how can i say NO to my best friend?

girl best friend - i so love her
Philippines
January 30, 2007 8:01pm CST
i dont know how to tell her that i just cant always be with her? before i got married we continuesly go out, almost every night. to parties, gimiks and the like. but now that im married, i just dont know how to refuse her. she's my best friend. she's always there for me when i need her. but i hope she can understand that im not a single girl like before. she now thinks that i dont wanna be wiht her, that i dont like her anymore. why cant she understand? i soooooooo love her, its just that my priorities had changed. can you give me suggestions on what to do? im so down cause of this? she's like a sister to me? i dont wanna loose her either. HELP!
8 people like this
31 responses
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
31 Jan 07
Well, have you tried to just tell her what you've told us??? If you don't explain it to her, of course she's going to feel that way! I would just sit her down and tell her how you feel. I know you don't want to lose her as a friend and that shouldn't happen, but sometimes friends do grow apart. Maybe she will find someone soon, then she will understand and then you guys will have everything in common again and you'll be fine! Good Luck!
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
thanks for that :) i have told her before but not as factual as ive said it here. i say it to her as light as possible for her not to get hurt. but things never changed. its all the same. i dont wanna go. i love her & my husband.
• United States
31 Jan 07
I faced the same thing 32 years ago when my husband and I started dating. My best friend just couldn't understand that I wanted to spend time with my to-be-hubby without her being there ALL the time. Unfortunately, our friendship ended over it. It was hard at first, and I felt bad about it, but eventually I've made other friends who's interests are similar to my own, and we help each other to grow and learn. If this guy is the right one for you, don't let anyone come between that. This is coming from a someone who will be celebrating her 30th wedding anniversary this summer, and I have no regrets.
1 person likes this
@mauier113 (688)
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
Being married is a commitment. You're already committed. Your priority now is your husband. Maybe the best thing you could do is to find her someone who could be her future partner. Set her up with a blind date. So the her attention would be shifted from you to her new friend. You should also understand her that if you're like sister to her, it isn't also easy for her to adjust. Give her time to adjust, too.
• United States
31 Jan 07
just be honest to your bestfriend and let your best friend know that its time to move on and that you have a partner for life yet you can always hang out with your bestfriend but not all the time... cuz you need to grow and let your bestfriend grow too... life changes when you change it:)
@vivek6831 (211)
• India
1 Feb 07
I KNOW YOU CAN SAY NO TO YOUR FRIENDS BY WRITE or YOU CAN SPEAK FACE TO FACE OR ELSE YOU CAN SAY TO YOUR ANY FRIEND AND TELL HIM TO SAY TO YOUR FRIEND WHICH YOU WANT TO SAY SORRY...
• United States
1 Feb 07
If she's really your best friend, she will understand your change in status now and your new priorities. Do like what others suggested which is to have a heart to heart talk with her. If she disses you, then she's not really your best friend. A best friend will always be there no matter what. In fact, she will be the one encouraging you to spend more time with your husband to build on your relationship and marriage and when you have kids, she will be the one babysitting them so you can have alone time with your hubby. Now, THAT is a true friend.
@wynna1 (1291)
31 Jan 07
I think what you need to do is to sit down with her and have a chat about what you want to explain to her. Tell her that yes she is still your bestfriend but she need to understand that you have the priority to your new husband or future family now and that you cant be with her all the time. Perhaps suggest or arrange a schedule for the both of you to meet up and do the girly thing. I know that you dont want to lose your friend but im sure you dont want as well to lose or ruin your relationship with your new hubby.
@sunita64 (6469)
• India
31 Jan 07
Well here you take your husband's help, ask him to tell her that now he needs your time.So that she will not think bad about you and will understand I hope so.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
31 Jan 07
Well sit her down and explain this to her have a long talk with her and she has to accept it there is no way out of it she has to realise that now one of you is Married it is not going to be the same but make sure that you tell her you still love her as much you don't want to loose her but now that you are married you are not totally free anymore to do all the things you did before Just don't let her make you choose as that would be bad
• India
31 Jan 07
You can take your friend outside and they say your problem. A true friend will understand the problem and she will change her attitude.
@Madruga (137)
• Romania
31 Jan 07
With a clam voice , don`t forget to make some vocalisez , and then , say a NO in D minor , to sound more tragic .
• United States
31 Jan 07
I'd talk to her about married life. Ask her if she'd allow you to call her up every night of the week to go out whenever she was trying to spend quality time at home w/ her husband. You have to talk to her and make her understand that you still care for her, but your priorities have changed now because you are a married woman and you now have priorities to your husband as well as yourself and friends/family that you need to fufill.
@dbeast (1495)
• India
31 Jan 07
Well buddy this may be bitter and hard but you must hit her with the truth.you need to explain how much she means to you and you need to explain your situation too.she will definitely understand,being your best friend she must.it will be difficult in the beginning but you need to tell her that you will be with her but not the way you were with her as before.
• United States
31 Jan 07
Let her know the real deal that you are married now and that you can't just go out and be with her 24/7. Tell her how you feel and that it hurts you when she thinks that you dont want anything to do with her anymore, and you still have the same love for her as before, but you also have another to love for and that the love you have for her is sisterly love and the love you have for you husband is a love you made a commitment to. Let her know yall still can hang out from time to time but just not as often because your husband needs you too. If she loves you the same she'll understand.
• United States
31 Jan 07
It is a situation that everyone goes through. what u and ur friend are going through is time adjustments since she is still single and have no one else but u to turn to for fun and nights out and partying. on the other hand u are married mean adjusting to a married life with husband and home to worry about. She obviously would not realize that. U just have to get together once and while talking just loosely mention how u schedules have changed after marriage , how it is not the same as before and now u have have your husband to spend time with and go out with him and stuff. but also let her know that it is not that you dont want to go out but we have to adjust timing differently than u guys did before and let her know that. if she is ur true friend she will understand
31 Jan 07
I think you should arrange a quiet 'girly night' with her where you both stay in and watch videos, have a few drinks and some nice snacks to eat. This will create an atmosphere where you can have a really good heart to heart with her and tell her how you are feeling. Tell her how upset you are that you have fallen out and explain to her exactly what you have told us on this website. She may be a little upset at first, but if she is a true friend then she will gradually come round to understanding what you are saying. Good luck, I am sure that everything will turn out fine.
• India
31 Jan 07
this i a childish state that even if the child know's that the toy isint it's he will not let go it... like that you are her friend so she dont want to give her friend to some one as wife... this problem will be solved if she is maried too...
31 Jan 07
i think if you just tell your best friend and explain everything will be understood...and maybe your worrying abit too much
@m_robi13 (33)
• Romania
31 Jan 07
I had a similar problem, to be more precise, my girlfriend had the same problem with her best friend. She was used that wherever my girlfriend was going, she was with her, she was helping her and all the stuff, that friends do. At first it was ok that she was with us, going with us wherever we had gone, but after a time it gets, wheal let's say anoing... She had explaind to her all this, and of course a little war came out of this :-), but after a time she understood. You have to be really carefull, because she may feel alone or she may think that she is disturbing you - very difficult cases, but a true and understanding friend would understad your problem.
@picek123 (177)
• Indonesia
31 Jan 07
just tell her the truth. i believe it would be the best for u both