I hate you!

@imsilver (1667)
Canada
February 4, 2007 11:00pm CST
How do you stop your child from saying it? That seems to be one of my sons favorite expressions these days. Like tonite.. my son wanted a sandwhich and asked me to make one. I told him that if he wanted one he knew how to make it and could do it himself. He started getting whiny and his little sister piped up that she would make him a sandwhich and out of the blue he says to her "why should I listen to you? I hate you." They weren't even fighting this time; she was offering to do him a favour and he still said it. So of course she's crying and I'm upset. How do I make him realize how hurtful he is being?
10 people like this
47 responses
@thekiwi (588)
• United States
6 Feb 07
I dont think there is a way to stop a child from saying "I hate You" In a mag that i read it is said that if a child does not say that to their parents at least one time, then they really do hate you. But honestly i dont think there is a way to stop a child from saying it. Maybe possibly you can if you treat it as a swear word, but other then that i think its normal.
1 person likes this
@jammyt (2824)
• Philippines
6 Feb 07
I have a 7 month old daughter. hopefully we wpuld get to teach her good values. Why dont you sit down with him when he is in a good mood and ask him where he learned of that phrase? Maybe he'd explain where he heard it then you would know where he was coming from. When you find out, you can then explain that it's not nice to say those things because it hurts people, specially you and his sister. Let him understand that he would probably not like it if someone told him "I hate you".
1 person likes this
• Canada
6 Feb 07
I wish I knew the answer to this as in my house it is my daughter who is so mean to our son . I can't seem to get her to realize how hurtful she is being as her answer is always the same ,Yeah whatever or who cares . The other night , I was up the whole night crying when she informed me that when she turns sixteen she would like to divorce me . I realize this was an attention grabber but it worked . I have spent all week wondering where I went wrong with her and if somehow I have encouraged her spiteful behaviour by letting her get away with too much when she was younger .
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 07
I would say, well I love you but I didn't like what you said. So you go into your room untill you can come out and tell me why you said that and why you shouldn't say it again.
1 person likes this
@hellboi (663)
• Philippines
6 Feb 07
I assume you are talking about your 9-year old computer junkie. Kids these age really don't think what they say. If they're upset they say things to upset someone else. Their actions are more geared towards retaliation when they feel they've been had. May I ask you though if you told him politely to make a sandwich on his own. Cause maybe his reaction was bolstered by the way you delivered the message. I know you are teaching your kids to be independent but maybe you are not so keen in delivering the message. So before you contemplate on your kid's reaction, try to check on you first whether you prompted it unintentionally.
1 person likes this
@beetroot (49)
• United States
6 Feb 07
i think with some kids they are just so all over the place with there hormones and the general feeling of alienation and anger that they just say stuff they don't mean ,or have no idea how hurtful it can be. me personal ,,,i have never said i hate you.my parents and me don't have the best of relationships..but i have always respected and appreciated them working in order for me and my brothers and sisters to have the life/and things we wanted . i think the best way to deal with this teen saying 'i hate you'...is to let them know how it makes you feel...i think if they love you and hear how it brakes your heart each time they say it they will stop. or maybe im just wishful thinking.??.
• Bangladesh
5 Feb 07
To begin, Child psychology is very delicate to handle. And it is needed to know about your family and the child and his surroundings and many other things. In limited scope of - Firstly it is important to know why the boy is telling such things by simply asking why he hates his sister and better to ask it in absence of the sister and particularly in other normal time of activity. Then we should identify whether to what particular things or people he is disliking or showing hate against. If there is any particular reason found its easier to solve the problem. Otherwise, primarily you can try telling him that if he hates others without any reason others will also love him less. Pls. update me on this issue if possible.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Feb 07
i have to be thankful that my son is still a baby and he can't utter those words yet but i guess i need to be prepared when the time comes. we are parents, and sometimes we need to be firm so we can teach our kids good manners. they rely on us to teach them what is right and wrong.. it may be hurtful to hear those words now but i'm sure they'll be thanking us in the future. its not you he hates but what you're trying to tell him...
• Malta
5 Feb 07
You did not mention their age. But many times children have a word in their mouth they just use without knowing. It happens even to us adults. And then as time passes they just ignore it by themselves. I would not tell him anyting or the most I would do is act surprised and tell "Ah you hate me? I did not know that, I would have pretended something a little better than that from you" And just stop it there. Because if he sees that he gets you annoyed when he says I hate you, the more he will say it. Just my poiunt of view though!
