Do your children get along, or is it constant fighting?

My son and daughter Feb. 2006 - This is a photo of my son and daughter at Pigeon Forge after our first helicopter ride.  They were very close and always got pretty well.  This was a family outting that everyone got along on.  Both were really excited about the helicopter ride.
United States
February 5, 2007 6:30am CST
I've noticed in the past few months that the fighting has escalated between our two children. There is a five year age difference between the two, and they are half-siblings. My son is 6 and stepdaughter is 11. I'm sure this is just a stage they are going thru, but what have others done to maybe cut down on the fighting and picking at each all the time? I'm open to suggestions here, because they are driving me crazy! My son just came to me and said his sister called him bad names yesterday like "ugly", "annoying", and then she called him a "b*st*rd". She is of course denying it, but I don't know where else he would have learned that word to tell me. Okay everyone, give me some suggestions here, and thanks in advance!
3 people like this
33 responses
@XxAngelxX (2832)
• Canada
5 Feb 07
I too have the same problem and actually started a post on it a few weeks ago. Someone, bless her heart, gave me this advice. I have tried it and have to admit, it did work and I love it!! I even took pictures the first time , which my children weren't to impressed with. When your children start arguing, add their ages together then make them sit down holding hands for this length of time. 11+6=17 so it would be 17 minutes they would have to sit like that. Now all I have to say is "Do I hear arguing?" I get an instant no and the argument stops, plus it was very enjoyable for me :) Hope it works for you too.
1 person likes this
@mikekire (146)
• Nigeria
5 Feb 07
This can actually help but what happens when you are not there. The best thing you do is to make them realise the fact that they the same and should live in peace.Always teach them the basic ethics of life and make them to know virtue so that whether you are there or not they will always live in peace and love one another. The basic problem is that parents don't have enough time for their children any longer. Make out time for them, always talk to them, try to find out what the matter is between them and talk to them with good words.
• United States
5 Feb 07
reward them for being good and ground them for being bad so that if they r good they get like moeny and if there bad they get no phone or somethjing.
• United States
6 Feb 07
I like that idea, I'll have to try it. I'm just wondering if 17 minutes is long enough. But I'm willing to give it a try, especially if it worked for you!
@moomincat (321)
6 Feb 07
My brother and I always fought at home. Now we are both adult the war still wages, although our kids get on like a house on fire. My mum used to get involved and tried to arbitrate. Still does to this day. In my opinion and what I have put into practice with my own three children is to encourage them to sort their differences out between them.Try to stay on very neutral ground. The worse thing is to tell the older one "you should know better at your age" Im seven years older than my sibling.On coming of teenage years can very much negate the extra age difference.A lot of it could be to get your attention. At the end of the day I love my brother dearly and we always pull together on important issues ie like my mum.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 07
I have commented the "you should know better at your age." When you find your son licking the car tires because his sister told him too, it was kind of the first thing that came out of my mouth.
6 Feb 07
Great family situations are truly international. One day you will look back and laugh.Its all part of lifes rich tapestry.
@CRiley27 (984)
• United States
5 Feb 07
My kids go either way. There is no happy medium. They either play super nice together,or fight like cats and dogs.
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@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
5 Feb 07
this is funny but so true. one time you see them laughing together and then fighting afterwards. that's why they are called kids. they go on doing how they feel.
• United States
5 Feb 07
let them joy it sometimes fighting makes u closer it may sound weird but its true
@anne_143god (5390)
• Philippines
6 Feb 07
It is good if the 2 kids can get along well with each other but if they dont maybe what you have to do is just constantly talk to them about their fighting because I guess that is their stage.
• United States
6 Feb 07
I'm hoping this is just a stage! They get along at times, but they can't even sit in the car without picking at each other. I was an only child, so I guess I'm not used to the normal quarreling-bickering between siblings.
@muraki (6)
• India
6 Feb 07
The thing that binds young ones, whether relatives or otherwise, is 'games'! have u tried getting them a for example a carom board, a chess board or a word scrabble? You can also try badminton! Children forget all their differences and get immersed in these games and can become cute angels in a short period of time! Initially for a few days take part in the games along with them! Thereafter, you can leave them alone for a healthy interaction!
• United States
6 Feb 07
Yes, we have board games for the kids, and we do play them. We have tried leaving them to play themselves, and it always ends in a fight with that also. We are fine if we all play together as a family.
• Nigeria
5 Feb 07
Could you describe the problem in more detail? If your children are having huge uncontrollable fights all the time maybe its time for a therapist. If its just a matter of them always arguing because that's what kids do i would suggest simply trying to keep them apart. I've found that giving each of my sons a portable CD player and some Cd's to play in the privacy of there own rooms keeps my home a much more peaceful place to live in. Also the promise of a new CD with new music seems to keep them on there chores.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 07
They haven't gotten to hitting each other or anything. And we do try to keep them apart, we will send them to their rooms, but then they just pick at each other from their rooms. My 11 yr. old will just keep yelling at the 6 yr. old.
