sibling rivalry, jealousy

October 9, 2006 8:44pm CST
Anyone have a sibling that does mean things to them because of jealousy? I have a sister who is jealous of me and it causes her say things that are cruel and not true about me. She is constantly overstepping personal boundaries in several areas. She is overweight, older than me, has not advanced passed working in cheap diners and she has not realized that she too can do better if she focuses on doing so. To make herself feel superior she tries to tear down anything I do that is worthwhile...hiking daily, going to college, owning a business, believing in God, winning awards in business. She will say something unkind about every one of these good activities in my life! It's pretty unbelievable. At times, I forget it's due to sibling rivalry and think I can't do anything right...just what she wants to me think so I won't be able to function and decline to her level so doesn't feel threatened. I have stopped interacting with her and feel peace and dignity from doing so. Anyone else have a jealous sibling trying to hurt them? Would be interested in hearing variations of this theme. Thanks.
3 responses
• United States
20 Oct 06
Oh yes, I have a sister who does the same thing. She always seems to be in competition with me and it is so annoying. If I go out and buy something, she'll do her best to try to get the same thing. If it something she can not afford then she'll put it down or me. Like..you don't need that, what are you possibly going to do with that. Obviously, it is something I wanted or needed so of course I've a use for it. She also gives me things (or used to I don't accept anything from her anymore) but after displaying it in my home or wearing it she'd comment and say only when in front of other people, oh yeah didn't I give you that. Or flat out say I gave her that. I have gotten rid of just about everything she has given me. There's no winning situation but to keep your distance. I applaud you.
8 Jan 07
Thank you for responses posted regarding 'jealous sibling'. Seems the few so far cover a variety of ideas on this subject...from basic competition in sibling rivalry to the 'biology' and 'psychology' of jealousy. It's affirming to hear others say that they, too, are keeping distance from their jealous sibling as a way to find peace. Otherwise, unless both siblings are willing to be honest with each other about their relational problems with the goal of healing them, there isn't any sense in going back for more abuse and disrespect. For some, it could be disabling if the discouragaing comments are taken to heart. I believe this is the goal of a jealous person...to bring down their target and make them feel bad about themselves to obstruct their progress in life. Let's put it this way...my jealous sister could never be a coach with her particular mindset. I will continue to pray for her (and me) and our relationship. Only truth and revelation from God will heal this dysfunctional relationship. Thanks again.
@mridig (202)
• India
8 Jan 07
Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. The word jealousy stems from the French jalousie, formed from jaloux (jealous), and further from Low Latin zelosus (full of zeal), and from the Greek word for "ardour, zeal" (with a root connoting "to boil, ferment"; or "yeast"). Jealousy is a familiar experience in human relationships. It has been reported in every culture and in many forms where researchers have looked. [1] [2] [3] It has been observed in infants as young as 5-6 months old and in adults over 65 years old. [4] [5] [6] [7] It has been an enduring topic of interest for scientists, artists, and theologians. Psychologists have proposed several models of the processes underlying jealousy and have identified individual differences that influence the expression of jealousy. Sociologists have demonstrated that cultural beliefs and values play an important role in determining what triggers jealousy and what constitutes socially acceptable expressions of jealousy. Biologists have identified factors that may unconsciously influence the expression of jealousy. Artists have explored the theme of jealousy in photographs, paintings, movies, songs, plays, poems, and books. Theologians have offered religious views of jealousy based on the scriptures of their respective faiths. Despite its familiarity, however, people define jealousy in different ways. Some even mislabel it as being protective of something or someone, when the fact is, it's really simply possessive jealousy itself; and many feel they don't possess effective strategies for coping with this form of jealousy. [8]
@bhchy1 (6052)
• United States
20 Oct 06
I have a sister that needs to be better than the rest of us (6 kids)...don't know why, don't know if it's jealousy..I had enough of her games and just stay away from her now.