Sipping Vodka....This is funny.

@Polly1 (12649)
United States
January 31, 2007 11:21pm CST
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door: 1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp. 2) There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3) There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a$$. 6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook. 8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him. 9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his a$$. 10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." 11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" . 12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,. 13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God. 14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
2 people like this
8 responses
@atul_asv (523)
• India
5 Feb 07
How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day? Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."
@Polly1 (12649)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Thanks for the funny.
• India
1 Feb 07
Doctor: "Nurse, how is that little boy doing,the one who swallowed ten quarters?" Nurse: "No change yet."
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25555)
• United States
1 Feb 07
Now that's fuuny!
@Polly1 (12649)
• United States
1 Feb 07
Thanks for the funny.
@ebfh2006 (176)
• United States
3 Feb 07
LOL good one. Where do you come up with these? LOL
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12649)
• United States
5 Feb 07
I am glad you like my jokes, I get them in my email from my uncle. The good ones I like to share here on mylot.
@marciascott (25555)
• United States
1 Feb 07
that was funny. That was the joke of the day. how are you it's about 7:25 am. I have been up since 6am. I ike to get this out of the way eary untill I go into work. I have to be there around 10;00am. so I still have a little time.
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12649)
• United States
1 Feb 07
I do my best to keep you laughing.
• United States
1 Feb 07
HAHAHAH Okay, I have never heard this one before. That's hilarious!
@Polly1 (12649)
• United States
1 Feb 07
Thanks for the response.
@villageanne (8554)
• United States
1 Feb 07
LOL that must have been some sermon he gave. LOL
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12649)
• United States
1 Feb 07
It sure would have been fun to be there for it, lol.
@huanghaozi (1475)
• Egypt
18 Feb 07
A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the old man and said "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." "Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked. "Nope, sure ain't." said the man. "Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan. "Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone. "Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?" Persisted Satan. "Yep," was the calm reply. "And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan. "Nope," said the old man. More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years.
@Polly1 (12649)
• United States
18 Feb 07
Thanks for the chuckle, that was funny.
@ebfh2006 (176)
• United States
1 Feb 07
Another ggood one. Your jokes brighten my days.