Thick skin vs thin

@CatEyes (2449)
United States
January 31, 2007 3:59am CST
I hate getting my feeling hurt, but they usualy takes a lot to do so. But with the family in law I have and the friends my husband has I seem to be soo sensitive to everthing. They have no problem talking about things that a person just does not say like you gained the weight your self not the meds, or why don't you have more children, your not doing your child justice or better yet why are you not working you should be supporting your husband. I had my sister in law call me anorexic and buliemic when I was skinny now I am called a pig now that I am over weight. Well I understand that everyone has to get over this at some point, but I just can't seem to, and it eats me up in side. I realy, realy bothers me. What can I do that would allow me to "let go" of what they said and not allow them or their words to have power over me?
9 people like this
34 responses
@Willowlady (10666)
• United States
31 Jan 07
Have figured this out. You are the sane one in the midst of those that need therapy. You are strong, however, you have not been taught by your mother to be assured of yourself. You know you are worthy of love and they are incapable of operating in the arena of love. You change your approach to things and although painful they should slowly change the way they deal with you. Stand firm and whatever you do be consistent. You are doing well to express yourself here. We can support you. I would say to treat them like teenagers. You can in a loving way tell them that unless they have some constructive and civil to say that you no longer wish to hear what they say. You don't have to take in that negativity and so draw the line in the sand. Could be rough for a while, however, if you stand firm, they should adjust their behavior at least while they are around you! Take care my friend! Good luck!
3 people like this
@CatEyes (2449)
• United States
31 Jan 07
I love your advice and it makes a lot of sense. I woke this morning and said to my self; I don't want other to have this type of power over me, so I won't let them. That is as far as I got and your post made the path clearer to me. Thanks
1 person likes this
@lilaclady (28238)
• Australia
31 Jan 07
hmmm I think I would be getting a bit short with them myself, I have a thin skin when I think people are just picking which sounds like they are....gee life can be hard can't it.
@hopeful28 (1439)
• Singapore
31 Jan 07
I'm sorry to hear about your predicament. I can empathise because it happens to me too. I hate it when people comment on my weight in public not knowing or caring that it hurts so. It takes me days to get over it. Much as I like to offer a solution to this problem, I have to admit that I don't think there's any. We can't control the words that people would say to us. We can only keep telling ourselves to let it be like water running off a duck's back. Take heart and if you need to share, do it here.
@makatron (503)
• Dominican Republic
31 Jan 07
go gym and do some cardio everyday and eat healthy and not more than you really need and in a couple of months you will feel a lot better yourself
1 person likes this
@CatEyes (2449)
• United States
31 Jan 07
Thanks, I have been working out and loosing weight but slowly. I do feel better when I get on a scale and see that I lost a pound or two, as little as it is.
1 person likes this
@yanjiaren (9050)
31 Jan 07
that's a tough one..listen frined..i too always get put downs..i had a massive row with my hubby last night only when i asked him something very valid and nirmal..well we didn't row ..he just had a go at me and said i will never be pretty or a miss world so i shouldn't even bother making an effort..that hurt..but you know what? we can;t please every body all the time..AGod made us as we are and if anyone else doesn;'t like it they can shove it where the sun don't shine zhidao?..ooops i mean you understand me?
1 person likes this
@CatEyes (2449)
• United States
31 Jan 07
Sorry about the row you had. I like the "shove it where the sun don't shine" part. I have not used that one before but might in the furture.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Feb 07
id just laugh at them and tell them that they must be insecure within themselves to keep picking at you. tell them that until they become "perfect" they should keep their opinions on how you are to themselves. its funny how everyone thinks they have a right to criticize everyone else when they dont have an ounce of room to talk.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Feb 07
Maybe you should let go on them...doesn't sound like they hold back any. Like yourself! Stop worrying about what these other people think aboout you. If you put on the front that "Hey I'm the cool one and your an idiot they would freak out and loose their power....stop giving them the power. Start hanging out with people that are kind to you & appreciate who you are. Like yourself!
1 person likes this
@saunty (604)
• India
1 Feb 07
simple...u should join a aerobaic class and work out regularly in there...no other way out to this problem except this...
1 person likes this
@chaptermm (734)
• Malta
1 Feb 07
both of them are very good i like all
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Feb 07
Well, I think some people are just so miserable with their own lives so they want you to be unhappy as well. You should have gotten used to these people since they have always been giving snide remarks even before. Perhaps you are indeed very sensitive. You have to learn to be stronger. Just think that these are all talk. It's none of their business what you do with your life as long as you're not doing anything wrong. The attention they are giving you is enough proof that you are important (just imagine if nobody notices you, right?)..so smile! Some people like to exact power over people they find weak, so don't give them the benefit of being powerful over you. Hope I helped you there.
