Is it wrong to stop talking to your mother if she treats you horribly and....

@jenalyn (675)
United States
February 1, 2007 1:28am CST
Makes you feel terrible all if the time. My mother is an alcoholic and I am 35 years old and just can't take the mental and verbal abuse anymore. I had a close relationship with her in my 20's but as a teen I was the mother in our relationship. She came to visit to my house and we got into an arguement because I can't take her mean comments and ugly way of treating me. I haven't talked to her since. That was september of 2006. I really don't miss having a relationship with her. She is nicer to complete strangers than she is to me or my sister. People at her church thinks she is so sweet and they think she is a lot like the sweet little cartoon character she collects tweetybird because she is so little and small. She left me a message not long after the arguement saying we should apologize to each other. I didn't say anything to her that I want to apologize for or want to take back. I just told her about herself without using mean names or being hateful, but I yelled it because I was angry. I am not sorry for anything I said, and I don't want a relationship with her if she wants to act like nothing happened and not change anything. I have already tried over and over, she does not want to treat me as nice as she treats complete strangers, so I do not want to have to talk to her and have to take her abuse. I don't feel like I will regret closing myself off from her, so far no one else has said they think I will either. What do you think?
8 people like this
10 responses
• Canada
1 Feb 07
You have the right to close off the relationship with her. You deserve respect from her just as she does from you. If all she is going to do is talk down to you and not have anything nice to say then I think that you have made the right decision by closing everything. Your mother needs to get help before I would even consider having a relationship with her again. But she is the one who has to change not you. You have done nothing wrong. You don't need the mental and verbal abuse. Please take care of your self.
• India
1 Feb 07
i think its right to stop talking if she treats horribly.
2 people like this
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
Is it wrong?i really dont know,i am not in your situation so i dont know whats wrong and whats right..it depends on how you really feel about her..maybe not talk to her for a few months to make her realize that what she has been doing has been affecting you so much already.
@cjthedog64 (1553)
• United States
6 Mar 07
I've learned that you can only do so much to try to mend a relationship with someone. There comes a point (and I think you've passed it!) where you just have to let go and not worry about it anymore. My SS's mom beat him up when he was 9 and then kicked him out of the house when he was 13 (with a couple of custody fights in between). He actually forgave her and kept trying to make things work. He's only 15 now, but he's pretty much given up on her, and I don't blame him. She has no interest in being a good mom to him, so why should he bother? It only creates havoc in his life.
1 person likes this
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
6 Mar 07
For me, the bottom line is that you don't owe it to ANYbody-- be it family, friends, employers, lovers-- to stay around in a situation that involves abuse. Abuse is abuse. Just because someone happens to be a parent doesn't grant them the right to a magic "get out of jail free" card to be abusive. Having some sort of "resolution" might be nice-- since carrying around bad vibes from a fight kinda tends to eat a person up from the inside. However, it's up to you to decide whether or not sitting down with her and making peace, and then going your separate ways is worth your while.
• United States
2 Mar 07
In my family we have so many members who have become disconnected from one another for one reason or another. They still get together for family functions. But they do not socialize. They tolerate and are respectful to each other while they are together. The reasons for this behavior are varied. I won't go into detail for their sake. But, I will say that if anyone in our family were to become rich and famous, the media would have a field day going through the skeletons in our closets. I have a friend who hasn't talked to her family in years. They have completely disconnected. This saddens me because I am very family oriented. I wish you all the best. But, remember, that life is short. Live it happy and with no regrets.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Aug 09
I know this post is from a couple years ago, but I can genuinely relate to what you say. I haven't talked to my monther in nearly 2 years, and I am nowhere close to needing or wanting to see her again. She is very similar to your mother, and I can't put up with her dstupidity and spitting when she is drunk, and he verbal abuse was so bad the last time I saw her, it dampered my spirits to ever wanting to see her again. She is a mean woman, and I don't need her in my life.
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
10 Aug 09
Well, it has been two years and I have given her a couple of chances to make amends, but she always does something mean or screws up and her true colors come out just as I think it is going well. So I just keep my relationship with her very very very distant. We never talk on the phone and I don't go see her unless it is at a restaurant with family. She even verbally attacked my 15 year old daughter without there being some kind of provoking. I have to draw the line at abusing my daughter, so she hasn't spent any time alone with her either. It is just sad, but I am not going to let her keep doing this stuff. I will love her from afar.
• Nepal
1 Feb 07
No, it is not good to stop talking to your mother if she behaves wrong. You must sort out the root of the issue why she behaves like that, what is the problem, for what is the dissatisfaction. Because i take mother as the most soft-hearted lady in the world. After all, she is the creator of us.
@palpalsky (900)
• United States
16 Mar 07
Iam sorry for your this situation ..well she is your mother .well its fine to maintain distance with her after all she is really treating you in bad way ..however she is your mothet and always respect her for that ..she made you a better person ..so please ever she needs you just dont turn your face ..help her and support her ..after all all the hardship should make you better person
@seamonkey (1981)
• Ireland
16 Mar 07
I think there comes a point where it becomes too harmful to you to continue on. If you have drawn a line and she continues to cross it, it's up to you to decide if you want to have that in your life. I don't know if you've ever heard of Al-Anon? A lot of kids of alocholics have common responses to their parents' bad behavior and maybe checking out a meeting would help you sor through how to handle her?