how to defend yourself. Or tell her you always cary pepper spray, shocker, or something to defend yourself with (a weapon).
1 person likes this
@threena (132)
• Philippines
30 Jan 07
Thanks for the ideas. I'm already planning to send my eldest (7yr. old) to a karate class for summer. She's still young so I know she might not learn a lot, it's just for fun.
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
even we adults are not sure of the world these days. if we dont let anything happen to our kids then nothing would happen to their lives as well. do you want them to be your shadow for the rest of their lives? we wouldn't allow that, right? a little confidence over ourselves and a lot of advices and guidance to our kids is all that'll take to keep them safe. of course pair it with prayers. kids will always be kids. they learn from experience but if you won't let them then, its like harvesting from a non-fruit bearing tree. dull.
1 person likes this
@threena (132)
• Philippines
30 Jan 07
Actually that really happened to me. I had over protective parents, I felt I missed a lot while growing up. Too many things not allowed. It made me rebel. But once I had kids of my own I understood their fears. But then you are right, I need my kids to learn to be on their own when the right time comes. They might end up rebelling too. Thanks for the response.
• United States
29 Jan 07
My kids are 6 and 4. There isn't a lot we let them do on their own. I take him to the bus stop and I pick him up. My neighbor lets her daughter walk home by herself because she thinks I can always bring her home. She doesn't ask if I'll bring her daughter home, she just assumes me or the lady who lives down the road will walk her home. We can't see the bus stop from our houses so who is to say if she will make it home. There are times like this afternoon where I won't be coming home after I pick my son up and I always worry that something will happen to the little girl. She isn't my responsibilty but she needs to be someone's! I think there are parents out there that think children are little adults. That is not the case. Don't send your little kids out by themselves. What if they wonder off? Will they remember how to get home? At some point we do have to let our children do things on their own. We've just started to let my son go out to the patio by himself (I can see him from the front door and the living room window or one of the kitchen windows. He is happy about that and it gives him a sense of pride although he isn't aware that I really haven't taken my eye off of him...lol.
1 person likes this
@threena (132)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
Oh gosh, how can some mothers be that negligent! Cases like that should really be reported to the proper authorities. What was she waiting for? Something terrible to happen just to learn that her kid's in danger? God bless her little girl. It was just wonderful of you to care for her too. I just hope there's a way to knock some sense on her mother. Anyway, thanks for the response. I know someday I have to let my kid be on their own. But for now, I'll be paranoid all the way. =)
• Canada
29 Jan 07
Maybe a little, but that is a mother's job-to worry. Another thing I would like to add is childrens clothing is getting more "Adult" every day. We have a friend with 2 little girls 4 & 6 and we shopped for clothes for them. What child needs a thong? Some of this is just not right.
1 person likes this
@threena (132)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
You said it. Buying clothes for my 7 and 5 yr old girls are getting harder too. The choices are, spaghetti straps, miniskirts or tubes. Where are the lacey sunday dresses?
@rainbow (6763)
29 Jan 07
IHi Threena, wlecome to mylot! I don't think you are being paranoid just maybe a little too cautious. There is a nasty world out there but I would let them get used to it a tiny bit at a time, even tho' as mum watching it can be terrifying. My 7 year old has Autism, ADHD and suspected Dyspraxia but manages the bus home from school every night - it's just under a mile and gives him a feeling of independance. I do not let them play out on the street, just in the garden, beach or play park, I watch but try to give him and his brother (3 years) as muchspace as I can but still be there for them. We live in a coastal village which would be perfectly safe if it were not for the holiday makers - now 10 months of the year and the roads. When I was a kids we all played out as long as our mums knew where we were and no-one ever walked the last bit home alone although we were able to be alone on our way to a friends house because we were expectd.
1 person likes this
@threena (132)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
How lucky you are to live in such a nice place. We live in a town, where in my youth I was able to play outside with cousins and friends. Or go to my neighbors store for candies and I knew everyone and are related to most of them. But today our town was "invaded" by outsiders from other provinces. Since then we'll hear of fights, gunshots, kidnaps and even killings. So when I had children of my own I swear that none of those predators would dare to lay one finger on them. But I get your point of letting them be independent. I just don't know if my heart would survive it. In time I'll ease up. Thanks.
@brokentia (10396)
• United States
29 Jan 07
No, you are not paranoid. You are a protective mom. And in my vocabulary, protective is a good thing! My partner think that I am paranoid sometimes too. But I have seven children! Statically, I have a increased chance of loosing one of my kid! I have already faced one of my children being nearly killed and hospitalized for two weeks, put in a body cast for two months, not allowed to walk for an additional two months, and then have to learn to walk all over again...but the babysitter! And to make matters worse, the babysitter was my brother! Do I trust anyone with my kids? Hmmm...one person that I feel I would never have to call and check on the kids if they were in her care...but she is in Kansas and has not even seen the kids in 6 years. I don't even trust my partner with the children! LOL When I leave, I am constantly calling to check on them asking if he fed them, what they are doing, and if certain things got done, like homework! But I am not gone from them very often. I have been labeled as strict, paranoid, and over protective. But I have only been labeled by those that I find faults in their own parenting. I AM at the school 45 minutes before school lets out so I am the first person by that door and guarantee that my children see me and I see them when they step out that door. And I DO have a password for my kids so if anyone else should ever need to pick them up, they refuse to go with the person even, if they know them, if that person does not know the password! Me...I am not paranoid. I am protective. I can not and will not loose any of my children. I don't know if my heart could survive it!
