Should I say something or let it be?

cheating - a man and a woman
United States
January 29, 2007 7:01pm CST
Alright well this is a complicated story but I will try to word is as best as possible. Well I have this friend Jenna and shes has been dating her boyfriend Zac for about 2 years. Their relationship is pretty good, they claim they are both in love. Jenna gets jealous a lot over nothing, so she kind of doesn't let him have friends that are girls...just because shes insecure with that. On the other hand, she has tons of guy friends, but when he questions them or gets jealous she gets mad. Now, shes cheated on him twice with the same guy and she told him. Zac got over it but hes always insecure with her talking to guys now...and she does anyway. So, I just got off the phone with one of my best friends Adam and he told me that he was talking to Jenna online. She told him that she is attracted to him sexually and was telling him what she would like to do with him, etc. She tried sending him "sexy pictures" but Adam said well what about your boyfriend? And she kind of got mad about it. She tells him all the time that she likes him and stuff like that. But Ive realized she does that with a lot of guys....sometimes just because it simply thrills her that so many men would be attracted to her. I feel bad for her boyfriend that he has no idea whats going on behind his back, it isnt really cheating yet but I wouldnt like it if my boyfriend was doing that behind my back. If i told him what was going on I would be helping him out but I would also be ratting my friend out. I kind of just want to stay out of it but then again i still feel bad! So, any advice?
6 people like this
40 responses
• United States
30 Jan 07
Wow that is a sticky one but I've had that one before. As a friend you owe it to your friend to pull her coat. Tell her that you have no interest in her boyfriend but can't help but notice how much he genuinely cares for her and you are happy she has someone like that in her life. Tell her it feels good to know she has someone so faithful that you feel assured should you not be around you know that she is in good hands. Tell her it's men like that a girl would be lucky to have but it's things like what she is doing that makes a good man go wrong. Also tell her you are concerned about her frame of thought recently that you don't want anything to come out to hurt her reputation. If she wants to be that selfish and ruin her own rep there's no need to take the people she claims to care about with her. Tell her you think she has a problem and ask is there anything you can do. Would she like to talk about it or would she like help finding someone to talk to about it. Tell her that for her own good if she is not going to curb her ways or tell him that she wants to see other people you will. Because it's not fair to turn a good man bad when there are so many dogs out here in the street and right is right and wrong is wrong and it's best to let him go unscathed and not burn bridges and maybe they can hook up again later in life. But he deserves to be treated like a person not a possesion.
• United States
30 Jan 07
Thanks for your advice, really helped a lot =)
• Australia
30 Jan 07
Hi, I thin that you should tell your friend to be either with her bf, and if she keeps on going the way that she is, tell her that u dont want to break up their relationship but its wrong with what she is doing. If i was her and i wanted to sleep with other people id not have a boyfirend at all. Even though id never sleep with different guys id stick to the same one. Or if you feel that You want to stay out of it her bf will find out one day. Hopefully sooner rather than later. As for her feeling jelouse over her bf's girl friends i think thats a bit wrong if she has guys as friends then he should have girls as friends. I f anyone ever cheated on me then id get rid of them as if they do it once they will always fo it again... So in otherwords if you tell her bf, than there is a good chance he'd break up with her but its for her own good to teach her that she cant go on sleeping with other guys in a relationship, or you can talk to your friend and tell her what she is doing is wrong and if she doesnt stop it than you'll tell her bf, or just stay out of it and hoe that she stops it soon or else he'll find out. Its a hard one to do as you dont want to break them up but you want to tell him. Me personaly would tell the bf whats going on and hop she doesnt get hurt.
1 person likes this
@limosonia1 (1560)
• United States
30 Jan 07
Sounds like your girlfriend is attention getter and she doesn't care who she hurts in the process. The reason she gets jealous of other girls talking to her BF is because she knows what she is doing and doesn't want to have it done to her. You might want to beware of this kinda of friend because she might eventually send the same emails to your boyfriend.
@kmgupta (561)
• India
30 Jan 07
no advice for you
• United States
30 Jan 07
Then dont post.
@jsteine2 (192)
• United States
30 Jan 07
I think you need to stop being concerned with other people's relationships and just hook up with Zac.
• United States
30 Jan 07
Well, not much help but it kind of made me laugh lol.
• United States
4 Mar 07
I know one think If I love someone than I must be sincere with her. If she I feel attraction for someone else it means there is ssomething wrong with my sincerity for my lover.An advice for her boyfriend is make him strong and control his feelings. than give her two options to choose one. If she is interested in him than she must live the relations with other boys. Otherwise u will leave her. Thats all. I is very difficult but he should take this step to keep his girlfriend in the right way.
