friends vs family

United States
February 3, 2007 9:43pm CST
i find myself in a bind lately. i have been living with friends for a while now and out of the blue they said that i have to find somewhere else to live because they are going to be taking in a friend's son and the only place for him is in my room. in trying to find somewhere to go, i have made a discovery. my family is totally unwilling to help in any way. my online friends are going above and beyond to help me. some people have questioned internet friendships. over the last few years, the only people that i have found that i could count on have been my internet friends. you don't have to put on airs or pretend with people online, although some do, and the friendships can mean the difference between eating and starving, homelessness and a home and even life or death. a special friend of mine that i only know from online has saved my life several times without even knowing he was doing it. don't let anyone tell you that online friendships are not real or important because i know different.
7 people like this
42 responses
@scalpelo (271)
• Bulgaria
4 Feb 07
Family is more important I think and is forever.
2 people like this
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
4 Feb 07
well true, family is a central part of our lives, but i dont think it should be confronted to friendship...both things are complementary, so why not having both?
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 07
I am going to share a couple of comments my "father" has made to me in my lifetime. Then, you tell me if family is more important. At 12, I was told that I am the mistake he wished he could undo. The first time he met my husband, he told me that he did not care if I ever drew another breath of air. He has also said that he expects all of his children to be perfect. A little short of perfect he will accept but not much... Should I still consider him family? Should he have a more important place in my life than people that actually care about me?
1 person likes this
@kpfingaz (1028)
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
4 Feb 07
Yeah I like helping people online too because you feel good to do something for someone. Especially since you don't really know them. If I have a real friend I would cherish them because you never know when you yourself is going to get into some stuff that you need help. Those people want to kick you out to please another friend of theirs? So much for being friends.
• United States
4 Feb 07
I believe that everything you do comes back to you. Kharma. If you are good to people then you will receive the same. It may not happen immediately but it will eventually. The same can be said for harming people. I guess with these friends the friendship meant more to me than it did to them.
1 person likes this
• Netherlands
4 Feb 07
Sounds like you got a little screwed and that sucks. I haven't made any online friends, but I have more faith in on-line than I do face-to-face; it seems like loyalty in friendships is replaced with pettiness and gossiping...two games I've never liked playing. (I'm off on a tangent - sorry). Shame on your family for not doing everything possible to ensure your safety and health, and shame on your "friends" for forcing you to leave on short notice. I'm glad for you that you have your online friends, and I hope all turns out well. Good luck.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 07
i have met thousands of people online and what i have discovered is that people are people regardless of the medium you use to interact with them. Some love drama and will cause it no matter where they are. Some are users, some like causing mischief. Then, you have the ones that are honest, caring, good-hearted people. i am blessed in that i have met such people and even more blessed to call them friends.
@kathy77 (7488)
• Australia
4 Feb 07
Yes you are right a lot of friends that you find that do not put on airs and graces you will find on the internet I have some wonderful friends that really care about my personal life and I love them very much for this. But that is dreadful that the people that you live with do not give you the time of day to find somewhere else to live, but my friends mean the world to me as they say when you find a really true friend they are worth more than gold.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 07
Yes, they are. A friend told me once that a person is lucky if they can count their friends on more than one hand... if they can count their true friends on more than one finger, then they are truly blessed. I am truly blessed.
@jenalyn (675)
• United States
4 Feb 07
Sometimes your family members don't bother wih trying to understand you and extend compasion because the rest of the family has already labeled you a name associated as a problem. Your friends won't do that. That is the difference. Plus your friends do things for you because they want to, your family does things for you because they are family which can be because they have to as an obligation. I am very fortunate to have a few family members that are like my friends. I don't really associate with the ones that are not, and they don't know any of my business. They are more like aquiantences. I just see them during the holidays and stuff. I don't have time to be judged by everyone, I can't make them all happy, so I just keep relationships with my friends and that's it.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 07
Thank you for this comment. It is nice to see that someone does understand why I place more value on my friends than on most of my family. This year I even managed to miss the holidays.. which have always consisted of at least one person causing me tears.. usually my mother.
@elisata (569)
• Netherlands
4 Feb 07
I used to say that you can choose your friends, and not your family! ;-)) As far as your friends who provide a room for you right now, three things are possible: either the other friends are more important to them; or the son of their friends is in real trouble; or they think you are strong enough to stand on your onw two feet now... As to numer one: my experience is that in the circle of friends you have, there are several strengths of friendship. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact, I find that quite natural. As to possibility 2: if this kid is in real trouble and aparently can't live with his parents for whatever reason, then the kid should get help. As for possibility 3: way to go!! You are stronger than you think you are, always is the case, btw... Internet friends can be very special, but remember one thing: you don't have to put up with them when they feel bad, are moody or whatever, they will probably not be online then... You only see one side of them, which is alright, as long as you don't start to idolize them above 'real' people.
• United States
4 Feb 07
My closest friends and I are involved in an internet radio station and on somedays we are online 18 hours or more. We do see the bad sides of each other. We yell, scream, curse, rant, rave, cry to each other all the time. We take care of each other. From what I have heard, this is not normal for online friendships, but it is ours.