1 person likes this
@threena (132)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
If one of my kids would go through the same thing... I'd be the first to be put in the stretcher! I myself bug my husband on the phone every now and then if he's alone with the kids... "have you bathe them, did they take their vitamins, have they eaten yet, are they asleep". I could hear his eyes rolling! LOL But paranoid or not, I'll proudly accept that label for my kids sake. Thanks.
@lifeiseasy (2292)
• United States
29 Jan 07
No you are never to pariond when it comes to your kids running the streets by themselve or going places by themselves...I see the kids running up and down the streest and i wonder hwere is their parents ,never would I allow a child of mine that young to be walking a busy street ...Glad to see you are a caring parent ...keep up the good work ...
@threena (132)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
Thanks. Nice to see I'm not alone. Times have changed a lot. Streets now are no playground. They used to be, when I was young. But the crime today is so horrifying that even adults should never let their guard down when out on the streets.
• United States
29 Jan 07
I can't say you are being paranoid on the count of me being the same way. Young children always gets picked up by strangers and never seen again. My children are ages 3 to 10 and they can't go outside without their father or I watching them. My seven year old gets taken to school by me. Also young children, like you mentioned 4 yr. olds, shouldn't be outside alone at all.
@threena (132)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
We are not alone. A whole lot of moms consider themselves paranoid, for the safety of their kids. Thanks.
@IMHO_Dan (175)
• India
29 Jan 07
My kids are 2yrs n 6mths n they are like my eyes to me n wat ever happens i wud never do a crazy thing like that,how can some1 do something like that,I love my kids n want them to be always with me n i will always protect them n get all they want.
1 person likes this
@threena (132)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
Some parents today think 4 year olds are old enough to be out on their own. You'll see a whole group of these youngsters on the streets playing, a busy street! There are even parents leaving their kids at home while they go to work, with the eldest in charge, whose just 7 yrs old. They don't realize how different the world has been through the years.
• United States
29 Jan 07
Sounds like you care, and you take your responcibility seriously! I commend that!
1 person likes this
@threena (132)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
Thanks. Taking care of my children is hard. And having a world you can't call safe really makes it more difficult.
@Stephanie5 (2947)
• United States
29 Jan 07
I agree, I don't think that children that young should be out wandering the streets by themselves....or running errands...that's way too young!!! My 8-9 and 10 yr olds aren't even allow to run the neighborhood and we live in a small town. You just can't be too careful now-a-days!
@threena (132)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
Absolutely. We may live in a quiet town, but you'll never can really be sure of your safety. I'd rather be called paranoid and take precautions than to take it easy and be sorry.
• United States
29 Jan 07
I am totaly the same way, I just heard on the news that a boy was snached not one block from his home after school. I see young kids out on the steets all the time, it makes me wonder if their parents care at all. It drives me crazy, my kids will have to be much older to be able to go somewhere by them selfs. Its just not safe, you are asking for it.
1 person likes this
@threena (132)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
If I was a criminal, and looking for kids to prey upon, the school is the only place to go. That's why I was seriously considering staking out outside my kids school. It's the only way I can make sure they're safe. I'll ease up when the time is right, but for now I'm in combat mode. =)
@joshdale08 (2324)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
oh, no, no, no, no! we, mothers, can never be paranoid enough specially where our daughters are concerned. i am just like you. my daughter is also 4 yrs. old. and she still has her nanny following her wherever she goes - upon my instruction. specially when there are boy playmates around. better be safe than sorry. i only hope she'll appreciate this paranoia when she's grown.
@threena (132)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
That's what worries me too. I don't want my kids to grow up thinking I'm controlling them. I still would teach them to be independent someday. But for now, being as paranoid as I can be would be forgivable. Thanks.
• India
29 Jan 07
its ok to be shocked by 4yr olds running errands but the waiting outside school till dismissal part sounds a bit paranoid to me.
1 person likes this
@threena (132)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
Yeah I know, I think I'll somehow get the courage to leave them in school. If I would see that the school is secure and if they care for the kids safety as much as I do, then I guess it would be okay. Thanks.
@lafavorito (2966)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
It's ok to be paranoid because there are some people who kidnap children and who knows what they are doing to those pitiful kids. I'd like to live near a school too so that I my son doesn't need to ride a school bus to get there, I can walk him to school, a good exercise minus the expenses of the school bus fare.
@threena (132)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
That too. And having the school close to home would make me a little loss worried. If my kids get hurt or sick, I can always run there to get them. Thanks.