February 3, 2007 6:01pm CST
I created this poem because of my memory loss. I have no memory of my childhood. So here goes: Memories By:ME!!!(X_X) Are memories what make person? What if one has none? What kind of person would he or she be? Memories of childhood. Memories of the past. All gone. I have no memory, I am nothing. I am an empty shell with a soul trapped inside. What will death bring me? Will it bring back my memories? I look inside of my brain and I see nothing. Many can remember, why not me? I looked to the ground and wounder what could of happened? To lose my memory? To lose my soul? I try hard to remember but nothing comes out. I pounder if I was meant to me. If I was I would have memories. But I don't. I try to find a light deep inside my heart. There is no light to be found. I live an empty live. I think hard that someday... My memories will come back to me.
2 people like this
• United States
7 Feb 07
Okay. I would recommend chopping it up a little, getting rid of the structured appearance of the lines. I think it would create a more haunted effect, as this is definitely meant to be a haunted poem. I would get rid of the open narrative voice and disconnect the speaker a little bit from the poem because he's disconnected from himself and he has no memory--he's not sure who he is. As it is now, it's a little telling, and you could really use the power of the words to SHOW us this lost soul calling out from the void.
• United States
4 Feb 07
Oh my, this is so sad, I'm crying for you. I can't imagine what it must be like to not have memories - my memories are what make me me. Is there a chance that you will get them back? I hope that you will be able to build good memories from here on and will at least have those to look back on.
9 Feb 07
I like it. It describes what you feel, it's clear. I like the short lines. They just keep on adding to the weight, to the loss. Like a little hammer hitting on a nail. The long sentences should be very strong as to keep the overall feeling of the short. It's very good.