What do you do when your past catches up on you?

Philippines
February 1, 2007 3:40pm CST
I've done some terrible things in the past.. things i am not proud of.. things that made me lose some of my friends. it has been a two years since i started over. just when i thought its all in the past, i saw a friend of a friend in a new friend's house. it scares the living $*!£ out of me. i have changed a lot and just when i thought everything is goig my way, here comes Pnadora's box. this friend is a cousin of one of my new friends. she's kinda close with the people ive messed up with in the past. im scared she might tell those things to my new friend. even if i dont do those things now, my new friends knowing it will definitely change everything. im afraid they will look at me differently. a part of me thinks i should just run and leave everything, my job, my friends.. everything. but what if it happens again. its a small world and i know i will always bump into someone i know. another part of me feels i should stay. if they are my real friends then they wont believe all those things (if ever they gous out in the open)since i havent been that person in a while. or at least ive me the benefit of the doubt. im just scared. ive tried so hard to change and just when i thought im going to be okay, things like this happen.
11 people like this
69 responses
@rein2410 (809)
• Australia
1 Feb 07
One thing that a must for someone who wants to be succesful in this life is to not to be bound by their past. Its your past and you have changed, why are you scared now? Dont worry about the past and walk your path to your future. Dont ever forget about the experience that you were having a bad thing happen in your life. Its just experience. People who wants to be succesful will not look back and go foward wholeheartedly while looking at their side. When I say looking at their side meaning caring for other people around them and not get to obbsesed by just their own goal in life. you have to consider everyone around you in your goal. But please, leave your past behind, dont let it haunt you. I know its hard but I know, YOU CAN DO IT!!
3 people like this
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
thanks for the reply. i guess im just scared that they wont believe me.
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
thank you all for your kind words. i guess after being through this, i forgot how wonderful and kind people are. thanks for showing that to me.
• United States
1 Feb 07
If someone is truly your friend, they will not care about what you've done in the past. You're leaving the past behind and moving on with your life -- and everyone else around you should as well. We have all done things that we are not proud of. Whenever my secrets got out, I took it with grace. Meaning, I would tell people, "yes, this happened, but that was a long time ago. I choose to live a better life now." People respected me more when I admitted it rather than when I denied it.
3 people like this
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
just like you, i have no plans of denying it cause that will surely make them think twice. what im really scard of is their reaction.
1 person likes this
@shelagh77 (3643)
1 Feb 07
Yes, you are right, this will keep happening, so you just as well stay where you are, tough it out and see how many friends stay with you. If you are lucky and get the chance to put your side of things, keep it very brief, emphasising that you have grown up and act in a totally different way now. You are not different - your behaviour is. Some people never forgive and this will always be true. Hopefully there will be people among your new friends who will stand by you. Remember also that human beings do love to gossip and that unfortunately things people may have done in the past are seized upon by that type of person, but that gossip DOES die down and they move on to someone else. It is pretty horrible while the gossip is going on, but there are probably people all around you who are doing much worse things right now than you ever did back then. I hope some of these thoughts are a comfort to you and that you will be strong enough to see yourself through this. You can always mail me again if you want a little spiritual support. Just stick to what you know is right and concentrate your thoughts on the person you are now, and hang on in there.
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
thank you for your kind words.
@shelagh77 (3643)
1 Feb 07
You are welcome, I hope you are soon through this anxious time and will be able to continue this much better life you have made for yourself through your hard work and determination.
• Australia
1 Feb 07
Everyone make a mistake and everyone has a past. Dont be afraid. If your new friends know about your past and leave you, then they are not really your friends .. After all real friends stay by each other sides through bad or good, and after all it is all in the past. People needs to be able to forgive and to see the new you instead of keep on remembering the past. And also remember, it is not for sure yet that girl is gonna tell your new friends about your past. It could be that she already forget. Dont assume something negative before it happens. Come on, be courageous, dont just run away from your past, instead face it. You have already start anew, people should accept that. If your friends leave you.. dont worry I can be your friend :)
2 people like this
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
thank you so much.
1 person likes this
@Pekachu (1114)
• United States
1 Feb 07
well wouldnt it be lying if you made it lok like they were lying how is that making amends it isnt i would just your new friend these things you have done you did in your past and that you have grown as a person and you do not do these things anymore and regret having done them in the past and if this friend is a real friend they will give you a chance to prove your self and if not they wernt really friends anyways
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
im not thinking of denying those things and thats what scares me. i want to fave this head on but im scared of rejection. these new friends are all ive got now. if i lose them, im not sure if i can start over again.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Feb 07
trust me i know how you feel my past lives down the street next door to my sister..its a man that used to beat the crap out of me and caused a miscarrage , now he moved tomy town, and the i see and ex that used me and now im married and i did stuff with the ex id never do with myhusband bc i love him and i was stupid so it will always catch up somehwre..lol
2 people like this
• Canada
1 Feb 07
This is a really excellent discussion, and there are many excellent reponses here. Just soldier onward, and confront your past if you have to. True friends will stay by your side, and the ones who won't were not your friends anyway. Don't worry about rejection, you have obviously come a long way, and you are capable of going even further. Have faith in yourself. Remeber this life and wealth principle. The only time, you are actually growing, is when you are uncomfortable. You can do it !
@dulin08 (24)
• United States
1 Feb 07
Every ones of us has done things we wish we could change. I am not proud of some of the things I have done. But, we go through those things to grow and then we become the people we want to be. Our mistakes makes us human, we were not meant to be perfect. The imortant part is learning from our mistakes and not repeating them, which sounds like you did learn and are different now. Do not run away or be ashamed. You are a better, stronger person now. Be proud of how far you've come and how hard you have worked to change the things you needed to.