@gemirios (55)
• Pakistan
6 Feb 07
hmmmmm...no doubt this is truely a very awkward situation. But if ur open to advices, i'd suggest that u should definitely inform Zac (very carefully) about her girlfriend's nasty thrill achieving habbit. To be honest, i think by not telling him, ur hiding something which could really effect their lives in an incredibly awful way. I believe this should end before he gets hurt badly. I understand u do not want to hurt Jenna by going behind her back; u can ask Zac to keep this to himself. It's a risk u'll have to take for the betterment of both and ppl connected with both of them. Hope i've been of some help. :)
• United States
4 Feb 07
The internet provides for a lot of fantasy. People are less inhibited online than in person. I am married and flirt around online all the time but I would not ever do anything. I say, let the guy figure it out for himself. He will get tired of it. Hell, maybe you can sleep with her boyfriend...Get back at her..
@cheenlly (3483)
• Philippines
4 Feb 07
your friend jenna is really a cheater. you know thats why she is insecure when is boyfriend talking to other it is because its her doing. she feel that his boyfriend may cheat on her like she was doing on him. Very selfish and self centered. As for the guy her boyfriend, you can tell him secretly or just make a set up and make him caught in the act. I pity the guy in that case. he has the right to know what her girlfriend doing at the back so he could finish it and move on and find the one who is deserving. For your friend jenna again, i much more pity on her because the time will come she will have a bad karma on what she is doing. Thats really true. She might regret it in the end.
@firoafame (359)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
4 Feb 07
well i don't think its worth having such a friend. so you should tell her boyfriend all about it. anyway tell him not to say to your friend that you said this to him. no one would like such a mate. no doubt it. so you must put your hands into the matter.
@xiayifeng (560)
• China
4 Feb 07
As a friend, I think ,you should do it! And you should help your friend out of hurts!
@fedge098 (1331)
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
i guess the first thing you should do is talk to your friend and ask her what she really wants. let her know how you feel about what she's doing and maybe, perhaps she'll tell you what the real reason is. this really is a tough situation but i guess, things will go well when you start talking. ^_^
@good1030 (673)
• China
31 Jan 07
now your friend is playing with her boyfriend's emotion and also others'. you should try to advise her not to do so coz it's not good for anyone including her boyfriend and herself. if she just ignore your advice and still doing this kind of things, i think you should tell her boyfriend about it and help him out, otherwise he will get hurt again and again.
@hahncb (8)
• United States
31 Jan 07
Ouch, how do you be a friend and still keep your head up high? I'd start with first telling Jenna she needs to make up her mind as to sticking with Zac or moving on. If she gives you no response then I would grab Adam and go have a little talk with Zac. Obviously he's a nice guy, he's forgiven her once. But does he deserve to be treated like he is. And with all that jealously and insecurity the relationship will never amount to anything positive. Maybe its best they both go their seperate ways. But being a friend you need to do something, otherwise it will linger in your mind and its not fair to you either.
@Gmens91 (389)
• Philippines
31 Jan 07
Stay away. If you tell him you'll lose your friend. If you still want to tell him, make an anonymous letter and make sure it gets to him only. That way you won't make any enemies.
@tildy12 (760)
• United States
30 Jan 07
You should sit him down and make him aware of what his girl friend is really up to.Its unfair to him that she isnt being faithful and flirting with other guys.
@Sweetpeas (739)
• Australia
30 Jan 07
You know what, I dont think Zac is a dummy and I think he's quite aware of all that she does, well maybe not allll, but I think he knows how she is yet he still stays with her? Is this because shes popular and attractive because it certainly doesnt sound like she treats him very well or has a great personality either, eventually he will leave her or be dumped by her but in the meantime if he wants to be a doormat hun then thats his lot. Live and let live, they'll work it out :)
• United States
30 Jan 07
This is the kind of drama that I always try to avoid. It's too much like a soap opera. Your friend is not treating her boyfriend right. If she doesn't plan on staying with him and staying faithful, she should tell him upfront. We always hear of the guys being the "players", but this example shows us the girl can be just as bad. It's a tricky situation to be in, but if this is eating you up, then you should tell him. I would also talk with your and see if you can make her realize just how unfair she is being. You may lose your friend, but look at it this way... If she is not faithful to her boyfriend, she may also not be faithful to you as a friend. Meaning all she cares about is her gratification and not anyone else. I wouldn't want to be treated that way by anyone and I wouldn't want anyone I was friends with to be treated that way either.
@elisa812 (3033)
• United States
30 Jan 07
That is tricky since it's your friend, but I think you should tell him. He really deserves to know what is going on behind his back, especially if he really is in love with her. I'm sure it will hurt a lot at first, but he needs to be aware of it before he makes an even deeper commitment, like marriage, and then finds out about it. I know it might seem like you're snitching on your friend, but keep in mind that this is his life, and he deserves to be with someone who won't stab him in the back. You're just being honest.
• India
30 Jan 07
do u trust ur boy frnd? if fully yes then go staight bt if he cheats wid u , u hv 2 ready wid other options too..