how to return a foster child?

United States
October 10, 2006 1:33pm CST
the child is upsetting my home.
20 responses
• United States
11 Oct 06
You should know that when you take in a foster child you are not only taking them in but you are also taking on their problems, baggage, and whatever abuse they may have endured. No one said being a foster parent was going to be a piece of cake. This boy needs love, sympathy, caring and to be nurtured. He needs to be shown that there is hope for him to make it. If you can't go outside of yourself and show this child these things then yes you don't need to have him in your home. Because your anger towards him is only going to mess him up more. What if you were left for nothing and broken they threw you away, wouldn't want someone to care enough to save you and help you?
3 people like this
@dlufel (424)
• Australia
11 Oct 06
just get back to the agencies
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Feb 07
You just don't get "rid" of a child. The child is not an animal! I would talk to the agency where you got him from and see if he can get some couciling or something. Good luck!
@bhchy1 (6053)
• United States
11 Oct 06
Talk to his case manger about getting him some help..but don't get rid og him..he obvioulsy needs hlep, love and a stable home.
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25565)
• United States
28 Oct 06
Yes I agree with you. Troubled children needs to be love. and that's why he is having a problem anyway.
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25565)
• United States
28 Oct 06
How old is the Child and how long have you had him or her? try to give it another chance, and if that does'nt work send him back to Foster Agency, But first try to work with him. show him you care.
1 person likes this
@rosebug23 (1909)
• Australia
28 Oct 06
I understand what you are going through i fostered 2 children for about 10 yrs, the boy was very disturbed and we asked for help for him .He was like your foster chlid he wet his pants and his bed which i didnt mind he done hid business in his pants then put the soiled underwear in the draw with his clean clothes. He wilfully distroyed my childrens and his sisters belongingsas well as much of our home. He was very aggressive and constantly hit the other children not just in our home but our neighbours children and at school. He lied, stole and would even hit me .One day he had a knife to my sons throat . We` went through so much with him and his sister who was notquite as bad but because of his behavior the other children seemed really good. I spoke to his social worker and the school and together we worked with him and his sister. They came with us when he was 7yrs and his sister was nine my children were son 7 yrs 1 mth younger and my daughter was 2yrs so i had my hands full. They both stayed with us until they were 18yrs old. I keep in touch them, the girl never married but has a good job and owns her own home, the boy is married but has moved to Portugal when his wifes family moved back,he has 2 children.one of his problems was he has a mild form of autisim as well as pychological problems. I would never have considered sending them back as they needed our help. It was extremely hard and on a couple of occassions i was according to my doctor on the verge of a breakdown but we soldiered on . The social worker was happy for them to stay with us as it was their best chance to have some sort of a normal life. If my son had been like that i couldnt send my son back so why ruin his life more than it was already by sending him back . He needed our live and support more than my own children . Dont take me wrong i didnt neglect my children i think it made them better adults Good luck and ask for help if i hadnt who knows what would have happened to them.I consider them my own children and my 2 kids think of them as their brother and sister.
@massaj03 (4377)
• United States
28 Oct 06
wow..I don't think I could just "give back" a child.
1 person likes this
@borg_queen (2536)
• Philippines
11 Oct 06
I remember reading something like this. The child was full of problems and was rather disturbed. But with patience and proper care by his foster parents the child turned out alright. YOu should do the same. Don't treat him like a pet that you have to return to the store just because it can't stop barking. And do realize that most criminals didn't have a lot of love from their childhood. Try to reduce that number.
