My Father has Another Woman!

dad and daughter - close family ties
Philippines
January 28, 2007 5:14pm CST
My father left my Mom and I last week without telling us "why" and without informing us his whereabouts. Then, I discovered he's living in with another woman - a younger one, as I may say. He did this to us for many times ever since I was in pre-school and now that I am 25, I have the voice to speak on behalf of my Mom. What should I do? Do I have to win him back, or erase him in our life and move on?
20 people like this
141 responses
• Nigeria
29 Jan 07
His philanderous lifestyle is abysmal and must have been monolithically rooted in him,so bringing him back will never sugar the pill for you rather it is going to add more insult to the injury.It is good riddance to bad rubbish,let him go and try to have peace of mind with your mum.
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
you're right. Dad is like a caged bird. The more we tell him "not to," the more he does it. i think you are right, bringing him back will not sugar the pill. thanks!
1 person likes this
• India
29 Jan 07
well, ur dad is not a small kid as in he knows wat are the consequences of this decision... n he has already taken a decision... so now it is you and ur mom to decide wat decision to take and ofcourse u will know the consequences... well i would suggest getting him to back is not going to solev ur problems.. it may affect ur minds again in the near future... and i should say this that it is easy for me to say these things but when i put myself into your place it is going to be difficult.. you seem to be a brave girl!! do what ur mind says!!
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
29 Jan 07
No don't erase him out your life. you cannot change him. you just half to except him the way he is. i know your mad because he left your mom, but things happen like that everyday.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
I can't erase him in my life because he is my father. But I want to get even. The fact that he left us for that other woman is the worst manifestation that he is willing to give up us. Leaving us means forgetting us. So, I should let him go while Mom and I move on.
1 person likes this
• India
29 Jan 07
C'mon wake up...you know ur grown up and u can handle the situation...or is there anything better that xplains ur discussing this so called sensitive issue on the net than with ur family and relatives..Get a life!! ur 25...by now u should be having a job and a life of ur own..still want pappa to hold hands and take u shopping...as for ur mom she needS you more than anything else in this world...try give her company...stop wasting time here discussing...and the best way to treat ur naujawaan dad ud be to leave him alone and let him do watever crap he wants to do wid his life...he is still a baby and he needs to learn frm his mistakes...give him a hard time....follow my rules and i swear the new lady is goin to dump him fast and he'll come bak weeping!!!god bless
1 person likes this
@cicci8331 (178)
• Pakistan
29 Jan 07
maybe you can left some time to your father,give his time to calm ponder.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
after that, what? he will return to us and then leave us again? he did that to us for how many times and now, im tired of understanding him. if he leaves, just don't come back.
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
29 Jan 07
Again I ask why has your Mom stayed with him?If its her faith she has every right to get a divorce.
@msqtech (15226)
• United States
29 Jan 07
YOu dont have to accept what he is doing wrong but you dont speak for your mother. Your parents should deal with the problem and you should just love your parents each for what they are
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
Accept and be a fool again. Yeah, right. I really love them both but with my my Dad has done to us, I am beginning to hate him.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
Hi, I think what you're feeling(anger) towards your father is just normal, but MSQTECH is right your parents should deal with the problem and be with your mother all the time. Support and guide her. You can voice out your opinion, but the bottom line is that they are the one who will decide for themselves, besides you will have your own family soon. You have to move on, whatever your parent's decision is. Always pray to God to have His guidance. Pray for your parent's relationship, pray for your relationship with your father, pray for your family's relationship. Forgive your dad, I know it's hard but that is the only way to have a great relief of your anger. If they decided to be together again be happy for them respect their decisions, make the failed/bad experiences be your motivation to have a better relationship. God BLess.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jan 07
let him be, he will one day try reaching you and then you can just ignore his calls and finally karma will one day catch up to him. your mom should do the same too.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
29 Jan 07
Don't erase him in your life!He is still your father eventhough he is very bad.You still have to continue your life and as long as you are 25 years old now, you are responsibility to protect your mom from any sadness and danger.You can have the voice to speak if you think the situation more complex...
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
I won't erase him in my life but I will not include him in my plans anymore. I am tired of understanding him. Enough is enough.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
29 Jan 07
yep. a dad will always be a dad and will always be a part of our lives. but it's too painful to go through such a situation. however, in due time, everything will be better.
• United States
29 Jan 07
Well, I'm sure you're old enough to understand that not all relationships work out like one would hope. You should be happy that your father made it this long and that he has reconciled on more than one occassion with your mother throughout your childhood. Just because your father has left your mother for another woman is not a reason to alienate him. People change, lives change, and it's something that you just need to understand and deal with. If it's got you down in the dump then see a counselor. Good luck to you!
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
thanks for your comment. i understand him, that he would like to do things without "Mom and I" in his life but is that reason enough to ruin our family? he can have a relationship with other woman but he doesn't have to leave us and live in with that lady freak!
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
29 Jan 07
firstoff your dad did not leave you,he left your Mom
@raijin (10373)
• Philippines
5 Feb 07
You don't have to be angry to both of them(your father, even her mistress). You just have to consider things and accept the reality, you're already mature enough to measure things up. I think you can still talk to him or even establish communications and hope that he would explain he's side of the story. If he ignores you, then leave him be. You still have a bright future to take with. Who knows, someday your questions might give you answers in the near future.. CHEER UP!;)
• Philippines
6 Feb 07
thanks for your response.