2 people like this
@dtc06180 (27)
• United States
1 Feb 07
I think that we have all done things in our past that we would rather people not know about or at least certain people. I know that when i was younger i may do things (not really bad) but things that i wouldnt want my parents to know about. since i had my girls though, ages 1 and 3, i do my best at not doing anything that i dont want my children to know about. it would kill me if they thought badly of me - they are my life
2 people like this
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
Living in the past or looking back in the past is somethinmg that we shouldnt do. As humans we do commit mistakes sometimes or to some people often times. but whats important is we learn from every mistakes weve made. We should move on. Realizing our mistakes is one good step towards moving on and our desire to correct it makes it better and giving it an effort to change is one BIG move that can really make the difference. On your case its normal to feel that way. Its normal to be scared when the past haunts you but as we all say past is past. It already happened and you cant do anything anymore to change it. You have new sets of friends right now, so what if they would know your past. whats important is the present. As you hhave said you have changed already. Just be honest with your friends and with yourself as well. Dont be scared that you will lose some of your new frineds upon learning your past. Question is are they really your FRIENDS? because a true friend will always be willing to accept you as you are and will always understand you. If you lose some today thats okay because the friends you might lose today are not really your friends. They are called the "fair weathered friends" and dont worry for sure GOD will give you a true frind who will stand by you whatever the consequence may be.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Feb 07
That's so true! It already happened to me because as you said, it's a small world. I had an enemy before and during one of the parties I got invited in, I thought is was deja vu! There she was--talking to my friend who happens to be hosting the party! I didn't know what to do--I was ill-prepared for that moment. I was thinking of running away or hiding. But then she saw me, too. Well, she didn't speak to me and I just pretended that she wasn't there. Days after the party, I heard that she told my friend about our past fight. Well, I explained my side but I felt that it's not the same anymore. I guess that's what happens when issues of the past are not resolved. Lesson learned by me: Next time this things happen to me, I will just go right on and talk to the person and try to resolve our issue. That would look like I really wanted things to be resolved (which I honestly do)!
2 people like this
@fabwisp (1328)
1 Feb 07
Perhaps you could tell them what has happened and that you have changed. If they are truely your friends they will judge you as the person you are now not the things you did in your past.
2 people like this
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
Our past is called past because it doesn't have any right to be here...right now. Anyway, live your life as it is and free yourself from fear. If these people talk to your friends and your friends decided to walk awat from you then they are not worth to be your friends. You cannot always run and run...what you did in the past was over and you are now a different person. You cannot also prevent people from talking about you! I think you cannot do anything and everything is beyond your control. What is within your control is how you view this situation! Hey everybody deserves a second chance, and if they dont give you one, then they dont deserve you and they surely loose something! God bless and enjoy life!!!
1 person likes this
@profclark (512)
• United States
2 Feb 07
be honest with yourself and your friends. All of us have done things we regret -- that is simply life. Those of us who are smart learn to grow and change for the better. If you wronged the person who you recently saw again, admit your wrong and apologize. You might be surprised at how forgiving people will be.
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12174)
• Sweden
2 Feb 07
and nobody's perfect at all. we all know that. so, if you did something wrong before, i am sure your friends will accept your past as well.. that is, if they are true friends.
• United States
1 Feb 07
In a lifetime everyone makes mistakes. First I would forgive myself. Then I would remind myself of the progress that I've made in the past two years. I would strongly acknowledge that I am not the same person I was in years past. I would mention that two years ago, someone or some place or something, made you reconsider what you were doing with your life and caused you to have a change of heart and redirect your life for the better. I have a daughter that had to do the same thing some years ago. She never looked back and is a fine woman today. Keep up the good work. And I for one, am proud of you. Life changes are never easy.
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
thank you. your kind words made me cry. i guess thats one thing i have to learn, to forgive myself before i expect other people to forgive me. i need to accept myself first before other people can. i have a lot of issues i am trying to straighten out. i hope i can be like your daughter. again, thank you.
• United States
2 Feb 07
Everyone of us has done something bad in the past.we all have to forget it and start a fresh but when the past catches you again and similar things happen, try to act positive and never think much about past.
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18304)
2 Feb 07
People will judge you by your actions now, not your past. If they are worthy of being your friend they will take you as you present yourself to them. Maybe tell them about your past, get it all out in the open. What is the worst that can happen? if they reject you were they ever truely worthy of your friendship?
1 person likes this
• Canada
2 Feb 07
You deserve to be proud of your accomplishments over the last couple of years . If your friends find out and can't except that , that is who you are not anymore then they were probably never your true friends anyway and probably would have quit being friend with you down the road . Try not to worry to much about what may or may not happen . Take each day as it comes and try to remember that you are not that person anymore . We have all done things in our lives that we may not be proud of but that doesn't mean we are still the same person we were years ago .
1 person likes this
@lvsummer (25)
• United States
2 Feb 07
I was arrested not too long ago in relation to an event that happened years ago. It took me by surprise as well and brought up all the old things I had done. You have to take each day one at a time and remember though there are people who will judge you on your past you can only take the time to make the present you the real one.
1 person likes this
@nithyas1 (97)
• India
2 Feb 07
Don't worry about the past dear friend Don't worry about the future either. If they are your true friends, then they'll definitely understand your character and nature. None can distort their feelings for you. Time will solve all the problems friend! Get ready to face the world will full boldness and confidence. Don't ever care for whatever or whoever says bad about you . You know about yourself . You should not be afraid of other's comments. The world is very big and there are millions of dear friends to care for you and love you!! You are not alone and don't feel even if you lose some friends because you have a large number of friends who can understand and care for you and are waiting for you!!! All the best! Feel never , Fun ever!! Cheers Nithya
1 person likes this