1 person likes this
• India
5 Feb 07
well i thinkmyou need to talk to him probably by being a little xtra good to him so that hed be in good mood.... and then talk to him as if your taking his opinion and then make him agree to stuff and make him realize that he wasnt right and tell him how he broke his sisters heart by pushing her offer and telling her that he hates her! and hes in a phase of growin up and i get a vibe that he take s you people for granted to get his tasks done , so just get him into ur family stuff agaimn... all the best...
• Italy
5 Feb 07
nuuu why???
@Tejido (13)
• Philippines
5 Feb 07
I agree with you soumylegra!! To add up she sould talk to his son like agrown up.. Use positive words., Talk to him like his a friend... Good luck...
• Australia
6 Feb 07
I also been through this as a parent myself of two boys . Yes it is hurtful to other people I had it happen to me !! I would suggest to sit and have a real good chat with your son that is what I found that worked for me plus also found that he had issues of jealously with his sibbling !! Then we knew what that whole thing started from !!!
@mags31ca (203)
• Canada
5 Feb 07
My son who is 4 siad it to me the other day. I was devastated. I have tried telling him how mean and hurtful that word is but he doesn't seem to understand and he continues to use it. I am hoping as he gets older he will become more aware of what he is saying. All we can do is be patient I guess.
• United States
5 Feb 07
Every time you hear him use the word I would say "I'm sorry you think you hate her because I know she loves you" or I'm sorry you think you hate me because I really love you a lot". Now You are giving him unconditional love. No matter what he is saying you are giving him love back. Think about how mean and hurtful he is, is he also frequently angry? Is he in school? Have you talked to his teachers? Could he be helped with some coulseling?
@inovator (603)
• Philippines
5 Feb 07
how old is youre son?maybe he really understand what is meant of that word,,,after a year he will notice that its not a nice expression...and he will replace it by using an expression i love you.......
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
5 Feb 07
yep. as early as now, now that he doesn't really know the meaning of hate yet, better to start making him realize the greater value of love and appreciation.
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
6 Feb 07
How old is this child? The way to make him mind and stop that is not to respond or to respond back with "Good, when you act like this I hate you too so maybe you should go to your room until my nice _____ comes back and then you can rejoin me and the rest of the family."With some kids this works with others they will continue as long as you continue to respond to it, or as long as he can sow turmoil in the household by making his sister cry.
• United States
6 Feb 07
It totally depends on the age...He may be too young to understand the hurt he causes when he says these things...Talking with him may help him understand...
• United States
6 Feb 07
This is harder because you have to get your daughter to be the one to deal with it. When my nephews said that to me one day (because I made them change the channel on a violent Power Ranger cartoon they had begun to imitate) I told them it was a shame they felt that way because I loved them and thanked them for telling me. The next time they asked me to read to them said I just said me oh no you need to find someone you love to read to you.. you certainly don't want me reading to you. Their jaws dropped. They never said that again. Is your daughter old enough to use a little reverse psychology if you pulled her aside and explained how to handle it?
@jsteine2 (192)
• United States
6 Feb 07
Ask yourself where he learned to say that.
@shawn2008 (296)
• United States
6 Feb 07
ill call it the spoiled syndrome lol. my baby brother had it to for about a year. but my mom did something remarkable and actually faced a little boy with the harsh realities of life and said things like do it yourself...or...your have legs...etc. thing is this really works so just keep at it and he should be over it in no time.
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
6 Feb 07
You need to talk to him and tell him how hurtfull the word hate is. I know I use to say it alot when I was younger and didnt really relize how I was hurting people. I didnt mean it either and Im sure he doest.
• United States
6 Feb 07
By saying "I hate you" what he is doing is mentally punching you. he says it to hurt. He knows it bothers you, and you should NOT let it bother you. My son did that for awhile, and this is what I did to get him to stop it: I would go up to him and hug him and say "I know you hate me and thats ok, cause I still love you". Keep a smile on your face, and when he sees that it dosent bother you, he will stop. he will find another way to "punch your button" to try and get you angry.
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
5 Feb 07
It is better to teach him when to use the word "hate" as opposed to telling him to never use it. When he lashes out, as he did with his sister, he is simply being in appropriate and THAT is what needs to be addressed. You didn't say how old he is, but there are probably alot of things, like making a sandwich, that he should be doing for himself anyway. It is time to start teaching him to do things on his own to alleviate the problem of his being ungrateful. He can kick himself if he doesn't get things just the way he wants them instead of being able to blame someone else. The word "hate" is a perfectly good word. It allows him to vent his anger or frustration without thrwoing chairs and books at people.