Did you explore your relationship before getting married?
February 2, 2007 4:01pm CST
Many marriage education experts caution that when couples believe in the myths of "happily-ever-after" or "love conquers all," problems in the marital relationship may surface within a short time after the wedding. The success or failure of your marriage relationship may hinge on how well you deal with issues such as finances, sexuality, communication, conflict, parenting, in-laws, leisure time, family of origin, spirituality, expectations, and chores. Even though you may be very busy with wedding preparations, it is critical that you make time to prepare for your life time together by exploring your relationship in more depth. Communication, along with a willingness to grow closer together, is one of the keys to a successful marriage. Did you discuss all this stuff before you got married? or did you just jump in head first?
• United States
2 Feb 07
Honestly we just jumped in head first, we kinda discussed things as they come up, we work better that way, we have learned after 12 years or trial and error to find a happy medium, which requires a little sacrifice on both our parts.
• United States
2 Feb 07
After 41 years of "wedded bliss" I can assure any couple contemplating marriage that it is far better to have all the major topics well discussed prior to ever saying "I Do". After the ceremony, and after all the guests have forgotten what they gave you at the wedding, you had better have something in common as you sit together in your living room. Of course, disagreements will surface in HOW to achieve results, but if both partners do not share similar goals at least, it can prove disastrous for the union. Marriage, like any successful business venture, must be viewed as a living organism which requires your full attention to grow and make profitable. To view marriage as less will often result in a couple of lines in the divorce column of your local newspaper. My wife and I were engaged for 2 years before I popped the question. It takes time to properly work out any differences which could later sink the ship. Unwillingness to devote the necessary time and focused effort prior to marriage has resulted in the divorce rate of today. So many couples refuse pre-marital counseling and see it as a waste of time. However, a good counselor will bring up issues which the couple may have never considered. It allows for the possibilty of managing potential hazards in a relationship before they arise unexpectadly and doom the union. By then, it is too late to avoid the crash. In fact, often when couples are encouraged by their clergy to undertake a few sessions of pre-marital counseling, they will merely seek out another "less demanding" minister to marry them. In my opinion, those clergy people are contributing to the divorce rate and selling out cheaply, some for bragging rights that they have married so many, and others just for the fee charged to "do the honors".
• United States
12 Mar 07
I am not married yet but plan on getting married next May. We are really excited. At the moment my fiance and I are going through a book that discusses different questions that are beneficial before the big day. I would have to say that by the 5th question (there are 101) I knew my fiance better, our relationship better, AND myself better. I had gained so much valuable information for our future that it was hard to put it all into words. I ranted and raved to all my friends how drastically it changed my viewpoint on everything. Some of the questions weren't even questions that presented answers I didn't already know but it was wonderful to discuss them again. I think it is REALLY beneficial to discuss EVERYTHING before you get married. Many people say "I married a stranger" and I fully believe that is because they never discussed all areas of their lives/relationships that should have been discussed. By talking about everything there are no "surprises" that cause can cause big bumps in the years to come in their marriage. I'm excited about living my life with my fiance and I believe we are fully prepared to conquer all things that show up along the way.