A question for my female friends...

United States
January 29, 2007 3:15pm CST
I have two females that play a very important role in my life. One is my best friend and business partner, the other is my writing partner and certainly one of my very best friends as well. Now, I see this as being a potentially jealousy inducing situation when I decide to date again. Some of that may be paranoia, but part of it is based on being married to a jealous person. So what do you think...paranoia or legitimate concern, and if it's a legit concern, as a woman, what would appease you?
8 people like this
23 responses
• Melbourne, Florida
30 Jan 07
My boyfriend has mostly women friends. It's not a problem for me, because I'm not a jealous person. In fact, one of the things I love about him is the fact that he is so good with women. He is very charismatic, and I appreciate that about him. You are in a position that could cause some jealousy issues, but if you handle it right, it should all be OK. The most important thing is to not be 'secretive' about your relationships with these two women. Let your 'partner' be a part of the group, let her see first hand what kind of relationship you have with these friends. And I would suggest that you not be with someone who is so insecure that they could not handle your 'business' acquaintences. You want a woman who will support you, not continuously try to knock you down.
3 people like this
• United States
30 Jan 07
I like your answer High Priestess. I wish I could mark it as best response.
• United States
30 Jan 07
I have taken the liberty of doing so for you, and you are right of course. A person truly worthy of me would have the confidence in their position not to be threatened by either of my immensely important friends. Bright Blessings
@imadriscoll (2230)
• United States
30 Jan 07
Have either of your best friends shown interest in you as more then just friendship? If they have never expressed any interest in you outside of mutual friendship I think that you are being paranoid. If both have expressed interest in you are you planning on pursuing one and not the other? Then you have serious problems... and all that any of us can do is wish you luck!
2 people like this
@rosedust82 (2074)
• Philippines
30 Jan 07
You know what? Guys like you are rare... Not all guys would consider the feelings of friends especially when talking about finding a new "someone". I guess, if you do start dating, tell your best friends about it. I'm sure they would understand and would probably encourage you to pursue the person. But then I am assuming that there is no "romantic" feelings involved here. If the relationship you have with them is platonic, there shouldn't be any problem right? No jealousy or anything (well... maybe the pretend kind just to show you that they miss your company Ü) But if they feel something more than that and they're not letting on... uhhh.. you can just imagine Hell breaking loose. =P Just talk it over. Since they are your best friends, I'm pretty sure they would understand. =)
• United States
30 Jan 07
Rare indeed my friend. Rare indeed. With both of my friends we've had "the talk" about clearly defining our relationship, and what that means and such. Both of them also said they had to approve of the poor woman. It'll take a really special woman, but those people are worth waiting for :) What i need is a Tonks...Tonks rules, and people do think im rather Lupinish...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
31 Jan 07
Haha... she has to pass quality inspection first huh? You're future girl is going to have a handful. That's for sure. =P
• United States
31 Jan 07
Tonks is a handfull...too bad she's fictional. Alas
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
29 Jan 07
There is an old expression, once bitten twice shy. If you've had experience with someone who was very jealous it is easy to worry about similar happening again. If they are both very good friends then talk with them. Find out where they stand and make sure that it won't be a problem for them. Explain why you are worried, if they don't already know about your ex, and that you just don't want to cause problems or worse lose their friendship due to a misunderstanding.
• United States
30 Jan 07
Oh it isn't my friends i'm worried about---they're going to be around--it's the potential romantic interest that would need to understand. These two ladies are in my life to stay, and given a choice between my friends or the romantic interest, well...
1 person likes this
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
30 Jan 07
Good idea, always keep your friends. They are worth their weight in gold. Well if you start dating then make sure the person knows that they are in your life and that they are friends. Make it clear from the start and that way you can hopefully avoid any trouble. If they can't handle you being friends with them then the person isn't the right one for you.
• United States
30 Jan 07
My sentiments exactly
@quispy (572)
• United States
29 Jan 07
I think that it is a legitimate concern. I think that when you decide to date again, you need to be upfront with your date (NOT on the first date). The woman that you choose to date should be included with your female friends, and it should be made clear to her, by you and your female friends that there is NO love interest between you and them. If you include her, not exclude her, in your relationship with these other woman, there should not be a problem. When I met my husband, his best friend was a female. Her and I are best friends and we are always together.
