I'd like your input on this discussion whether you are an only child or not.

United States
January 28, 2007 2:30pm CST
I have one daughter and she's 9 years old soon to be 10. Well, I've been wondering lately if I have done the right thing by her, since she is an only child. I mean, in your opinion, should my husband and I give her a sibling? We've chosen to only have her because really we can't afford to have another one. I also worry that I won't be able to love another child as deeply as I love her, or maybe that she'll feel less loved if she has to share our attention with a sibling. I don't know, but any input would be appreciated. Thanks in advance!
20 people like this
83 responses
• United States
28 Jan 07
I am a only child, and I am an adult now. I still have resentment for my parents for not giving me a sister or brother. And now as my parents get older my mother has realized when they get even older it will come all down on me to take care of them. Which I won't mind but people don't think of that when they are young enough to have children. I liked being a only child sometimes but I feel like I missed out on alot more experiences and not being taught life lessons that you learn when you have siblings.
2 people like this
• United States
28 Jan 07
Thank you very much for your response! I'm 33 years old and my biological clock is ticking away. I have and do think about our "golden years" ahead and I do worry that we will be too much of a burden on her when she's older. Thank you for your candid response!
1 person likes this
@Bizziebod (3526)
28 Jan 07
You've done the right thing by accepting you couldn't afford another child, too many people don't realise the expense of bringing up children. My daughter is an only child and she's now 17, she is greatful she's an only child especially when she sees her friends and their siblings arguing all the time. I think with the right amount of guidance and love an only child can feel as fulfiled as those with siblings!
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Jan 07
Thank you for your response! It's good to know that there is an only child out there with a positive outcome. My daughter is loved very much and she's very intelligent and respectful also. Perhaps I just worry too much.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jan 07
Yes, don't bring a child in the world when you can't afford to take care of that child, which would lead to a lack for the other child, and anger towards your children, and possibly each child being cruel to each other over situations that could of been prevented with planning, and you want to do what's right for you and your child. Maybe, later you can if you want-but for the right reasons, time, and not to the suffering of you or your child, and husband.
@shywolf (4520)
• United States
28 Jan 07
I was an only child and I *loved* it. the only thing I can say is that it may have caused me to have more of a tendency to become shy, because I wasn't really socialized as much as I could have been when I was really young. But I have a feeling that even if I had had a brother or sister around that I still would have become this way, because it is just in my nature to be very sensitive and shy and cautious. My parents always told me even when I was a baby that I never really got into things or caused trouble. So I think that I was always cautious like that. honestly, your girl should be fine and you should not feel guilty about not giving her s sibling. There is no need to force yourselves into a financial situation that you might not be able to deal with, as you said you weren't sure you could afford to have another child. (I personaly wonder how a family can ever raise more than one child with costs the way they are,but I know one family who has five happy, healthy kids, so who knows! *laugh*)
• United States
28 Jan 07
Thank you for sharing your refreshing prespecive with me!! :)
@lisa101 (1363)
• United States
29 Jan 07
Having 3 kids i can tell you that you will have these worries. But when you bring another baby in the world you wont love the other child any less and you wont love the other one any more than the other. Or atleast i dont maybe since she is already 9 you should'nt have anymore because the age diffrence is so far apart how would it benefit her as far as having a sibling to grow with. I dont mean to discourage you a new baby is a great gift for everyone, im just saying maybe you should just give her all your love since your finances may interfere with your happiness and well being if you had another child.
1 person likes this
@sizzle3000 (3040)
• United States
29 Jan 07
There is no set rule that you must have more than one child. I am an only child and my daughter is an oly child. The only problem with this is that some times an only child can become self centered and spoiled. I don't think you should even be thinking that you could not love another child as much as you do this one because you can and would. The down side to being an only child is you are alone most of the time. With a sibling you always have someone to fight with and confide in about your feelings. I can not have any more kids because of my health. I think I would have had another if I was healthier. As far as having enough money believe me you will never have enough money even with one kid. I thought my daughter was expensive when she was born with all the hospital bills. My daughter is in high school and you have the ring ceramony, the junior prom, the senior prom and the clothes for all these functions. When does it end. The last expense is college. There will never be enough money but there is always more than enough love.
1 person likes this
• India
29 Jan 07
I am an only child and I am a boy.I used to feel alone during the age of 8-13 but I got used to it.My parents love me very much and I am very happy and satisfied.You dont have to give her a sibling.Besides the age gap will be too much and wont be much of help to your daughter.Even if she has a sibling,she wont feel less loved or anything like that as I know few girls around that age who have siblings and are happy.
@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
29 Jan 07
You already answer this question yourself. u say that u caqn not afford another child - so if you can´t then don´t. It is not fair for anyone in this case. I am not an only child, however I have friends that are and they do not suffer from it and I am sure that your daughter won´t either. Sure siblings can be nice, but if you never have them u don´t mind I think!
1 person likes this
• India
29 Jan 07
its true that you accepted the fact that you cant afford a second child...most people dont even realize that!these days ....trend is changing..from two children its gone down to one!its better to raise a single child...you can give her all the attention!since she's 9 years old now....its better to drop the idea of having the second child...even if you plan to have...the purpose of getting her a sibling with whom she can play ....is itself defeatedas they will have a huge age gap!
1 person likes this
@apky12 (775)
• United States
28 Jan 07
It's really up to you but I can definitely say that no matter how many kids you have you will love them just as much as the other, just in different ways.
1 person likes this
@defeated (141)
• United States
28 Jan 07
My 19 year old is an only child - although she has other siblings on her dad's side (one is deceased now tho). I think she turned out pretty good - not shy in the least LOL. I am the oldest of 4....and let me tell ya, when we were younger, I woulda killed to be an only child lol. So there are pros and cons to this - all I can say is do what is right for you and your family - noone can make that decision but you.
