How can you learn to love someone?

@kltejeda (101)
United States
February 2, 2007 2:37pm CST
Is this possible? Can you actually be with someone you don't love and eventually just learn how to love them? Is this what people mean when they say that they've "settled" for some body? What are your opinions on this? I'm not exactly sure if it's possible. I think you can learn to like someone, learn to deal with them, and learn to live with them, but I don't think you can learn to love them. Love is a very strong emotion. I think that if you "learn" to love someone, you will easily "fall" in love for someone else. No?
4 people like this
50 responses
• United States
2 Feb 07
I dont think you can learn to love someone, you can discover that you love someone but you dont learn to love them. If you dont have genuine love for someone then I dont think you need to be with them because you arent really happy you just are trying to make yourself believe you are.
4 people like this
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
2 Feb 07
Excellent point. I think that's very true that you can discover that you love some one, and that's an excellent way of looking at it. That possibly means that you have a world of people which you can accidently discover you are in love with! In other words, treat everyone with love in case you one day discover that this person is someone you are in love with!
2 people like this
• Canada
3 Feb 07
Very nice response. Treat everyone with love. That is the ticket to being happy.
@Tejido (13)
• Philippines
3 Feb 07
Excellent!!!! Well said...! I myself been there. I'm with the man I love for 7 months now(Hope will be with him for the rest of my life).I asked my self as to when will I learned to love the man who'se been good to me, who'se been there for me when I need someone to talk to, and/or whenever I feel low...Until such a time I find myself FALLING INLOVE with him more and more each day,wanting him,and to be with him each day. =) I think the reason why the word "FALLING" goes with inlove because no one will allow himself or herself to fall to anything intentionally.... Te quiero.... =)
@weemam (13377)
2 Feb 07
I have read about arranged marriages where the people learn to love each othe . I myself fell inlove with my hubby whenever I saw him and we have ben maried 45 verry happy years xx
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
2 Feb 07
Nice! Hope you have another happy 45 years!
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Feb 07
45 years! WOW! That's great!
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Feb 07
I have a friend whose marriage was arranged by her parents. According to her, she liked someone else before she married him, but then she didn't want to disappoint her parents and her cultural bearing. They are married up to now (for 20 years!), still going strong, and guess what? She told me she had learned to fall in love with him. Well, I guess it's case-to-case, but it sure is possible. In my opinion, one has to learn to accept the other person for what he/she truly is and develop some kind of dependency and of course, most importantly, trust. Since these things are really difficult to do, there is no wonder why even the marriages that were bourne out of love from the start do not work -- what more with those that were not based on love to start with. It could be possible but it takes a LOT of work!
2 people like this
@Bar3000 (57)
• Israel
3 Feb 07
Personally I think that if you learn to love someone your love will last longer. I think it is possible to learn to love and this kind of love is a lot sronger than love at first sight. Getting to know people and who they really are should be the way to fall in love. If it was I am sure that divorces wouldn't be as common. I see why you think that if you learn to love someone you don't than you can easilly fall for someone else but in this learning to love process like in math both sides of the equation change to even it out.
1 person likes this
• Canada
3 Feb 07
I completely agree with you.
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
5 Feb 07
I haven't really looked at it that way,a nd you make a lot of sense. You're definitely right about the divorce part. Many people think the "fell in love" and get married. Soon after this turns out to be not true. However, what happens if you fall in love, and then you take the time to learn about the person before you marry? This kind of love, I believe, is stronger than if you simply learn to love the person. I'd rather love to learn about a person than learn to love them.
@popaioana (210)
• Romania
2 Feb 07
in my opinion it is imposible to learn to love someone...if love doesn't exist........this is the way......you cannot do anything
1 person likes this
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
2 Feb 07
Love definitely does exist. It can not be denied...just confused. Love is an explanation of a feeling. It's not a person nor a thing, and in that aspect, it does not exist. yet, the feeling which we have come to call love, does exist, thus, making love exist. Do you understand me??
1 person likes this
@Netsbridge (3242)
• United States
3 Feb 07
Although one has to decide to or not to love, there are just some people that one can only love by leaving them alone - yes, by living and let live!
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Interesting concept. Would this person only love themself? I don't see how you can love someone you're not with. Thanks for sharing!
• United States
5 Feb 07
Although my response was not in relationship to sensual love, one can always love those they are not with. But about loving someone sensually, I do not think it wise to get into a sensual relationship that was not founded on love - however flimsy the love! Love is what will carry any marriage through very difficult times.
• India
5 Feb 07
yes becoz u will alawys get adusted to things around u this the adaptive nature of human beings so u will love the person whom u do not love at all if u live with them for some time
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Interesting. A natural point of view of the subject. In this case, wouldn't it simply be adaptation to the person you live with? You wouldn't necessarily love this person, would you?
• Philippines
5 Feb 07
I don't seek love I just let it happen to me. I think it's the best way to recognized that your feeling is really true and not just because you want to.