1 person likes this
@paulnet (748)
• India
30 Jan 07
well said
@simplysue (631)
• United States
30 Jan 07
It sounds like your best friends are like sisters to you. They shouldn't be a problem for any woman in your future if you simply explain that these women are like family to you. Good luck in your search. :)
@cassidy22 (2975)
• United States
30 Jan 07
Mature, adult relationships don't have to have jealousy. My husband has female friends, some are exes. I have many great male friends... one of them walked me down the aisle at my wedding and he was once a boyfriend of mine. We are both secure enough in our relationship to know that it's OK to have friends, male and female, and just because we have a past with someone, doesn't mean it's going to become a future. our future is with each other.
1 person likes this
@fabwisp (1328)
30 Jan 07
I think you should be ok, as you are obviously a sensitive guy to have decided it could be an issue. In theory they should be over the moon for you if you develop a new relationship. Just be careful not to spend all your time telling how wonderful your new partner is and the rest of the time about your disagreements! LOL As long as you still spend quality time with your friends I'm sure things will be ok! good luck and hope you meet that special someone soon xxx
1 person likes this
@willocfc (965)
• Australia
30 Jan 07
you should try to talking to the women involved and here what they have to say, you might be worrying about nothing but you will never know if you dont ask
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Jan 07
Well, we are competitive by nature and I am sure there will be some jealousy issues. I just hope that both of your friends are good enough friends that they can just be happy for you. I am more concerned about the women you may decide to date. If you are up front about the friendships you have with these women, you should be able to avoid too much conflict. Make sure that each woman is aware of the others and where they stand with you. This should help avoid too much awkwardness. How do your two friends react to one another? That should give you some idea as to how they will react to any woman you decide to date.
@yorb24 (2181)
• United States
30 Jan 07
Well I think any 'secure' woman you date wouldn't have a problem with these two female friends being in your life. After all, you could have had the chance to date one of them while your single and you didn't, you picked her instead of one of these two.
• United States
30 Jan 07
Honey didn't we talk about this already!! lol I think it would be a legit concern not jealousy! Becasue when a woman is in a relationship they want no other woman stealing their guys heart and if they already have your heart in one way then how can she have it all?? And if you decide to spend more time with your "Best friends" then your girl then she would more than likley get a little jealous! anyways ttyl!!
• United States
30 Jan 07
We may have talked about this, actually, now that you mention it. Why's life got to be so darned complicated?
• United States
31 Jan 07
Because people make it that way...if it wasn't for a few things in my life then everything would be perfect!
• India
30 Jan 07
female - Two female friends with a Guy
This is a bad thing in the world going with a true friend for date. This means that you are only for date with her.
• United States
31 Jan 07
I have no idea what you just said...
• United States
30 Jan 07
Unless you're leading these two women on I don't know why either would become jealous if you start dating. Are you jealous of their other male friends?
• United States
30 Jan 07
The issue isn't with my friends, we're all good--its with potential datees
@lovein (345)
• India
30 Jan 07
Oh !
• United States
30 Jan 07
how terribly insightful
• India
31 Jan 07
It is a good one and well said.
• Grand Junction, Colorado
30 Jan 07
I guess that it could be a legitimate concern if you have ever cheated on a girlfriend before, then current girlfriend would feel threatened by you having female friends. Some women it is just because they have been cheated on and so therefore think that all men cheat. Your past actions will say alot about you on this subject. Then their are just the women that are insecure and their isn't anything that you can do about it. The best advise I could give is finding a women that is secure with herself and that will trust in you to not be hurt. Good luck!
• United States
30 Jan 07
You should never sacrifice your friends for a girlfriend. Be sure that you do not do that. It won't be worth it in the end, and the right woman won't make you leave your friends behind. I think that the most that you can do is show yourself to be a respectable, faithful man. So long as you don't give a reason for your girlfriend to be suspicious, she might not be. However, there are girls who are insanely jealous for no good reason. Be sure to discuss this with potential girlfriends first, that way you will know what her views on female friends are. Personally, I don't care about my boyfriend having female friends, so long as nothing inappropriate is exchanged between the two.
@nanands (122)
• India
30 Jan 07
If there is secretiveness in a husband's relationships then the wife is likely to feel not only jealousy but also something worse. if you are open right from thre begining there are less chances of anything going wrong.
@sylvan (54)
30 Jan 07
Just try dating someone you'll get the answer then.