• United States
2 Feb 07
hun, if he did this with no regard for your feelings or that of your mother, I would back off from him for awhile. Maybe he can see how blessed he was with such a wonderful family- you and your mom dont deserve this,and I applaud you for speaking out for her. Good luck and stand your ground!
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
thanks for your support. it is really hard for me to be in this situation, and so as Mom. Well, what i am thinking now is that God wouldn't give me this problem if I can't get over it. I can resolve this! Aja!
@sahyd2don (2948)
• India
29 Jan 07
Is your father married to her.I mean the lady whome he is living with now.If he is then she is your step mother and i think you can all can live together if you really love each other.
• United States
29 Jan 07
she is 25~ she doesnt need a stepmother at that age! what is your problem! fine, then if that were true, then as her stepdaughter she can now ask for money that she needs to buy "clothes" and other necessities RIGHT?! typical day living together: oh hi stepmom - i need to borrow 20 dollars - i need gasoline to get to school! can you give me some? oh sure honey let me go get my purse!
• United States
29 Jan 07
You have to move on with out him
• Philippines
30 Jan 07
thanks for your advice. it is highly appreciated.
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
its common denominator to society..this society was reigned by patriarchs,although our country is govern by a woman..there's always a man behind the woman..i just want to advise you to stay calm...it is better to understand your father..he is a grown up individual,and knows what right and wrong is...time will come that you will have a hubby and since you had the experience,you can use it as a path to determine if your husband is unfaithful or not..
• Philippines
30 Jan 07
you're right. dad is old enough to decide for himself and i am old enough, too, to understand what's happening so i better get started and move on with mom and without dad.
29 Jan 07
this happened to me and what you have to do is make the decision that is best and healthiest for you. After weeks of pining and crying for the waste of space, I erased him from my life forever. It was the only way "I" could deal with the hurt and rejection he had left me with. I now feel nothing for him, numbness would be something, or emptiness, but there is nothing there. Make your own choice hun blessed be.
• Philippines
30 Jan 07
you erased him out of your life? well, have you heard news about your dad since then?
@nanands (122)
• India
29 Jan 07
You say he has done it number of times and apparently your mother has let him come back. Was it because you were young and she felt it would be better to have a known man around despite his follies. Or is it that she wants to have him around however he conducts himself. If it is the former, she may not want to have him back anymore and she could tell him so in uncertain terms. In this effort you could help her and support her. If it is the latter, then you keep off and let your mother decide. In any case, you have decide what kind of relationship you want with your father regardless of how your mother deals with him. If either of them insists that you may relate only with either one of them then you have to make a hard choice. There is no one answer to your question. It all depends mainly on your mother.
• Malaysia
29 Jan 07
Good days.. Hmm.. different person have their own opinion. Like me I think what you have to do is prayer to God and lets God tell you through your heart whether you have to accept it or not.. may god bless you..
@simplejoy (359)
• China
29 Jan 07
I am at the same age as you,and first of all i'd like to say what a pity that your father left you and your mother for another younger woman.If I were you I wouldn't win him back coz once a cheater always a cheater.But it will be decided by your mom eventually coz he is your mom's husband who should be honest in their marriage. God bless you!
• Philippines
30 Jan 07
thanks for your comment. your advice is highly appreciated. have a nice day.
@smkwan2007 (1036)
• Hong Kong
29 Jan 07
This is a tough situation. If the wife of an unfaithful man still lives her husband, she should check whether the man has made up his mind to live with the other woman. Once the man decided to leave his wife for another woman, I think the marriage is doomed to end forever. But in case the husband still wants to have a fresh start with his legal wife, why not give him a chance?
• India
29 Jan 07
hi mr smkwan how r u, m rajendra from india, i read your comment glad to know , great comments i agree u, thanx a alot for sending a great comment. god bless u be happy take care have a nice time.
@shiela15 (286)
• Australia
29 Jan 07
My advice is that you should move on. Let your father be with his new girl or family. Remember the left you and your mom? It's not that you should not forgive but moving one's life a sweeter way to live life. I knew it is difficult to you who's seeing your dad but not with you at home. Just be strong, prove to him that your mom is really strong enough that she made you a very beautiful blessing by which he had lost in his life.
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
thanks for your advice. there's no choice but to move on. mom and i have to go on with life. there's not time for too much worrying, we should act now and forget about what happened in the past.
@babyjane (1395)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
best you should do is to move on.. life doesn't stop there. don't force him to come back coz he might do it again and again.
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
that's what i'm telling mom. we should let dad go. nothing would change if we will hold him tight. the better solution is to free him and to live our lives without him. it hurts, yes, but it will hurt more if he stays with us, knowing that his heart is somewhere else.
• United States
29 Jan 07
I would say talk to him and tell him how you feel. If he doesn't want to listen ask him one question "do you still want to be a father to me?" and his answer and reaction should tell you. Hope all goes well and i am sorry to hear about your tough time. I hope it gets better :).
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
yes, i do hope it will get better. life for me now is really tough. being an only child, i have the responsibility to take care of mom and myself.
@g_aileen09 (1354)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
Your dad has surely his reason in doing so. And it is your Mom who must bear the burden of living through it...not you. Do show your mom your full support. She cannot have your dad wholly...so that it is necessary for her to know that you're always there for her and that you will never leave her.
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
gee... thanks, aileen. you almost made me cry. dad has no right to hurt us but he still did. however, i am always here for mom.