@ycanteye (770)
• United States
4 Feb 07
I don't think you should have another child if you really aren't ready. Don't wait until there is a big age gap though if you think you might change your mind. There was 5 years between me and my sister and she was, to me, always the little pest because she always wanted to hang around with me and my friends. To her it was cool to hang out with the older kids so I was the mean big sister...lol Just remember that fights between siblings will always happen until they reach a certain age but if handled properly they will be best friends when they grow up.
24 Feb 07
I have one brother who is now 15, i'm 17 and we have never gotten on. To be honest i think it's quite rare to find a family in which the siblings love and respect each other. I definately think you have done the right thing as money is a big consideration and it's best not to streatch yourself. As long as your daughter is allowed plenty of friends over i'm sure she will enjoy herself. My boyfriend is an only child and whenever he goes on holiday with his parents he is allowed to invite me or a friend to keep him company. I think that's a great idea. You can choose your friends but you can't choose your siblings.
• Philippines
24 Feb 07
If you can't afford to have another child it's fine. Actually, if you'll ask me I'm planning to have 1 child only. We are 4 children in the family and the expenses really sucks. A child's characteristic depends on how her parents raised her. I know people who have 1 kid and they all grew up nice kids. Don't spoil her too much and if you can't afford to buy her things she wants explain it to her and let her understand the situation. I hope I'm making sense. Good luck!
@Ajaygosh (137)
• India
4 Feb 07
better to have one more becoz now it is ok but in future if you are suppose to go somewhere urgently means then your child will always be alone for that a sister or bother will be helpful and tooks the loneliness and you can also go where ever you want without any problem. then sharing the love and caring them is all in your hands you should only see to that the first child should not feel less loved so what ever may be plan it well.
• United States
29 Jan 07
Ultimately it is up to you to decide when, and how many children you want to have. You know your living situation, and finances better than any of us do. As far as loving other children, I'm sure you'd feel the natural love and connection that you have with your daughter all over again. Although, she is your first born, so you'll never forget her. Personally, as an only child, I REALLY wanted a sibling. I'd still take one if my mother were able to give one to me (she is long past that point though). Every year for Christmas and Birthdays I'd ask for a little brother, but never got one. It's really lonely being an only child, and I feel like you miss out on a lot. On the other hand, you learn to defend yourself, because there is no one around to protect you all the time. I also find it a little more difficult to meet people, since you don't have those connections you get through/with siblings. That's just my feelings on the matter though. Whose to say your daughter even feels the same. Have you ever sat her down and asked for her feelings on the matter? That should definitely be a part of your deciding factor.
• United States
29 Jan 07
I may be a bit biased on this because I am an only child but I think you need to do what is best for your family and if you can't afford another child and don't know if you could love another as deeply I think that is your mind and heart telling you that you have made the right choice. There are positives and negatives to both having siblings or not. I didn't have the benefit of a sister or brother there to play with but I also relate better to adults which has helped me tremendously in work situations especially when I may be one of the youngest. I think it will help teach her to be more independent and mature. I do remember having times where I really wanted a sibling so don't be surprised if you hear that from her as well but it sounds like you made the right decision for your family at the time and should stick to it unless you have a better reason for adding to it.
• United States
29 Jan 07
Hi! I am single but I can understand what you're feeling right now. The important thing is the practicality of the situation because I am sure that as a parent, you love your daughter unconditionally -- whether she would be an only sibling or not. Since you mentioned that you could not afford to have another sibling at the moment, I don't see any problem because your attention shall be focused on her. Should you be able to afford another child, it is good spacing in the sense that your daughter will learn to be more responsible for her younger sis/bro. Whether alone or not, as I said, you are a parent and you would surely love your daughter unconditionally and she will know that.
• India
29 Jan 07
well thasts being very considerate to your daughter n yes in away it is a little too late, but thats ok , now as you hav doubts abt your daughters feeling s i think you should approach her n proably fin dout wat she thinks abt siblings , wud she like them.., also tell wat al wud be some changes in her life like you wud hav to devote more time to the baby, that shed hav to grow more mature, take up responsibilities..n never to feel that love for her is diminshed coz of her sibling , tell her as its a baby it needs more attention thtas all...etc well i say u talk to her n see.
@ronita34 (3923)
• Canada
29 Jan 07
I think that all children would in fact want to have another sibling and she is a bit older now and i am sure that she would love to help and be involved with a new baby! However, if you can not afford another child than it wouldn't be the best idea! I used to think that same way as you and i feared that i also would not be able to love another child as much as my oldest! My oldest and youngest daughters get along fine also! They get jeolous at the odd times but they love eachother so much and it is great to watch them play together and show their affection for eachother through hugs and kisses! I love them both just as much and they have two totally different personalities also tehy do not have that many like qualities in them!!!!
• India
29 Jan 07
welll I am n only child...n ma parents always keep complainin. wen ma mom gets upset she wishes if she had 2 or 3 children...cozzz if 1 let her down ther r 2 more 2 chear her up.n wen i see her tears i feel lik killin myself.i think "y god did u create me , i dont deserve 2 live" n all dat crap.n sometimes wen i see ma cousins i feel lonely....but if if yo kid can stand it then shees ok.i kno i am
• United States
29 Jan 07
I have three children, and seriouly i don't see where one or three children cost any different to take care of. i had two brothers and two sister and we were taken care of very well. my dad was a single parent. i enjoyed haveing my brothers and sisters. it gave me someone to talk to, to play games with, and to hide from my other brothers and sister. we had alot of fun together.