@uu4h708 (638)
• Philippines
4 Feb 07
good for you that youve met angels from online people... youre just lucky you did... but not all people are like that.. or even if they help, they would expect something in return...just a way to prove that sometimes you cant have it all ... either you have a loving and supporting family... or get that loving from your friends
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 07
I am blessed in the friendships that I have made. I am the same person online that I am offline, but I do know that not all people are like that. I am just one of those people that find it impossible to be other than I am.
• Philippines
4 Feb 07
Well a friend in need is a friend indeed. Just only remember that a friend can be change but not the family. So don't exchange your family for your friends.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 07
Does love, trust, and caring make a family or does a liquid with common characteristics make a family?
• India
4 Feb 07
I can understand your's view of point and you are lucky that your's internet friend stands up for you when you counted on them. Life is tough and when you are in real world , I mean you are not some one virtual reality, people do face lots of selfishness and people compromises with the people as they know that one can get away with that. With internet friends they know the only part what you have told and what they have felt and their concern are geniuine, if they wanted to be, to that extent. I have many friends on net but certainly I dont count on all of them and realisticly no one should except it too. I have helped people and in the same manner I have denied them what they want or expect from me and I did it what I felt was right.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 07
People are people regardless of whether it is online or off. You just have to use a little bit of common sense when dealing with them.
• United States
4 Feb 07
my online friends have kept me going when even my husband and other friends couldnt. I admire them all!
@pawanyv (226)
• India
4 Feb 07
very good thing u have with ur frds i wish u too continue
1 person likes this
• Pakistan
4 Feb 07
helo how r u u know what is the largest and secure relationship between persons tel me i think family relation is perfect relation instead of friend what u think thanks
1 person likes this
• Pakistan
4 Feb 07
friends are not reliable but family is supporting and reliable .. friends are usually for fun and different activities
• United States
4 Feb 07
I feel sorry for you in that apparently you have not had a true friendship. May the Gods/Goddesses bless you soon in one true friend.
• United States
5 Feb 07
family always first,,, that is like a law...
1 person likes this
@dejiflow (128)
• Nigeria
4 Feb 07
Its easy to be a good online friend because you are not saddled with the persons day to day needs. Friendship takes a new dimension when you see each other frequently, and it takes a delicate and dangerous dimension when you actually live together. Dont blame the friends who asked you to leave, but rather learn a valuable lesson from it... Its not good to be dependent on others, but on God.
• Netherlands
4 Feb 07
Well that is all very well indeed, but I am sure that her situation is unique and it must be rather difficult. I am sure that she knows she shouldn't rely on her frends solely and I am sure that she will find a way to help herself.
@janmar (115)
• United States
4 Feb 07
I like online friends because you can't see them. I think our eyes lead us to make judgements. They lie to us. we see someone who pleases our eyes and we want to be friends only to find out later they are jerks and the opposite is true too, we see someone, raise an eyebrow and go...not my type. Later you find out they are really cool. No, online you don't have the interference of your eyes. you get what you can out of what they write, their views, their opinions and their willingness to be friends. Much better most of the time.
• United States
4 Feb 07
Disabling one of our senses, such as our eyesight, makes us use the others more. You spend more time in real conversation with someone online because you want to know if they are for real or a jerk pretending. Maybe this extra time and concentration on the person is why the friendships tend to be so deep. What do you think?
@arwenrey (316)
• Philippines
4 Feb 07
All i can say is that you are still blessed even though your family is not able to help you but your friends online had helped you. This is a rare happening, you are a good person to have established great friends online. Not all families reject their relatives in my case i think my family are the first one that i can count on even though i had hurt them. Maybe there is a misunderstanding between you and your family that you need to resolve.
• United States
4 Feb 07
The only misunderstanding we have had is over my ex-husband. They think he is a saint, even though they had to clean my blood out of four rooms from floor to ceiling. While I was in the hospital fighting for my life, they gave him a home.
@Rittings (673)
4 Feb 07
Well, firstly, if you are coming here for help over your family, then it is hardly surprising that your family have reacted that way. If you put your friends before your family, then they will reciprocate that feeling and emotion. You motives are not entirely sincere therefore and can expect nothing in return for these actions. But there is hope. You can find the error of your ways and offer something to your family. Offer them your love and generosity and they will be unable to resist to your love. Because love is the most potent of all reasons for anything happening in this world. Try it.. love and light.
• United States
4 Feb 07
The only thing my family wants from me is money. It is all they have ever wanted. Love to them is not a priority. I am a disabled veteran and the money I receive because of this is all they have been able to see since I got home from the military. I hear from them only when they need money. All of life is not rosy. I hope that you realize this before you are hurt by the ones that should love you most.
@pclife (246)
• Malaysia
4 Feb 07
May be sometimes you feel that your friends are always with you , fixing problems & so & so....but don't you think that your family has been with you more longer than your friends , you grew up together with your mother,father,siblings & your relatives , started from your birth day until now as what you are...So,don't you think it's fair leaving your family for your "new" friends ?
• United States
4 Feb 07
If I had grown up the way you describe I may feel differently, but I did not. Being passed from one relative to another, being abused in a few, always made to feel a burden.. these things take a toll on a child and it leaves lasting scars on the adult.
@cripfemme (7719)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Of course, online friendships are real. And sometimes friendships are more important than family, as they are in my case.
@manmaxman (850)
• India
5 Feb 07
friends are part of our life but family make our life possible