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Interesting. Love is quite uncontrollable as you say. You don't always get to choose who you fall in love with.
• United States
5 Feb 07
I personally couldn't be with someone I didn't love in hopes of, as you put it, learn how to love her. I know this for a fact, because for over 4 years I was trapped in a relationship that met the parameters of this discussion. I liked and even cared for my ex (who passed away a few weeks ago), but I never grew to love her. That made her very unhappy and me even more so.
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Interesting. Do you think there was something that was simply impeding you form learning to love her? Do you think that if this something was not there that maybe you would have learned to love her? Or was there simply no chance at all? I hope your ex rests in peace...life is so precious.
• Philippines
5 Feb 07
my answer is no...based on my experience, it's hard to teach your heart to fall in love with someone you dont love un less there is a bit attraction then that's possible...in my case, the guy was so nice but i wasn't rally attracted to him even a bit, so the relationship didn't work and didnt last long
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Physical attraction forms a large part of the chemistry we feel in love. It's certainly not neccessary to have a complete physical attraction, but as you said, it helps!
@Piratesware (2891)
• Indonesia
3 Feb 07
yup .. I agree with u'r idea.
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
4 Feb 07
Thanks!
@crystal8577 (1470)
• United States
3 Feb 07
I don't think I have ever grown to love someone, I either loved them or I didn't. I personally could only stay in a relationship for so long with someone I did not love. At this stage in my life I wuold not be in a relationship with someone I wasn't in love with. Life is to short to "settle" for someone.
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
3 Feb 07
Settling is always a tough decision. Some people eventually come to grips with the fact that more than loving someone, they would not like to be alone. It can be sad at times, but in reality, who likes to be alone??
@janmar (115)
• United States
3 Feb 07
Good question. I think that "learning to love" someone should not be practiced. The whole point in the word love, to me, is passion and "learning to love" just does not fit that bill. However, passion can only carry you so far so perhaps it should be changed to "Learning to Love someone Better." Meaning, once you begin, with the key component; passion, then you move on to improve the relationship. I do believe it is what people mean by settled and therefore yes, they leave themselves open to the possibilities of "Falling" in love.
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
5 Feb 07
That's exactly how I feel. I think you need that passion in love. At least for the beginning part of a relationship so that at least, the passion was lived through together. After that, you learn about the person more and more throughout the years and this formulates an everlasting bond. Thanks for sharing!
• Pakistan
3 Feb 07
its a GOD gifted thng man sum one hav sum onenot buh i belev if u got such kinda person in your life dah makes u feel now the time arrive when you start learning whether it is luv or sumthng else
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Thanks for sharing! God is love in the Bible. I guess time does let you know eventually if what you have is true love or not.
@Katie88 (87)
• United States
3 Feb 07
Maybe for an arranged marriage, they really don't have any other choice unless if they were lucky enough to have feelings for eachother the moment they met. But for me, that's not the case. I have to feel something with the guy within the first day of knowing him.
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Yes indeed. I think arranged marriages can form an everlasting bond just as good as an un-arranged marriage. It's just a different road...one road is love and learn and the other is learn and love; if you know what I mean.
• Pakistan
3 Feb 07
i personally donot think that these feelings can be established if anyone loves somebody! just give ur mind a sensation that the other person is important for u
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
5 Feb 07
If you put yourself into that mindset it can very much help you learn to love someone. Thanks for your input!
• India
3 Feb 07
well this is cent percent possible!!!!the indian culture is a proof of this-arranged marriages work more successfuly than the love marriages....people have been married for their whole life-no freakin divorces!!!
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Statistics. Excellent choice for proving a point. I think what happens is that in a more liberal culture, people confuse love with lust, thus it causes more and more people to divorce. In the Indian culture, people understand more clearly the need for companionship than in other liberal countries I guess.
• India
3 Feb 07
the first thing to learn to love someone is to know about him or her completely.then only we can love someone.some times love happens at the first sight only .but i think this is not true love but it is a sort of attraction
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
5 Feb 07
I sure do believe love needs a sense of attraction. Perhaps it's not totally necessary, but I definitely think it helps.
@merkava (1225)
• Philippines
3 Feb 07
Learning to love someone is such a crude way of putting it. I'd rather say "have you experienced to love someone." Learning to love someone is more of a mechanical approach rather than just experiencing it. When you try to love someone you're studying them unlike when you experience loving someone it just happens. You don't fall in love, you just love.
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
3 Feb 07
Interesting way of putting it. Mechanical love can be considered learning to love. To "fall" in love is an explanation for the inexplicable reasonfor why we suddenly feel attached to some one who we really don't know, or have no reason for really loving this person. I like your point of view about learning to love someone being a mechanical approach. This post is referring to that same possibility; learning to love, just as you would learn to ride a bike.
• India
3 Feb 07
lve will arise from ur heart automatically.it is not learning one.
@kltejeda (101)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Thanks for sharing your point of view!