18 and Getting Married

United States
February 5, 2007 9:26am CST
Okay, my son wants to marry his girlfriend but they fight all the time over stupid stuff. Now she thinks she is going to have a babby. I told my son if you don't honestly love her then do't marry her. You can still be a daddy to the baby and a friend to the mother... I don't want my grandchild to growup hearing their non stop fighting. Was I wrong to tell my son he can still be a daddy and friend... if does not honestly love her he should marry her because she is having his babby? I believe the same goes for girls as well. In the long run the child will be the one hurt if you don't love each other. Am I right?
11 people like this
61 responses
@uath13 (8207)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Your mostly right. He shouldn't marry her just because she's pregnant however fighting dosen't mean they don't love each other. My wife and I used to fight constantly , we've been happily married 10 yrs now. The question should be wether he wants to spend his life with her or not. If he does, go ahead and marry her. If not, remain friends and raise the child.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 07
I would not dream of tell my son not to marry her. I just want him to think and make sure he honestly loves her. If there is true love then they can overcome any storm that may come their way. And, they will need to first learn how to talk to each other to end the fighting for the most. Moreover, I will support them no matter what either way and help them as much as I can. I just wanted him to understand he can be a daddy and a friend without getting married for all the wrong reasons.
@monalizra (219)
• Romania
6 Feb 07
in my opinion you are right. they shouldn't get married if they don't really love eachother. they will probably brake up soon after that or like you said they'll fight in front of their child and make him sufer. a baby is not a reason to get married if you don't love your partner. they seem to me to young to have a baby at 18...it's too soon to start having that kind of responsabily. they have a whole life to have kids... maybe you should talk to them about that
1 person likes this
• India
6 Feb 07
if this situation occurs to u do u leave without u r baby tell truly now the girl facing this situation is also like u only naa
@XxAngelxX (2832)
• Canada
5 Feb 07
I agree one hundred percent! I don't think people should ever marry or stay together just for the sake of the children. It's too hard to grow up and watch your parents argue all the time or have no affection for one another. There is no reason he cannot still be a daddy to his baby and be a friend to the mother as well. Perhaps in time, they will have a stronger relationship but I think for now you have given him the best advice possible.
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
5 Feb 07
this is true. it's so hard to be in an enviromenment where your parents can't live together in harmony. the kids are always the ones being affected with the situation.
@dbeamon (128)
• United States
6 Feb 07
i agree as a mom i dont want my kids around bickering and arguing. it not only upsets the parents lives but the kids as well. good luck
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 07
i dont think they should get married only because shes having a kid. he can still be a dad and cause less drama for the mom and the kid and himself. but if he truly loves her then ok all couples fight but somehow get thru it if its real
1 person likes this
@fiarby (105)
• Philippines
6 Feb 07
Being a mother and a parent, I believe that kids is not the reason to be married. Your son is still very young, and the fact that both are constantly figthing over small things, they are not psychologically and emotionally prepared to be tied in marriage. For the part of the girl, of course, it will be very hard for the parents to accept the fact that their daughter will be an unwed mother but if they will just open their minds to the situation, I know that they too will realize that it will be for the best. They can be the good father or mother to their child even if they are not married. It's better to remain unattach than to make decisions that they will regret in the end. They can be happy waiting for the coming of the baby and who knows this might help them to be mature individuals. The baby may also be the guiding factor for them to face their future but is not advisable to be the factor to get married. Just give them time, I know that the instinct of being a parent will develop as soon as the baby is born.
@nmw2005 (1197)
• United States
5 Feb 07
I agree with you. To get married just for the child isn't smart, especally if they are always fighting. What do you mean she thinks she is going to have a baby. Either she is or isn't. ZDoes she not know yet or i she trying to get pregnant just to keep your son.
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
5 Feb 07
i don't find marriage as the solution to giving a baby a better future. as you've said, they just go on fighting all the time and there's no real love between them. so, getting married will only add another mistake in their lives. as you've said, your son can still be a dad to the baby for as long as he is there for him/her and can continuously be a friend to the mother. through this set up, they might even have a happier future and the kid,too. and i am sure that the soon to be baby will understand in due time why his/her parents did such a thing about their relationship.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 07
I personally feel that getting married because of a baby is a BIG mistake! Marriage is hard work. A baby is hard work. To get married because you're having a baby is even harder work! Throw into the mix that they are only 18, they are just asking for trouble! He CAN be a good father then after they get through the first year of parenthood reevaluate if they want to be together, if so, then get married then. Children do better with their parents being unmarried then they do with married parents who fight all the time.