1 person likes this
@onabreak2 (1161)
• United States
1 Feb 07
Stay away from them. They are ignorant. If they upset you that much then just dont go around them
1 person likes this
@candygurl24 (1880)
• Canada
1 Feb 07
Try to remember this one thing, those people who are constantly criticizing you are probably doing so to make themselves feel better about what is lacking in their own lives. Next time say, Oh thanks so much..I'm glad you noticed, and say it nice as can be..that might just deter them away from making their rude comments anymore. I hope this helps. :)
1 person likes this
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
1 Feb 07
I am sensitive as well, although it seems a bit over the top and rude to call someone a pig. And I hope they are joking when they say you should be supporting your husband. If you are staying home and keeping a nice family home, then you are supporting your husband and contributing. My inlaws used to have people ask them all the time why they didn't have kids. It was rude and hurtful to my MIL. Once, my father in law turned to the woman who was asking the question and told her he was sterile. Think up clever answers to the things they normally say, and you'll feel better for having said something.
1 person likes this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
31 Jan 07
From the sound of it, I don't think you are being too sensitive. Those relatives and friends are being downright RUDE. Especially the sister in law. Could it be that she has only been saying those things about you because of her own insecurities? Anyway, I think you need to let them know, in a calm serene manner, that they are being very inconsiderate and that they need to go look in mirrors if they want to put someone down. After that, just try your best to ignore their comments--they say that the best way to get back at someone is to live well (and be proud of yourself). Don't let them get to you. If they do, come back to your MyLot friends and we'll get you through it.
@scorpius (1793)
• India
31 Jan 07
belive me i know exactly what you are feeling.i used to be this sensitive as well even worse.i used to get my feelings hurt on a regular basis.i could not even relax l;eave alone sleep properly. i got so bad that i almost became paranoid imaging that others were always talking about me behind my back.but guess what the problem was not others but myself.so in order to get over this sensitivity issue i went to see a consultant,he put me through some exercises and that did the trick.this was some 5 years back.today if anyone insults me or anything,well,i probably feel a litle healthy anger but thats all.and i make my feelings pretty clear to that person. so my advice to you is to let all the insults wash off your back like water off a ducks back.see a consultant,work on your sensitivity issue. but most important of all,the solution to your problem is within you! http://www.hsperson.com/ http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/disgust/index.shtml http://www.experiencefestival.com/a/Emotional/id/35322
1 person likes this
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
1 Feb 07
So now they get to your skin. Don't let them. If they do, make sure you can upset them too. I know what you mean. I used to know a co worker who does that. So when she least expected, I got to her nerves. They are not trying to test your patience, but your bravery to do something back at them. This way they know you can fight back.
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
1 Feb 07
respect yourself, for no one else will.
@apostrofy (661)
• Romania
31 Jan 07
it's not about the thickness of u'r skin. it's all about the limits to everything. i must admit i am a sensitive person and i have alot of things that bugg me, but i pass them pretty easy. i get bugged then i let go. but when it comes to getting my feelings hurt that is not ok. since they are u'r relatives u should let them know they are hurting u'r feelings even though the same words wouldn't hurt their feelings. if they care about u and if they respect u they have to understand. io don't think words like bulimic, anorexic, pig or stuff like that should be taken lightly. explain that to them and ask them to stop because they make u feel unconfortable.
@CatEyes (2449)
• United States
31 Jan 07
You make sense; they are my feelings not theirs to hurt. I get so mad and I just leave the room as soon as possible or change the topic. They still do, and I think it is becuase they know I am too polite to say anything nasty to them. I have a friend in the group who does not like most of them either and gets pretty irratated when the pick on me. She seems to think they target me becuase they are either jelous or intmedated by me. Why. I just don't see why they would feel this way.
1 person likes this
@tarachand (3895)
• India
23 Feb 07
in my case it depends upn the issue and the person who is making the remarks, and boy, in-laws can be quite a pain, especially if you are a man. A kid of a bro-in-law who through plain luck may have made just a little more money points out mistakes and starts explaining the world to you, or a mother-in-law who is always over-defensive about anything that your wife does- (even if you don't say or feel anythihng -not anger, not sorrow, for what the ma-in-law considers is maybe a mistake), a sometimes over bearing pa-in-law and stuff like that. I generally don't let that bother me, what matters is what my wife thinks and wants, and it works both ways, more than 25 years of being married to each other has taught us that what matters is each other's opinion and not that of others. I do loose my temper if anyone bad mouths my family though and then can be quite cutting, I probably end up verbally chopping that person to bits when all that was required was a small needle poke as a response.
@Lydia1901 (16354)
• United States
22 Feb 07
Well, dear, just don't let it bother you at all. And if you know that it isn't your fault that you have gained weight and it is in fact from having a baby. I wouldn't worry about it much because you didn't overeat yourself. Just don't pay attention to whatever they say and go about your business like you didn't hear a thing they said about your weight.
@krazzyk (78)
• United States
1 Feb 07
aawwwn, when u hear things like that u shoudlne pay it any atension because u r probably still beautiful inside and outside.