1 person likes this
@sanell (2117)
• United States
11 Oct 06
Gosh, that is a tough one and sorry that is happening, do you have other children in the house? is he doing this because he is tired of being bounced around or maybe he likes to be bounced around because he knows this gives him a lot of attention? I would mention this to his case manager and then talk with the case manager to decide what the best course of action woudl be to take. Meaning, if he destroyed his bed, then I guess he sleeps on the floor, because that is the consequence for destroying your bed. Perhaps he needs to know that if he has something and he abuses it, that it goes away and does not get replaced until he can show that he can be a good kid and not destroy belongings that either do or don't belong to him... It is a way to handle the situation. It is like when kids disobey or disrespect, perhaps they have a phoen or a tv or a video game in their room, well what is the best way to make the child respect their parents? take away something that they love, like their video game, that will teach them that they have to respect the boundaries... I mean I think every child can be taught this way, sometimes it can take longer the older they are, but if they understand what the rules are and you work with them then over time things should work out okay in the end. Also I think this child should NOT be bounced around so much....that is probably why he is lashing out the way he is or has some other underlying issues. I would Definitely do what you can to get him in for counseling sessions for sure.
• United States
10 Oct 06
in what ways is the child disturbing your home? Why did you take in the child?
• United States
11 Oct 06
The 9year old male is urinating in his bedroom, lying, and destoryed a new box spring by tearing the bottom out of it. This is kinship care. HELP!!!
• United States
1 Mar 07
If you really want to return him, all you would need to do is call the caseworker who placed him with you. And if you really don't want him, you SHOULD let him go, because its not fair to him. He will be able to sense that you don't like him, and he'll behave even worse. What he is going throug is pretty normal for kids in foster care, if he has been mistreated in the past and has a lot of anger! If he's really out of control and you can't get ahold of anyone, you can always call the police. They can help calm him down and they canprobably figure out how to find an emergency placement for him!
@cripfemme (7723)
• United States
1 Mar 07
A child is not an outfit, you can't jut return them with trying everything. First talk to his social worker and try various therapies. Maybe he needs some behavior modification therapy or a shrink. Social service ought to be able to help you out! Good luck!
@hoghoney (3751)
• United States
1 Mar 07
I seen in one post that you said it was kinship care, is the child related toyou if he is maybe you should talk to your family to see if anyone can help you with him. but I do wish you the best of luck in what ever you choose to do.
• Italy
1 Mar 07
the child is desperately protesting against his destiny and asking for attention. do not give up. ask him seriously if he does not want to stay with you anymore, and why he hates you so much, what you have done to harm him. tell him you are there to help and give him the best possible chances. tell him that past cannot return - and this is a good thing sometimes. you need the help of a therapist and need to earn the child's trust. do not show you get angry at him, try to ignore his damages, and have him clean up.
@tad1fan (3373)
• Canada
28 Feb 07
Call your worker,explain the situation....they have to find another place for him if you can't handle him....
@deeds14 (823)
• United States
28 Oct 06
As a member of a family that takes in foster children, I know the training that you go through. You are well-aware that you are taking in an abused child who needs unconditional love. This child is not perfect, but no one is! I think that this child deserves a better home. Please call his social worker and tell them that you are unable to be a foster parent anymore unless the child has no problems.
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
11 Oct 06
How sad for everyone involved in this. Talk to the agency that placed the child with you and perhaps they can arrange some sort of counselling for this poor child. It is a sad fact that often foster children are bounced 'from pillar to post' and so have behavioural problems. I think that if possible you should try to work through these issues rather than sending the child onto another foster home. All children need boundaries and maybe he hasn't had these in the past. They also need lots of love and care to not only survive but also to thrive. Good luck to all of you. :)
@kdarrell (1567)
• Canada
11 Oct 06
I would try to get to the bottom of whatever the problem the child has. I would return him as a last resort. That would only damage his self esteem even worse.
• United States
11 Oct 06
take it back
@katyzzz (2902)
• Australia
11 Oct 06
It's a tough one. Just realize that you really can't cope and let the authorities know. It's a shame, your intentions sounded good but these things can be tougher than expected. Don't feel guilty, it's not for everyone. You may have more luck in the future!
@Aali311 (6128)
• United States
11 Oct 06
Speak to the foster angency that gave him to you.