• United States
8 Feb 07
Good news the past few days my house has been upside down. However, we found out for sure she is NOT having a baby. It's not that I do not want to have a grandchild because I do. The more the marrier! I just think they should wait until they have their own place, full time jobs, get to know each other better and have a baby after they have worked out their problems. But, what I think really does not matter they will do what they feel is right for them. I did tell them if they would wait on having a baby until they are 20-23 I would furnish the baby's room completely. And, I told them if they take parenting class first I will buy them a used car... Maybe this was wrong, I am not sure. But, the one thing I do know is that having a child at such a young age is hard. I missed out on a lot when I had my first child at 16. I want them to have fun, date each other, go place and finish school. Then give me all the granchildren they want to give.
@Dolcerina (3379)
• Hungary
5 Feb 07
Yes, you are right. And it is not so easy to see, how your son makes wrong his life. But if a baby there is no good decision. Nobody can give a good advice. He try to do what his heart says to him. Do not persuade him not to do. Because it must be his decision. Do not say anything just help him. He needs only your help. The baby will be his child first of all, not your grandchild. If you want to tell him what to do, he will not forgive you later.
@Dolcerina (3379)
• Hungary
5 Feb 07
I correct: If a baby comes, there is not good decision
• Philippines
5 Feb 07
You are right. Talk to both of them right away and explain your side. It will hurt so much more if they divorce after the child is out, all because they cannot get along at all as husband and wife. Besides, if they really are not meant for each other, and later in life, each one of them finds someone else to be the right partner that will really be a big problem. I have heard of couples who got married after all, after the baby gets to as much as 7 years old. Through the years, the partners find out they are really meant for each other and decides to marry. This is a much better scenario because the marriage does not take place due to any pressure other than proven love for each other. Yes, if I were on your place, I will not get the lovers to marry just because of a pregnancy. Let them decide on it later on when the child is out because, the couple then will not feel that they are getting married just because they are forced into it as a baby is coming. This will be my stand moreso if among the involved partners is my daughter.
@dubaimt (273)
• United Arab Emirates
6 Feb 07
getting married just because the girl is pregnant is NEVER the answer to make the marriage work. making a marriage work, there has to be RESPECT and TRUST and LOVE. if even one is not in the relationship, pregnant or not, the marriage will not work. and who is to suffer the most? the child. all the blame will be put to the innocent angel by both parties for ruining such an early and should be productive life. dont let marriage be something that SHOULD trying to correct something that was not right; marriage should be done because both parties are emotionally, physically, mentally and financially capable of undergoing a more deep relationship with someone you dream of spending the rest of your life with.
@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
5 Feb 07
I do think you told him the right thing. it is better for them to raise a child as friends than fighting maniacs. That is NOt good for the child and will make him/her growing up feeling unsafe. I do belive that 18 is way to young to get married and I also feel that people do it too lightly - hey - thereĀ“s always divorce ... Hmm - I am 26 and although I have had a long relationship (4 years) i never got married - I am now in one going on one year and I still have no plans for marriage. When i marry it will be for life!
• United States
8 Feb 07
I married at at a young age and it ended in divorce. Now, I am not saying every marriage will fail. However, the odds of them staying together after two years is not likely. I think they should wait, get to know each other better and then if they want to get married I will jump for joy.
• United States
6 Feb 07
he's an adult legally. he can do as he sees fit, although a marriage that young doen't stand a snowball's chance if u get my drift. being from a broken home is better than being in one.
@viseek (74)
• China
6 Feb 07
Of course your son too little to get married, maybe you can advise them to have a baby later, when them know what they are doing!
@Melizzy (1381)
• United States
6 Feb 07
Why make a difficult situation worse? Getting married won't solve anything and as long as he is responsible and takes care of his child, it won't matter if they are married or not. And as they each grow-up, they may fall into an adult love or maybe not. Either way, the child is the important thing and knowing it is loved is more important than anything else.
@seenkung (425)
• Malaysia
6 Feb 07
Just marry her for the sake of being a responsible father. I have a irresponsible father and I suffer from it.
• United States
6 Feb 07
I think you were completely right in telling your son to not marry her. Especially if they aren't really in love. A baby is no reason to get married. You can still be a couple and have a baby withouot having to get married besides divorce is really expensive. We told my brother the same thing when he knocked up his girlfriend and a year later they broke up. Tell them to wait until well after the baby is born to decide if they still want to get married, it puts a lot of strain on a relationship.
@kmgupta (561)
• India
6 Feb 07
you are absolutely right
@venigalla (191)
• India
6 Feb 07
u said is correct upto some extent u only tell me can u stay without u r son like that only any mother cannot live without their baby i think their will be better results if u three sit together and discuss on this matter their will always effect on the childrens mentality with the fighting parents So try to understand each other and live happily& lead a happy life
• Philippines
6 Feb 07
18 is a very young age for your son to think about getting married. I think you are right in telling your son that he can still be a daddy and a friend to the girl even if they are not married. In today's society where the rate of divorce and break ups are so high, it is imperative that you think everything out before even thinking of marriage. having a baby is not enough reason. both parties should be prepared enough emotionally,financially and mentally. otherwise their better off not married.