@mbarryton (1872)
• United States
5 Feb 07
i have a similar problem my kids are 7 and 11 and they fight all the time about little stuff......the only way i have found to handle it is to separate them for a decent amount of time and dont let them do anything but think about what they have done and ive also even asked them how they would feel if something was to happen and one wasnt around any more how would they feel, that usually helps
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
It may seem like a good idea but later when your not looking they will fight because they will blame eachtother for getting in trouble
@fabwisp (1328)
6 Feb 07
LOL! Mine are the same. I think its a part of growing up. My 11 year old and five year old lads fight. My 5 year old and 2 year old daughter fight! the 2 year old and 11 year old seem not to at the moment, but i'm sure as she gets older that will change! But as much as they fight they love each other dearly and are always there if the other needs them. If that side wasnt there I think I'd worry. But I guess they are just sorting out the pecking order between themselves!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
6 Feb 07
I think it is normal for kids to urgue most of the time bet 4 to 11 years of age, it happens on play, school and at meal time, guess it is part of growing up. but what amaze me about kids and my children after they quarrel they can easily forgive each other after a couple of minutes. Yes my kids tdo urgue, mostly in words but hurting each other, that I cannot allow. After an urguement or fight I usually let them mellow for a while later will talk it out and they murt answrs the what and why for them to realize thier mistakes
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 07
When I was growing up, I fought ALL the time with my sister. It was a constant thing in my life, we fought about it all. She threw stuff at me, I threw them back. We were always tattling on each other to our parents. It wasnt pretty. As a teen we began to outgrow it, and within a few years we became close. Now we are best friends and hang out all the time. We are in our 20's. Try to keep the peace, but know, all kids fight its normal. They will outgrow it as we did and in the end hopefully be the best of friends.
@jmp824 (741)
• Philippines
6 Feb 07
My first and my second son has a 5 year gap. The second one is still a toddler while the eldest is already attending school. There are times that they're mode just dont fit with each other, and so they start to fight. but not the fight that they hurt each other. Just simple disconfiguration of the face will make the little boy irritated, thats the time that he starts to spank his elder brother or cry. Every now and then, i talked to my eldest that kids are just really like that, so good that he understands too.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 07
I have to say i go through the same things and i definitely think it is a phase and the age difference. The older one is annoyed by the younger ones and the younger ones seem to just want to attention of the older ones.
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@pinklilly (3446)
• Australia
6 Feb 07
My two children are 19 months apart and they are alway annoying one another an my son has just turned 4 and my daughter is 2.5yo... I look forward to more of it once they are at school together... oh my I think that is normal for children but I think they need to learn where to draw the line especially the oldest as they are the one setting the example...
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@hellboi (663)
• Philippines
6 Feb 07
Don't worry that much, kids will be kids and this is part of their growing up. My younger siblings and my cousins always fight over little things and they do call each other names. As long as they are not going physical then I think the verbal thing can be taken. Just be there to remind them though that fighting is never good and they are siblings so they should love one another. Later on when they mature, they will just laugh it off. I mean the stupid things they fight over. So just don't worry too much but don't take sides either you will just complicate things. What you can do as an intervention is to divert their attentions from each other when they fight. Like you might take your boy for a walk or let your girl help you bake.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Feb 07
I have 5 kids ages 14, 13,9, 5, and 3...And I get those everyday fights. I always tell them strictly that I am not happy with how they are acting and I will spank them if they don't stop. Sometimes I ask them to leave each other alone. I give them chores or other things to do so they'll stop fighting..Instead of seeing them fighting I ask them to either wash the dishes, pick up their toys, study, set the table, clean the table, take a bath...whatever I can have them do for them to avoid fighting with each other. When I hear my younger kids say bad words I tell them that's bad..now my youngest tells me that it's a bad word when I get the slip of the tongue..lol..and then I say sorry.
@joelofcow (193)
• United States
5 Feb 07
I do not really wanna tell u but its a brohter and sis thing its the war for territory!the war for your love! and it is natural for brothes and sisterst to fight all ages the only way to fix it is letting them get along naturally or making them do something to gether the really enjoy
@dawn5679 (266)
• United States
5 Feb 07
I have 6 kids all together! 3 are my step kids ( they don't live with us) and 3 are mine! there is always someone fighting! I think it's just a kid thing! Don't worry they will stop soon enough!
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@tohot666 (300)
• United States
5 Feb 07
I think that this might have to be one of those things that they need to outgrow.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
I can safely say that my brother and I did get along, when he was alive of course, and we had our share of some really nasty fights, but in the end, we forgave and forgot.
1 person likes this
• Japan
5 Feb 07
I really don't have too much experience with this yet since my daughters are 16 months and three months old. The worst I get is my 16 month old poking my three month old! My advice though would be what a previous poster said and let them work it out themselves. A lot of times one kid will come to you because the other kid hit them or something, but if you really saw everything, you would see that the one who was hit was the one who started the whole thing. Kids will be kids and they will fight. By teaching them to work it out themselves and you not taking sides, it will help them in the long run. Good luck!
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